


God, hit me straight on

by teeizmy



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Basketball, Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Teen Angst, basically just two nerds who don't know how to get their shit together, sometimes they're so cute it's gross but that's what we're all here for anyways lbr, typical teen and high school drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 150,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4822019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teeizmy/pseuds/teeizmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh is the star of his high school's basketball team- until the new kid moves in. But that's okay, Josh likes the competition. Thing is, so does the new kid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. summer's on its deathbed

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome friends! i hope you enjoy this wip <3 It'll probably be about 30ish chapters long (which is waaay longer than initially imagined), though i couldn't say for sure. I'm just the writer.
> 
> fic title from Lovely |-/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from The Calendar by patd

It was a sticky afternoon near the end of August, the heat of the day worsened by the extreme humidity. Josh tugged at the collar of his shirt as he squinted up at the sun, not a cloud in the sky to offer some shade. The pavement was hot against his legs and back, even through his clothing, only adding to his discomfort. But these were the last days of summer and he couldn’t quite muster the energy to get up from his sprawl on the corner of the basketball court.

There was a nudge against his foot as the basketball his friends had been lazily playing with escaped from them. Josh nudged it with his toe and sent it rolling back across the pavement to the other side of the court. Brendon scooped it off the ground and tossed it to Jordan, who was still bouncing around enthusiastically. Josh had tuned out what they were chatting about a while ago, shortly after he’d lost interest in his halfhearted attempts to tone his basketball skills for the new school year. It was just too hot for it today.

Josh’s eyelids were heavy and he let them fall shut, arms behind his head as a cushion. There was the sound of steps approaching a minute later. He peeked through one half lidded eye to see Spencer collapse next to him, leaning against the base of the basketball hoop. He stretched his legs out in front of him and flicked Josh on the part of his lower stomach showing beneath where his shirt had slipped up. “Hey. You’re right, it’s too hot out here today, I’m done with the practicing for now.”

Josh smacked at his hand, but wasn’t annoyed. He made a noise of acknowledgement. “At least I don’t really need the practice. You on the other hand….”

“Not fair!” Spencer poked at his stomach again as the sound of another pair of feet approached.

“That’s it, I’m wiped out,” Brendon proclaimed, wiping sweat from his forehead. Jordan was still at the opposite end of the court, trying to make a basket by throwing the ball with his back to the hoop. Brendon shook his head in Jordan’s direction, chuckling as he sat down cross-legged on top of Josh’s outstretched legs. Josh kicked weakly at him. “What’s with you guys, get off me, there’s the whole court to sit on and you sit on me!”

Brendon acted oblivious to Josh’s complaining and picked at a weed coming up through a crack in the pavement. He sighed and said, “At least school’s next week. Then we can play in the indoor gymnasium.”

Spencer groaned. “Yeah, but is it worth the extra work? All those classes…eugh.”

Josh gave up his attempts of getting Brendon out of his space, resigning himself to the extra weight and heat against his legs. “You don’t pay attention anyway, Spence, why does it matter? Besides, it’s our last year. Then you never have to go again.”

“Yeah,” Brendon chirped. “Then there’s _college_.”

Another groan from Spencer. Josh and Brendon shared a bemused look.

A few minutes of lazy silence passed before Spencer asked, with only mild interest, “Hey, Josh, is your brother going out for the team this year?”

He had to shake Josh’s arm a little to rouse him; the heat was making him so drowsy he had almost dozed off. “Hm, what? Nah, I don’t think so.” Josh stretched, yawning. “I don’t think he’s good enough, honestly.”

As if to prove his older brother’s point, some whooping sounded from across the court. Josh, Spencer, and Brendon looked over to see Jordan jumping around, arms raised victoriously, the ball wedged between two branches of a small tree behind the basketball hoop. Brendon laughed, tossing Jordan a quick salute, and Josh held up his middle finger.

“So maybe he’s not good enough,” Spencer agreed, as the three of them continued to watch as Jordan shook at the tree, trying to loosen the ball from its grip. “Let’s see who we all know for sure’s gonna be on the team. There’s me, y-”

Brendon interrupted. “You sure?”

Josh laughed as Spencer kicked at Brendon, dislodging him off of Josh’s legs, and Josh took the opportunity to pull his legs away, sitting up. “Well _I’m_ definitely on the team,” he said proudly.

“And me,” Brendon added. “And I guess if not enough people try out then we _might_ let you join, Spence.”

Spencer ignored Brendon’s comment and Josh’s snickering and counted on his fingers. “You two, me, Pete, maybe Andy?”

Josh shrugged. “Maybe. But he hurt his ankle last year, remember, he might not try out again.”

“Shit, that’s right.” Spencer chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully as he stared across the basketball court. “ _Shit_ , I hope we don’t get any new kids trying out.”

Josh groaned just as Brendon made a noise of remembrance. “I think we can bet on at least _one_ new kid,” he said ominously. He waited to elaborate until Josh punched him on the shoulder.

“Who? How do you know already?” Spencer pressed.

Brendon beamed and leaned in conspiratorially. “My mom was talking to the coach’s wife, and apparently there’s a new kid coming to school this year who was like, the star of the team at his old school. His parents talked to the principal and then even the coach about scholarships and opportunities to play in state competitions and shit. Kid must be _really_ into basketball.”

Spencer elbowed Josh in the side. “Looks like you’ll have to actually work to be in the spotlight this year, Dun. That smile and colorful hair and tattoo can only get you so far, talent _will_ count in the end, you know.”

“Look who’s talking, I don’t even know how you made the team last year,” Josh replied.

“Don’t pay him any attention,” Brendon said, animatedly turning away from Spencer to face Josh instead. “The tattoo will always get you fans, for sure. The freshmen just love it. They all want you to get them one. You’re like the local bad boy!”

Brendon and Spencer dissolved into laughter. “Ha ha ha.” Josh rolled his eyes at them.

In all honestly, Josh wasn’t anywhere near the best player at the school. He knew this. He could play moderately well, better than Jordan and not as good as Peter, but he could hold his own. Even though he had no serious hopes of getting a college scholarship from his playing skills, he _was_ one of the more popular basketball players at Worthington High School. He’d gotten in trouble for it at the time, but the pink hair really drew a lot of attention to him during the tryouts of his first high school year. That and the tattoo he had been too young to have gotten anywhere legally. That fact alone made the other students interested in him. Not only physically did he attract people, but Josh had an electric personality, too; you couldn’t be around him without some of his energy rubbing off on you. He was a natural born star of a small town high school basketball team, and he filled the role well, had filled it for three years. This would be his last year of high school and Josh had been planning all summer to continue on in the spotlight as he had been.

Except now he’d have some competition.

 _Bring it on,_ he thought to himself.

“You okay?” Brendon’s voice floated through the thoughts in Josh’s mind. “Someone looks scared! I said I _think_ , I don’t know if this kid’s gonna try out or not.”

Spencer waved a hand. “Sure you don’t know. The kid you just described to us? He’ll try out, guaranteed.”

Josh shrugged. “Whatever. It’ll be fun. Just dye my hair again before school starts next week and presto, I’ll be right back at the top of the team.”

“If just dying your hair is the secret to being a good basketball player, we should put some color in Spence’s hair-”

“Enough already about my basketball skills, I _know_ I suck!”

Jordan appeared suddenly behind Brendon, bouncing the ball down in Josh’s lap, and Josh let out a muffled huff. “Mom just texted me, Josh, supper’s almost ready.”

Josh sighed lazily, not so eager to get home out of the late afternoon heat as he had thought; it was easier to just lounge and sweat on the court with his friends. But then he remembered that his mom was making lasagna for dinner and he forced himself up off the ground, tucking the ball beneath his arm. “All right, let’s head out. See you guys later, wanna do this tomorrow?”

Brendon and Spencer stood up, too. “Nah, can’t. I got a dentist appointment,” Spencer said, dusting off his shorts.

“I don’t think I can make it either, J, my cousins are going back home to Washington tomorrow and you know how it is, I was barely able to sneak off today. God, I hate them,” Brendon whined. “I wish they at least didn’t have to share my room while they were here.”

Josh laughed, patting him on the shoulder. “Life sucks like that. Guess I’ll see you guys around then. Next time I see you we might be officially seniors.”

Jordan had already started off down the road on his skateboard, and Josh hurried to pick his bike up off the grass and straddle it, still balancing the ball under his arm.

“See ya later, Dun!” Spencer called as Josh followed after Jordan. Josh didn’t reply, but smiled lopsidedly to himself. He liked his friends. He hadn’t been able to hang out with them enough over the summer, and in that respect, he was extremely thankful for school to be starting again. And the basketball. Those two things made school just about worth it.

Any secondhand thoughts Josh might have had earlier concerning the new basketball player who would possibly challenge his social level on the team this year faded quickly and dissipated in the back of his mind as his anticipation for homemade lasagna with garlic bread grew the closer to home he pedaled.

 

Saturday morning, the last day of summer that Josh could actually sleep in, and his mind woke him up before the sun had even risen. Maybe it was doing him a favor and just getting him mentally prepared for the start of the school year. Josh cursed anyways.

He flopped around in bed for half an hour, sheets tangled around his legs, tapping pointlessly on his phone. None of his friends were awake and texting yet, and he’d lost his headphones over the summer, so no listening to music before his parents and siblings were up. Josh sighed dramatically out loud and rolled off the bed to the floor, feet thumping loudly. He made great effort to be a bit more quiet as he changed, pulling on some shorts over his boxers and a sleeveless top. It was already warm in his bedroom, even before the sun was up and with the ceiling fan spinning, and Josh figured it to be another scorching day. He eyed the basketball in the corner of his room. His friends couldn’t join him today, but he might as well shoot a few baskets by himself one last time before school started. At least shoot a few baskets before Jordan was awake and ready to come with him.

Josh didn’t like apples but grabbed one off the counter for a quick breakfast anyway. He tiptoed through the kitchen to the door leading to the garage, apple in one hand, ball tucked under the other. He grimaced at the loud whirring noise the garage door made when he hit the button, but he’d rather ride his bike to the court than walk, and his bike was shoved in the garage beside his dad’s car. Hopefully his family would just sleep through the noise and he could escape without notice.

Pedaling a bike while holding a basketball and eating an apple was a little harder than Josh had originally figured, but he got down the driveway all right and started off down the road, hoping for the best. The sun still wasn’t up yet, and the sky was a muted shade of blueish gray, with a hint of a warmer tone- orange or maybe pink- forming behind a row of rooftops.

 _This is…actually kind of sweet_ , Josh thought as he eyed the sky and munched his apple, bike swaying dangerously for a moment before he straightened it back out.  _It’s not too hot yet, and no one else is even awake. This is actually really sweet._

He panted a little to get up the small hill and then coasted down the other side, basketball court within view. A strip of light was beginning to color the tops of the trees behind the court, the rest of the ground still cast in shadow. Josh finished his apple and rolled his bike to a stop across the street from the court, aiming and tossing the core towards a trashcan beside the sidewalk. It bounced off the rim and landed in the grass. Josh was standing with one foot on the ground to balance himself still seated on his bike, contemplating whether or not an apple core would be considered littering, when he heard the sound of a basketball smacking the pavement. He looked up and peered through the mesh wire fence lining the court on the street side.

At the opposite end of the court, Josh could see another boy dribbling a ball, rhythm steady, hands and feet quick. The ball shot into the air and made a perfect basket, metal net clanging joyously. The boy was tall and lean with brown hair and looked pretty nondescript, at least from as far away as Josh was. He watched as the kid caught the ball again and dribbled it while jogging in a wide circle away from the hoop. He turned suddenly and threw the ball again, without half as much time as Josh thought was necessary to calculate where to aim, and Josh was startled to hear the same metal clanging as the ball went in the net. The kid jumped in victory and did a small, quick jig that made a lopsided smile appear on Josh’s face. He grabbed the ball again and began doing some fancy dribbling, faster than anything Josh had ever attempted before. It was slightly mesmerizing.

Josh didn’t realize how long he had been standing there, halfway on and halfway off his bike, just watching this kid do impressive things with a basketball, until his crotch started to hurt from leaning on the rail of his bike. He shifted, unsure as to whether he should take his own ball and shoot baskets on his own side of the court, or introduce himself to this kid and see if they could shoot baskets together. He glanced over at the kid once more. He had just collapsed cross-legged onto the court and was spinning the ball on his finger, his back to Josh. He hadn’t noticed him yet.

Now on any given day, Josh would have been pissed that another kid was using his basketball court. No one had a right to be out and about at this ungodly hour of the morning, on a Saturday no less! Josh conveniently excluded himself from that statement. The basketball court was normally deserted, so this was rarely a problem, but the one day when Josh was awake early, someone else happened to be there. Yes, any given day and Josh would have been pissed. Any given day, and Josh would have marched onto the court to play on the opposite side, oblivious to the other person there, in the hopes they would eventually get the hint and leave. So Josh himself was confused when instead of playing alone or joining the other kid, he secured the basketball under his arm once more and turned his bike around, pedaling away down the road as quietly as he could.

The sun was getting high enough in the sky now that the relative cool the shade had provided was disappearing. By the time Josh coasted to a stop on the driveway, the shade was completely gone and a sheen of sweat had broken out across his back. His dad was rummaging around in the garage, and Josh saw with some dismay that he was pulling out the lawn mower. Resolving himself to his fate, he climbed off his bike and walked it up the driveway.

His dad turned when Josh entered the garage and leaned his bike against the wall. “Hey there, son. You’re up early! Last day of summer, I thought you’d be sleeping in.”

“I thought so, too,” Josh said, bouncing his basketball off the side of the car.

His father frowned at him and shook his head as he finished pulling the lawn mower out into the driveway. “Josh, would you bring me a trash bag from the box by the back wall? Thanks!”

Josh retrieved a bag and trotted into the yard, handing it out to his dad, ready to make a dash inside. Just as he turned-

“How about you mowing the front lawn for me, hm, champ?” His dad patted his back as he passed Josh and headed into the garage. “Your mother and I will really appreciate it. I’m taking her to the grocery store later….” his voice trailed off into muffled sounds as he disappeared from sight.

Josh stared out at the ankle high grass, even taller weeds scattered across it. He dropped the basketball to the ground and watched it bounce a few spaces away and then roll to a stop in the grass. He sighed.

So much for Saturdays.

 

Josh heard Spencer before he saw him, Brendon pouncing on Josh’s back with arms slung around his shoulders half a second later.

“Yo, Dun! Seniors, man! Here we are, we made it!” Josh turned around from his locker awkwardly with Brendon still clinging to him to see Spencer butting past a group of freshmen standing nervously by the water fountain. He punched Josh amiably on the chest and Josh staggered a bit.

“ _Dude_ , get off me. Brendon, you too, you weigh a fucking ton.”

“Whoa whoa, teachers, remember?” Brendon chided, finally releasing Josh as he glanced around the crowded school hallway.

Josh just rolled his eyes as he turned back to his locker, struggling with the lock to get the combination correct.

“It’s so loud in here no one can hear anyway,” Spencer said, raising his voice as an especially loud group of teachers hurried past. “Man, first day of twelfth grade. That’s something, isn’t it? Hey,  _Joshua_ , my man, you dyed your hair! It looks sick!”

Josh shook his head, hair flopping back and forth to show off the bright red color.

“It looks great,” Brendon agreed, ruffling Josh’s hair. “When did you get it done? It was plain ol’ ugly brown on Friday.”

“Yesterday,” Josh replied, smacking Brendon’s hand off his head. “My parents were so mad. They were hoping I’d forgotten about coloring it.”

“The principal will love this,” Spencer laughed.

Josh shrugged. “Whatever, he’s used to it by now.”

Brendon leaned against the locker next to Josh’s as Josh continued twisting at the lock. “Do we have the same homerooms?” he changed the subject, smoothing out the schedule sheet in his hands. “I’m in room…eighteen. Physics is first thing, aw shit.”

Spencer pulled out his own schedule. “Room sixteen. History’s first for me. God, I’m gonna hate this class.” He waved the sheet of paper in front of Josh’s face. “How ‘bout you, Joshie?”

Josh batted his hand away. “Do  _not_  call me that. I don’t know, I just want to get my damn locker op-”

He gave it an exceptionally hard tug and the door swung open, Josh stumbling backwards into Spencer.

“Voila,” Brendon said dramatically, giggling at Josh and Spencer’s mishap. “It’s opened.”

“Shut up, you guys are the worst,” Josh complained with a smile on his face, shoving his bag in his locker as he decided to unpack his things later. They had classes to get to now. He grabbed his books from his bag and rummaged in his pocket for his schedule just as the first bell rang, students in the hall scampering for their classrooms.

Brendon patted Josh on the shoulder. “I gotta go, catch up with you later. Maybe I’ll see you in my homeroom. We all have precalculus during second hour though I think, so I’ll definitely see you guys then!” He slipped away into the crowd and down the hall.

Spencer knocked Josh’s books out of his hands before hurrying off in the opposite direction, waving over his shoulder. Josh glared after him but couldn’t help chuckling to himself. He picked up his things and began walking down the hall as he scanned the schedule sheet for the number of his homeroom. The hallway was emptying quickly, and Josh sighed loudly as he realized his homeroom was on the second floor. He bolted for the staircase and went up two steps at a time.

The last bell rang just as Josh burst into the classroom in a moderately disheveled state, struggling to keep a grip on his books and shoelace halfway undone, and he could see a red strand of hair slipping in front of his eyes. The teacher standing at the front of the room, a tall, trim woman with blond hair pulled back in a short braid and glasses with a pattern on the side gave him a hard look. The classroom was quiet except for Josh’s labored breathing, and he blushed a bright shade of pink he was sure probably almost matched his hair. He mumbled an apology for being almost late and made his way through the desks to the only remaining empty seat, in the middle of the room. Josh looked to the sky and sighed inwardly- of fucking course. How convenient. He slipped quickly into the seat and glared threateningly at the boy next to him who looked like he was about to laugh.

Despite the morning’s rough start, the rest of Josh’s classes that day went smoothly. Since it was the first day, none of the teachers gave any homework, except for the precalculus teacher. After joining his friends in precalculus, Josh went separately to his history class, meeting up with them again at lunch. The three of them sat with some of Spencer’s other friends, kids who lived in his neighborhood. Josh remembered from last year that their names were Ryan and Joe, and he smiled and talked with them a bit, but for the most part he spent his lunch break tuned out of the conversation and looking around the cafeteria, tapping his hands against the table in a made-up beat. Brendon gave him a funny look, and Josh knew he was acting restless, but truth was he  _was_  restless. This year’s basketball tryouts weren’t until Thursday, and Josh didn’t know how he was supposed to wait that long to just try out for the team. Granted, he already knew he would make it, but the wait still didn’t help his anxiety any.

“You cool?” Brendon asked quietly from across the table as Spencer was telling an animated story about the time his foot got run over by a car.

Josh shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, I’m cool.” He smiled appreciatively before looking away again out at the cafeteria. It was loud and crowded and hot and Josh felt a bit of discomfort forming in the back of his chest, but he forced the feeling back down. Snippets of conversations floated to his ears, a girl’s perfume wafted by as she passed their table, a pair of brown eyes met his from across the room. Josh turned away from the rest of the cafeteria and tuned back into the conversation at his own table, rubbing at his head, hair sticking up in the place he’d just touched. Spencer and Joe were laughing loudly at something Ryan had just said, and Brendon was sitting next to Ryan with his arms crossed in front of his chest, glancing nervously at Ryan. Josh squinted his eyes slightly but was too distracted by Spencer’s booming laugh to give it much thought. He was certain Spencer was the loudest kid in the entire cafeteria.

The classes after lunch dragged on, Spanish especially for Josh; he hated it. He finally felt like he could breathe again when the last class of the day turned out to be music. He had been itching all summer to get his hands on that drum set. Besides the basketball, music was what Josh looked forward to most at school.

The day eventually came to an end and Josh met up with Brendon outside by the bike rack. Brendon explained that Joe had rushed off to an after school job and Spencer had gone with Ryan to McDonald’s for ice cream to celebrate the first day of senior year.

“Spence said we could meet them there. Wanna go?”

Josh unlocked his bike from the rack and pulled it out from the tangle of bikes around his. He shrugged. “Fine with me. You wanna go?”

Brendon shrugged, too, though his cheeks seemed a little more flushed than the afternoon heat could be blamed for. Josh made a face. “Dude, you’ve still got the hots for Ryan, I can tell.”

Brendon’s face flushed more. “I do  _not_ , I just want a fucking frappe, okay, is that all right with you?”

Josh couldn’t help but to laugh. “Okay, that’s all right with me. Let’s go get a fucking frappe then.”

He climbed onto his bike and coasted down the sidewalk away from Brendon before he could punch him or something, looking over his shoulder to see Brendon glaring after him as he dug his own bike out of the rack. Josh stood up on the pedals and turned his eyes back to the sidewalk in front of him, swerving to keep from hitting a kid that hadn’t moved out of his way fast enough. He was about to stop and apologize when Brendon raced past, hand darting out to muss up Josh’s hair, and Josh found himself pedaling after his friend.

“I’ll beat you there!” Brendon called over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I bet you will!” Josh yelled back, voice hinting.

Brendon held up his middle finger without bothering to turn around, and Josh smiled.


	2. two out of three ain't bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> introducing a few more characters in this chapter. it makes things fun :P So this is decently long and i hope you guys like it! hope it was worth the wait. chapter title from fob's I'm Like a Lawyer

Finally, _finally_ , after what felt like an especially long half week to Josh, Thursday arrived. And with Thursday came the basketball tryouts. Not that the other days had been all bad. Josh got to see Brendon and Spencer in second period precalculus every day, and the three of them also shared Spanish class (which they were all equally bad at), music, and art as well. Lunch was proving to be a fun half hour for Josh. The table he sat at with Brendon and Spencer quickly grew more and more crowded with each day, friends from the past school year joining them. Josh recognized them all, though he didn’t know some of them as well as Brendon or Spencer did.

It was their lunch period that afternoon, and Josh was sitting between Brendon and Dallon at their lunch table. Ryan was on the end of the row next to Brendon, and Josh couldn’t help but notice Brendon was sitting extremely straight and very still, leaning ever so slightly in Josh’s direction and arms crossed tightly over his chest. Josh nudged him, amused. He nodded at Brendon’s untouched sandwich before him on the table. “Good luck eating that without using your hands.”

Brendon shot him a deadly glare and Josh laughed, shaking him a little and bumping him into Ryan, who was currently leaning across the table talking to Spencer. Ryan paused to smile over at Brendon, and Brendon blushed a shade of red that Josh was certain matched his own dyed hair. He was shot another deadly glare.

“I swear to God, Dun, cut it out right now or I will smack that stupid grin off your ugly face,” Brendon hissed.

“Dude, chill, it’s cool,” Josh laughed, raising his hands. Brendon turned back to his sandwich and began moodily shoving it in his mouth.

Joe was sitting next to Spencer, laughing loudly, and next to him was a kid named Mikey whom Josh knew relatively well. He looked a little out of place and was listening quietly to the conversations going around the table. He had been on the basketball team last year and was a pretty good player; Josh wouldn’t mind if he tried out again. Dallon had been on the team, too, and had already informed Josh that he was going out for it again. He was a decent player, and what little he _did_ lack in skill he made up for by his height. Josh was insanely jealous, though he would never say that out loud.

 Brendon elbowed Josh sharply and Josh let out a huff of air, choking on his bite of sandwich. “What?” he asked in an annoyed tone after he had gotten back his breath.

“Did you hear that?” Brendon replied, voice low and eyebrows knit together. “He’s gonna try out for the team!”

“What are you whispering about?” Dallon leaned over Josh to join the conversation.

Brendon looked annoyed but kept talking, glancing nervously around the room. “He’s trying out for the team today, can he even _play_ basketball-”

Josh rolled his eyes and interrupted in a moderately loud voice, “ _Who’s_ gonna try-”

“Shshshh!”

Spencer actually stopped talking to glance over curiously, and Josh shrugged at him, nodding his head towards Brendon dramatically in explanation. He turned back to Brendon and whispered animatedly, “ _Who_ is gonna try out for the team?”

“And why are you acting so weird?” Dallon added, bemused.

Brendon glared at the both of them but answered anyways. “Him. _He_ is. _Ryan_. He just told Spencer he’s gonna try out. Oh my god, I’m not gonna be able to focus at all, he’s doing this on purpose, I hate him-”

Dallon looked confused. “What did I miss? Why do you dislike him so much?”

Josh couldn’t help but to start laughing as he reached out and ruffled Brendon’s hair, explaining to Dallon, “He doesn’t _dislike_ him, he has the opposite problem.” Brendon smacked Josh’s hand away harshly as Dallon made a surprised noise.

Just then the lights in the cafeteria flicked off and on, grabbing everyone’s attention. Mr. Anderson, the basketball coach, stood at the front of the room, clipboard in hand. “Alright, listen up, kids!” he called loudly over the hushed chattering. “Just a quick announcement and you can go back to your lunches. The boys’ basketball team is having tryouts today, and if you’re interested in giving it a shot-” he chuckled at his pun- “then you are excused from your classes for the rest of the afternoon and can head to the gym straight after lunch. Auditions start in exactly forty-five minutes, so you need to be changed and ready by then. Good? Good.”

Josh felt adrenaline rush through his body. The cafeteria was louder now than it had been before the official announcement, and Josh had to raise his voice to be heard at their table over the din. “I’m so fucking ready for this!”

Spencer punched the air in front of him excitedly. “Same here, man, this is gonna be our best team ever this year, I can tell. I can sense it. With all of us on the team, it’ll rock!” He gestured to the entire table and smacked Joe on the back. “Except for old Joe here of course. Party pooper.”

Joe shrugged. “I suck at basketball, you’d hate it. If I tried out we wouldn’t still be friends afterwards.”

Spencer oohed loudly and even Mikey laughed a little, and Dallon elbowed Josh suddenly. First Brendon and now Dallon; Josh wished his friends would stop doing that. “Look out, Josh, it’s your favorite person coming this way.” Josh peered around Dallon to see two kids heading towards their table through the crowded lunch room. He grunted when he realized who it was.

“Hey, boys. So it’s that time of year again,” Pete said loudly when he had approached, leaning a hip against the table and crossing his arms. Patrick stood beside him, hands in his pockets; he met Josh’s eyes and smiled. Josh returned it as Pete continued talking. “Andy’s out this year which means it’ll be just me and you fighting for first place, Dun.”

Spencer scoffed. “You might be the meanest player, Wentz, but you’re not the best.”

Brendon added his two cents worth. “Well neither’s Josh, so there’s that.”

“Whose side are you on?” Spencer demanded, glaring across the table.

Patrick cleared his throat. “Technically you’re all on the same side. I mean it _is_ the Worthington basketball team. It’s just for practice that you’ll be split into two different teams.”

Pete waved a hand dismissively. “The real teams aren’t those color coded ones for practice. The _real_ teams are for when we play games with other schools. The _real_ team plays. The other team sits on the bench like a bunch of pussies. Gonne be on the bench again this year, Dun?”

Josh gave Pete a hard look. “That’s not fair. It was once, and it was my first time trying out!”

“ _And_ he was first on the row,” Spencer added proudly.

“Big deal. First on the bench- that won’t get you anywhere,” Pete retorted.

Mikey cleared his throat and Josh was mildly surprised that he was even getting into this. “You said Andy’s not trying out this year?”

Pete looked down his nose at him and Mikey shrunk visibly back in his seat, the glasses perched on his face making his eyes appear bigger than they really were as he awkwardly averted his gaze down towards his hands. Pete snorted. “Yeah. Changed schools. Don’t you wussies know anything that goes on around here? Pat’s trying out too this year.”

Patrick blushed as everyone at the table looked to him in surprise. While Pete wasn’t exactly well-liked by Josh and his friends, they all knew Patrick was a good guy. Why he hung out with an asshole like Pete, Josh couldn’t understand.

“Hey, I didn’t know that! Good luck, man,” Josh said with a smile, pointedly ignoring Pete.

The rest of the table murmured in agreement and Patrick looked pleased. Pete rolled his eyes. “First place on the team is mine this year, Dun. Just giving you a warning in advance. Don’t get your hopes up too high.” He slipped past Patrick and headed out of the cafeteria.

Patrick looked apologetic. “Sorry, guys. I don’t know why he’s like that, he’s just really competitive. He’s not really an asshole.”

Brendon snorted. “Sure, Pat. He’s been like this all of high school, we’re all used to it by now. Can’t figure out why he isn’t a douche to you, though. That doesn’t add up.”

Patrick laughed warmly. “Well I mean he _is_ kind of a douche to me, too, just. Not as much, I guess. We grew up knowing each other, so there’s that.”

“Well,” Spencer interrupted loudly, stretching his arms above his head. “Maybe Pete should be a bit more concerned about _me_ , I’m a _menace_ when I’m out there on the court. A _menace_.”

“Well, he’s not wrong,” Brendon muttered under his breath to Josh. Josh grinned, and Spencer glared as if he heard what Brendon had said. Before he could confront him about it, the bell rang, and students began filing out of the cafeteria.

“I better catch up with Pete,” Patrick said, being jostled slightly by the students pushing past behind him. “I’ll see you guys in the changing room!” He dashed off as Josh and his friends stood up, grabbing their trash and trays and joining the crowd exiting the room.

Someone bumped into Josh as he made his way to the trashcan with his tray, and he turned around, annoyed. It was Jordan, bouncing energetically on the balls of his feet. He was already in his gym outfit.

“Oh, c’mon,” Josh groaned, eyeing his outfit. Jordan had been excited about the tryouts all week, same as Josh, and every night at dinner he had talked excitedly about going out for the team for the first time. Josh had simply rolled his eyes and ignored him, certain that when the time came he would back out as he had done the past year. Josh had had a feeling that Wentz had something to do with it, and for that he internally thanked Pete. But unfortunately, he didn’t seem to have had the same effect on Jordan as he did last year, and here Jordan was, ready and eager to go. _Fucking great._

“You all ready, J? This is gonna be awesome, we’re gonna be teammates!” Jordan exclaimed, still bouncing.

Josh resisted the urge to shove him. They were in school, after all, and he had to act somewhat civilized. At least while there were teachers in the vicinity. “No way are you making it on the team,” he said instead.

Jordan made a face, still unfazed. “Sure I will, I’ve got a fair chance, just as good a chance as you!”

“I am _way_ better than you,” Josh snorted, turning away from his younger brother and dodging another student to make it to the trashcan with his tray. No fucking _way_ was Jordan making the team.

“C’mon, Dun, we gotta move!” Brendon’s voice came from a couple yards away. Josh glanced up from dumping his tray’s contents into the trash to see Brendon tossing a crumpled piece of wrapper from his lunch towards the trashcan beside Josh. “Score!”

Josh laughed at Brendon’s kiddish expression and shot out a hand to grab the wrapper before it could land in the trash. “Not quite!” he called back, stumbling forward and- right into a student dumping their own tray’s contents into the trashcan.

“Hey!”

“Oh, shit,” Josh murmured as he watched an open water bottle on the tray tip and spill all over the person’s pants.

Josh was painfully aware of the other person glaring at him as he tried to avoid making eye contact. He was about to apologize when Brendon was at his side and tugging at his arm. “If we don’t go now we’re gonna be late!” He suddenly noticed the other student standing beside Josh and looking relatively angrily with a water stain all over their front. “What’d you do, piss your pants?” Brendon snickered, but Josh just groaned and turned away, embarrassed, hurrying off and dragging Brendon along with him.

“Who was that? They didn’t look too happy with you,” Brendon huffed as he jogged to keep up with Josh’s fast pace down the corridor.

Josh shrugged. “Dunno, man. It was an accident.”

Brendon shrugged, too, and neither of them said any more as they took another turn down a different hallway, the gym doors within sight. There were several students hanging outside the gym, and Josh could see Ryan and Dallon were among them.

“Spencer and Mikey went on it to change, but we decided to wait for you guys,” Ryan said as Josh and Brendon stopped beside their friends.

“Yeah, what took so long? We don’t have much time,” Dallon added.

Brendon smirked. “Josh knocked a kid into the trashcan. On purpose.”

“You’re such a fucking liar,” Josh hit Brendon in the stomach as he butted past and pushed open the gym doors. “Hey, Ryan, you know what I found Brendon writing all over his notebook?” he said it over his shoulder casually enough, but the look Brendon shot him was mean enough to kill.

“Joshua,” he said sharply, eyes wide and jaw set. Josh just snorted, amused at the color draining from Brendon’s face as Ryan glanced at Brendon with a confused look.

The door to the changing room was just inside the gym on the side wall; it was propped open and excited chatter was coming from inside. The coach was across the gym on the other side of the room, struggling to pump up several basketballs, making sure they were nice and firm. Josh’s excitement grew as he hurried into the changing room.

Spencer was already wearing his P.E. outfit and had apparently taken it upon himself to help Mikey change. Mikey was in his gym shorts, but was struggling at the last button on his sweater and Spencer was pushing his hands out of the way so he could take over. Mikey fidgeted with his glasses nervously.

Josh made his way over to his locker, eyeing the other boys in the room. He grimaced to see Jordan on the other side of the room, talking with some friends of his. _The little shit._ Pete and Patrick were sitting on some benches nearby. Pete had his hand on Patrick’s shoulder, and he seemed to be offering advice and encouragement to Patrick, who was sitting extremely rigidly and looking a shade paler than normal. A few other kids Josh didn’t know were hanging around the room, some talking happily, others shifting awkwardly in the corner. They all looked like freshmen, probably in Jordan’s class, and Josh doubted they would be serious competition.

He dug around in the small locker he had claimed at the beginning of the week during their first P.E. class and pulled out his clothes, turning and bumping into Brendon. “No sign of the new guy yet. So far you’re still safe,” he said in a conspiratorial tone. Josh just shoved him out of his personal space and busied himself changing.

A few of the younger kids in the room stared in awe as Josh pulled off his shirt, feeling painfully self-conscious; his colorful sleeve of tattoos were a lot more noticeable when he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Brendon chuckled beside him. “Looks like those scribbles on your arm are still doing it for ya.” Josh grumbled a response as he quickly pulled on his t-shirt.

He had no sooner finished tying his shoelaces when Coach Anderson appeared in the doorway, knocking loudly against the wall. “Okay, kids, c’mon out here, it’s time! I hope you lot improved from last year!” He laughed heartily.

The boys filed out the door, Josh stalling to slip in line behind Dallon so he wouldn’t have to be next to Pete. Pete gave him a knowing smirk. The group followed the coach to the far end of the gym, excited whispering following them the entire way.

“Okay, okay, boys, line up along the line right there,” the coach said, waving a hand distractedly as he grabbed his clipboard. “I’m just gonna go through the line real quick and jot down all of your names, then we can get started!”

Josh crossed his arms and fidgeted impatiently as several names were called out that he didn’t recognize, mixed in with his friends and teammates from past years. Ryan said his name before Josh, and Josh grimaced at how high-pitched his voice sounded when he finally had his turn. When it came down to the actual tryouts, he was nervous every year. Dallon came after Josh, and then another name Josh didn’t recognize, then Mikey. He was even more high-pitched than Josh was. _Poor kid._

The last name called out was another one Josh didn’t know, so it confused him when Brendon was suddenly leaning behind Ryan and pinching his arm frantically.

“ _Ow_ , what the hell!?” Josh exclaimed, loudly enough for the coach to give him a disapproving look. “What?” he hissed again, lowering his voice. Ryan turned around halfway to see what was going on behind his back; Brendon seemed currently oblivious to the fact that he was leaning into his crush that he had been so awkward around before. He pointed towards the end of the line. “That’s him, the kid I was telling you about, the sports freak! So he _did_ show up!”

Josh smacked at Brendon’s hand. “Would you _shut_ _up_? Before we both get kicked off the team without even a chance to get on it-”

The coach coughed loudly and Josh, Brendon, and Ryan quickly jumped back to their places in line. Josh _was_ curious about this kid. What was his name again? He hadn’t been listening. He tried peering past Dallon down the line to get a glimpse of him, but Coach Anderson marched past him just then, talking loudly. “Anyways,” he said, eyeing Josh and Brendon harshly as he walked back down the line. “Here’s how this is going to work. We’ll have some typical warmup exercises first, then we’ll run some laps, make sure you’re all in good enough shape. Then we’ll do some dribbling and basic ball drills before starting a small game. Sound good?”

Several of the younger boys replied while Brendon leaned behind Ryan again, grabbing Josh’s attention. “ _Ball drills_ ,” he smirked. Josh rolled his eyes dramatically, stifling his laughter when Ryan made a shocked face at Brendon and Brendon turned a bright shade of pink.

The next twenty minutes were spent doing jumping jacks and running in place, Coach Anderson throwing out comments and criticism the entire time. Josh grinned mid-jumping jack when he heard the coach raising his voice at Jordan for doing the weirdest jumping jack he’d ever seen. Josh knew his brother wouldn’t have a chance. He thought absentmindedly that he could maybe size up this new kid Brendon kept talking about during the warm ups, but either Dallon was too tall or Josh was too short to see the end of the line. _I’ll meet him soon enough, I suppose. During the laps maybe._

Nearing the end of the twenty minutes, one kid had actually plopped down on the ground before time was up, a classmate of Jordan’s, Josh thought, and the coach shook his head, arms crossed. “If you can’t even make it past the exercises then what made you think you could make it on the team? Go back to class.”

“One down,” Brendon huffed, hands on his hips, spitting his tongue out as the kid sulked past.

Josh ignored him as Coach Anderson sized up the rest of the boys. “Okay,” he declared after a minute. “Next round is laps. Run five, go, go, go!”

Brendon and Dallon shot off in obvious competition, and Josh chased after them, bumping into Spencer as he rounded the corner.

“Hey, man,” Spencer said, panting. “Have you met Joseph yet?”

“Who?” Josh panted back, their strides matching.

“The new guy, the one Brendon was on about?”

Josh glanced over his shoulder quickly but all he saw were bobbing heads. “Not yet. I can’t see him right now.”

“He’s pretty skinny, I wouldn’t worry about him.”

Josh shot a glance over at his friend. “I’m not _worried_ about him. I’ve got this.” As if to prove his point, Josh sped up his pace, Spencer quickly falling behind. He rounded another corner, finishing the first lap. The next person in front of him was Pete, and Josh ignored the burning in his thighs to take longer steps to catch up. Pete must have heard someone approaching, because he too quickened his pace.

Josh was within a few feet of Pete for the rest of the laps, one moment pulling ahead, the next falling back behind. Neither of them said anything, though they both kept shooting daggers at each other. They passed Brendon halfway through the last lap, running on either side of him, and Josh swore he finished the lap a step before Pete, though he knew Pete would claim otherwise. He leaned against the wall, panting and avoiding making eye contact. It didn’t really matter anyways; Dallon had beaten both of them.

“Fuckin’ daddy long legs,” Brendon muttered in Dallon’s direction, jogging over to Josh and huffing to a halt. As the rest of the boys finished the lap, Josh was reminded of this Joseph kid he was supposed to be worried about. He eyed all the unfamiliar faces he saw.

“Hey, B, which one’s Joseph?”

Brendon’s interest was suddenly piqued. He studied the group as the final students finished the lap, trying to pick him out. “I don’t see him right now, maybe the pussy couldn’t handle the run- oh, _there_ he is, behind Spencer! _Move_ , you oaf-”

“Good job, kids, you all did well!” Coach Anderson boomed, making Josh jump. He was standing to the side of the gym, surrounded by the basketballs he had earlier been filling with air. He kicked one over towards the boys, and Jordan grabbed it off the ground. “Everyone grab a ball! Just do some basic dribbling, show off whatever moves you know. I need to see how you all handle the ball.”

Brendon smirked. “ _I’ll_ show you how to handle th-”

“I swear to god, Brendon, if you don’t stop with these disgusting ball jokes, I will take your fucking notebook and I will _show_ Ryan-”

“All _right_ , Jesus,” Brendon grabbed the nearest basketball and spit his tongue out at Josh before jogging out into the middle of the room, dribbling it. Most of the boys had already found themselves a ball and the gym was echoing with the sound of the floor being struck repeatedly by the thick leather. Spencer passed by and tossed one towards Josh. “C’mon, let’s show the coach what we got, what are you waiting for?”

“If you show the coach what you got you won’t make the team,” Dallon panted as he dashed by with his ball.

Spencer sputtered, indignant. “Brendon’s already corrupted him, too. I’m not _that_ bad, guys!” Josh was laughing as Spencer dribbled his ball after Dallon, further insisting that he was an okay basketball player.

Josh bounced his own ball a few times before heading out into the gym. He felt Coach Anderson’s eyes staring into his back and he tried his best to put on a good show, throwing in all the fancy footing he could think of.

He was doing pretty good, too, until he bumped into Ryan, who had stopped running around and was standing still, ball balanced in place with one foot. “Bro, are you seeing that guy?” Ryan asked absently, staring across the gym. Josh paused to look in the direction he was gazing. A boy Josh didn’t immediately recognize was spinning the ball, rather impressively, on his fingers. He eventually dropped the ball back to the ground- though he was able to spin it a lot longer than Josh could ever have done- and dribbled it between and around his legs. Josh tilted his head, studying him.

“I’ve seen him before, before school started,” Josh remembered, recognizing the same movements. “He was playing at the court by my house.”

Ryan made a noise of acknowledgment. “He’s pretty good. That’s that Joseph kid, you know. Taylor or something like that. I heard Brendon telling Spencer about him.”

“Yeah?” Josh said, watching the boy roll the ball effortlessly across his shoulders. So this was him. Josh couldn’t help but stare as he moved so gracefully around the gym. And then the kid looked up and was looking directly at Josh. Josh’s stomach flipped and he made a slight groan.

Ryan glanced over at him. “Are you okay?”

“I _have_ seen that guy before,” Josh said, quickly turning his back to the new kid and dribbling the ball to distract himself from his harsh stare. “He’s also the guy I ran into at lunch today.”

“The guy you knocked into the trash-”

“Brendon was just being an ass, but I _did_ bump into him and I guess I kinda spilled water all over him. And then I had to rush off without even saying anything and _shit_.” Josh didn’t know why exactly this all felt so bad all of a sudden.

The sharp ring of the coach’s whistle interrupted the boys. He waved a hand. “Bring the balls back over here now, gather around. Let’s keep it moving, we don’t have all day.”

Josh tried to shrug off the heavy feelings draping themselves across his shoulders as he followed Ryan over to the coach, dropping his ball to the ground like the other boys had. Coach Anderson was writing on his clipboard as he spoke. “I’m scratching a couple of you, you over there and-” He pointed to a kid standing in the back of the group. “-and you. I like to give you all a fair try, especially the newer kids, but sometimes you just don’t have it. Try again next year, boys.” The two sulked off towards the exit.

“Now for the rest of you,” the coach continued, kicking all of the balls except one to the side of the room. “The rest of you are going to play a quick game. You know the drill, most of you have done this before.” He called out several names, splitting the group into two teams. Josh shuffled to the back of his team, glaring in Jordan’s direction, who had also been put in the same temporary group. Unfortunately Pete was also on this team. Josh looked longingly across the room to where most of his friends had been put on the other team. Not that it was a huge deal, these were just for tryouts, but all the same. Josh felt abandoned.

He noticed someone edging closer to him and turned to see Mikey rubbing at his glasses with the hem of his shirt. “Hey,” he said shyly when he realized Josh was looking at him. “I just thought I’d stand near you, Pete kinda looked like he might start messing with me or something. I hope you don’t mind.”

Josh glanced towards Pete, who was standing at the front of the group, arms crossed, head tilted as he listened to the coach further explaining the basic rules. “Yeah,” Josh agreed, patting Mikey’s shoulder. “He’s always liable to start messing with someone, it’s okay. You were on the team last year, right?” he added, even though he knew he had been. Mikey nodded.

“Yeah,” Josh said again. He wished he were better with words. “Yeah, so you know how Pete works then. Just ignore him, he’s not really as mean as he pretends to be.”

Mikey placed his glasses back on his nose. “Really? But he came over at lunch to intimidate you and everything.”

Josh shrugged. “That’s been going on for all of high school now, every year. It’s turned into friendly competition more than rivalry or anything. I don’t know, I’d probably miss him if he _wasn’t_ here causing shit, honestly.”

Mikey nodded but didn’t look convinced. He changed the subject. “Have you met Tyler yet? I don’t know him too well but he has classes with my brother, so I’ve seen him around a few times this week.”

Josh’s stomach jumped again. “Tyler? Is that his name?” He peered around the group quickly. “Is he on our team this round or-”

A basketball hit him square in the chest and he grabbed at it quickly before it bounced to the ground. “You got that, Dun? Okay, boys, get started!” The coach backed out of the middle of the gym, blowing his whistle. Josh didn’t have time to finish his question or worry about whose team this _Tyler_ was on- though in retrospect, Josh realized he should have gotten a better look at who were his teammates and who weren’t _before_ the game got started- as he dashed off dribbling the ball, dodging past Brendon and racing for the hoop at the end of the gym.

Jordan was jumping excitedly, waving his hands for Josh to pass him the ball, but Josh would rather pass it to Pete than his little brother, so he swallowed any remaining indignation he might have had and headed in Pete’s direction, passing the ball to him quickly before Dallon could get it away from him. Pete nodded as he took it, jumping behind Dallon and running towards the hoop. It happened every year; Josh wouldn’t say he was _fond_ of Pete exactly, but they both knew when to work together and not be assholes.

Brendon didn’t though, apparently. He shoved into Pete as he was about to throw the ball into the net and took off in the opposite direction, throwing a grin over his shoulder. Pete glared and waved at Josh. “Don’t let him pass to Dal, he’s got a clear shot!”

“On it!” Josh turned and, just in time, jumped in front of Dallon as Brendon tried passing the ball. Brendon swerved at the last second, managing to keep the ball away from Josh. Josh cursed as he successfully passed the ball to Patrick, who was also within shot of the hoop. Patrick looked stunned as he suddenly found himself with the ball, and Josh took advantage of his temporary surprise to lunge in his direction.

Pete beat him to it. “Sorry, Pat,” he huffed, stealing away the ball and running back to the other side of the court. Patrick looked offended.

Pete scored the first goal and Jordan cheered loudly. Josh just rolled his eyes as Pete strutted proudly back to the group. Coach Anderson applauded as he approached the boys. “Very good, Wentz, that was pretty good!” He motioned another young boy Josh didn’t recognize to the side, patting him on the back. “How about trying again next year, okay?” The kid looked distraught as they left the gym. “All right,” the coach boomed once they had left. “Wentz, hand the ball to...let’s start with Ross for round two.” Pete tossed Ryan the basketball as the coach hurried back to the sidelines, blowing his whistle to signal the unofficial start.

Mikey surprised Josh by scoring the second basket almost as soon as the round had started. Josh _did_ cheer this time, punching him genially in the arm. Mikey was smiling bigger than Josh could remember ever seeing him smile before, eyes shining behind his glasses. Brendon scored a point for the other team during round three, and Josh almost scored the point in round four, but at the last second before he could take the shot, Patrick stumbled into his way and Josh had to pass the ball to- unfortunately- Pete, who scored for their team again. Josh tried not to be too bitter about it as the coach motioned the boys, panting and sweaty, to a group in the middle of the room.

“I’m impressed, kids, I really am. We’re gonna have a good team this year! We have one more round so let’s make it our best yet. Weekes, you take the ball.”

At the coach’s whistle, the room burst into life once again as the final round started. Josh gritted his teeth, more determined than ever to make the last shot. He ran along the outside of the group, mirroring where Dallon was running, waiting for a chance to steal the ball away. Pete raced up, blocking Dallon and forcing him to pass the ball. Josh was able to steal it away as Dallon was turning, and he took off in the other direction. He successfully avoided Ryan’s attempt to get the ball, and dodged past Spencer, the way to the basket clear. He was going to do it. He was going to make the last shot.

As he was jumping and the ball was leaving his fingertips, aimed perfectly for the net, a movement in Josh’s peripheral vision caught his attention. Faster than he could even register, a hand darted out and smacked the ball out of range of the net. Josh stared in shock.

It was the new kid. Tall and lean, all golden skin and short, dark hair, he was there one minute and halfway across the court in the next, slipping past Pete without a problem. Josh was frozen momentarily, watching as if mesmerized. _How the fuck did I not notice him playing before now?_

Josh was startled back into action when he realized that if he didn’t do something _right now_ , the other team would score. He searched the court quickly, eyes locking with Pete, who motioned to the far left. Josh nodded and dashed off as Pete headed for the right, signaling to Mikey as he went. Brendon jumped in Josh’s way, arms outstretched and cutting him off from getting to the new kid, this _Tyler_.

“Fucking asshole,” Josh said harshly, trying to get past Brendon, who just smirked obnoxiously. He could see over Brendon’s shoulder that Dallon was effectively holding off Pete as well. Mikey made a valiant attempt to get the basketball back, squeezing past Spencer and Patrick and reaching out a hand for the ball- just as this _Tyler_ jumped, and the ball soared straight into the net.

Josh threw his hands up in the air as Brendon cheered loudly, Coach Anderson blowing on his whistle and motioning them all over. Pete shrugged at Josh from across the court, and Mikey sheepishly approached Josh, scratching at his neck. “Sorry, I almost had him. He was just so fast-”

Josh interrupted him. “Nah, man, he got the ball away from me first, remember? It’s not like it’s a really big deal or anything either. It’s just tryouts. It’s all cool.”

Coach Anderson was in the middle of his speech when Josh and Mikey joined the crowd gathered around him. He was beaming. “-all very promising. Those of you who made the team will see your names posted on the bulletin board Monday morning; team rank will be revealed during practice that afternoon. Any questions?”

“What about tomorrow, do we have practice tomorrow?” Jordan piped.

“No, no P.E. tomorrow at all. You kids just go home tomorrow after classes and rest up over the weekend, Monday will come in due time.” Coach Anderson checked his clipboard one last time, tapping a pen against it. “All right then, boys. It’s five minutes till dismissal, you all are free to go! Thanks for trying out, kids.”

The group scattered in the general direction of the changing room. Brendon appeared at Josh’s side. “That was so good, man. Did you _see_ that new kid? Dude, he stole your ball, you had that basket and he just appeared out of nowhere and fucking _stole_ it! Isn’t he great!?”

Josh glared at his friend. “You seem excited about him at least.”

Brendon swiveled around, eyes searching the group. “I _am_ , and you should be, too, J. Dude, we will _smash_ every school we play against this year!” He turned back around, slipping in front of Josh into the changing room. “I don’t see him now; he must have left his junk by the door, I think he’s left already. Guy’s like a fucking phantom. I don’t know why he doesn’t introduce himself.”

Mikey was still trailing after Josh. “He’s shy, I think. He’s been hanging out with Gerard and Gerard says he seems shy.”

“Also,” Josh added as he pulled off his sweaty shirt. “Didn’t you recognize him? He’s the kid I bumped into at lunch.”

Brendon laughed loudly. “Well, that might explain why he stole your ball like he did. Embarrassed, humiliated in front of the whole team! Poor Joshie.”

Josh tossed his dirty shirt in Brendon’s face. “Do _not_ call me that.”

Josh’s eyes searched the changing room one last time, just in case they had somehow missed him and the kid _was_ still around. He let out a sigh as he pulled on his clean shirt, ignoring Brendon’s laughter.

_Tyler fucking Joseph. You’re going down._


	3. i can't pretend that i can stomach your face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "your friends are full of shit" by leATHERMOUTH. this is super late and i'm super sorry and i love you all for reading my fic. i had a lot of fun writing this and i hope you enjoy reading. PLZ LEAVE FEEDBACK, IT'S APPRECIATED

Tyler wasn’t hiding from Josh. He _wasn’t_. Avoiding him, yes, but not hiding. After all, he wasn’t the one who should be hiding. If anyone should be hiding, it should have been _Josh_. Because _Josh_ was the one who almost ran Tyler over with his bike on the first day of school and _Josh_ was the one who spilled water all over him and hadn’t even taken the time to apologize. And _Josh_ was the one with the douche friends who laughed at Tyler. So if anyone should be feeling bad about themselves and hiding, it should have been _Josh_ , and definitely not Tyler.

At least, that’s what Tyler told himself as he ducked into the lunchroom Monday morning with the intent of checking the list on the bulletin board with the names of the accepted players. He had waited till there was only five short minutes before first period, hoping that _Josh_ and most of the kids who would be interested in the list would already be in their classrooms. He didn’t really need to check the list- he already knew his name would be there- but there was something thrilling about seeing it written down in print. What he hadn’t expected when he entered the cafeteria was every other boy who had tried out for the team crowding around the bulletin board, laughter and talking echoing painfully loud in the large room.

Tyler edged quietly along the wall- _it’s not hiding!_ \- and shimmied around a table to the corner of the room, eyeing the situation before him.

 _Josh_ , with his bright red hair, was easy to spot at the front of the group. Tyler could make out some of his douche friends at his side. That guy named Pete who had scored two baskets at practice was near the front of the group as well. He was, Tyler begrudgingly admitted to himself, the most likely player at this school to beat him. Not that it was incredibly likely, he was just some serious competition. Several other boys Tyler recognized but didn’t know the names of made up the rest of the crowd, effectively blocking his view of the list. He glanced at the clock. Three minutes till English. It was just the beginning of the second week, but Ms. Moore had already established her great distaste for her students arriving late. Tyler glared at the back of Josh’s red head. This was all _his_ fault, somehow, Tyler was sure.

As he was sorting out his next move, Tyler’s attention was drawn to a boy almost as thin and gangly as he was, standing awkwardly a few feet away from the group with his arms crossed protectively over his chest. He sighed, relieved, when the boy turned and made quick eye contact and he recognized him, his glasses resting precariously on the end of his nose. Tyler shuffled over, hoping none of the others would notice- not that he was hiding or anything, thank you.

Last week, two boys who had been in several of Tyler’s classes joined him during lunch, saving him from the humiliation of sitting entirely alone at the table in the corner on his first day of school. They had introduced themselves as Frank and Gerard and had quickly made Tyler feel comfortable enough to open up to them; by the end of the lunch period, he was feeling slightly self conscious about talking too much, though those fears soon dissipated when they all bonded again over their music and art periods. During the following days, Gerard had talked affectionately about his younger brother and had pointed him out in passing to Tyler, mentioning that he would also be trying out for the basketball team. They hadn’t been formally introduced, but _what the hell, now is as good a time as any,_ Tyler told himself as he strolled casually over to the group, thankful most of the boys still had their backs to him, too interested in the list and in discussing it vividly with each other to pay him much attention.

“Hi,” Tyler said, stopping next to Gerard’s younger brother. He jumped as if startled and stared intently at Tyler through his glasses, confused, twisting his hands together awkwardly.

“I’m um...I’m Tyler, I tried out for the team last Thursday? And I know your brother.” Tyler felt very much that the situation was reversed; too many times in the past he had found himself wringing his own hands and feeling out of place when spoken to. He felt a wave of compassion wash over him, and he decided to make a valiant effort to make this kid feel comfortable. “You’re Mikey, right? Gerard talks about you a lot.”

Mikey smiled tight-lipped, shoulders relaxing visibly, if only slightly. “He’s talked some about you, too. He uh, he talks a lot.”

Tyler couldn’t really disagree without lying, so he nodded. He definitely didn’t mind, though. Gerard’s endless and amiable chattering throughout the week had really been one of the only things to help make Tyler feel at all welcome at Worthington High School. No, he definitely didn’t mind. He probably would have opened his mouth and said something stupid and awkward then except for the bell ringing loudly from the doorway. Tyler eyed the group of boys nervously as he quickly asked, stumbling over his words: “Hey, man, do you happen to know if I made the team or…? I would check but uh….” he motioned vaguely towards the bulletin board.

Mikey seemed to understand immediately, and that made a part of Tyler mad, that another kid felt discluded and out of place like he always did. A different part of him jumped excitedly as Mikey made a noise of astonishment before replying.

“Did _you_ make the team, are you kidding? Of course your name is on there, all the guys are talking about it.”

Tyler made an excited squeaking sound, which in immediate retrospect he was embarrassed about, but Mikey seemed to be blushing from his own previous outburst of surprise, so Tyler guessed they were pretty much even. He was searching his mind for something appropriate to say without sounding conceited when he noticed several of the boys in the group headed in their direction, and, to his horror, Josh was among them.

He reached out quickly and patted Mikey on the shoulder. “Thanks, dude. I’ll see you around, okay? You okay?” He took a few steps backward but nodded his head in the direction of the approaching boys. He knew from Gerard’s rambling that a few kids liked to pick on Mikey on occasion, and though Tyler highly doubted he could do anything to help if he found himself in the middle of a situation like that, the last thing he wanted to do was abandon Mikey, if that was the case. Thankfully, after Mikey glanced over his shoulder, he looked back to Tyler and nodded.

“No, yeah, it’s fine,” he said. Tyler studied his face for a quick second, but he seemed to be telling the truth. “These guys are okay.”

Tyler made an unsure humming sound in reply as he spotted Josh among the small group. But whatever. He just hoped he could make it to class and snag a seat near the back before Josh could see him. _I’m not_ hiding _, I’m just..._ Tyler argued inwardly with himself as he dashed out of the cafeteria into the empty hallway. He didn’t really have a good excuse.

Ms. Moore glared at him when he arrived and rambled on about tardiness as she informed him he would be getting a demerit, go see the secretary after class, I’m disappointed you chose to be late today, etc. etc. He wasn’t really listening; he had heard her give the same speech to _Josh_ several times last week. He eyed the full classroom pitifully, the empty desk in the front row seeming ten times more intimidating than it should be for an inanimate object. A hand waved from the far back corner and caught Tyler’s eye, just as he had accepted his fate and started trudging to the empty seat. He made a beeline for the back of the room, internally thanking God for Gerard Way as he went. The motherfucker had saved him a seat in the back row.

He slipped into the chair, relieved, heaving a sigh as he slouched down as low as possible without falling off the edge of his chair. Gerard shot him a funny look. “You’re acting weirder than usual,” he whispered, because the one thing Ms. Moore detested almost as much as tardiness was talking in her class.

Tyler shrugged, flipping open his phone and checking for text messages from his friends back at his old school. Nothing. He pouted out his bottom lip a little, and stuck it out even more when Frank leaned over from his other side and snatched the phone away. “Dude.” Frank was whispering, too. Tyler watched his lip ring reflect the light as he talked, waving Tyler’s phone around. “Do you wanna keep this or do you not wanna see it again until Friday?” Third thing Ms. Moore detested more than anything- kids messing with their electronics during class.

Tyler tried to sneak his phone back off Frank’s desk without being caught, but Frank smacked his hand hard enough for Tyler to make a surprised squeak. Ms. Moore was just turning around from the whiteboard to yell at them when the classroom door opened again and _Josh_ and a few other boys paraded in. _I guess Josh_ is _good for one thing,_ Tyler thought smugly as he snatched his phone from Frank’s desk, Frank too distracted with smirking as Ms. Moore began handing out demerits to the late students.

For some reason, the universe hated Tyler. Apparently making him change schools in the twelfth grade and giving him a shared bedroom with his younger brother in the new house wasn’t enough, because he also shared all the same classes with _Josh_. Fucking nice coincidence.

Tyler was bitching about this to Gerard and Frank during lunch, swirling his plastic fork around in his mug of leftover spaghetti. He had managed to keep out of _Josh’s_ way so far today, but he couldn’t keep it up forever, especially with basketball practice looming closer and closer. He was supposed to be happy about it and _Josh_ was _ruining_ it for him, every glimpse of his red hair during classes making Tyler curl in on himself all over again. On the bright side, Gerard had to point out for him, he also shared all the same classes with him and Frank, and that balanced out the cosmic inequality of the entire situation, right? Tyler wasn’t so sure.

“Fucking thanks,” Frank mumbled, stealing a bite of Tyler’s spaghetti and spilling noodles across the table in the process. Tyler made a vague grunting noise; he didn’t mean to say that last part out loud.

“Not that it’s _not_ great we have classes together,” he tried explaining, reaching his fork out to steal some of Frank’s lunch in return, but changed his mind when he saw the odd colored stew in his sandwich box. “Why are you eating stew with a fork from a sandwich box?”

“Why are you eating spaghetti without sauce? And with no spoon?” Frank quipped.

“You eat spaghetti with a _spoon_ -” Tyler began incredulously, but Gerard cut them both short.

“Douchebag, incoming.” He was speaking in a singsong voice out of the corner of his mouth, and Tyler would have laughed about it except that one of the kids from _Josh’s_ table was heading across the cafeteria in their direction, the other kids still seated all peering over their shoulders, watching. Tyler fidgeted self consciously.

“Hey,” the kid said loudly, slipping onto the bench next to Gerard. Gerard made a disgusted face and scooted over an inch. The kid followed him, oblivious to the discomfort he was causing. Tyler recognized him but couldn't place his name, not really caring what it was at the moment. Frank glared suspiciously across the table, while Tyler was just grateful Frank had sat beside him. The one thing that would make this situation any more awkward would be if this kid had sat next to hi-

“So Tyler. It’s Tyler, right? Tyler….?” the kid interrupted his thoughts, voice much louder than was necessary, even in the crowded cafeteria.

When Tyler didn’t respond right away, Frank elbowed him and he jumped. “Oh, um, yeah, it’s Joseph.” Tyler didn’t have proof but he was sure that _Josh_ had sent this kid.

The kid raised both eyebrows. “Oh, your name’s Joseph?”

“N-no, it’s. It’s Tyler. Tyler Joseph,” Tyler cursed himself mentally for stammering. He could feel his cheeks turning red beneath the kid’s intense stare. It was getting fucking creepy.

The kid snorted. “That’s kind of a weird name. Why do you have two first names?”

“This coming from the guy named Urie,” Gerard remarked, resting his chin in his palm and eyeing the kid doubtfully. “And _Brendon_. It’s not even Brandon like a normal guy, it’s fucking _Brendon_.”

“Yeah, you’re really one to talk about weird names,” Frank added, looking sheepish when Tyler glared at him.

Brendon pointedly ignored them both, still staring straight at Tyler. He wished he’d stop. “What school did you go to before this? Kinda weird for you to switch schools just for twelfth grade.”

The conversation felt so awkward and forced, and _creepy_ with Brendon staring him down like that and the whole table behind him still turned around and watching, albeit a little less conspicuously than they had been before. Tyler could barely gather his thoughts to reply. “Uh, I went to Mansfield, it was a...a private school.”

Brendon didn’t say anything and Tyler waved his hand, embarrassed. He started to ramble. “I switched schools because my dad’s job got relocated to here and we had to get a new house and it’s too far away for me to keep going to my old school, and we couldn’t find any private schools around here that had basketball teams, and my parents are kinda big on the whole basketball scholarship thing for me so-”

“Speaking of basketball,” Brendon interrupted, and Tyler was almost thankful. “I heard you were pretty big stuff back at, Mansville, was it?”

“Mansfield,” Gerard said for Tyler, voice cold.

Brendon ignored him. “You mentioned a scholarship? I mean, I saw you at practice, you aren’t bad, but are you _really_ good enough for a scholarship?”

At first Tyler felt defensive, then confused as he wondered why the hell this Brendon kid would care. “Um….” he said intelligently.

Brendon plowed on like a train, without even pausing to take a breath. “Like don’t you have to have a pretty clean record to get a scholarship? I mean, it’s not an academic scholarship but still, you gotta be squeaky clean to apply for that shit.”

Now Tyler was really confused. A clean record? What the hell? “Um...what are you-”

Gerard made a scoffing sound. “Look, Urie, if you want to buy something, Tyler doesn’t have it. And Frank and I don’t do that anymore, you know that. Why don’t you stop pestering him?”

Brendon turned to Gerard for the first time since he sat down, raising his hands defensively. “Hey, hey, that’s not what I’m on about. I’d never buy from you losers anyways.”

Tyler’s eyebrows had been furrowed, but they shot up then and his eyes widened. “Wait, are you talking about _drugs_ , um what, no, I don’t- no, no no. Why would you-”

“God, I’m not talking about drugs!” Brendon groaned, very loudly and very obviously.

The kids at his table across the room shuffled worriedly, while Gerard covered his face with his palm and Frank waved an angry hand in Brendon’s face. “Would you shut up, oh my God, you’re gonna make the lunch lady start spreading rumors.”

Brendon sighed, as if it hadn’t been his fault for the whole upheaval in the first place. He said, voice a notch lower than before. “I’m _not_ talking about drugs. Jesus. I was talking about basketball.”

“What does basketball have to do with drugs?” Tyler asked dumbly, brain still in shock.

“I’m _not fucking talking about fucking drugs, you idiot,_ I just mean-”

The bell rang. Finally. About fucking time. Lunch period felt like it had lasted forever, to Tyler at least. He had never had a more awkward conversation than this before in his entire life, not even that time when his sister had found his diary from fifth grade and he had had to explain to her why the fuck he knew about-

Well okay, maybe that had been a little bit more awkward, but still.

Everyone in the cafeteria was gathering up their things and bustling off to their next class. Someone from Brendon’s table called his name and waved for him to come over, and Brendon huffed loudly. “Yeah, well anyways, good talking with you, Joseph, we’ll do it again sometime.”

Tyler sincerely hoped not. He sighed in relief when Brendon finally left and rejoined his friends, leaving the three of them alone at their table. Tyler caught a glimpse of red, of _Josh_ peering over his shoulder at him as his gang left the cafeteria. Tyler scowled and Josh quickly melted into the crowd.

Frank and Gerard burst out laughing. “Dude, that was so fucking weird,” Frank said, thumping Tyler on the back.

Tyler didn’t see what was so incredibly amusing. He scowled again, busying himself with twisting the lid back onto his mug of spaghetti and shoving it in his backpack. “It’s not that funny. Like what was he on about, anyways? Guys, if my parents ever even had any idea that there was a potential rumor about me and like, _drugs_ , I would be dead. It’s _not funny!_ ” he insisted as Gerard shot him a sideways glance.

“Come on, druggie, music and art periods await us,” Frank grabbed Tyler’s backpack and headed for the cafeteria door, ignoring Tyler’s protests about wanting to carry his own bag, thank you, and _don’t fucking call me that in public, you moron, did you not fucking hear what I just said._

“And after art-” Gerard continued Frank’s thought in that slightly annoying sing-song voice as he and Tyler were the last ones to hurry out into the hallway, “-then there’s basketball practice. Do me a favor and please just beat Urie in the ranking, huh?”

Tyler glared at the world in general. First _Josh_ with his stupid red hair and now Brendon _fucking_ Urie with his drug rumors. Fucking great. Oh well, he’d show them, he’d show _all_ of those egotistical assholes who thought they could play basketball. He’d show them.

“Don’t worry, I plan on it.”

“Dude, what the hell?” Josh shoved Brendon’s shoulder when the music instructor’s back was turned, busy helping Ryan put the headjoint back in his tuba. Josh hadn’t had a chance to confront Brendon about the scene he had caused at lunch yet, and he couldn’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Seriously, B? What the fuck was that all about? Did you even accomplish anything you meant t-”

“Shut up, of course I did,” Brendon shoved Josh back, slouching in his chair and eyeing the room, most likely for the new kid. It was achingly loud in the band room, tons of kids all blowing and banging on instruments they didn’t know how to play. Josh hated when they had to switch instruments. He fumbled uselessly with the flute in his hands.

When Brendon just kept searching the room, Josh prodded him roughly in the side with his flute. “Well then? What about it? Was Pete telling the truth?”

Brendon sighed, long and loud to convey to Josh his annoyance at him, before making a huge effort of sitting up and turning in his chair to face him. He leaned in theatrically and whispered, “I don’t know what happened back at that Mansfield school he used to go to, but it was a _private_ school. And he said his dad’s job ‘relocated.’ Like sure, why didn’t he go to a different private school here then? He had some excuse but I’m sure that’s what it was, an _excuse_.”

Josh looked unconvinced. “So basically you don’t know then.”

“No, I _do_ know!” Brendon insisted, waving his trumpet around for emphasis. “He _has_ to go to a public school now because the private schools won’t accept him.”

Josh looked even more unconvinced than before, if that was possible. “The private schools in Mansfield accepted him but the ones in Columbus won’t?”

“Yeah, because that was _before_ the incident!” Brendon sounded one hundred percent convinced.

Josh rolled his eyes and decided to try a different approach. “Okay, say Pete _is_ telling the truth. This new kid-”

“Tyler Joseph.”

“-this _Tyler Joseph_ , he doesn’t _look_ like the type to get all up in someone’s face and start a fight, just because they were competing for first player. He’s too, he’s, he’s _spindly_ , Jesus, look at him.” Josh waved a hand vaguely towards the door, where Tyler and two other kids had just sneaked into the room, late. “I think Pete made it all up.”

Brendon was shaking his head. “Nah, man, you can be spindly and still start shit. C’mon, you were fucking _there_ when he stole that ball right from under you. He fucking killed you, dude-”

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to keep bringing that up, all right? The ball slipped, that’s all.” Josh was getting tired of Brendon poking fun at him about that. He hadn’t shut up about it all weekend, getting Josh even more on edge and nervous about this _Tyler Joseph_ kid than he had been to begin with. And Pete sauntering over to their table at lunch to tell them the latest gossip didn’t help either. Apparently, according to Pete- though Josh didn’t consider him an extremely reliable source- this _Tyler_ kid was a really intense basketball player. Like _really_ intense. Like so intense he started a physical fight with another player. Apparently, according to Pete, he would get so powered up during the game that he’d just sort of lose control. And- according to Pete- last year he got in so much trouble that he was expelled, and that’s why he was starting twelfth grade in a new school. At least that’s what Pete had said. _How_ Pete would know all that, Josh seriously questioned.

But after Pete had relaid all this to Josh and his friends and had strolled back off to his own table, whistling, Brendon had taken it upon himself to investigate further and find out how much of it was true and how much of it was just Pete being an asshole. Josh had deemed his investigation futile the moment Brendon had exclaimed loudly enough about drugs for everyone back at his table to hear, but Brendon seemed convinced enough.

But...with Brendon smirking knowingly at him now while swinging his trumpet precariously from his pinkie, Josh couldn’t help but to glance uncertainly back across the room. _Tyler_ was sitting on the floor in the corner underneath the window with his friends, fiddling with a guitar that Josh eyed jealously- seriously, _anything_ would have been better than a flute- and then Tyler was looking up, eyes wandering around the room before locking on Josh’s. His gaze immediately went cold and he turned his attention back to one of his friends, who was grabbing at the guitar resting in his lap. It was the same glare he had shot at Josh as Josh had been leaving the cafeteria that afternoon. Maybe...maybe Pete _hadn’t_ been completely lying about this _Tyler_ kid.

“I mean, what did I even do to him? Why does he hate me?” Josh didn’t realize he had spoken out loud until Brendon made an obnoxious pondering noise and replied.

“Dude, you spilled water on him. You’re the most popular player here. You have fucking _tattoos_ , _and_ red hair. That’s enough to make anyone hate you.”

Josh flailed his flute about indignantly. “ _Thanks_ , Brendon, fucking thanks for making me feel better. Such a good friend.”

Brendon just fingered the three keys of his trumpet in a suspiciously sexual manner in reply, waggling his eyebrows at Josh. Josh sighed, slouching down in his chair and letting the cacophony of misplaced flats and off key notes fill his head, hoping that even if he went deaf from the sound it would at least help drown out some of his current worries.

The ranking announcement was kind of a big deal at Worthington. The games they played against other schools throughout the year were some of the most anticipated social events in the high school. So naturally, the gymnasium was busier that afternoon after the bell had rung than it normally would have been. Kids were scattered across the bleachers and around the corners of the room, and Josh felt a small wave of anxiety wash over him as he peered out from the relative safety of the changing rooms. _Relative_ safety because Pete was stalking around the room menacingly, looking way too serious for a high school basketball player and kind of like he might bite Josh’s head off if he got in his way. Also _Tyler_ was lurking beside the row of lockers, and Josh didn’t really feel like getting in a confrontation with him right now either. Who knows, if Pete was right, Tyler might be liable to bite his head off, too.

And on top of all that, _Jordan_ had somehow managed to be selected for the team. Whenever Josh had spotted him in the hallways between classes earlier that day, he had been bouncing around energetically, bragging loudly to all the girls in his grade and to the boys who hadn’t made it. When Josh had first seen the list he had thought it was a mistake. Whether it was or not, Josh was certain Coach Anderson would think so once he saw Jordan _really_ play. Jordan was currently bounding around the back of the changing room- warming up, Josh figured- and whenever Josh accidentally made eye contact it looked as if Jordan might come over to bug him.

So Josh compromised by waiting awkwardly by the door, not wanting to be bothered by Pete, Tyler, or his dumb little brother at the moment. He exchanged small talk with Spencer and Ryan until the coach popped in and ushered them all out into the gym. The excited voices that had been echoing around the room hushed as the coach blew his whistle, motioning for the boys who had made the team to sit down on the first few rows of the bleachers. Josh stepped up to the second row to sit next to Dallon, hoping his red hair wouldn’t stand out so much if he sat next to the tallest guy in school. Dallon gave him a friendly smile that helped to calm Josh’s nerves, if only a little bit, and he tried focusing on Coach Anderson’s speech instead of all the students behind him, watching interestedly.

It was a simple enough speech that the coach was giving, the same thing each year. From the tryouts last week, he had derived the value of each player and had put together a list of the ranking. It could change as the year went on, undoubtedly it _would_ change quite frequently as different players improved and others fell behind. But that initial ranking, the level of talent that the coach assigned you, that was always an honor, a first impression. Josh knew this from experience. The higher you ranked, the more people liked you.

And Josh really fucking wanted to rank high. Last year he had been so close to the highest, staying player two all year long, even with Pete fighting hard to move up from player three to Josh’s position. That Andy kid had been the first player, and the year before, too. Josh was glad he had moved; now, being in his last year of high school, it was quite literally his last chance to make first player. He had a pretty good chance, too; besides Andy, only Pete had ever been his main competition.

Then _Tyler Joseph_ had happened. And he was really fucking good at basketball, better than Josh. He hated admitting it, but it was _true_ , dammit. Josh was clinging onto some far stretched hope in his mind that maybe, just maybe, Coach Anderson would remember and take into consideration all the improvement Josh had made in the four years he’d been on the team. Maybe he’d give the higher ranking to Josh instead of Tyler because Josh had been here longer, because he knew Josh was a good sport and could work well on the team, he knew the other players better than Tyler did. Maybe-

Coach Anderson’s whistle blew sharp and loud, jogging Josh out of his muddled thoughts. Okay. This was happening, right now. _Okay, I can do this._

“I reckon you kids are all pumped as heck to know the rankings, so let’s get down to it!” Brendon was sitting on the bench below Josh and he leaned back between Josh’s knees to mimic the coach in a whisper. “ _‘Heck.’_ ” Josh kneed him in the side.

The coach was sorting through a box of jerseys he had resting on the lowest bleacher. He pulled out a blue shirt with the words _Worthington High School_ printed across the top and a large number one beneath it in bright yellow writing. Coach Anderson waved it around importantly. “This year, I’m excited to announce that the first player will be-”

Josh uncrossed his fingers when he realized how childish that was. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he knew who it was going to be, he _knew_ , but still he couldn’t help but to hope, just a tiny bit-

“-the star athlete from Mansfield, this is his first year here and we’re glad to have him! Tyler Joseph!”

Coach Anderson dragged out Tyler’s name, holding onto the _Y_ sound in a way Josh felt was going completely overboard. So he was first player. Big whoop. This wasn’t NBA, he didn’t have to make such a big fucking deal about it.

There was only scattered applause from the students who were hanging about, though most everyone erupted into hushed chatter, curiously eyeing _him_ as he made his way from the end of one of the bleachers to stand by Coach Anderson, ducking his head as he took the jersey in his hand. Josh glared behind him when those two kids Tyler had been hanging out with earlier whooped loudly, clapping longer and harder than everybody else, even after all the other applause had died down. Coach Anderson eventually blew quickly on his whistle to get them to shut up.

“All right, I’m sure we’ll all get to know Tyler very well in the upcoming months, and he’ll be a very valuable addition to the team.” The coach pounded Tyler roughly on the back before turning back to his list, grabbing another jersey. “For player two-”

Josh perked up immediately; if he couldn’t be first player, then at least he could-

“-Pete Wentz! Come on up here.”

Josh immediately deemed this school year as the worst one yet. The universe was collapsing. Even with _Tyler_ ahead of him, he could have been okay. But now Pete was ahead of him, too. How did that even happen? Josh had practiced _all summer._

Brendon squawked in protest. He turned around, sputtering. “Josh! Wentz beat you, man, what the fuck? What the _fuck_ -”

“I know,” Josh muttered, kneeing him in the back again. “Shut up.”

“And Tyler Joseph beat you, too! Dude, I fucking _told_ you!”

Josh gritted his teeth and ignored Brendon, glaring in Pete’s general direction as he went to stand by Tyler, beaming. He wanted to be mad, to sit and seethe for a while about how fucking unfair it all was, but the coach was already announcing the third player. The next thing Josh was aware of was Brendon glancing back at him awkwardly, wringing his hands as he uncertainly took the jersey the coach was handing him and then stepped into line beside Pete as the steady applause continued to echo around the gym.

Josh stared incomprehensive for a moment, his mind fuzzy, before what had happened finally dawned on him. He almost wanted to laugh. This was a fucking disaster.

“And the fourth player-” Coach Anderson was flipping through the papers on his clipboard, “-is Josh Dun. C’mon up here, Josh!”

Clapping sounded from the bleachers behind Josh, Spencer shot him a thumbs up from several places down their row, and Ryan was turning around on the bench to smile at him, but it took Dallon patting him on the back in congratulations to finally jog Josh out of his dulled mental state and into action. He stood shakily and climbed around Ryan to the gym floor, ears burning with all the people in the room staring at him. He grabbed his jersey from the coach and slipped past Tyler and Pete, fixedly ignoring them both, and stood next to Brendon at the far end of the line. He thought in retrospect about ignoring Brendon, too.

Brendon peeked at him out of the corner of his eye. He actually looked apologetic. “Sorry, man. I literally have _no idea_ how this happened. I know you were like, counting on this, on like, at least beating Pete and shit, and then the coach fucking chooses me for third like what the hell, man? I’ve only even played for like two years, I don’t know-”

Josh shrugged, pulling a face he sincerely hoped looked casual. “Chill, B. It’s all cool, I don’t really care.”

“You do,” Brendon insisted, but anything else he said was drowned out by applause and random cheering as Dallon bounded into place next to Josh, face split in a huge grin. Brendon appeared to have forgotten Josh’s current distress as he, too, smiled wildly, leaning in front of Josh to give Dallon a high five. Josh mumbled his congratulations as Coach Anderson blew on his whistle.

“Alright, kids, there we have it, this year’s team! These boys have shown great progress over the years I’ve known them. I’ve seen them play pretty well in the past, and I have high expectations for them in the future. And from what I’ve seen from our new student here-” the coach whacked Tyler on the back and Josh hid a grin as Tyler staggered forward a few inches, “-I’m sure he’ll go far beyond the standards we have set for the team.”

There was another round of applause as the coach waved his hand dramatically towards Josh and the other four players, and he once again had to blow on his whistle to silence the students a few minutes later. Josh’s focus faded in and out as the coach went on to explain about the five other team members who would be on the bench in official games against other schools, but during practice they would join with the first five players and all be split into two teams.

Mikey got first spot on the bench, and Josh thanked himself mentally for not being a big enough douche _not_ to gather his thoughts for three seconds and smile at Mikey as he walked by to collect his jersey, face frozen in wonder. Josh tried to pay a little more attention after that, just for a few more minutes as the coach announced the last few rankings. Ryan placed second, and Brendon seemed extremely proud as he whooped loudly, then extremely mortified as Ryan walked by, swinging his jersey over his shoulder and winking at him. Josh laughed at Brendon’s red face in spite of himself.

Spencer was called for third spot on the bench, which honestly was an improvement from last year. He seemed satisfied enough anyway as he made his way to the end of the line. Pete clapped so loudly when Patrick was called for fourth place that Josh thought vaguely his eardrum might have broke. He glared over Brendon at the back of Pete’s head but patted Patrick on the arm as he passed. Patrick still looked stunned he had made the team at all.

Josh was still feeling conflicted about his ranking when he realized there was only one person left that the coach hadn’t called yet, and that was Jordan. He smirked as Jordan was finally called up and assigned fifth spot on the bench. If Josh had to be fourth player instead of first and if Jordan had to be on the team at all, Josh was glad his little brother was ranked in the lowest position possible. A small stab of guilt gnawed at him, but he kicked it aside. Whatever. Jordan sucked and the whole team would realize that sooner or later. Preferably sooner.

Coach Anderson let the kids clap and stomp and holler for a few minutes for the full basketball team as most of the boys put their jerseys on over their t-shirts. Josh balled his up in his fist, ears burning at all the attention from the students in the bleachers. He felt like he was holding his breath in as the coach reminded them all that practice started regularly tomorrow afternoon immediately after school, not to be late and not to forget their new jerseys, and finally dismissed them for the day. He escaped into the changing rooms once again, grabbing his bag and hiding his jersey in it, trying to keep his back to the rest of the room as his friends talked and laughed boisterously.

This was mostly a lost cause, because the changing room was suddenly flooded with more people, classmates coming in to congratulate their friends, despite Coach Anderson’s protests for them to wait outside. Josh was jostled against the lockers by several of Jordan’s friends; they were talking so loudly he winced and shoved back at one of them. It didn’t matter anyways, because they didn’t even notice him. Josh decided to make a beeline for the exit before Pete came over to gloat his victory or anything, wanting only to get out of this fucking school building and go home to his room, maybe play a video game and feel sorry for himself, but he was blocked at the door by those two kids who had been hanging out with _Tyler_ earlier. And then Josh realized Tyler was _right there_ beside him, smiling at his friends and looking _stupid_ in his too-big jersey with the number one printed on it. Josh glared at the shirt.

“Dude, what the hell?” one of the kids in the doorway said. It took Josh a second to realize he was talking to him.

“What?” Josh grumbled, confused and getting edgy when _Tyler_ and the other kid’s attention turned to him, too.

“What’s your problem with Tyler? You’re having a real bad fucking attitude, man.” This guy was really short to be so intimidating.

Josh tried not to let his face turn red at the accusation. He was all too aware of Tyler squinting at him and tilting his head and staring at him with those brown eyes and- _wow_ , they were really brown-

“It’s okay, Frank,” Tyler said, shifting from foot to foot and dropping his gaze. The short kid looked like he was about to say something else, and the other guy looked like he was about to join in, but Josh took the moment to push between them and out of the changing room. There was something in the tone of Tyler’s voice that Josh was unfamiliar with, something that made him feel...almost bad for being so jealous. He pushed the feeling to the back of his mind; he’d deal with that later. He was halfway across the gym, heading for the back exit leading out onto the parking lot, when Brendon and Spencer jogged up beside him.

“Hey, don’t run away now, Joshie,” Brendon said, smiling. “We guys are going to Dairy Queen to celebrate and you have to come.”

Josh turned and noticed Dallon, Ryan, and Mikey trailing towards them. He stifled a groan; the _last_ thing he wanted to do right now was go out and socialize with all these guys when he felt so down in the dumps.

“Nah, man, maybe some other time, alright? Got homework,” he said quietly, trying to escape before the others arrived at the scene, but Spencer grabbed the strap of his backpack, effectively holding him in place.

“ _What_ homework, dude, it’s not like any of us do it anyways!”

Josh did groan out loud this time. “Look, I just really don’t feel like-”

“Hi, Josh, you coming with us?” Dallon asked, stopping next to Spencer.

“No, I’m not,” Josh said quickly. “I don’t feel so-”

“Are you still sore about Pete beating you?” Brendon asked loudly, and Josh could feel his face flushing. “It’ll be _okay_ , dude, you know the ranking can change throughout the year, you’ll beat him in no time. And that Tyler kid will crack easy enough, I was just messing with you earlier, come on to Dairy Queen with us.”

“Weren’t you just talking with him? Tyler?” Mikey asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s up with you and Tyler?” Ryan asked at almost the same time, looked confused.

Josh groaned again. “ _Nothing_ , I just, the dumb kid doesn’t like me, he was a bully at his old school, and I don’t know, he just comes here and gets first player out of nowhere. He’s just weird, that’s all.”

“But weren’t you guys just talking in the changing room?” Dallon asked.

Brendon interrupted. “Fucking cornered him is what he did. Was he intimidating you, Joshie?”

Josh sent a death glare in Brendon’s direction as Spencer explained. “Yeah, we heard Joseph was a real dick back at his old school. And Josh was totally going to be first player this year till this kid fucked it up.”

Ryan tilted his head, puzzled. “So...you don’t like him because he like-”

Josh tore his backpack lose from Spencer’s grasp and threw his hands up, exasperated. “I don’t _know_ , I just don’t like him, okay? He’s quiet and stalks the halls and glares at me all the time and he only ever hangs out with those _weird kids_ by themselves, and he’s just kind of a creep.”

Mikey bristled suddenly; Josh had forgotten he was even there. “Those _weird kids_ happen to be my brother and one of my best friends since I was little.” Josh’s mind was racing but he could feel it tripping over itself now as Mikey continued. He couldn’t remember ever hearing him talk this much before. “You would’ve known that if you paid half a shit of attention to anyone else but yourself. And for the record, Tyler isn’t that bad either. I think you’re all being awful.” With a finalizing clench of his jaw, Mikey stalked out of the gym in a much more belligerent manner than Josh had ever thought to associate with him before.

There were a few long seconds of silence. Brendon finally broke it, muttering quietly. “Well, shit.”

Josh closed his eyes and shook his head. He had literally just put his foot in his fucking mouth. He was such a fucking loser. He was so fucking insensitive and mean and ignorant, god, Mikey was right, he was so selfish. “See you guys,” he muttered, interrupting his own thoughts before he started to fall apart. He turned away in the opposite direction and headed for the parking lot. He was _such a fucking loser._

 _Fuck_ , he thought, shoving his hands into his pockets. _Today fucking_ _sucked_.

_And it’s only a fucking Monday._


	4. Wow, I probably should've stayed inside my house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from The Judge, of course :') OKAY GUYS, i'm back later than ever and i apologize from the depths of my heart for having such a long hiatus. But this chapter's the longest one yet AND, confidentially, you're gonna love it.

The days passed, and Tyler didn’t really know what the fuck was going on, but he could roll with it. On the one hand, he felt that he was getting a bum deal; half of the guys on the basketball team were ignoring him, Ms. Moore had taken away his phone twice, and _Josh_ seemed to appear out of nowhere every time Tyler turned the corner.

On the other hand, though, some things were better than they had been before, both in this school and in his old one. For the first time, Tyler felt like he had made some real friends who accepted him and actually enjoyed his company. Granted, it was only Gerard and Frank, and his mother was less than pleased that he had only made two friends in his full month at the new school. Although lately, Mikey had been joining the three of them at lunch, gradually spending more and more time hanging out with Tyler on his own, even when Gerard wasn’t there. Tyler would have to remember to tell his mom about that. He had made _three_ friends.

When Mikey had first started hanging out with him, Tyler hadn’t really thought anything about it. It wasn’t too weird, after all; Gerard hung out with him all the time and they were _brothers_ , of course Mikey would end up sitting with them from time to time. But it was the way Mikey acted during all the basketball practices after school that gradually piqued Tyler’s suspicions. Before, Mikey had spent most of his time with _Josh’s_ group, albeit a bit awkwardly and on the outer edge, not quite fitting in. But ever since he had started hanging out with Tyler, he seemed to be very purposefully ignoring his old friends. Once Tyler had noticed that, he began to notice Mikey skirting around Josh and the others in the hallways in between classes, too.

Tyler had finally brought it up that afternoon during lunch, subtly asking Mikey why he didn’t sit at his old table anymore. Mikey had simply gone all rigid in reply and mumbled something about rumors. Tyler had opened his mouth to press the issue, but Gerard had caught his eye and shook his head, cutting him short.

Tyler decided to ask Gerard about it that afternoon after basketball practice, while Mikey was busy helping Frank cut his bike loose from the rack. The lock was stuck (Frank had claimed it happened often, though Tyler wasn’t completely convinced that he wasn’t watching his friend steal a bike), and he jumped at the opportunity he had alone with Gerard.

“So what’s up with Mikey? Did Josh say something to him or....?”

“Oh, those guys have always kind of picked on him. Brendon and all them,” Gerard replied quickly. Very quickly.

Tyler eyed him suspiciously. “But...they seemed to be okay at the beginning of the year...why is he avoiding them now? He said something about rumors?”

Gerard shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, but Tyler had learned enough about him already to know that he couldn’t keep himself from talking when he had things to say. Gerard shrugged, eyes avoiding Tyler’s. “So maybe Dun said something to him, but Mikey made me promise not to tell you….”

Tyler waited for what he deemed an appropriate length of time before prompting, “But you’re gonna tell me anyways, right?”

Gerard glanced guiltily over at Mikey, even as he edged closer to Tyler. “Well...it was a couple of weeks ago.”

“What was a couple of weeks ago?”

Gerard was about to spill, Tyler could tell, so he hissed again. “ _What_ was a couple of weeks ago? Gee?”

Gerard huffed loudly before dragging Tyler a few feet to the side. Mikey and Frank didn’t notice; Frank had apparently produced a pocket knife from somewhere and was struggling to cut through the troublesome cord. Tyler frowned but was quickly distracted by Gerard’s rambling.

“So yeah, Brendon and his group used to pick on Mikey occasionally, back in the day, nothing too serious, you know. But this year things were better, I guess they all matured a little, you know? But then Dun _did_ say something to Mikey, like around the time the basketball team was officially ranked or something. Mikey’s been avoiding him since then. Which is why he’s been sitting with us at lunch and stuff.”

Tyler thought back to the day he had been named first player. He still couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe his luck; he hadn’t expected to come to a new school in his senior year and place first. He also remembered how riled up several other people seemed to be because of the ranking. He remembered _Josh_ bumping into him in the locker room and Frank going at him and then Josh just leaving, acting all pissed. Like sure, Tyler could sympathize with the guy; he was a good player, had been here way longer than he had, of course he’d be a bit put out. But then he went and said something to Mikey? But-

“Well, do you wanna know what’s up or not?” Gerard demanded, prodding Tyler’s waist. He continued before Tyler could really form a reply: “Mikey said Dun was talking a lot of shit about you and-”

“About me? What was he saying ab-”

“-him and his other friends apparently all think you were a real asshole at your old school, like that you were such a problem you were actually expelled. And that’s why you’re at a public school now, in your senior year. And they kind of hate you a bit.”

Parts of what Gerard was saying sounded familiar to Tyler. He voiced his suspicions. “I bet Brendon started this, when he came over to our table that one time.”

Gerard nodded. “That’s what Frank thinks, too. I’m not exactly sure, I mean, he could have, but it sounds more like something Pete or somebody would do.”

Tyler shook his head angrily. “Why would anybody say that? It’s not true, I told Brendon the truth.”

Gerard shrugged. “Don’t take it too hard, man, it’s just something kids say. You know. If it makes you feel any better, Frank and I hate all of them, too. They’re assholes.”

It wasn’t very comforting, and Gerard’s reassurance didn’t stop Tyler from crossing his arms and scowling as he glared out across the emptying parking lot. Gerard patted him on the shoulder and leaned in to say in a quieter voice, “Don’t act weird, okay, don’t let Mikey know I told you. He was afraid you’d be upset.”

“I _am_ upset!” Tyler hissed back, but Gerard elbowed him in the side as Mikey appeared beside them.

“Finally got the bike loose,” he said, adjusting his glasses. Tyler did his best to act casual as Frank circled them on the bike.

“Is that even yours?” he huffed, more to distract himself from his own thoughts than anything else.

Frank shrugged and grinned as he circled back around in front of them. “It is now.”

Tyler was about to tell him off when Gerard intervened. “It’s his, don’t worry Ty. Go on, get on the handlebars.”

“Yeah, come on, Tyler,” Frank chirped, stopping the bike with one foot on the ground. “I’ve tried getting Gerard to ride with me, but bicycles and fun are against his moral standards.”

“They are not, you asshole.” As if to prove his point, Gerard clambered onto the bike before Tyler had made a move to do so. They wobbled off across the parking lot.

Mikey chuckled, grabbing Tyler’s hand and handing him the cut bicycle cord. “It’s not Frank’s bike, by the way,” he said casually before slipping off after his brother and friend.

Tyler spluttered to himself for a moment before stuffing the cord in his pocket and jogging to catch up with his friends. He had a lot to think about.

 

Josh woke up to the early autumn sun warming his body beneath the blankets. He groaned and kicked his legs, trying to untangle himself, before glancing at the clock on the bedside table and realizing it was a Saturday morning. Or, almost afternoon. His parents would never let him sleep this late unless it was a Saturday. He stopped struggling with the heavy blankets and flopped back down against his pillow, grabbing his phone and scrolling through his new texts.

A new text from Brendon was the first to catch his eye, it’s contents quickly jogging his memory. He sat bolt upright in the bed as he read:

_Duuude this time next week we’ll be legends!!!!!! a first game success is a sure way 2 beat Joseph. and against Westerville too bro, this will b easy af they’re pussies_

Josh huffed out a laugh as his thumbs flew to type a reply. Yesterday after practice, Coach Anderson had called all the boys over and announced their first game of the season. They would be going against a neighboring high school in Westerville (Brendon was right, in past years Worthington _did_ kick their asses pretty badly) so the competition wasn’t too tough- which was a good thing, because the game was scheduled for next Friday evening.

This was Josh’s chance. If he wanted to be first player this year, he couldn’t waste any time. He would give the game everything he had and it would blow the coach away, and he’d beat Wentz in no time, and then he’d beat _Joseph_.

Josh hit send on his reply of pointless emojis before it occurred to him that he should get in as much extra practice as possible. During this next week before the game, the after-school practices would be extended an extra half hour, but _what the fuck, you can’t practice too much,_ Josh decided, leaping from his bed to pull on some jeans and his shirt from yesterday. Grabbing his ball from behind the bedroom door, he took the stairs two at a time.

The downstairs was empty, and Josh sighed in relief as he remembered that today was the day his mom had scheduled his two sisters a dentist appointment, and his dad had promised to take Jordan to the hardware store to pick out some things he needed for a class project. He had the house to himself; better yet, he didn’t have to make excuses to his dad about mowing the lawn later so he could go play some basketball now. He grabbed an apple as he darted out the door into the garage to get his bike.

Josh hadn’t mastered the art of pedaling a bicycle with a ball under one arm while eating an apple any more than he had since the last time he had done this, but his spirits were high and not even the threat of toppling off onto the pavement could deter him. As he coasted to a stop in front of the basketball court, he thanked God that the court was empty. For what seemed like the first time in a while, things were actually going his way.

He dribbled the ball for a while to get warmed up, then shot a few baskets easily. He contemplated texting Brendon or Spencer to see if they could come practice, too (confidentially, Spencer needed it), and he was still trying to make up his mind when he heard the squeak of hinges, the tell-tale sound signaling the gate to to the court was being opened. Josh paused his dribbling to peer over his shoulder, and he nearly dropped the basketball.

It was _Tyler_.

In _his_ basketball court.

Josh thought back to that Saturday before school had started. He had seen Tyler here then, too. He’d almost forgotten about that, but he guessed it meant Tyler lived somewhere nearby, close enough for him to walk to the court, because Josh’s bike was the only one leaning against the chain link fence.

Josh was startled out of his brooding as _Tyler_ made eye contact from across the pavement and froze. _Maybe he’ll leave,_ Josh thought helplessly, mind reeling.

But Tyler didn’t leave. After what felt like several awkward hours of just standing there on opposite sides of the court, staring at each other, he started dribbling his own ball, turning away from Josh and shooting a perfect basket. Josh glared at Tyler’s back. So _that’s_ how it was going to be then. Well _fine._

Josh pointedly turned around and shot a basket on his own end of the court. He was here first, and if _Tyler_ refused to leave, then so did he. No one could make him leave _his_ court if he didn’t want to leave. Especially _Tyler_.

For the next twenty minutes, Josh took great care not to look in _Tyler’s_ direction at all, not even once. He went about his practicing like he wasn’t even there. Tyler was doing the same, apparently, because whenever Josh _did_ happen to _accidentally_ sneak a peak, Tyler always had his back turned as well, paying Josh no mind. But even though Josh was ignoring him for the most part, he was finding himself increasingly annoyed and irritated every time he heard the sound of Tyler’s ball going through the hoop, the chain swinging and clinking loudly in the still afternoon. His mind started to keep count of all the times he heard the ball go through, and without even realizing it, he began to match the score, throwing his own ball through his own hoop, keeping his score even with Tyler’s. Not that he was keeping count- except that he totally was. Whatever, shut up. It didn’t mean anything.

After a few more shots, Josh was mildly aware of his back starting to ache. Normally when he played with his friends, they would take breaks from actually shooting the ball to just dribble it or throw it around, or to even take a breather in the grass and mess around on their phones. This Tyler kid _was_ a pretty intense player, but Josh refused to be intimidated, ignoring his tiring body and pushing himself to match pace with Tyler’s playing.

The sound of Tyler’s ball going through the net stopped after another shot, and then Josh could hear the ball beating against the pavement; he threw a quick look over his shoulder to see Tyler doing some sort of fancy dribbling. He was throwing the ball around too quickly for Josh to make out exactly what kind of dribble it was, but it definitely looked more complex than anything Josh could do. Josh didn’t mean to stare, but he guessed he was a bit, because just then Tyler looked up, making eye contact again. He turned away with a smirk, his ball never missing a beat, and did an impressive wraparound dribble. Josh grit his teeth. What a fucking show-off.

Josh had never attempted a wraparound before; he had just started practicing a behind-the-back dribble that summer. He still wasn’t very good at it, definitely not good enough to try it in an actual game, but with _Tyler_ prancing around his neighborhood court and acting all high and mighty, Josh decided it was a good time to practice his own fancy dribbling.

He purposefully turned his back on Tyler once more and started to dribble the ball in a basic pattern, taking care not to trip on his own feet as he steered the ball behind his back. He took even greater care not to drop the ball as well. That would have been the last thing he needed right now, with _Tyler_ of all people there to watch him fail. He would just love that, wouldn’t he, and Josh was _not_ going to give him the satisfact-

-except that he totally was.

Josh tripped on his fucking _shoelace_. He had flashes of it being halfway undone while he was getting off his bike earlier, but he had ignored it. He hadn’t thought it was that important. Except now as he was falling face first onto the hot pavement, Josh wanted to punch himself in the face. _Why is it always me? Why me, why now, goddammit…._

He threw his hands out to break his fall, but he still ended up smacking his forehead against the hard cement. The ball bounced a few times before rolling to a stop a few feet away. He glared at it.

Josh was hyperaware of the fact he could no longer hear Tyler’s ball anymore. _Fucking great,_ he thought, his face burning, and not just from scraping it on the ground. He struggled to push himself into a sitting position and touched his hand to his face to see if he was bleeding. There was only a tiny bit of red smeared across his fingers, but he could feel the scratches along his cheek. He huffed out a sigh; it probably looked a lot worse than it really was. His mom was going to freak.

After a few seconds, Josh heard Tyler’s ball start to bounce again. _Thank you, God._ This was embarrassing enough without _him_ witnessing the entire thing. Josh gave himself a couple more seconds to catch his breath before standing up. Or trying to, anyways. The instant he put pressure on his left ankle, he collapsed back onto the ground.

 _Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh-_ Josh grabbed at his ankle, only to hiss at the sudden pain that shot up his leg. He prodded it more gently this time. Was it broken? He tugged his pant leg up a little. There wasn’t any blood, that he could see. Wasn’t there always blood when you broke a bone? Maybe it was just fractured. _Oh shit..._ Josh’s thoughts were reeling. _The basketball game is next Friday, I don’t have time for a fracture, not even a sprain, this can’t happen right now, I can’t not play, I can’t…._

“Dude, are...are you okay?”

Josh jumped and then gasped as the movement caused another shot of pain to go up his leg. His face was so red he could feel it giving him a sunburn. Or maybe that was just from scratching it on the ground. Either way, Josh had never been more embarrassed in his life as he sat on his ass and peered up at _Tyler_ , who was peering back down at him a step or two away, shifting awkwardly.

Josh’s tongue felt heavy as he tried to think of a response other than snapping _go away_. He was more civil than that. He’d try to be, at least. “Yeah,” he settled on eventually, face flushing even more. “‘M fine. Thanks.”

Josh looked back down to the ground, watching an ant march past and hoping to God Tyler would just leave it at that. Better yet, hoping Tyler would turn around and leave the court and go home so Josh could call Brendon or someone to come rescue him in peace, without a fucking audience.

Tyler scuffed his shoe against a tuft of grass growing in a crack on the pavement. “Well, okay,” he said after a small eternity of awkward silence. “You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Josh knew he sounded harsh but he couldn’t help it. He was dying.

“Okay,” Tyler said again, before finally, _finally_ leaving. Josh kept his head down, watching Tyler’s tennis shoes disappear out of sight. He heaved a sigh of relief.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe he had just tried to get up too fast. Josh felt his ankle with both hands; maybe it felt a little bigger than usual, but it was probably just a super small sprain and he’d be all better in an hour or so and he could play in the game next Friday like nothing had happened. Focusing his attention on all these hopeful thoughts, Josh braced his hands against the pavement and made another effort to stand up. He got up halfway without putting any pressure on his left ankle, then slowly straightened himself out. Okay, he was standing now, that was an improvement. He tenderly set his left foot down and tried to take a step.

This time as Josh’s face scraped against the pavement, he let himself groan out loud. Why did the world hate him again?

Josh had just resigned himself to his fate of dying stretched out on his neighborhood basketball court when a shadow fell across his face. Could he not even die undisturbed, please?

“Dude, you’re not okay.” _Shit_ , Tyler. Josh had forgotten he was still there.

He cracked open an eye and glared up at Tyler. “I’m dying,” he admitted. Why not make peace with his nemesis in his last few moments? What did he have left to lose?

Tyler’s mouth did something like a small smile. It was hard to tell when he was upside down. Josh tilted his head to try to see more clearly. He waved a hand weakly. “I am _dying_ ,” he repeated, because apparently Tyler wasn’t getting it. He was practically _laughing_.

“I think you hit your head,” Tyler said, kneeling on the ground beside Josh. Josh closed his eyes again. This was so embarrassing. He was suddenly _very_ thankful none of his friends were here to see him right now.

Something prodded against his forehead and Josh glared at Tyler again. “Ow,” he complained. “Stop poking me.”

“Sorry.” Tyler didn’t look very sorry. “It’s just, like if you have a concussion or something you’re not supposed to go to sleep, right? You should probably sit up.”

“Oh yeah, I’m just out here for a nap,” Josh replied. It didn’t make much sense even to him in his groggy state. He wanted to close his eyes again.

Tyler was pulling at the front of Josh’s shirt. “C’mon, sit up. Are you sure you don’t have a concussion? You’re acting kinda weird.”

Josh brushed his hands away and pushed himself up into an almost-sitting position. His head was really throbbing. He tried to stifle a moan.

“You _do_ have a concussion!” Tyler’s voice sounded accusatory, and Josh wanted to retort that it wasn’t his fault, it was _Tyler’s_ fault, but he bit his tongue at the last second.

He shook his head in reply, immediately regretting it as the pain in his forehead worsened. “Nah, my head’s fine.” He was probably lying. Whatever. “It’s my ankle.”

Tyler turned his attention to Josh’s leg. “This one?” he asked, reaching out.

Josh jerked away. “Yes and don’t touch it.”

“I need to see if it’s broken.”

“It’s not broken.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do, it’s my leg and I know it’s not- _ow_ , dammit, Tyler, I told you not to touch it-”

“God, you’re such a _baby_ ,” Tyler spat out, holding onto Josh’s knee with one hand to hold him still and trying to feel his ankle with the other. “Stop squirming or it _will_ be broken, you asshole.”

Josh groaned loudly in response, hoping his anger was apparent. God, this kid was a pain in the ass. Speaking of which...Josh fidgeted slightly. _Great. I think I bruised my tailbone, too._

Tyler glanced up at him. “What?” His tone wasn’t very friendly.

No way was Josh letting on that he’d bruised his fucking tailbone, no fucking way. “Nothing.” He made sure his tone was just as unfriendly as Tyler’s.

Tyler squinted suspiciously at him before turning back to his ankle. His hands were soft and cool on Josh’s flushed skin. _Don’t think that, that’s weird._ Josh wondered why he’d thought that.

“I don’t think it’s broken….” Tyler announced, sitting back on his heels. Josh was glad he had finally taken his hands off him.

“I told you it wasn’t broken.” Josh sounded snotty even to himself. “It’s just a sprain, it’ll be fine in a couple of hours.”

Tyler was touching his leg again. _Fuck_ …. “I don’t think so, dude. It’s swelling up really fast. It’ll be a couple of days at least.”

“You don’t know th-”

“I _do_ , my dad’s a doctor.”

Josh snorted. “And my dad’s a plumber, but that doesn’t mean I’ve fixed any faucets lately.”

Tyler ignored him. “You should put some ice on it as soon as you can, and keep it elevated and shit.”

“Okay, cool, thanks, I’ll do that,” Josh said sarcastically, scooting away from Tyler. He tried to stand up again.

“Josh, don’t-” Tyler exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing him with both hands, just before Josh toppled over for a third time.

Josh pulled away from Tyler’s grasp, balancing on one foot. “I can manage, I don’t need help.”

Tyler crossed his arms. “You _can’t_ manage, you _do_ need help. Stop being an ass.”

Josh took a couple small hops in the direction of the gate. A sharp pain burned in his left leg every time it got jostled. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Tyler following him slowly.

“I _said_ I don’t need help!” he gritted out, taking another hop. God, what was his life?

From his peripheral vision, he could see that Tyler had stopped walking and had crossed his arms. “Fine,” he said, voice cold. “Do it yourself then.”

“Okay.” Josh snapped back.

 

Tyler watched Josh struggle by himself for a few minutes more before throwing his hands up in defeat and sighing. He had managed to hop on only one foot halfway across the court, but now he was starting to teeter dangerously with each hop. It was such a pathetic sight that Tyler couldn’t help but to stride after him. Whether Josh would accept his help or not, Tyler would give it to him regardless. They all thought he was a bully? Well then, he would prove he wasn’t. Not to mention that if Josh took one more step on his own, he’d probably fall over again, and Tyler didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to do if Josh started crying on him. He looked pretty distressed.

Tyler didn’t say anything, just grabbed onto Josh’s shoulders to steady him. He was probably in the nick of time, too. Josh glared at him, but Tyler had been anticipating that. He tightened his grip and pointedly looked ahead, refusing to give Josh the chance to shrug him off again. When they made it to the chain link fence, Josh reached out and grabbed onto it for support. Tyler let him go, for the time being.

“Thanks,” Josh mumbled. Tyler could barely hear him; he was hiding his face behind one arm. The sun reflected brightly off his red hair, but Tyler could tell his face was red, too. He wondered why he was so embarrassed. He’d just turned his ankle, that wasn’t necessarily anything to be so embarrassed about.

Tyler searched for something to say. “You should...probably really get off your foot. Or it’s just gonna make it worse.”

Josh made another noise from behind his arm. Tyler looked past him and noticed a bike leaning against the fence. “Is that your bike? How far away is your house?”

“Um...it’s past that hill a couple of blocks….” Josh’s voice came out muffled.

The hill wasn’t a very big one, but it was pretty steep. Tyler struggled inwardly for a moment before offering hesitantly, “My house is a lot closer...we should probably go there first. If you’re like...okay with that.” Josh didn’t say anything right away and Tyler fidgeted nervously. He began to ramble, “Because like...well, I mean with the game coming up and everything you should probably do everything you can to help your ankle get better, ‘cause like you can’t even stand on it and if you can’t even stand on it right now then no way can you try and play a game next Friday and the coach will-”

“Okay! Okay, we can go to your house, just please stop talking,” Josh interrupted, giving Tyler a funny look. Tyler tried to read what was in his expression, but couldn’t figure it out before Josh turned away again.

“Yeah, okay,” Tyler said eventually. He glanced around the basketball court, weighing the situation. No way could he help Josh wobble to his house _and_ carry both their basketballs and the bike. “I’ll come back and get the stuff later,” he mused out loud.

The short walk from the basketball court to Tyler’s house had never felt so long. Granted, he had only been living there for a month, but still, his point was valid. He had one arm wrapped around Josh’s waist, the other dangling awkwardly at his side. Josh had an arm thrown around Tyler’s shoulders, and at first it was just uneasy and uncomfortable, but after they had passed the first block, Josh was starting to get really fucking heavy. Tyler was breathing heavily through his nose, trying not to pant and let Josh know just how tired he was getting.

He seemed to be quite transparent though, because the first thing Josh said after they had started walking (or limping, in Josh’s case), was, “Sorry I’m so heavy.”

Tyler opened his mouth to reply but only let out a strained huff. Josh obviously tried shifting some more of his weight off of Tyler, but Tyler intervened, grabbing tighter at his waist. “No, no, it’s okay, I got this. You really shouldn’t put any weight on that ankle.”

A few more strained minutes passed, the two of them breathing loudly. How far away was his fucking house?

“Why are you helping me?”

Josh’s voice startled Tyler out of his own head. “What?” his mouth said before his brain could process Josh’s words.

Josh repeated himself, tone slightly annoyed. “I said, why are you helping me?”

Tyler thought that was a weird thing to ask, but he decided to humor him anyways. He _had_ hit his head, after all. “What did you want me to do, leave you there?”

Josh winced as his ankle bumped Tyler’s leg. “Well, I kinda thought you would.”

“Why would you think...oh.” The rumor about him. Of course. Did they all really think he was _that_ much of a dick?

Neither of them said anything else the rest of the way to Tyler’s house. It was only one more block, but Tyler was infinitely relieved when they at last rounded the corner and the house came into view.

His dad wasn’t home that afternoon, but Tyler was confident his mom would know what to do. He’d sprained his own ankles often enough throughout his life that she was used to it. Tyler helped Josh navigate his way around the moving boxes that were still scattered about the living room and left him sitting on the couch in the corner. He looked extremely out of place, and Tyler definitely felt a little sorry for him. “I’ll be right back,” he promised, scurrying off to find his mom.

Tyler’s mom was more than willing to help fix Josh up. She chattered endlessly as she cleaned the cuts on his face first, then instructed him to remove his shoe and strapped an ice pack to his ankle, expressing how happy she was that Tyler had made _another_ friend. Josh didn’t say anything to contradict her, and Tyler stood to the back of the room, his arms crossed, looking out the window to avoid having to make eye contact. Tyler’s mom left and came back with some pain reliever and a bandage for Josh’s face, and after getting the phone number from Josh, left once more to call one of his parents to come pick him up.

Tyler stuffed himself further into the corner and tried to melt into the wall. It was just him and Josh in the room now, and part of him wanted to bolt upstairs to his room and hide. He’d done enough. But he knew that that would only make matters worse and more awkward for the both of them. He figured he should made the best of the situation and try to clear some things up.

“I wasn’t expelled, you know,” he settled on saying after a few moments.

Josh had been staring out the window, fingering the unopened band-aid in his hand, and he jumped, startled as Tyler spoke. Tyler wondered if he had even realized he was still in the room. He continued, “I don’t know who told you all that shit, but it’s not true.”

Josh fidgeted for a minute. “I guess I should have expected as much from Pete. He’s always talking shit.”

Tyler tightened his arms around himself and narrowed his eyes slightly. “It’s not Pete’s fault for you believing it.”

The silence of the house weighed down on Tyler as he waited anxiously for Josh to reply. Seriously, where the hell were his siblings? Maybe he had crossed a line by saying what he just had, maybe he had made Josh even more mad than he already was, what if he-

“You’re right,” Josh’s voice was quiet. “‘M sorry. I know I’ve been kind of a dick.”

“You’ve been a lot of a dick,” Tyler said before he could stop himself. He blushed and quickly tried to backtrack. “I mean, um, I didn’t mean you were...I just meant-”

To his surprise, Josh laughed. “No, it’s okay. You’re right.”

They were both silent again, but it was less stained than it had been before. Not easy, but less strained.

“Did you spill that water on me on purpose?”

Josh blinked a few times before replying slowly. “No...did you steal the ball from me during the tryout game on purpose?”

Tyler had to think hard to remember the details of the game. “No,” he said after a moment. “I just stole it. It just happened to be you.”

Josh nodded; he appeared to be thinking. “Are you keeping Mikey from talking to me?”

For a moment, Tyler was confused. “No, he’s just...he’s upset. He doesn’t want to talk to you, so he doesn’t. Gerard and Frank really kind of hate you though, I think. That might be a part of it.”

Once more, Tyler was afraid that maybe he would accidentally set Josh off, and he’d blow up at him. But Josh just kept nodding, eyebrows furrowed. Tyler pushed a little more. “Did you try to run me down with your bike on purpose?”

“Dude, I swear to God that was an accident.” Josh was smiling a bit. Hesitantly, Tyler smiled back.

“So are we...are we chill now then?”

If Josh replied, Tyler couldn’t hear him, because suddenly the doorbell was ringing and his mother was hurrying to open it. A woman flew into the small living room, dragging two young girls behind her.

“Josh! Oh my goodness, honey, are you alright?” Josh’s mom cooed over him and shrieked a little when she saw the scratches on his face. Tyler had never seen someone turn so red from embarrassment before. He hid his smile behind his hand as Josh glared at him over his mom’s shoulder.

“It’s just a sprain, he’ll be fine in a couple of days,” Tyler’s mom reassured Mrs. Dun. “I cleaned the cuts on his face, too, they’re not deep.”

“I can’t thank you enough,” Josh’s mom was saying. “And how did he end up here?” Her eyes fell on Tyler, still hovering in the corner. “Oh, you must be the friend that helped him, aren’t you?”

Tyler smiled, blushing himself as all the attention in the room was turned on him. “Um, yeah, I’m Tyler. He tripped and...our house was closer, so I….”

Mrs. Dun smashed Tyler in a hug, and Tyler choked on his own words, the breath knocked out of him. Josh was smirking knowingly. _Fuck him._

For the next twenty-five minutes, Tyler and Josh’s moms completely forgot about the fact Josh was supposed to be going home to rest and talked animatedly with each other. Mrs. Dun introduced Josh’s sisters to Tyler’s mom, who exclaimed how beautiful they were and quizzed them on all the basic questions teenagers get asked. Tyler’s mom in turn introduced Mrs. Dun to the rest of her children, calling them upstairs from the basement to meet everyone ( _What the hell, they connected the Xbox without telling me!? So that’s where they’ve been hiding…._ ) Tyler noticed Josh was starting to pull at the ice pack on his ankle, trying to loosen it, and he decided it was time to save the day. Again.

“I’m gonna help Josh to the car,” he announced loudly, hoping he would be heard above all the chatter. No one acknowledged him, but he proceeded to help Josh stand up and wobble out the door, and down the driveway to his mom’s minivan parked along the road.

“Thanks,” Josh said, leaning against his car. “Honestly, my mom could talk forever.”

“Yeah, mine, too,” Tyler agreed. He felt awkward all of a sudden and wasn’t sure why.

Thankfully, Mrs. Dun and Josh’s sisters were leaving the house, Tyler’s mom standing in the doorway waving goodbye. Tyler took a few steps away from Josh and said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you Monday.” He remembered Josh’s ankle. “Or um, or not, I don’t know about your leg. I hope you get better soon.” He could feel himself blushing again. _Goddammit…._

Josh was looking at him funny, and that didn’t help Tyler’s nervousness any. Finally Josh smiled a bit. “Yeah, thanks. See you at school, I guess. Whenever that will be.”

Tyler nodded and turned, almost bumping into Mrs. Dun, who thanked him again for helping Josh. He was able to slip away before she could give him another hug. Once he was back in the house with the door closed, he peaked out the living room window and watched the minivan pull away from the curb. He could see Josh’s red hair in the front seat, the color bright even through the tinted window.

Tyler wondered what that meant.

 

Josh’s parents made him stay home from school that next Monday and Tuesday. Josh didn’t mind missing his classes, but he was bummed about missing out on basketball practice. His mom kept saying that if he had any mind to play in the game that Friday, then he’d better do what she said and stay off his feet (though Josh had a sneaking suspicion that when the time came, his parents would be pretty adamant about him not playing. Especially when it hadn’t even been a full week since he’d hurt his ankle. Josh tried not to think too far ahead. He’d deal with that when he got there.) He had already called up Coach Anderson and explained the situation, and after a lot of begging, the coach finally agreed that if Josh felt up to it and at least made a couple of practices before the game, he’d be willing to let him play.

Brendon and Spencer had stopped by Monday afternoon with Josh’s homework, and Brendon had excitedly told Josh about _something_ he was working on. He wouldn’t give Josh any more details or elaborate on what he meant at all. When Josh had turned pleadingly to Spencer, he had only shaken his head, a suspicious smile on his face that Josh kind of wanted to smack off him.

Tuesday afternoon, when they both stopped by again with _more_ fucking homework- Josh hated them, honestly- Brendon revealed his big surprise to Josh: he had collected bets on Josh and Tyler for the first game of the year.

Josh was sitting on the edge of his bed, flipping through his history book when Brendon told him. He froze. “You...you collected bets? What...why would-” he spluttered, but Spencer interrupted.

“Yeah, it was great! Everyone knows you two are competing for first rank, it’s fucking obvious. News spreads fast, I guess, ‘cause several kids came up to us during lunch and wanted to do it again this year. Remember when we did it with you and Andy that one time-”

Now it was Josh’s turn to interrupt. He didn’t like the sound of this. “Yeah, that was _once_ , and everyone knew to bet on Andy ‘cause he was _way_ better than me. This is different.”

“Yeah, it’s better!” Brendon plopped down on the bed beside Josh. “Don’t you see, J? This way when you make more baskets than Joseph during the game- maybe even score the winning shot, who knows?- everyone’ll be so pumped, the coach will _have_ to move you up to first rank!”

“And you can teach Joseph a lesson at the same time!” Spencer added enthusiastically. “No way can he come to _our_ school and beat our best player. No way.”

Josh fidgeted uncomfortably. “He’s not that bad, guys….”

Josh hadn’t told his friends what had happened on Saturday afternoon. In his defense, he hadn’t been in school since then, so he hadn’t gotten much of a chance to tell them yet, but he had figured the news would slip out through Tyler one way or another. He wasn’t sure why he thought that exactly, it just didn’t seem like something that could stay a secret for very long. _Why is it a secret in the first place?_ Josh cocked his head as his thoughts ran in different directions. _The school’s two main basketball rivals aren’t rivals anymore- big deal. It’s not a secret, you can just tell them._ Brendon was saying something, waving his hands in front of Josh’s face, and Josh focused back into the present, determined to explain to his friends why the bet wasn’t a good idea.

Except that Brendon was waving a roll of dollar bills around in the air. “See all this, J? You’ve obviously improved since that bet with Andy. There’s a _lot_ of kids who have bet on you! I’m even collecting some more tomorrow!”

“You know, people have been talking about you two,” Spencer said, kicking at Josh’s basketball laying in the corner. “B and I didn’t realize it was this big of a thing, but apparently that incident about Tyler at his old school has spread around, and now everyone’s dying to see you beat him!”

Josh felt kind of sick. He searched for something to say, _anything_. “We’re on the same team, shouldn’t the bets be between the two schools and not the players? I don’t think that story about Tyler’s even true, we don’t _know_ that he-”

“Joseph’s a dick, Josh, you said so yourself!” Brendon exclaimed happily, running his fingers through the wad of bills, oblivious to Josh’s discomfort.

“I didn’t say that….” Josh said weakly. His friends didn’t seem to hear him.

Josh just hoped he could explain all this to Tyler before he heard it from the wrong person.

 

Josh’s parents finally let him go to school on Wednesday, and he was almost thankful to get back to his classes; he was sick of being cooped up in his room. His ankle was feeling almost normal again, except for when he put a little _too_ much pressure on it. He was mildly concerned about being able to give his all on Friday, but that was still two days away. He had plenty of time.

The first thing Josh did his morning back at school was look for Tyler. Simply _not_ being enemies for the past couple of days was a big load off of Josh’s mind. If he had known how carefree it would make him feel, he would have tried to make up sooner. Except Brendon’s little surprise had brought all the stress back down on him again. Josh knew he couldn’t do much to stop it now, but at least he could try to explain to Tyler before they started hating each other again.

He caught several glimpses of Tyler throughout the day, but was waiting for an opportune moment; either he was always sandwiched in between Gerard and Frank or else Brendon and all of Josh’s other friends were all crowding around Josh. With the social status of the basketball team the way it currently was, Josh thought it would be best to talk to Tyler privately before they made a show of anything.

The bell signaling the end of lunch had just sounded when Josh found a chance to slip away from his friends, promising to meet up with them in the music room. He scanned the emptying lunchroom for Tyler and noticed him slipping out the side door into the hallway. Josh hurried after him.

There were a lot of other students in the hallway, but for the most part they were all focused on getting to class before the next bell rang. Josh scanned the crowd for anyone he knew, and when the coast was clear, called out. “Hey, Tyler!”

Tyler was a few paces ahead of him and didn’t stop till he got to his locker. He opened the door and buried his face in it. Josh called out again, coming up beside him. “Hey, Tyler! ...Tyler?”

“I don’t wanna talk to you,” came the muffled reply from behind the locker door.

“What, why? Tyler?” Josh’s mind was reeling with multiple reasons why Tyler was now mad at him again.

Tyler didn’t move from behind his locker. “Everyone in the school is talking about me.”

 _Shit._ “Tyler, look, I had nothing to do with this whole betting thing going on-”

“Am I supposed to believe you? Now _everyone_ thinks those rumors about me are true, and now _everyone_ hates me and this stupid bet thing-”

“Don’t worry about that, it’s not a big deal,” Josh interrupted, looking around nervously. _Oh, shit._ That was definitely Frank that Josh just saw coming towards them. He looked angry.

“Look, Tyler,” Josh said quickly, grabbing at Tyler’s shoulder to get his attention. “I’m really sorry about all this, the bet, the rumor, everything. I didn’t know any of this was going to happen, I swear. Just...please don’t be mad at me? Okay?”

Tyler was staring intently at him. _Fuck, his eyes are brown. Like really, really br-_

“Okay,” Tyler muttered at last, dropping his head. “Sorry I jumped all over you, I was just upset.”

Josh patted Tyler’s back quickly. “No sweat, man. Look, I’ll see you in practice, okay? I'll explain more later.”

Tyler only nodded and Josh took the opportunity to dash off before Frank could intervene. A warm brown color was all his mind could think about for the rest of the day, and Josh couldn’t understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and especially comments are so so appreciated, please leave me feedback! y'all might not realize this, but the plot is still really up in the air right now, anything can happen at this point. so ANY suggestions, ideas, headcanons, preferences, etc that you guys have about anything, from major plot arcs to kinks for when they do the sexy stuff, all that stuff could determine the future of this fic! Just a psa! LEAVE! FEEDBACK! love you guys xoxo


	5. i'm never what i like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: this is not what i originally had envisioned for chapter 5. i had had hopes of it being a lot longer and covering a lot more ground, BUT it's taken me so long to get just this much written that i've decided to go ahead and give you guys what i got. on the downside, this chapter is shorter than the previous chapters. on the upside, you'll get chapter 6 a lot sooner :')
> 
> SHOUT-OUT to the anons who messaged me on tumblr expressing their love for and interest in this story! honestly, if you want me to write more and post sooner, just harass me anonymously on tumblr and it physically forces my hand to write, as much as one can be physically forced through a computer screen. i love you guys
> 
> title from Semi-Automatic

Frank slammed the locker door shut, causing Tyler to snatch his hand back before it got caught. Tyler made a point of sighing loudly, even rolling his eyes for good measure as he leaned back against the row of lockers, clutching his books to his chest. He could feel his face starting to heat up.

“What did _he_  want?” Frank demanded, crowding Tyler against the lockers, one arm extended to block his escape.

Tyler’s mind raced for an excuse. It was just Frank after all, he shouldn’t be this concerned with making up some story. Except for the way Frank was glaring up at Tyler and clenching his jaw was really, _really_ intimidating.

“Just because I’m your friend and just because I’m short does _not_ mean I will hesitate to fuck you up, don’t pretend you weren’t thinking it. Now what did Dun want?”

Frank’s apparent ability to read minds was frightening enough to make a small wave of panic wash over Tyler as he stammered out an excuse. “I was _not_ thinking that...exactly...I was just...Dun didn’t want anything, okay?” Tyler would have been wringing his hands if they weren’t busy holding his books. “He was just...talking about the bets.”

“So he _did_ start it then. I knew it,” Frank glared down the hall in the direction Josh had just disappeared. “Gerard and I will deal with him later. But right now you’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

Tyler tried to swallow without being too obvious, hoping to calm his nerves without Frank jumping all over him for that, too. “Bigger things? Like what? What are you talking about?”

The bell rang loudly above their heads. The hallway was now empty except for the two of them, but Frank seemed oblivious to the fact classes had just started. He lowered his voice despite no one else being around. “It’s about Mikey. Gerard told me to tell you to keep an eye out for him in practice today.”

Tyler shook his head, confused. “What’s up with Mikey?”

Frank rolled his eyes and replied sarcastically. “Well, that’s the thing now, isn’t it, we don’t know exactly. He let slip to Gee that something was going on with him and Wentz, but after that he clammed up. Gerard thinks Pete’s bullying him again. He used to do that in grade school, you know.”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there.”

“Oh, that’s right. Well, anyways, Gerard thinks Pete’s bothering Mikey so Gerard wants you to-”

“Keep an eye out for Mikey, okay, got it.” Tyler decided to interrupt before Frank had him trapped there for the rest of the day. He had classes to get to.

“You promise? Gerard’s gonna be real mad at me if he thinks I didn’t tell y-”

“I’ll watch him, it’s okay, Frank, really. Now can I go to class now, please? If that’s alright with you?” Tyler began to edge his way down the hall, finally forcing Frank to drop his arm so he could leave. He patted the top of Frank’s head as he passed and mussed up his hair. “Don’t stress out about it, Frankie, everything’ll be okay.”

Frank smacked violently at Tyler’s arm, and Tyler snickered as he escaped around the corner before Frank could hulk out on him.

 

Something was _definitely_ up with Pete and Mikey. Now that Frank had mentioned it, Tyler noticed that Mikey was sticking to himself even more than usual, not even hanging around Tyler for too long. Pete was always all over the place during practices, and he usually _did_ pick on at least three people every time, but today he seemed to be trailing after Mikey more than usual, too, tossing offhand comments that were only vaguely insulting in his direction. He appeared happier than he normally did, and smugger, too, Tyler thought. So Gerard _wasn’t_ exaggerating the situation.

Honestly though, Tyler wasn’t paying as much attention to Mikey as he had promised Frank he would. As Tyler raced around the room with the other kids on the team, stealing away the ball whenever he could, he couldn’t help his mind from wandering back to Josh. He’d been trying to steer clear of him during the practice, avoiding eye contact and basically ignoring him completely- anything to keep Josh’s nosy friends from figuring them out. Tyler kept feeling Josh’s eyes on him, or else he was just imagining the feeling. There was basically just a lot of tension during the practice, since it was also Josh’s first practice since he had hurt his leg the week before. Part of Tyler felt overly concerned that Josh was going to hurt it again, trying to play so shortly after it had healed, if it had even healed at all. He hadn’t had a chance to ask about it yet.

The coach’s whistle sounded sharply, calling the game to a halt. Dallon dropped the ball to the gym floor, and Jordan swooped in to grab it and throw it in the vague direction of the hoop, whooping loudly as it soared past the hoop and bounced off the wall. Coach Anderson glared at him as the rest of the players rolled their eyes; Tyler hadn’t been too impressed with the youngest player on the team to start with, but he was proving to be more and more annoying as the other players got to know him. A flash of red appeared in Tyler’s side vision and he smirked to himself as he thought that maybe he knew who Jordan took after, if only a little bit.

Suddenly, Josh was right there beside Tyler, his arms crossed casually over his chest. Tyler gave him a look that screamed _What are you doing!?_ but the coach was barking out criticism to the team and they all seemed too preoccupied to really notice the two of them standing off to the side.

“How you doing?” There was sweat pooled across Josh’s forehead and he seemed to be scowling a little.

Tyler glanced nervously at the rest of the team. “I thought we were gonna talk  _later_. Emphasis on the _later_  part, Josh.”

“Nah, you’re right, I just thought-”

“What’s wrong, is it your leg?” Tyler interrupted, concerned with just how much Josh still seemed to be scowling.

Josh shook his head defensively. “No, dude, it’s fine, I’ll be fine. Just a little sore. I’ll be perfect in time for Friday.”

Tyler scoffed. “Like always.”

Josh grinned and was about to say something snarky, Tyler was certain, but just then the two of them heard Coach Anderson mention Josh’s name. They both jumped apart at the same time, just as the rest of the team turned to look in Josh’s direction.

“-but he assures me he’ll be completely healed by Friday, right, Josh? You got a medical opinion on that?”

Tyler slipped a few more feet away as Josh stammered out some bullshit about not needing to see a doctor, he’d be fine, etc. etc. Coach Anderson seemed satisfied enough for the time being and went on to explain a few more details about the upcoming game, who would be playing what positions and what time to arrive, the basics. Tyler edged another step further away from Josh for good measure and bumped into Mikey. He turned and smiled; Mikey was already giving him a suspicious look.

Before Tyler could start worrying too much about what that look implied or defending himself from what he wasn’t quite sure, the bell sounded distantly from outside the gym doors, and Coach Anderson dismissed them. Tyler tried finding Mikey in the dispersing crowd, but he didn't seem to be heading towards the changing room like most of the others. He _did_  see Pete slipping out the door into the hallway with a pretty mischievous look on his face; Tyler had just made up his mind to follow after him and make sure he wasn't bothering Mikey when someone was tugging on his arm and pulling him in the opposite direction across the gym. Tyler shoved him off and followed on his own when he realized it was Josh, both of their bags thrown over his shoulder. He kept looking over his shoulder, probably concerned about some of his friends seeing them, but they were all in the changing rooms by now. If the two of them hurried outside, no one would even notice they had left together.

Once safely outside in the fresh afternoon air with the gym door closed behind them, Tyler tugged at his bag still hanging on Josh’s shoulder.

“I can get it, thanks,” he said quickly, slinging the straps around his own arms.

Josh looked slightly bemused. “You headed home now? Do you usually walk or-”

“Yeah, I walk.”

“Okay, well, let me get my bike real quick, okay? Don’t go anywhere.” Josh darted off around the side of the building towards the front where the bike racks were located.

A couple younger students came out the gym door beside Tyler, almost giving him a heart attack, but he didn’t recognize them so he figured he was still safe. He began heading across the back parking lot to the sidewalk anyways, just for good measure. The last thing he needed was to run into Gerard or Frank right now. Suddenly remembering the job Frank had given him earlier that day, he pulled out his phone as he walked and sent a quick text to Gerard, telling him not to kill Frank because he _had_ gotten the message to watch Mikey. He didn’t say anything about Pete. Gerard would ask soon enough on his own. As an afterthought, Tyler quickly sent another message, telling Gerard and the others not to wait for him like they usually did; his mom was picking him up. Hopefully that would keep them off his back for now.

Tyler had just hit send when he was, once again, almost run over by a kid on a bike. It was Josh.

“Hey, I almost dropped my phone!” Tyler exclaimed, initial outrage at almost being killed receding a little when he realized who it was.

“Tough. Where were you going? I told you to wait,” Josh replied as he turned his bike around without getting off so he could pedal slowly next to Tyler while Tyler walked.

Tyler snorted, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You can’t tell me what to do, Josh. I didn’t want my friends to see me. We normally walk to the bus stop together.”

“I thought you said you walked home.”

“I do, Frank takes the bus to his job. It’s like a town away or something.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them said anything as they turned down a side street to avoid the road passing in front of the school. It wasn’t an extremely comfortable silence, and Tyler racked his brain for something to say.

“So...what are we gonna do?”

Josh was pedaling so slowly to keep pace with Tyler that the bike was swerving threateningly. Tyler eyed it warily, not trusting Josh _not_ to fall over and onto him. He didn’t want to hurt his ankle, too.

“Like, you mean right now?” Josh asked, steadying the bike for the hundredth time already. “Or like, in general…?”

“Like in general. About school and the team and stuff.” _He’s kind of weird…._  Tyler had thought this about Josh before, but the thought was resurfacing.

“Oh. Yeah, well…look, the rumors going around about you, I’m...I’m really sorry about it, really. It’s not fair, it’s actually really shitty, and I know part of it is my fault and...I don’t really know how to fix it right now, I’m sorry.”

Tyler was temporarily stunned; he hadn’t exactly been referring to the rumors about himself, and he definitely hadn’t expected Josh to take the blame like this.

“It’s okay,” he said eventually. “It’s a part of high school, I guess. You know? Kids like to talk. I’ll be okay.”

Josh’s brow was furrowed; he didn’t look satisfied, but moved on to the next issue anyways. “So about the bets, then. Brendon and Spencer kind of got them going...I didn’t know about it before today, I swear- well, actually, they stopped by and told me about it yesterday, but- I’m not like _blaming_  them or anything, they’re my _friends_ , and I just-”

 _Right. His friends._  Tyler knew it was petty, but his chest kind of hurt at Josh’s words. Josh seemed oblivious as he continued rambling.

“-it’s better all around if we just go along with it, I guess. For now. The games are always a pretty big deal, a little competition on the team is normal. Usually it involves Pete, you know, only this time I guess it’s us.”

“So what, we pretend we still hate each other?” Tyler wasn’t liking the sound of this idea.

“Not _hate_  exactly, just...don’t let them know we’re friends. I know _my_ friends wouldn’t react too well if they found out, and as for Gerard and them, well...they wouldn’t be too happy about it either, would they?”

Tyler huffed. “Frank kind of hates you.”

They fell into silence again, and Tyler was starting to worry that he had somehow hurt Josh’s feelings. “Sorry, dude, I didn’t mean like...that just sounded kind of mean-”

Josh interrupted, swerving his bike and almost running into Tyler. “Why are you apologizing? Dude, seriously, none of this has been your fault. I was the one who...just, it’s not your fault, okay?”

Tyler had no idea what to say in response, but just then Josh’s bike _did_ topple over and Josh was dumped onto the grass. Tyler couldn’t help but to burst into a fit of giggles at the sight of Josh sprawled across someone’s front lawn, a few books from his open backpack scattered around him. Josh groaned and threw an arm over his face before speaking, though his tone wasn't a serious one. "Dude," he whined. "It's not funny...."  
  
Tyler tried his best to stifle his laughter, but then Josh started laughing, too. Suddenly Tyler's legs were knocked out from under him and he collapsed to the ground next to Josh- well, almost next to him, kind of on top of him.  
  
Josh’s cackling turned into a muffled  _oof_ sound, and Tyler went rigid as his face started to heat up. He scrambled off of Josh and onto the grass as quickly as he could, stammering out an apology. Josh was just kind of staring at him.  
  
"I...I really should hurry home now, I guess...." Tyler jumped up so fast he tripped on Josh's bike, abandoned on the sidewalk. "Shit, um...good talk, yeah? I'll see you tomorrow. In English class."  
  
"Yeah, okay," Josh said, his voice strangely blank.  
  
"Alright, bye," Tyler tossed a quick wave over his shoulder to Josh, who was propping himself up on his elbows as he watched Tyler leave. As Tyler started off down the sidewalk, some logical part of his brain was aware that Josh lived in the same neighborhood as he did, and obviously he would be going this way, too, sooner or later, but Tyler ignored that thought and just kept walking. For some unknown reason to Tyler, his heart was having trouble keeping up with him, and he just wanted to be alone.

 

Thursday came and went, and it was Friday before Josh even realized it. The basketball team was excused from afternoon classes directly after lunch to have a longer practice time (Josh was more than relieved that he got to miss his Spanish exam.) Josh's ankle started to hurt halfway through practice, but he just clenched his jaw and ignored it. _It'll be better by tonight._ Coach Anderson talked them through the plan for the game and then assigned them to their positions. Josh, Tyler, and Brendon would be the guards, while Pete and Dallon would be the posts; the bench players would fill whatever spots became available.  
  
Brendon glared at Tyler across the gym as he leaned in next to Josh and muttered about having to play guard.  
  
"It's _his_ fault, you know, Coach only bumped me off post because _he's_ here. I _liked_ playing post."  
  
Josh shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "Or maybe it's because you suck, B."  
  
Brendon punched Josh on the arm in response, scowling. Josh just laughed him off.

 

The game was starting right at six o'clock, and Josh's parents had insisted that he come home as soon as soon as practice was over so he could rest his ankle for a couple of hours. Josh had complained that it wasn't necessary (Brendon had invited him and Spencer over to play video games), but his mom had refused to let him play that night if he _didn't_ come home and rest. Josh had reluctantly agreed and had told Brendon he'd have to make it another time. After practice, he watched enviously as Spencer left with Brendon before sighing to himself and gathering up his bag and bike. He would have ridden it home, but, as much as he hated to admit it, even just to himself, his ankle was still really bothering him, and he opted to limp along and use the bike as a sort of crutch rather than try to pedal up and down the hilly route home.

Once he rounded the corner out of the school parking lot, Josh noticed Tyler standing across the road. With his friends. He wasn't sure why, but he felt a little disappointed. He ducked his head down towards the ground and continued walking on his side of the street.

He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the words "worst" and "player" were spoken louder than the rest of the sentences, and Josh glanced back over his shoulder in time to see Frank burst out laughing. Gerard was looking in his direction but quickly looked away snickering when Josh turned around. Mikey seemed to be smirking a bit, too, but he refused to look in Josh’s direction.

Josh inadvertently caught Tyler’s eye just then. Tyler wasn’t laughing; he wasn’t even smiling. His face was carefully blank as he stared back across the street at Josh. After a second, he lifted his head in a subtle gesture, and when Josh was sure no one else was looking, he gave a small wave in return, feeling like the world’s biggest loser. He turned back to the road ahead of him and focused on the sidewalk passing by beneath his feet, the sound of chatter and laughter fading with every step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this, the next chapter will see a lot more action (hopefully posting again in a week or so?) I WANT TO HEAR YOUR FEEDBACK so please leave comments below! Things for yall to think about: what color do you wanna see J's hair next???


	6. I didn't come for a fight, but-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for you guys to read this chapter! i've been getting so many lovely anons lately expressing their interest in my fic and _honestly_ your comments and messages mean the world to me (i'm writing this for yall as much as i'm writing it for me ♥) By request of a sweet lil tumblr anon, I've tried to add more Brendon to this chapter, in honor of his birthday recently. You'll definitely be seeing more of him in the future chapters as well
> 
> title from Irresistible by fall out boy
> 
> (psa: keep in mind this is just _teen_ angst, i love all of these characters, even if they don't get along yet. it's all cool)

The Dun household was in a state of disarray all afternoon, and Josh wasn’t able to rest his ankle much at all. He refused to mention it hurting to his mom, popping some pain killers instead; she’d never let him play if she knew he was in pain, and not playing was _not_ an option.

Apparently Jordan making the team and playing his first game (Josh seriously doubted he’d get _any_  floor time, but try telling that to his mom) was a big deal to Josh’s parents. They fussed over Jordan all afternoon, getting his uniform ready and calling all the relatives to share the exciting news. The phone was eventually shoved into Josh’s hands- after a lot of protesting- and he was forced to talk to his great aunt for almost a full _hour_. He knew he was probably biased, but he couldn’t recall his family making _this_  big of a deal when _he_  had first made the team. Stupid little siblings.

When Josh _finally_  got off the phone with his aunt, his parents were already packing everyone into the car. So much for coming home to rest. And to think that all that time he was listening to his great aunt prattle on about God knows what, he could’ve been over at Brendon’s house, stuffing his face with Cheetos Puffs while beating Spencer’s ass at Call of Duty. What a waste of a perfectly good afternoon.

When they arrived at the crowded school parking lot, the sun was already hanging low in the sky, throwing long shadows across the pavement. A bus from Westerville was parked alongside the front of the building; the opposing team was already here. Josh fidgeted anxiously until his dad parked the car, and then he was jumping from his seat and dashing towards the front door before his mom could insist on taking a picture of her boys in their jerseys. That was the absolute last thing that Josh wanted right now.

Brendon practically tackled Josh to the ground as soon as he was in the door. The hallways were filled with people, some of them buying snacks at several tables that had been set up in the lobby, some already heading for the gymnasium. How late _was_ it!?

“Dude, what the hell took so long? Coach is looking for you!” Brendon exclaimed as Josh shoved him off. “Westerville’s already warming up, c’mon!”

“It wasn’t my fault, my parents were making a big deal about it, Jordan and all,” Josh huffed out, though he didn’t think Brendon was really listening; he was too busy dragging Josh by the edge of his jersey through the crowd of people and into the gym. The Westerville team was indeed already warming up; the sounds of chains clinking as the ball was thrown at the net, the squeaking of sneakers on the floor, the cacophony of many excited voices all speaking at once echoed throughout the room. A wave of nerves rushed through Josh as his eyes scanned the bleachers. The first game of the school year always had a big turn up, but the sheer amount of people who showed up for a high school game always shocked him.

The changing room was crowded, too, and not much quieter. Coach Anderson was almost as relieved to see Josh as Brendon had been, exclaiming aloud when Josh and Brendon entered.

“Dun! Thank Heavens, I thought you weren’t going to make it. Why are you late?”

“I-”

“It doesn’t matter, here, listen: Westerville has been warming up for about ten minutes now, I’m gonna go talk to the referee for a quick minute and then you boys get to warm up, got it? You have about thirty seconds, make sure you’re all ready!”

Coach almost ran over Brendon in his rush to get out the door. Brendon snickered, leaning one arm on Josh’s shoulder. “Thirty seconds? That sure is a quick minute.”

Brendon started to ramble on about how many times Spencer died while they played Call of Duty that afternoon and how much Josh should have been there, so Josh tuned out most of what he was saying to try to calm his nerves. He eyed the other players in the room. Everyone was there now; Jordan had just skipped in at the last minute and was pestering Patrick about God knows what. Josh felt an equal mix of amusement and pity for Patrick.

Pete was texting on his phone, sitting on a bench a few spots away from Mikey, who looked extremely uncomfortable to be so close to him, arms crossed protectively over his chest. A pang of guilt hit Josh for not making up with Mikey yet, but those feelings were for another time, not now, not right before the game. A few of the other guys were talking on the other side of the room and- oh. Tyler.

He was in the far corner, standing by himself and pulling his jersey on over his scruffy hair. His skin was tan and _gleaming_  under the harsh lighting of the changing rooms, and Josh caught himself staring a second too late; Tyler finished pulling his shirt on and looked up, their eyes meeting. Josh actually jumped as he turned hurriedly away, bumping conspicuously into Brendon and interrupting him mid sentence.

“-try to impress Ryan tonight, do you think he'll- _ow!_ Dude, what the hell? Are you even listening? You are acting _really anxious_  about tonight, it’s just _one_  game, chill, J-”

“Sorry, sorry,” Josh murmured absentmindedly, shuffling awkwardly as he crossed and uncrossed his arms. He sneaked a glance back over in Tyler’s direction, just to see if he was still- _fuck, fuck, he saw me again, what the fuck, I need to chill, what is my prob-_

“For real, Josh,” Brendon smacked Josh reassuringly on the back. “You okay? You need to chill. Breathe and all that. You look like you’re about to hyperventilate.”

Coach Anderson nearly knocked the door down just then, blowing on his whistle while trying to herd the team out into the gym. Josh was thankful for the distraction from his own thoughts. The bleachers were fully packed now, though Josh’s eyes easily found his parents and sisters in the crowd. His mom was waving a camera in the air and his dad was trying to get Jordan’s attention to give him a thumbs up. On second thought, Josh was kind of relieved they were making a deal out of Jordan this year, and not him. That was the last thing he needed.

The Westerville team was seated on the front few bleachers, and Josh and the other Worthington players took their turn to warm up. Josh didn’t really pay much attention to what he was doing, just played the ball when it came to him and passed whenever there was a chance. If he had to be completely honest, the crowds at the games always scared him, just a little. So he spent the next ten minutes focusing only on his breathing, not on all the people watching him and _definitely_  not on how Tyler seemed to keep flashing him encouraging smiles whenever none of the other players were looking. _God, why is his smile so, I don’t know, calming? So nice and pr-_

Pete bumped into Josh from the side just then, ball in hand, knocking the breath out of Josh and causing him to stumble a few steps. Ordinarily he would have shoved Pete back, but settled on just glaring this time. He was kind of grateful to have _those_  thoughts knocked out of him. What had he been thinking? Tyler’s smile was _pr-_  No. No, he didn’t want to think about that right now.

The practice time was soon finished, and the Westerville team joined Worthington in the middle of the room. Coach Anderson welcomed the parents and other spectators, making a few announcements about future games and events, thanked Westerville for joining them this evening, explained a few key points about the evening, and then turned off his microphone to exchange a few words with the Westerville coach and the referee. Josh wasn’t paying attention; his blood was thrumming in his ears. The game was about to start. Despite everything that had happened and all the intruding thoughts he was having about...well, about _him_ , he still wanted to be first player. This year was his last chance and this was a dream he had been chasing since junior high. Josh would be damned if he let _Tyler_  and his sudden odd  _feelings_  about him put a damper on this dream. And damn that smile.

Josh was jostled into line then, Dallon elbowing him excitedly in the side just as the referee’s whistle sounded sharply throughout the room, signaling the game starting. The other players around him sprang into action, Josh quickly following. The other team had grabbed the ball already, but Pete was after it with a vengeance. Dallon successfully blocked the player, giving Pete his chance to steal the ball. Josh smirked widely as Pete was forced to quickly pass the ball off to him, Pete’s grimace only fueling him as he turned and weaved his way between the players across the court. The basket was almost within reach and Westerville had yet to make an actual _good_  move to stop him or bar his way. Josh was just contemplating throwing the ball, even though it would be a long shot, when Tyler appeared in the corner of his vision, several feet ahead of him with a clear path to the basket. His mind was split instantly in two: pass the ball to Tyler and let him make the first basket? Or...making the first basket...that was a big deal. And Josh _wanted_  to be first player. _God_ , did he want it.

And really, it would be like killing two birds with one stone. If he played hard, then the fact that he and Tyler were actually friends wouldn't be half as obvious than if he <TK>didn't/ play giving his all. It was an easy choice, really.

Josh couldn’t hide his smile as he pointedly ignored Tyler’s outstretched hand, and, still a yard away from making what would be considered a wise shot, launched the ball from his fingertips.

The victorious clanging of the metal net and the ball smacking loudly against the gym floor was almost impossible to hear above the sound of the buzzer and the crowd erupting into cheers. Brendon and Dallon appeared beside Josh, pounding him on the back and shouting their approval, the players on the bench equally excited (Spencer was _standing_  on the bench, waving his arms in triumph.) Even Pete looked impressed. And Tyler- Josh titled his head, confused. The expression on Tyler’s face was not what he had been expecting. He had very obviously chosen to elevate himself instead of putting the team first, they all knew it, that’s just how the game goes sometimes. He’d taken a risk, taking that shot, but it had payed off. Josh had also known that it might hurt Tyler, just a little bit. The truce, almost friendship that they had created was still so young and fragile, and then he went and pulled a stunt like this. Sure, Josh had expected Tyler to be a little put out.

Tyler’s arm were crossed. He was _smirking_.

_Oh, shit._  Josh knew what that grin meant.

The competition was _on_.

The buzzer signaling the second quarter sounded as the crowd began to quiet down, and there wasn’t any more time to think before the ball was being passed among the players towards Worthington’s hoop. Josh dashed into action, his eyes spotting Tyler on the other side of the court, running in the same direction. Tyler met Josh’s eyes and his smirk widened; Josh watched him warily as he cut across the court to steal the ball.

Tyler successfully stole the ball from the Westerville team and passed straight by Josh, refusing to pass the ball to him, opting instead to pass it to Pete. Who, Josh noticed bitterly, was in a much less advantageous position than he was. Pete only went a few steps before jumping to throw the ball over an opponent's head, scoring another point for the home team.

Josh glared at the back of Tyler’s head as he made his way towards the ball. Brendon had managed to claim it before the other team could, and when he was blocked by two players, he made a quick jump to the side to pass to Josh. Tyler jumped at the ball just as Josh did, but Josh managed to grab a hold of it before Tyler and took off towards the net. He tossed a haughty look over his shoulder in Tyler’s direction.

One of the better Westerville players barred Josh’s way to the net, and he was forced to make a quick pass to Dallon, glaring as Tyler headed in that direction as well. The opposing team managed to steal the ball as Dallon was passing it to Tyler, and though Pete made a valiant effort to block their shot, Westerville scored their first points of the game, and the crowd once again broke out into cheers.

The third and fourth quarters continued much in the same way, Worthington in the lead and Westerville only barely managing to keep up. Pete scored again, and Dallon made a pretty impressive basket, too. Josh came close several times to winning the team some more points, but either Westerville always intervened or _Tyler_  somehow managed to get in his way. The damned bastard was _still smirking_.

During the break, Josh downed two water bottles while Spencer gushed excitedly about the lead their team had taken, and Brendon claiming that Josh needed to step up his game some if he didn’t want his friends to go broke paying the bets they were going to lose. Josh ignored those certain remarks, his own desire to advance to first player enough to keep him doing his best. Tyler was obviously giving Josh space, standing near the opposite end of the bench, talking quietly with Mikey and refusing to look in Josh’s direction at all. At the beginning of the year, Josh would have been seriously pissed about the trouble Tyler was causing him during the game. But now...sure, it was pissing him off a little, but at the same time, Josh kind of...he kind of _liked_  it.

Josh noticed with dismay that his parents were carefully picking their way down the crowded bleachers in his direction, and he immediately began to panic, embarrassing thoughts and memories of his parents gloating over him after past games rushing into his mind. Thankfully, the buzzer signaling the second half sounded right then, and Josh slipped into the group of boys standing around Coach Anderson, hiding himself from view of his parents. He bumped into Tyler, who gave him an infuriatingly pesky grin, but Josh didn’t return it, just crossed his arms and turned away as the coach sorted out who would be going back on the court and who would sit it out. Dallon offered to sit the second half out to give Mikey a chance to play, and after the coach verified the players, he ushered them back onto the floor.

The first quarter was more intense than the previous half had been. Coach Anderson had reminded them during the break that the Westerville team was probably going to revamp their efforts to match the points during this next quarter, so they needed to be prepared. Josh _was_  prepared, he was always prepared to kick a mediocre team’s ass, but after he made a quick jump to block a Westerville player’s shot at the basket and landed heavily back down on his feet, a sharp flash of pain flared up in his left ankle. He tripped and teetered to the side, bumping into Brendon, which thankfully stopped him from falling to the ground.

“Whoa, dude, are you okay?” Brendon huffed, grabbing at Josh’s arm to steady him.

Josh felt a little woozy at the pain, though it wasn’t bad enough to keep him from playing. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just tripped.”

Brendon seemed dubious. “Is it your ankle again? I thought you said it was all better. Man, if you’re not gonna be able to play-”

“I _will_  be able to play. I’m playing right now, aren’t I?” Josh shot back. He didn’t have time to hear Brendon’s response because a Westerville player was heading in his direction with the ball, aiming for a shot. Josh gritted his teeth and ignored the ache in his leg, jumping to stop the ball at the last minute and knocking it back to the ground.

Both teams gave their all in the quarter, and the buzzer sounded before any more points could be scored for either team. Josh wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand while he eyed the players on the floor. Tyler had the ball already and scored for Worthington before the second quarter even really had a chance to get started, only a minute after the buzzer sounded. Josh caught a glimpse of the smirk Tyler threw in his direction and was filled once again with the urge to beat him, to _impress_  him. A relatively small looking Westerville player currently had the ball and was running in Josh’s direction. _They make it too easy_ , Josh chuckled to himself as he stole the ball away without even trying, and, refusing to acknowledge the growing throb in his ankle, took off for the opponent’s hoop.

As he had expected, Tyler appeared in his side vision. A player from the other team was blocking Josh’s way, and Tyler had a clear opening several yards to Josh’s right. Ordinarily, when Josh wasn’t trying to prove himself, he would have passed the ball to Tyler, no doubt about it. But this wasn’t one of those times, and he _was_  trying to prove himself. So, instead of passing the ball, he quickly dodged the player, stepping in Tyler’s direction. At the same moment, obviously thinking Josh was planning to pass the ball, Tyler took a stride towards Josh. They collided in a tangle of arms and legs, the ball falling from Josh’s grasp and bouncing a few feet away.

The referee’s whistle cut sharply through the din, and Josh groaned out loud as several faces appeared above him from where he was lying on his back on the cold floor. Tyler had fallen, too, but at least he had been lucky enough to not fall flat on the ground; he was sitting on the floor next to Josh, rubbing at a growing bruise on his arm, but he was smiling, almost laughing. Josh sat up and rubbed at his face, trying to hide from all the people watching from the stands. Coach Anderson hurried to the scene, reprimanding the Westerville players for pressing in so close and telling them to give the boys some space. He made a face at the other Worthington players crowding around, too, but didn’t enforce that they leave.

“What happened here, Joseph, Dun? We not on the same page tonight or what?”

“Sorry, Coach, just some mixed signals, I guess,” Tyler said, climbing to his feet. Josh could see Brendon glaring at the back of Tyler’s head.

“Alright, let’s get it together, we gotta rake in some more points and _fast_  if you guys expect to win tonight,” Coach Anderson said with his hands on his hips. “C’mon, Dun, get up, let’s finish this quarter.”

The room began to feel normal again as the crowd eased back into their chattering and Coach Anderson crossed the room to refer quickly with the referee. Brendon shoved past Tyler, elbowing him hard in the side as he made his way over to Josh, who, embarrassingly, was still sitting on the floor.

“That was _so_  not cool, dude,” Brendon snapped in passing at Tyler, leaning down to pat Josh on the shoulder. “Hey, J, c’mon, you heard the coach.”

Josh took a steadying breath, not sure if his face was more pale with pain or red from blushing. Brendon patted his shoulder again and Josh flinched. _Oh, shit. This is bad._

“Josh, what are you doing? Come _on_ -”

Josh tried desperately not to let a tear escape his eye as he leaned forward to prod tentatively at his ankle. Goddamn, it _hurt_. “I...I can’t, Brendon, I think I broke my leg, I think it’s broken….” Every slight movement sent another jolt of pain up through his body. _It’s like last week only twenty times worse, holy fuck_ -

“What? What’s broken?" Brendon looked panicked. "Oh my God, Coach! Coach Anderson! Josh is hurt! His leg is hurt!”

If Josh wasn’t mortified before, he was now. “God, Brendon, don’t tell the whole world-”

“What’s wrong, Dun?” Coach Anderson was squatting next to Josh, reaching out to inspect his leg.

“ _Don’t_  touch it, it hurts!” Josh snapped out before he even realized he was speaking.

“This is all _Tyler’s_  fault, did you see him, Coach?” Brendon was squatting on Josh’s other side, shooting daggers at Tyler. Tyler was hovering a few feet away from Josh, fidgeting nervously. The same pain Josh felt was written plainly all over Tyler's face, and in that moment, Josh’s chest hurt more than his ankle.

“-and just ran right into him, he wasn’t even fucking looking-”

Pete’s voice chimed in from somewhere behind Josh. “Shut the hell up, Urie, you can’t blame him like that! It wasn’t Tyler, it was all _Josh_ , did you see him hogging the fucking ball-”

“Hey, language, guys, okay?” Coach Anderson waved an angry hand at Brendon and Pete. “It doesn’t matter who’s fault it was! Urie, Wentz, go take a walk or you can both sit on the bench for the next quarter.”

Brendon glared once more at Tyler and the coach, too, before patting Josh on the back again- lighter this time- and sulking off towards the bench. Pete didn’t say anything else, just turned and stomped away. Josh wondered vaguely why Pete cared so much about defending Tyler, but his mind was quickly focused back on the pain in his ankle as he shifted on the ground.

The referee and Westerville coach approached Coach Anderson, asking if they needed to get a stretcher. Josh’s “No!” was spoken louder and harsher than he had intended for it to be, but Coach Anderson, _thankfully_ , seemed to understand. “I think we’ve got it under control. Give us five minutes and we’ll continue.”

The two men left and Coach Anderson wrapped an arm around Josh’s shoulders. “Let’s get you off the floor, huh, Dun? You say you think it’s broken?”

Spencer, full of pent up energy, popped up on Josh’s right to interrupt. “Josh, are you okay? Here, I’ll help.” He threw an arm around Josh’s shoulders and helped Coach Anderson haul him up off the ground.

The sharpest pang of pain yet hit Josh as he hopped in place on one foot, trying to keep his balance. Josh’s face heated up immediately from all the eyes in the crowd directed at him, but he did his best to ignore them and focus on getting off the middle of the damn floor.

Tyler was still standing awkwardly to the side, and Coach Anderson signaled for him to come help. “Joseph, I want you to help Smith get Dun to the changing rooms, call for the nurse when you’re done. She should be around here somewhere, alright? If it _is_  broken, get his parents, he should go see a doctor.”

Tyler only nodded as he replaced Coach’s position beside Josh. His grip on Josh’s waist was gentle.

_I think I hit my head again. I hope I did. If I didn’t, that’s a really weird thing to think...God, why is it literally always me…._

Josh’s ankle hurt with every step- or, hop- that he took, and he couldn’t help himself from letting out hurt little noises every time his leg was jostled. Spencer kept up an endless rambling about nothing in particular as they walked, something about the game, Josh thought, but he couldn’t really remember. He wasn’t listening. He was only hyper aware of Tyler’s grip on his waist, the way he minutely but surely tightened his fingers every time Josh inadvertently let out another whimper. The ruckus of the gym faded behind them as they _finally_  reached the relative safety of the changing rooms.

Brendon was waiting there for them. How he had managed to sneak away, Josh didn’t know; all he knew was that the way Brendon was glaring at Tyler was resentful enough to kill. Josh suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to step- if he could _walk_ , goddammit- in front of Tyler to shield him from the obvious wrath Brendon was raging with.

“Coach said to call the nurse,” Spencer announced as he helped Josh collapse onto a bench, seemingly unaware of the level of tension in the room, though he, too, seemed cold in regards to Tyler. Tyler had retreated to the corner by the door as soon as they had entered the room, and Josh was warily watching Brendon watch Tyler. He didn’t put it past Brendon to do something irrational.

No one said anything for a moment, then Spencer broke the silence. “Okay, well...I guess I’ll go get her, then. Stay here, Josh-”

Josh glared up at him. “I’m not going anywhere,” he panted. Apparently hopping on one foot was a lot more strenuous than walking with two.

“-I’ll be back with the nurse in no time, okay? It’s not broken, is it? I don’t see any blood. If it _is_  broken, I’ll get your parents and-”

“Just go get the nurse, Spence,” Brendon interrupted.

“I’ll get her,” Tyler spoke for the first time since they had gathered in the changing room.

“Yeah, no, I don’t think so, you’ve done enough,” Brendon snapped, stepping in front of Josh with his arms crossed. “We don’t need _you_  to help anymore. Why don’t you just leave it, okay? This is all your fault.”

“ _My_  fault?” Tyler’s voice was thin and wavered a bit, but his face was steady. “Excuse me, how is this _my_  fault?”

Spencer chimed in, taking a step forward. “Brendon’s right, you’ve been butting heads with Josh since the beginning of this year. That was totally a foul play out there.”

“That’s not fair, the ref didn't call that. You can’t blame me for this,” Tyler spluttered, indignantly. “It was an accident, it was _no one’s_  fault-”

Brendon snorted, moving closer to the corner where Tyler still stood. “Of course you’d say that! You know the school’s got some bets going on, you don’t fit in here, no one likes you, so of _course_  you’re gonna do everything you can to be in the spotlight, even if that means _physically harming_  our best player-”

“Hey, guys, it’s not his fault….” Josh couldn’t stand how small Tyler looked standing alone in that corner for a second longer. His stomach was twisting, and it wasn’t from the pain in his ankle. He was shocked at how quiet his own voice sounded.

No one seemed to hear Josh, though, as Spencer added to Brendon’s speculations, and voices began to rise. Tyler squared his shoulders as Brendon advanced another step, and Josh was getting seriously worried when suddenly the door to the changing room swung open, and Coach Anderson stepped in, followed closely by the school nurse.

“Hey, what’s going on in here, boys? Who was supposed to be getting Ms. Wilson?”

Brendon and Spencer quickly retreated, muttering excuses, while Tyler silently sulked further into the corner.

Coach Anderson waved a hand dismissively, his brow furrowed. “No matter, I guess, she’s here now. You wanna take a look at it, Ms. W? It’s the right leg, I think, eh, Josh?”

“Left,” Josh mumbled. He felt sick.

Ms. Wilson knelt by the bench to gently feel Josh’s ankle. Her touch was soft, but he still hissed the second she touched the swollen flesh. He wished there weren’t so many people in the room with him. He really didn’t feel like having an audience right now. Weren’t they supposed to be playing a game, anyways?

A few seconds later, Coach Anderson seemed to get a similar idea. He cleared his throat loudly and ushered Brendon and Spencer back towards the gym, instructing them to figure out who the five players for the next quarter would be. Josh watched them longingly as they left; he had just wanted to _play_  tonight, damn it all, and then his _dumb leg_  had intervened.

“It’s not broken,” Ms. Wilson declared, interrupting Josh from his pitying thoughts. “I believe it’s fractured, but I’m not sure, it’s hard to tell. Could just be a bad sprain.”

_Fractured, oh shit, oh shit. Oh shit, oh sh-_

“Coach?”

Josh hadn’t realized Tyler was still in the room, but his racing panic slowed immediately as Tyler stepped forward from the corner. _Huh_.

“My dad’s here, he’s a doctor. An orthopedist, actually,” Tyler fidgeted in place, not meeting Josh’s eyes. “I can go get him, if you think that would help?”

“It would, actually,” Ms. Wilson suggested.

Coach Anderson nodded in agreement and slapped Tyler on the back, hard enough to jolt him forward a step. “Alright then, very good. Run and get him, then join us back on the floor, Joseph, we’ll need you if Dun’s not gonna play.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh offered, but Coach Anderson either didn’t hear him or just ignored him as he left the room, followed by Tyler. Ms. Wilson instructed Josh to rest his leg up on the bench, keeping it elevated, and gave him an ice pack to put on it until a doctor told him what to do next. She was exiting the changing rooms just as Tyler was coming back in, his dad close behind him.

“Hi, there, I’m guessing you’re Josh?” the man said kindly as he knelt beside the bench. He talked just like Tyler did, and Josh didn’t feel as on edge as he had before. He nodded, still a bit self consciously. Tyler retreated to his corner, his eyes cast down.

“Ms. Wilson said it might be fractured? Does that mean I have to wear a cast and everything?” Josh voiced some of his fears as Mr. Joseph carefully pulled off Josh’s shoe and prodded at his ankle. His skin was a bright purple color now. Josh sincerely hoped it _looked_  worse than it really was. Because it looked  _bad_.

“Does this hurt?” Mr. Joseph asked as he pressed on a part of his leg.

_Oh my God, what the fuck, I’m dying, I am gonna die-_

“N-not a lot...just a l-little….”

“Dad, you’re hurting him,” Tyler stepped out of the corner suddenly to lean over his dad’s shoulder, peering at Josh’s ankle as Mr. Joseph pressed down on the other side of his leg.

“How about here?”

_Yes, that fucking hurts, what the hell!?_ Josh had never felt closer to fainting in his entire life as pain screamed up his leg. His jaw was clenched tight to keep from crying out, and he was struggling just to get out the words that _yes,_  that hurt, please _stop_.

“ _Dad_ ,” Tyler actually reached out and pulled on his dad’s sleeve gently. “That’s obviously hurting him, Dad, don’t do the whole doctor thing now, just figure out if it’s fractured or not.”

Mr. Joseph chucked at Tyler’s rambling, but pulled his hand away nonetheless. _Thank God_. Josh sighed audibly as the pain lessened. Not a lot, but enough so that he wouldn’t start crying in front of anybody.

“I can’t tell for certain without doing some x-rays,” Mr. Joseph said, standing up, “but there is a significant chance of it being fractured. Weren’t you the one Tyler helped just last week, hurt your ankle playing basketball then, too, right?”

Josh nodded, embarrassed. “Yeah, that...was me...it was just a sprain, and I felt fine after a couple of days, I didn’t think _this_  would happen….”

“Even with just a sprain, the bone is weakened and is easier to hurt again more seriously. I highly suspect a fracture. How about you come to my office tomorrow, first thing in the morning, and we’ll do some x-rays to make sure, okay? We’ll probably want to put a cast on it for a while-”

“A cast?”Josh exclaimed, shifting in his seat only to cringe as yet another flash of pain hit his ankle. “Does that mean I have to have a surgery? And crutches? What about the team? I can’t be on crutches for too long, I’ll get rusty, I have to practice-”

When Mr. Joseph interrupted Josh, his voice was firm. “You’ve done enough practicing for this past week, I think. Several weeks off this ankle will do you a lot of good.”

“But-”

“You might not need a surgery. Most fractures just require a cast and a lot of _rest_. Now if you cooperate, you might be able to continue playing on the team in only a month or so. But _only_  if you’re willing to work with me on this, alright?”

Josh huffed. He did _not_  like the sound of this. But the way Tyler was staring so intently at him melted some of his resolve, and he eventually let out a sigh. “Alright...if I have to….”

Mr. Joseph seemed satisfied. He nodded. “Good. I’ll get your parents. You should go home now and rest your ankle, keep it elevated, ice it every hour or so. And don’t put any pressure on it, you hear me? Not until I know more of what’s going on. I’ll see you tomorrow, then, bright and early. I'll explain everything to your parents for you.”

Mr. Joseph left the room, and Josh slumped forward in his seat, sighing as he tried to reposition his ankle with as little pain as possible. Anything to keep from having to meet Tyler’s eyes.

“You’ll be okay, Josh,” Tyler said quietly after a minute of awkward silence. “Don’t worry, my dad knows what he’s doing.”

Josh shrugged his shoulder. “Yeah….”

Another minute of silence. Muffled cheering could be heard from the gym.

“You should get back out there,” Josh said, motioning towards the door. “The team really needs you.”

Tyler shook his head, shuffling his feet. “Nah, not without you, that’s not fair.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Tyler. Don’t listen to Brendon and Spence, they’re just too protective, that’s all. I shouldn’t have tried to play tonight anyways, not after hurting my ankle last week. I totally deserved this.”

Tyler shook his head again. “Don’t say that, Josh. You didn’t deserve it, it just _happened_ , unfortunately.”

Josh didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything, just looked at his hands resting in his lap. Why was his chest so light?

A hand fell onto Josh’s shoulder, and he startled for a second, looking up into Tyler’s face. His brow was furrowed, his eyes filled with concern.  _Whoa...they’re really brown…._

“I _am_  sorry, Josh. No matter who’s fault it was.” Josh couldn’t recall ever hearing Tyler sound more serious. They were staring at each other- _I wonder if he ever notices my eye color like I notice his_ \- and Josh was starting to get really fidgety with all the pressure of maintaining eye contact when  Tyler’s lips perked into a small smile then, easing the tension as he added, “You gave me some pretty tough competition tonight, y’know. Until you fell over again.”

“Stop,” Josh whined, smacking Tyler’s hand off his shoulder. Josh was smiling.

The door opened, ending the conversation, and Josh’s dad came in, his face worried. “Josh….” he sighed, his tone condescending. When he noticed Tyler in the room, he saved whatever reprimanding he had been planning to do for later, and instead came over to help Josh to his feet- or foot- and collected his other shoe and ice pack.

“Your mom’s going to stay here with your sisters to watch Jordan finish the game,” he said as Tyler hurried to hold the door open for them.

“Jordan’s playing?” Josh asked, disbelieving.

“Sure is.”

Josh almost felt like laughing. His dad was urging him along at a pretty quick pace, considering his being on only one foot, but Josh slowed down to turn and say goodbye to Tyler, hoping none of the Worthington players were watching.

Tyler was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POOR JOSH. i, too, have had the misfortune of fracturing my ankle once, and i'm still feeling it years later. so of course i would channel this into my fic :P
> 
> your input, from kudos to comments to tumblr messages, keeps this story progressing! please share your thoughts, friends! update coming soon :')


	7. cobwebs and flies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now :') we're getting somewhere :') shout-out to whoever is reading this, your interest plays a huge part in the continuation of this fic
> 
> chapter title from the fic title song Lovely

Worthington won the game by a considerable lead, Tyler scoring another two times before the night was over. The crowd cheered, and Coach Anderson seemed excited enough; after the game, Mikey, Gerard, and Frank all crowed about how great Tyler’s playing was, but none of that really made Tyler feel any better about the rest of the team either glaring at him or ignoring him completely. He left his friends as soon as he could to go find his family in the bleachers. He just wanted to go home and sleep.

But of course, that being the one thing Tyler actually _wanted_  to do, he found himself tossing and turning all night, unable to stay asleep for more than twenty minutes or so at a time. Finally he could sense the sun streaming into his room, dancing across his closed eyelids as a muffled alarm came from Zack’s corner of the room. Tyler ignored the sounds of his brother getting up and ready for the day and just rolled over to face the wall and cover his head with a blanket. It was a Saturday, after all. Even if he couldn’t get any real sleep, he was _not_  getting out of bed yet.

Seven o’clock ticked by slower than ever, eight o’clock, and then eight thirty. Maybe if he stopped checking the time on his phone every five minutes, he’d actually be able to sleep. Tyler finally gave it up and kicked his covers off with a lot more energy than he was really feeling, not bothering to change out of his pajamas as he trudged downstairs.

The kitchen was alive and bustling already, his three siblings sitting around the table in actual daytime clothes and his mom putting more bread in the toaster. He was mildly surprised to bump into his dad as he entered the room.

“Well, if it isn’t our champion player!” his dad exclaimed as he edged around Tyler, standing in the doorway, to grab his briefcase. “I didn’t think we’d see you for another couple of hours yet.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Tyler’s mind was still groggy. He rubbed some sleep out of his eye.

“Weekend hours,” his dad reminded him, stuffing a loose sheet of paper into his jacket pocket.

“Tyler, good morning, honey! Come get some breakfast,” his mom called from the table, setting a place for him. “You must be hungry after that great game last night!”

Tyler suddenly remembered; maybe that’s the reason he’d been unable to rest all night long. “Hey, Dad,” he tried to keep his voice lowered as he followed his dad through the living room towards the front door. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t really want all his siblings to listen in. “Dad, are you gonna take care of Josh today?”

His father nodded distractedly, digging through his pocket for the car keys. “Mhm, he’s got the first appointment, at nine. Here, hold this, would you-” he handed his briefcase to Tyler to dig more thoroughly through his pockets.

Tyler chewed on his bottom lip as he contemplated what to say. What to  _do_. He wasn’t so sure if this was such a good idea. “Um...can I go with you? I’ll just sit in the corner out of the way, I won’t be any trouble.”

His dad finally found the keys and took his briefcase back from Tyler. “You want to come _with_  me? To the office? I don’t know, Ty, don’t you want to just relax today? You don’t want to spend your Saturday cooped up in a doctor’s office.”

_Maybe I_ should _just stay home. Josh probably doesn’t care anyways, and I…._  “I just thought it might help. If I was there, you know. Josh seemed kind of nervous last night.”

His dad opened the front door and strode down the driveway towards his car. Tyler padded along behind him, stepping on the bottoms of his pajama pants with every step. (They were hand-me-down pajamas from Jay. If wearing your younger sibling’s clothes could count as hand-me-downs.)

“How about it, Dad?” Tyler pressed. “I was there the first time he hurt his ankle _and_ last night. I helped those times, I could help now, too, right?”

Unlocking the car door, his dad tossed his briefcase inside and looked back up at Tyler. He seemed to be thinking. “You know, actually...you may be right. Your friend did seem rather anxious. A familiar face might do a lot of good.”

Tyler had to bite back his initial response to keep from sounding too happy. “Great! I’ll just go get my shoes, I’ll be right back!” He raced back to the house, his dad yelling after him to _hurry up, for Christ’s sake_ , he had to be at the office in twenty minutes.

Tyler raced to his room and hurtled himself back down the stairs as his dad honked the horn outside. He grabbed a piece of toast from the counter as he raced through the kitchen, thanking his mom and calling over his shoulder that he was going to the office with Dad and he’ll be back soon.

His mom’s protests followed him down the hall, but he didn’t take the time to explain further as he pushed through the front door and down the driveway, back to his dad waiting in the car, the engine idling.

His dad gave him a funny look as Tyler slid into the passenger seat. “Pajamas?”

“You were the one in such a big hurry, c’mon, you’ll be late!”

His dad shook his head in amused confusion as he shifted gears and backed out of the driveway. It was okay, though. There was an excited- no, _hopeful_ \- feeling in Tyler’s chest and a smile on his face that nothing could deter.

 

Josh’s dad had to work that Saturday, so his mom was the one to help him into the car and drive him to the doctor’s office, following the directions Mr. Joseph had given Josh’s dad the night before. Josh slumped down in the front seat, staring glumly out the window at the obnoxiously bright and sunny morning. His ankle hurt. Fuck it, his whole _leg_  hurt. He was tired of _hopping_  everywhere. He was tired of hopping around with a hurting ankle while not knowing fully what was wrong with it in the first place. Confidentially, it was kind of scary, not knowing. But x-rays scared Josh, too, so it was a lose-lose situation either way.

He wasn’t mad though. Or grumpy, or pissed, or even annoyed. A bit anxious, sure, a bit disappointed about missing the game last night, _especially_  since Worthington had won (Jordan wouldn't shut up about it.) But he wasn’t mad; he was too tired to be mad.

And so Josh sat, quietly resigned to his doomed fate, whatever that may be. If Tyler’s dad had to amputate his leg, well then he could go right ahead and do it. Josh wouldn’t stop him.

Oh. Tyler. Since the incident the previous night, Josh had been doing his best to think only about how sore his ankle was (and how sickly awesome the bruise was) and not about  _Tyler_. Not about how fucking _gentle_  his arm had been around his waist when he had helped him to the changing rooms- _fuck, okay._  Whenever those kind of thoughts had floated to his mind as he had lain in bed last night, he had tossed about under the covers (as much as he could, what with a supposedly  _fractured ankle_  anyways), trying to remember the rush of pride he had felt when he had scored the first basket earlier that night, the mixed excitement and anxiety the crowd had made him feel, the way Brendon had angrily confronted Tyler- oh, shit, Tyler again. He kept coming up in Josh’s thoughts. He had tried all night to think about _anything_  except _that_.

Josh’s mom eventually found the building they were supposed to have arrived at ten minutes ago, and Josh sighed quietly to himself as she hurried around the car to help him hop inside. Might as well throw away the last few shreds of dignity he had left. Why not?

Mr. Joseph’s office was on the third floor, and Josh had never been more relieved to see an elevator at the end of the hall than he was now. Thankfully, besides one other woman sitting in the corner, quietly reading a magazine, the office was empty when Josh hopped in. His mom abandoned him in the entry to sign in with the secretary, and Josh hopped himself over to the nearest seat, plopping down heavily and cringing as his ankle knocked the chair’s leg. His ankle was so swollen, he had spent several minute’s worth of trouble trying to put on a shoe that morning. Josh himself didn’t really see a point in wearing a shoe on his hurt foot if he wouldn’t be walking on it, but his mom had insisted.

Josh had just picked up an interesting looking comic from a nearby table when his mom hurried over from the secretary’s desk, telling him that Mr. Joseph was set to see him right away. Josh forlornly tossed his comic aside and let his mom assist him down a short hallway and through an open door into a small room overlooking the parking lot.

Josh quickly scanned the room. It looked like any other doctor’s office he had been to. “Is this where they do the x-rays?” he asked his mom, eyeing a strange looking contraption in the corner of the room.

“Hm,” his mom seemed distracted, trying to steady a clipboard against the wall as she continued to fill out some information for the secretary.

“Where’s Mr. Joseph?” Josh hopped around in a semicircle on one foot and peered across the hall towards another room. “Maybe they do the x-rays in there-”

“Josh, I’m trying to fill this out, hush.”

Josh gave the back of his mom’s a head a disdainful glance before hopping over to the exam table nearby and hauling himself onto it. It was surprisingly difficult with only one foot, but he managed with adding only minimal pain to his already aching ankle.

There was a rap on the door and Mr. Joseph was bustling in, his own clipboard in hand. He introduced himself to Josh’s mom and the two of them spent at _least_  ten minutes discussing Worthington’s win last night. At least it _felt_  like ten minutes to Josh, his anxiety building with every passing minute.

Finally Mr. Joseph turned to Josh and started asking him some routine questions, scribbling something down on his clipboard occasionally. He instructed Josh to remove his shoe from his hurt leg, and Josh gave his mom an _I told you so_ look as he gently pulled his shoe off, dropping it to the floor.

The next five minutes felt like an eternity to Josh as Mr. Joseph proceeded to poke and prod and push at Josh’s ankle. Tears quickly sprang to Josh’s eyes, but he refused to acknowledge how much it was actually hurting. Every time after Mr. Joseph pressed on a different part of Josh’s ankle, he’d stop and ask if it hurt. Josh only nodded mutely each time, praying that this part of the procedure would end soon.

When Mr. Joseph finally stepped away to discuss his thoughts with Josh’s mom, Josh sighed contentedly in relief. _Okay, that wasn’t so bad. X-rays can’t be worse than th-_

“Josh, your mom and I are going to fill out a few more papers,” Mr. Joseph announced, reaching out a hand to help Josh off the exam table. “You can use that crutch there in the corner and wait in the room across the hall, we’ll do the x-rays there.”

Josh leaned gratefully on the crutch as soon as the doctor and his mom had left the room. Even with just the one crutch, it made crossing the hall a hell of a lot easier.

An even larger examination table was in this room, standing tall and sinister in the middle of the room. It was all sleek and shiny metal and intimidating. Josh hovered awkwardly in the doorway for a minute before hobbling over to the table and using the step stool beside it to climb on top. He leaned the crutch against the table and pulled out his phone, checking for any new messages from his friends for the first time since the game last night to distract himself from his nerves.

It wasn’t the best idea. His inbox was full. Twenty-two messages from Brendon, six from Spencer, even one from Pete. Mostly all about the game. Mostly all about his ankle. A few about Tyler. Josh scrolled through them absentmindedly, not paying much attention to any of them in particular, when someone cleared their throat in the small room and Josh almost dropped his phone.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” It was Tyler. _What is_ he _doing here?_

“What are you doing here?” Sometimes Josh’s mouth had no filter.

Tyler seemed unfazed, crossing the room to hop up onto the examination table next to Josh. “I came to give you moral support.”

Josh was unsure how to feel about this development. “Really? Thanks, man- are you wearing pajamas?”

Tyler’s face turned bright pink. “Oh, I was kinda rushed this morni-”

“Are you wearing _spiderman_  pajamas?”

“Hey, they were my little brother’s, okay? Give me a break.”

Despite his nerves, or maybe because of them, Josh started to giggle. Tyler tried to look mad, but Josh could see the smile breaking through on his face.

"So like...how's your ankle? Is that sick bruise still there?"

Josh tentatively lifted his leg an inch for Tyler to see. It hurt to move it so Josh doubted that Tyler could really see just how awesome the bruise was. "It's all blue and black now," he announced.

"Dude," Tyler murmured reverently, and Josh grinned proudly.

After the initial awe wore off, the silence started to linger a bit too long for comfort, and Josh fingered his phone idly, wishing he knew what to say. Wishing he knew how to act more _casual_  for fuck's sake. _Why do I feel so nervous? It's just Tyler, no big deal...._

“Who you talking to?” Tyler motioned at Josh’s phone laying beside him on the table.

Josh glanced down quickly at his phone as yet another irate message from Brendon loaded in his inbox. He powered it off, stowing it in his pocket. He shook his head as he looked back over to Tyler. “It’s not important.”

Tyler’s smile lit up the whole room, and Josh’s chest started to feel funny again. Maybe he should get an x-ray of his chest, too.

“Well, listen, Josh,” Tyler’s voice was light, and he reached out to pat Josh’s knee. Josh stiffened immediately, but Tyler didn’t seem to notice. “My dad’ll be real quick. The x-rays don’t take long, you’ll be okay. You’ll probably only need a cast anyways, no surgery or anything. Don’t freak out too much, okay? Deep breaths.”

Josh fought the blush trying to creep into his cheeks. “Yeah...yeah, okay.”

“I mean, hey, at least you get to miss a few days of school, right?”

Josh could only nod as Tyler smiled at him. His eyes were practically sparkling; their brown shade felt so familiar.

Josh suddenly didn’t feel so anxious anymore.

 

Several x-rays, two crutches, and one cast later, Josh decided that fracturing your fibula was, despite the week of school he had had strict orders from Mr. Joseph to miss, not worth it.

It was a close call, he admitted. On the one hand, he got out of attending a lot of boring lectures, avoided every kid in school staring and whispering about him being on crutches, postponed the drama among the other basketball players about the incident, and got to sleep in. On _weekdays_. For a _full week_. On the downside, he was stuck mostly in bed every day, his mom insisted that he do his homework, and he would miss several basketball practices.

Not that being at school would fix missing basketball practice. Josh had resigned himself to missing at least a month's worth of practice ever since Mr. Joseph had shown him that x-ray. Josh had felt kind of faint at the sight of it. The bone had fucking _snapped_. ( Alright, so he was being a baby, but he'd never broken- fractured- a bone before. He had a _right_  to be a little freaked out when someone was waving pictures of the damn bone under his nose.)

It was Tuesday afternoon, and basketball practice had just ended- Josh knew because Brendon had just snapped him a sneaky picture of Ryan, shirtless, in the changing rooms, with a full line of heart-eyed emojis pasted over it. Josh was slumped in bed, his Spanish text book open and forgotten on his lap as he played around on his phone, and he snorted out loud at the snap. He screenshotted it- just in case he ever needed ammunition- and sent a picture of his cast in reply, tapping in a frowning emoji, just for emphasis.

Brendon and Spencer had stopped by Monday afternoon to say hi and to draw on his cast (Spencer had drawn a penis, but Josh had to scribble over it so his mom wouldn't freak out.) Josh had been glad to see them, even though they had brought him the homework for that day. Neither Brendon nor Spencer were in Josh's English or literature classes, so no homework there, though Josh dreaded the huge amount of reading and grammar he'd have waiting for him when he was finally allowed to go back to school.

The two of them had promised to stop by again on Wednesday with more homework, so Josh had that Tuesday afternoon to himself. Brendon snapped him a video of Ryan looking confusedly at the camera, a muffled “What are you doing, Brendon?” as Spencer came into view and threw a towel at the camera, promptly ending the snap.

Josh shook his head, smiling as he turned off his phone and went back to his Spanish homework. Had to get it done sooner or later.

Thirty minutes of Spanish phonics and Josh was slouched so low against the headboard, he was practically lying down, when there was a knock on the door. He sat up quickly, trying to look alert; the last time his mom had come in and had found him messing around instead of studying, it hadn’t turned out too well.

The door opened, and his mom leaned in. “Josh, sweetie? Your friend is here, he brought you some more homework.”

“Brendon?” Josh grabbed at his phone to double check his messages. He was certain Brendon had said Wednesday.

“Hi.”

Josh’s hand froze as he looked up at Tyler standing in his doorway, clutching several books to his chest. Josh’s mom smiled at him and thanked him for stopping by before disappearing back down the hall. Tyler stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

“I brought your English homework. And Brit lit. We have a lot of reading about the Cavalier poets. It’s pretty boring.”  Tyler walked over to the side of the bed; he was just wearing a hoodie over his basketball jersey and shorts, and Josh tried not to stare at the sweat still shining on his neck.

“Ugh, I hate Brit lit. I mean...thanks for bringing it, though,” Josh stammered out, blushing.

Tyler set the books on the edge of Josh’s nightstand, pushing a few things out of the way to do so, and Josh silently cursed at himself for the disorderly state his room was in. His stuff was everywhere.

If Tyler noticed how messy Josh’s room was, he didn’t say anything, just bounced down on the side of the bed, pulling his legs up to sit cross legged. Josh was a bit taken aback by how at ease Tyler seemed, but not in a bad way. He was glad they were getting more comfortable around each other.

That thought brought on another, less pleasant one. “Hey, Tyler, I hope the guys at school aren’t like. Blaming you or anything...are they?”

Tyler’s face remained carefully blank, though his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Well...they’re just acting like they normally do, for the most part. Pete’s actually kind of leaving me alone, which is new. Honestly, Brendon’s being the biggest asshole- oh, sorry, no offense, I didn’t mean to uh….”

Josh shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay. I know.”

Tyler nodded, shifting on the bed. He glanced at Josh’s cast. “So how you liking the cast? Hey, I didn’t know you could draw on plastic casts-”

“You can’t, not really.” Josh shrugged, grabbing a sharpie off his nightstand. “It wipes off really easy until it dries. You wanna?” He held out the sharpie.

Tyler’s face lit up like a little kid’s as he snatched the sharpie away from Josh before he had even finished asking. He slipped lower down the bed to lean over Josh’s leg, uncapping the pen.

“Be gentle though, don’t press too hard,” Josh warned, tensing himself for the pain to hit.

Tyler scribbled on the cast as gently as when he had helped Josh limp to the changing rooms the night of the game, and Josh immediately relaxed. Well, as relaxed as you could be when your crush was-

_Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck did I just...did I just say...I didn’t...he’s not...that’s not how it is, that’s not right. Why the fuck did I think that? What the hell is wrong with me, I must not be getting enough sleep or something. He is_ not _my-_

“Josh? You okay? Oh my God, am I hurting you? I’m sorry, I was trying to draw lightly-”

Josh jumped, startled out of his panicking. “What? Oh, no, sorry, you’re fine. I was just...just thinking….”

Tyler stared at him with a concerned look on his face for a second longer before shrugging and turning back to his drawing on Josh’s cast. “What were you thinking about?” he asked absentmindedly, the marker sliding against the plastic sounding a lot louder in the pronounced silence.

Even though Tyler wasn’t looking at him, Josh’s face started to turn red. “Um, y-you know, just. Just school and shit, nothing important.”

“Don’t worry about your homework or anything, I’ll bring your English and literature assignments again for you, maybe on Thursday? Ms. Moore’s assigning another book report that afternoon, so the sooner you get the details on that the better.”

Josh nodded faintly, his eyes wandering to Tyler’s profile as he continued to studiously scribble on Josh’s cast. _His eyelashes are seriously long, what the hell. Wow._

Tyler sat back triumphantly, capping the marker. “There! I’m not really an artist, but...whatever.”

Josh leaned forward to study his cast as  Tyler pointed to an awkward stick person next to Spencer’s scribbled out penis. “That’s you, you’re playing basketball. See, there’s the ball, and that’s supposed to be the hoop. And that’s me there.”

Josh couldn’t help it; he burst out laughing.

Tyler looked offended. “Hey...it’s not that bad, okay? It’s better than _that_. What even is that?” He pointed to the scribbled out penis, and Josh tried to stifle his giggling.

“I’ll admit, your drawing _is_  better than the others. By a tiny bit.”

Tyler didn’t look convinced. He tossed the marker at Josh’s head, though Josh had a feeling he missed on purpose. He fumbled to catch the marker, smiling brightly at Tyler.

Tyler climbed off the bed then, and Josh felt his spirit immediately sink, but he didn’t make to leave the room, just wandered over to the window and peered out. The sun streaming in through the glass spilled brightly over his face, making his skin practically shine- not that Josh noticed.

“I like your tattoo,” Tyler said suddenly, leaning against the wall.

“What?”

Tyler smirked and repeated himself more slowly. “I said I like your tattoo. When did you get it?”

Josh rubbed self consciously at his arm, all too aware of Tyler studying his skin. “Oh, uh...a kid who used to come to our school, Andy, you might have heard about him? Yeah, well, he had an older brother who had just started working at a tattoo parlor, and he offered to give me a free tattoo if I’d let him practice on me and...it’s kind of a bizarre story, I know. It was my sixteenth birthday, and I was a bit high, so...don’t judge me too hard or anything.”

Josh glanced anxiously at Tyler, but he only looked amused. On the verge of laughter, actually.

“Your sixteenth birthday? You let him _practice drawing a tattoo on y-_ ”

“I _said_  I was high!”

Tyler _did_  start laughing then, and Josh would’ve been a bit put out, but he was too busy relishing the light sound of Tyler’s _adorable_  giggling to care.

_ Okay, weird thoughts again, Josh. Stop it. That’s just...weird...stop  _ looking _  at him so much, dammit. _

As if Josh had been thinking too loudly, Tyler quieted down and tilted his head as he continued to look at Josh. “Well, I...better go now, I didn’t tell my mom that I was coming here. She might freak out if I’m too late, you know, typical mom stuff.”

Josh noticed Tyler was wringing his hands, and his smile faltered a little, but he nodded. “Yeah, sure, I get it. Moms. Mine’s the same way.”

Tyler nodded, too, edging awkwardly towards the door. “Right. Well...good luck with your leg. I mean...I hope it gets better soon. Just you know...stay off it and everything.”

Josh nodded again, and Tyler darted for the door, waving a quick goodbye before disappearing down the hall. Josh opened his mouth to say goodbye, but Tyler was already gone.

A few moments later, it occurred to Josh that he should probably try to finish some English homework, but he wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyways, he knew. He looked back down at the new drawing on his cast instead, and for some reason, couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.

 

Wednesday morning crept by painfully slow. Josh was starting to go stir crazy; his ankle beneath the cast was starting to itch _badly_ , the sensation seeming to grow the longer he was cooped up all alone in his room with orders not to move around. Even with the crutches, he was only supposed to use them to go to the bathroom and stuff. Josh started to think that this hell would never end, especially as he bitterly eyed his growing pile of schoolbooks and homework on his bedside table. He’d rather do anything than start in on all that homework. So he spent the morning laying spread eagle across the bed, ignoring all his itchy skin and thoughts relating to school and his stupid, broken leg. There were more pressing issues on his mind that demanded his attention.

Like Tyler.

Ever since Tyler’s visit Tuesday afternoon, he was all Josh could think about. Well, if Josh was being honest...Tyler was all he had been thinking about for a while now, in some way or another. Since that Saturday morning at the doctor’s office, since the basketball game when he had fractured his leg, since the day they had walked halfway home from school together, since that day in the neighborhood basketball court when Josh had made a fool of himself and twisted his damned ankle in the first place and Tyler had helped him home. Since maybe even that late summer day before school had started and Josh had seen the then nameless Tyler playing in his basketball court. The more Josh thought about how he’d thought about Tyler, the more he thought he had thought about him.

_ God, that makes no sense, I need to go outside. I’m getting claustrophobic, these walls are too close. When can I go back to school? Shit, I never thought I’d  _ want _  to go back. I wonder what Tyler’s doing right n- stop it, Josh. That’s weird. _

Even though Josh was struggling with himself internally over Ty- this _issue_ \- he had a sinking feeling in his chest. He knew. Even if his stupid head wouldn’t admit it to himself yet. He knew.

Josh had originally hoped that when Brendon stopped by with his homework that afternoon, it would be a welcome relief from the thoughts going back and forth in his mind. No such luck. Brendon had been lying across the foot of Josh’s bed for thirty minutes now, scrolling through his phone and blabbering about anything that came to mind, and all Josh could think about was _him_. He couldn’t _stop_ , goddammit, he couldn’t turn his thoughts off or think about anything else.

“-and Spencer wanted to play video games again, but this is _Ryan_  we’re talking about, he actually _asked_  me during lunch to come over to his house after school, so I told Spence I’d kick his ass another time, but then he-”

“Brendon,” Josh interrupted suddenly. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to say it.

Brendon stopped mid sentence to breathe for the first time since ten sentences ago and peeked over at Josh, not bothering to sit up. He looked mildly interested, at best. “What?”

Josh, too, took a deep breath then. “I think I have a crush.”

Upon hearing his words, Brendon _did_  sit up, looking twenty times more interested. “Oh?” He was grinning, and Josh briefly doubted the security of this idea. But Brendon _was_  his best friend since first grade, after all….

Josh decided to proceed with caution. He nodded. “Yeah. I think so. I can’t think about anything else.”

Brendon shoved Josh’s knee on his good leg and pressed, “Well? And, and? Who is it, tell me.”

“Nah, I don’t think so...I’m not really sure yet, I just had to get it off my chest-”

“No way, dude, no.” Brendon sat up straighter and prodded Josh’s leg with more urgency. “You can’t just tell your best friend you have a crush and then not give names.”

Josh huffed incredulously. “The last time I had a crush and I told you her name, you announced it to  _the entire school_  during lunch and proceeded to _ask her out on a date with me_ , for me!”

“That’s not fair, man, we were in sixth grade, c’mon!” Brendon gave Josh what Josh assumed was probably his most sincere face, but Josh wasn’t buying it.

“Sure, B, like you’ve changed that drastically since sixth grade.”

“I _have_!”Brendon insisted. “I won’t tell, I promise, just  _tell me._  You know my crush, you know all about Ryan, why shouldn’t I know all about yours? This is _unjust_!”

Josh just shook his head. “Look, it’s hard enough to figure out the way I feel, much less worry about you, too. And it won’t end with you, you  _know_  that. Spencer will know within an hour, and then Dallon, and Patrick, and Patrick will go straight to Pete, and if _Pete_  knows, then I might as well just-”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Brendon threw his hands theatrically in the air. “Fine. Don’t tell me. I’ll figure it out on my own anyways. You’ve always been so easy to read. I’ll figure it out sooner or later. Just you wait, Dun.”

Josh felt a little panicky. “Don’t knock yourself out….”

Brendon got up from the bed then and reached out to ruffle Josh’s hair. “I gotta go. See you Friday after school, okay? I’ll bring more homework. Hey, your hair’s fading, y’know that, right?”

Josh shoved Brendon’s hand off his head. “Yeah, I know. Don’t pet me.”

Brendon snickered as he made his way to the door. “And don’t forget to do the homework I brought you.”

“Fuck off.” Josh smiled and waved a quick goodbye.

Brendon had just disappeared into the hall when he leaned his head back into the bedroom. “Hey, Josh, tell me, does your crush’s name start with a ‘P’? How about a ‘B’?”

Josh threw his shoe at the door. “I said _fuck off_!”

He was smiling. His heart felt light.

 

Pathetic as it might be, the first thing to cross Josh’s mind Thursday morning was that Tyler had said he would stop by again that afternoon. English and literature homework be damned- he was going to get to see Tyler again. He could bring him all the homework he wanted, and Josh would still be happy to see him.

If Josh thought Wednesday afternoon had passed slowly, then Thursday crawled by. His nerves wouldn’t stop. He wanted so badly to go outside and ride his bike, shoot a few baskets. Those things always helped calm him, but, of course, he couldn’t do either of those things; he couldn’t even go downstairs to watch TV. After hobbling down the hallway with one crutch to use the bathroom, Josh collapsed back on his bed, dropping his crutch to the floor and grabbing a text book. Might as well. _Anything_  to distract himself from his heart jumping every two beats.

Hours later, Josh slammed his precalculus book shut with a definite air of finality and shoved it off the bed, the book thumping satisfyingly on the floor. He had actually _finished_  three days worth of homework. Confidentially, Josh was quite proud.

He became suddenly aware that he was  _starving_. He pushed some more school books off his bedside table to read the clock, surprised that it was already past four- _oh, shit._

Josh frantically eyed his bedroom. It had somehow gotten even messier since Tuesday. Which, Josh acknowledged, probably wasn’t too unexpected, since he kept throwing his things on the floor. But it was only because he was unable to walk easily, that was his excuse. Still...his room _was_  a mess...and the clothes he was wearing hadn’t been changed since...Monday? Josh sighed and forced himself up off the bed, grabbing his crutch off the floor to steady himself. Clean room, change clothes...Josh hectically began kicking stuff under his bed (an exceptionally hard thing to do when one leg was in a cast and the other was supporting him) while at the same time searching the room for some clean clothes.

Ten minutes later and the floor was mostly clean, and Josh was standing shirtless in front of his open closet door, tennis shoes and books and movies and CDs spilling out from inside. _Goddammit, are there_ no _clean clothes in this fucking bedroom? What the hell, this is so not cool-_

There was the sudden sound of someone fumbling with the door knob, and Josh jumped, startled, tripping on his own goddamned crutch and falling on his ass on a pile of clothes he had somehow missed during his cleaning spree. Josh was one hundred and ten percent aware of how ridiculous he looked right now, and he had an immediate sinking feeling in his chest. He knew who it was; he didn’t even try to get up the split second before the door was opened.

“Josh? Your mom told me to bring you up some-” Tyler stopped in the doorway and in mid sentence, too, a glass of milk and a plated sandwich in his hands, wearing the same hoodie over his shorts and jersey like the last time he had stopped by. He stared down at Josh sitting on the floor, shirtless, in a pile of dirty clothes, a mess of things spilling out from the closet, and his crutches lying haphazardly beside him. Josh looked up at Tyler forlornly.

Tyler took a hesitant step into the room. “Um. Josh? Are...are you okay?”

Josh sighed, then nodded, his face reddening.

Tyler took another unsure step into the room. “What are you...doing...?”

For some reason, out of all the other times Josh had embarrassed himself in front of Tyler, this was the worst. Maybe it was because he was half  _naked,_  for Christ’s sake. _Dammit, where are my clean clothes!?_

“I was, um…” Josh glanced around his semi-clean room. “...cleaning?”

To Josh’s horror and further embarrassment, Tyler started laughing. _God, why is it always me? Why is it always_ him _?_

Tyler was still grinning as he crossed the room to set the plate and glass down on the bedside table, and Josh kicked himself mentally as he hauled himself up from the floor, bending back down to grab a crutch.

“Josh, can I ask you a question?” Tyler helped himself to Josh’s bed, plopping down and leaning back against the bed frame.

Josh stood beside the bed, fidgeting awkwardly with his crutch. “What?”

“Are you always this clumsy, or is it just me?”

Josh turned bright red, and Tyler started to giggle again. Josh didn’t answer the question, because he actually had an unironic answer.

Not that he could just come right out and _say_  it to Tyler’s _face_ ….

He settled on just a quick shrug, and Tyler seemed satisfied enough, a wry smile still on his face. He reached out and patted the spot on the bed beside him, and Josh immediately turned an even brighter shade of red. _Do_ not _take that out of context, Josh, that is sick…._

Josh tossed his crutch across the foot of the bed and gracelessly sunk onto the mattress next to Tyler, sitting as close to the edge as possible without toppling off. Tyler gave him a funny look and handed him the plate he had brought.

“Your mom made you a grilled cheese. She said you hadn’t eaten lunch yet, and I offered to bring it to you since I was coming up anyways.”

Josh took the plate quickly, trying not to stare too long at Tyler’s hand as it brushed against his in passing the plate. “Thanks.”

Tyler nodded. “Sure. Oh, here’s your homework by the way.” He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. “It’s mostly about that book report we have to do. On _Robinson Crusoe_.”

“Oh, I like that book,” Josh exclaimed as he bit into his sandwich, relatively surprised the report was on a book he could actually enjoy.

Tyler beamed. “Me, too! We can exchange notes later if you want. There’s some other cool books I’ve read that I bet you would like, I’ll show you some time.”

Josh’s heart raced at the prospect of him and Tyler hanging out again in the future, just because Tyler _wanted_  to, and not because he felt responsible for delivering Josh his school assignments.

“So are you ready to come back to school this Monday then? My dad says you can, you just need to use your crutches for a while still.” Tyler elbowed Josh lightly in his bare side _(Where the hell is a clean shirt?)_  and Josh tensed up at the contact, but managed to act somewhat casual.

He shrugged, trying to talk around the bite of food in his mouth. “I’m kind of ready, I guess. I just...I don’t know, everyone’s gonna stare at me and everything.”

Tyler cocked his head and furrowed his brows. “What’s wrong? Why would they-”

“You know, because of the cast and crutches and all that.”

“But...don’t you like the...I mean, I didn’t think you were bothered by people’s attention and stuff.”

Josh shook his head, confused. “Why would I...why would you think that?”

Tyler took his turn to shrug, pulling at a loose string on his shorts. “Well, the first time I saw you the first thing I noticed was your hair. It was like… _flaming_  red. And then there’s your tattoos. Red hair and colorful sleeves don’t really scream introvert.”

“I’m not an introvert,” Josh snapped, a bit more harshly than he had intended. “I’m just...it’s...whatever, it’s not a big deal. Just because I like color doesn’t mean I like lots of attention, and just because I _don’t_  like lots of attention doesn’t mean I’m an introvert either.”

Josh glanced quickly at Tyler, worried he had accidentally offended him, but Tyler was nodding, a look of enlightenment and...something else that Josh couldn’t read written across his face.

“I get it. So it’s like...how you express yourself.”

Josh blushed _again_  and was about to deny it, but Tyler leaned his head jokingly against Josh’s bare shoulder just then, and Josh was, frankly, extraordinarily disappointed in himself for how quickly his last defenses melted.

“It’s okay, Josh, I won’t tell anybody,” Tyler said in a sing-song voice. Just as quickly as he had leaned against him, he was gone, grabbing the empty plate off Josh’s lap and placing it back on the nightstand.

“So what if you dyed your hair again?” he proposed, handing Josh his glass of milk. “Want this?”

Josh took it and held it awkwardly as he processed what Tyler was saying. “You think I should?”

Tyler nodded enthusiastically, bouncing the bed in the process enough that the milk in Josh’s glass sloshed a bit over the edge. “Yeah, dude, I do, it’s a great idea! I mean, you said it yourself, when you start school again next week, the kids will all be staring at you, so like. Go ahead. Be you. Then you know, it will kind of be worth it, you know?”

Josh glanced uncertainly at Tyler. He looked so earnest. _Wow, his eyes are like...annoyingly brown…._

Josh nodded, still not completely convinced. “I guess it’s an okay idea.”

“It’s a _great_  idea!” Tyler bounced the bed hard enough this time that a _lot_  of milk sloshed over the edge, onto Josh’s sweatpants and stomach. He gasped a little- that was really cold milk.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Tyler apologized frantically, jumping up off the bed- and sloshing more milk in the process. “I’ll go get a towel. Which way is the bathroom?”

“Uh, it’s down the hall, to your left. Chill, dude, it’s okay,” Josh almost laughed as Tyler darted comically fast out of the room.

In the short time that Tyler was gone, Josh found himself thinking less about the spilled milk drying on his lap and more about Tyler’s hands again, about his brown, brown eyes, his little giggle-

Josh heard the staircase creak out in the hall, and he tried to peer around the doorway to see, though the angle made it impossible.

“Hey, is that you, Ty-”

“Hey, man!” Brendon virtually _skipped_  into the room, and Josh sat straight up so swiftly that what little milk was left in his glass splashed out onto his lap and the bedspread.

“Brendon!? What the hell are you doing h-”

“I was passing by, I was on my way to Ryan’s house, and I just _had_  to stop in and tell you!” Brendon was beaming so brightly, he was thankfully unaware of how panicked Josh was.

“Oh?” Josh managed to stutter over the single word, glancing worriedly over Brendon’s shoulder at the open bedroom door.

“Yeah, dude, remember how I told you that on Tuesday Ryan and I hung out at his house because his parents were out, and he had to finish cleaning the garage before they got back, and I went over to help him, and afterwards we did our homework together- well, anyways, apparently he really sucks at calculus so since that’s obviously my good subject-”

“I thought you were awful at calculus,” Josh interrupted, hoping to hurry Brendon along with his story and get him _out_  of here before Tyler came back from the bathroom.

“Well, duh,” Brendon exclaimed, a smile stretched widely across his face. “But Ryan doesn’t know that! Besides, dude, if things go my way, we won’t be spending too much time doing homework if you know what I mean, we’ll be doing _each oth_ -”

“Okay, okay,” Josh’s blood pressure was already high enough with anxiety right now without Brendon’s disgusting allusions adding to it. “So you helped him with his math, big deal.”

“Yeah, but like since I’m _not_  good at calculus, it was really obvious, like, dude, he _had_  to know I was lying, but he asked me again today during basketball practice to come over to his house and help him-” Brendon waved his fingers in dramatic air quotes around the word _help_ , and Josh cringed.

“Is that _all_  you stopped by to tell me?”

Brendon nodded enthusiastically and opened his mouth to say more, but Josh quickly intervened. “Right, well, if you’re going to… _help_  him, shouldn’t you hurry on over there? His house is still like fifteen minutes away, you better hurry or else he’ll think you’re not-”

“Dude, you’re right!” Brendon made a show of smacking himself on the forehead and doubled back towards the door. “Thanks, J, I just had to let you know, I told Spencer already, and he says that-”

“Yeah, yeah, hurry, Brendon, okay?” Josh mentally shoved Brendon out of his bedroom. Tyler was bound to walk around the corner _any minute now_.

“Oh, incidentally,” Brendon’s tone changed all of a sudden, and Josh eyed him suspiciously.

“What?”

“I bumped into Patrick today, he says he knows who this alleged crush of yours is.” Brendon waggled his eyebrows at Josh, and Josh’s stomach dropped.

“Pat doesn’t know anything….” _Does he? No way. Brendon’s just bluffing, he just wants me to spill something…._

“Yeah, man,” Brendon said loudly, leaning against the doorway and cocking his head. “He saw you talking to her last week, but don’t worry, he hasn’t told anyone else but me. C’mon, admit it, Joshie.”

Her. _He_ is _bluffing._ A wave of relief rushed through Josh, just in time for it to be once again replaced with anxiety as he remembered Tyler would soon be returning, and very apt to bump directly into Brendon. That would not be a desirable situation to try to explain away.

“Sure, B,” Josh said, faking confidence he didn’t really feel. “I’m not telling you, not on your life.”

Brendon sighed dramatically. “Fine, okay, be like that. I _will_  figure it out, mark my fucking words, dude. _Joshie_.”

Josh was about to explode at Brendon to _leave_  when Brendon spat his tongue at him and disappeared down the hall, the stairs creaking as he thudded down them. Josh slumped against the headrest. _Thank God._

Tyler appeared suddenly in the doorway, towel in hand. “What was he doing here?” he asked, his voice low.

Josh, relieved, motioned for Tyler to come on in. “He was just passing by and stopped in real quick. He’s gone now, though. We’re good.”

Tyler plopped down on the bed next to Josh and looked curiously at the spilled milk drying on Josh’s lap. “I didn’t think I spilled _that_  much, did I?”

“What? Oh, no, that was me. I’m kind of clumsy, I guess.”

Tyler- to Josh’s even further horror- started to wipe at the stain on Josh’s sweatpants himself, and Josh quickly grabbed at Tyler’s wrist, taking the towel away and dabbing at his own lap. The _last_  thing he needed was for Tyler to put his hands _anywhere near_  his-

“What’s the matter?” Tyler asked, grinning suddenly, and for one awful second, Josh was terrified of what Tyler was going to say. “Brendon’s gone now, you can relax. _Joshie_.”

Josh relaxed immediately, if only slightly, and groaned. “Ugh. You heard that?”

Tyler laughed. “Yeah, I heard that. I heard...enough.”

A strange look crossed Tyler’s face just then, and Josh was about to ask what was wrong when Tyler shook his head, mischievous smile reappearing.

“So. About your hair. What color next, hm? Red again?”

Josh huffed, surprised at the topics Tyler’s mind continued to randomly jump to. “I’m not really sure, I haven’t thought about it much. It doesn’t make too much difference, I guess, since I can’t get out to the store before Monday anyways. My mom would never buy that stuff for me, she hates when I dye it.”

Tyler turned his head as he watched Josh continue to clean up the milk with the towel. “I could buy it for you, if you wanted.”

Josh paused and looked up uncertainly at Tyler. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Nah, not at all,” Tyler looked more excited than Josh was. “Just tell me what color to buy, and I’ll stop by again- maybe Sunday afternoon?”

Josh started to grin; Tyler’s smile was _contagious_. “Well, I mean, sure, if you really don’t mind going to the store just for me and wasting a Sunday by stopping by again.”

“I don’t mind!”

Secretly pleased with Tyler’s apparent eagerness, Josh tossed the towel aside and reached into the nightstand’s drawer to dig out his wallet. He tossed Tyler a crumpled ten. “Just buy the cheapest brand, okay? Whatever you can find will be awesome.”

Tyler folded the dollar bill neatly in half and tucked it into his pocket. He stood up from the bed, glancing at the clock on the nightstand as he did so. “Okay. What color again?”

Josh hesitated, unsure. “Um...I don’t know, just...could you, like...surprise me?”

Tyler’s jaw dropped a little. “Really, dude? You trust me that much? I just buy whatever color I want, and you put it on your head?”

Josh chuckled. “Sure. Why not?”

Tyler still looked amazed as he wandered towards the door. “Right, okay. I’ll do that. I need to get home now, but I’ll be back Sunday afternoon after church, alright?”

A genuine smile spread across Josh’s face. “Sure thing, Ty. See you Sunday.”

Tyler’s smile was just as bright halfway across the room as it was when he was sitting directly beside Josh. “Sure thing, _Joshie_.”

The next instant, he disappeared down the hall out of view, and Josh slumped back against the wall, his face aching from smiling so much that entire afternoon, leg itchy from being stuck so long in a cast, his ass a bit sore from falling on it _again_ , and his lap still a little soggy from the spilled milk.

He didn’t really mind at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so J's cast is plastic, like those strap on casts, just to let you know. they itch like SHIT. too bad i didn't have anyone to draw a penis on mine for me. that would have been cool.
> 
> i'm working a job and doing school full time, so updates may come slow, but they'll be steady. i'm writing every day, and your feedback, ESPECIALLY comments, really gives me the boost i need. LOVE YOU FRIENDS


	8. i don't fall slow like i used to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been WAY too long, i know, my deepest apologies to everyone! HUGE FUCKIN SHOUT OUT to all my anon friends on tumblr the past few weeks, the messages you sent me really pushed me to finish this! fair warning that Pete is a bit of a dick and there's a minor panic attack !!
> 
> EDIT: guess who fuckin changed the chapter title? me! title from Air Catcher by our boys

_Her._

Tyler glared viciously at the rows of boxed hair dye on the shelves in front of him, his hands fisted in his pockets. He was still wearing his suit from church, and he felt keenly overdressed standing in the random aisle at Walmart. He had never been aware of just how many different brands and colors of hair dye existed. The pink was nice.

 _Her…_ . His thoughts kept going back to it, to the conversation he had overheard that Thursday afternoon. He had been halfway back to Josh’s room from the bathroom, with a towel in hand, when he had heard Brendon’s voice, stopping him dead in his tracks as a quick panic overtook him. But then his brain had processed what Brendon was saying. Josh had a crush. Josh had a crush, and it was on some _girl_.

Tyler had been unable to think about anything else since, his thoughts persisting through the next school day and the weekend and even throughout the service that afternoon. It made him...mad? And the funny part was, Tyler didn’t even get _why_ he was feeling this way.

He scanned the row of dyes again. The green was pretty cool, too. _Why should I feel like this, though? So what? Josh has a crush. I’ve had crushes before, everyone gets crushes. This shouldn’t affect me. God, I’m acting like I like- no. No, that’s not it…. Josh has a crush, and I don’t care the least little bit. I_ don’t. _Really_ . _Why should I?_

Tyler was annoyed at how much he didn’t believe himself. He reached out his hand for one of the boxes, still hesitating over the color. Pink?  
_Her...._   
He nodded suddenly and reached a shelf higher, snatching a box of blue hair dye from its row.

 

The entire bus ride from Walmart to his neighborhood, Tyler argued inwardly with himself about his current situation. The only logical reason for him feeling potentially _upset_ about Josh having a crush on a girl was if he himself had a crush on- but that wasn’t the reason, it _couldn’t_ be. He pushed those thoughts away immediately, though he continued to worry over things in his head as he got off the bus at his stop and began walking down the road towards Josh’s house, shopping bag tucked under his arm.

 _Hey, wait, I know why I’m upset. Josh told Brendon about his crush, but he didn’t tell me. I thought we were- well, I just thought we were getting to know each other well enough for him to tell_ me _, too. Of course. That’s why I feel this way. Not because I...well, yeah._

Tyler found himself so busy thinking that the next time he looked up, he was standing in Josh’s driveway. He had made the trek to this house enough times in the past week that it was almost first instinct to turn right at the bus stop instead of left, towards his own house. Tyler pondered briefly if there was any significance in that before shrugging the notion away and hurrying up to the front door, reminding himself to act at least a _little_ put out that Josh hadn’t confided in him about his crush as well.

After ringing the doorbell several times, Tyler started to worry that maybe Josh’s parents had dragged him to church after all, and that they were all still away. _Maybe I should wait? Or should I just come back later? I can text him! Oh, I don’t have his number. Hey, I should get that, why don’t I have his number yet?_

Tyler opted for knocking on the door instead. Maybe they just couldn’t hear the bell-

The door was flung open suddenly, and Tyler jumped back, startled, almost dropping the Walmart bag. Josh stood in the doorway, in pajamas and one crutch, his hair messy, and his face looking a little flushed. He was panting a little, too.

“Oh, hi,” Tyler grinned. “I didn’t think anybody was home!”

Josh huffed. “You didn’t have to knock the fucking door down. I was coming. It’s just a bit hard with, you know, _crutches and a broken leg_ -”

“Okay, okay, sorry! I didn’t know you could do the stairs yet. That’s an improvement.” _Don’t forget to be a little put out._

Josh nodded once, and Tyler was about to reprimand him for not sharing this secret crush with him, too, when Josh suddenly looked Tyler up and down, noticing his suit.

“Hey, man, you look good.”

Tyler’s mouth was already opened to speak, but he stopped abruptly, completely taken aback by the compliment. He could feel his cheeks starting to turn red, and he cursed at himself mentally.

He tugged awkwardly at the knot in his tie, the material suddenly seeming too tight for comfort. Trying to avoid eye contact, he shrugged as he stammered out whatever he could think of.  
"Um, y-yeah. Thanks, um, you know. Church and all. You look good, too."   
Tyler registered with horror what he had said the second he had finished saying it. Josh made a show of glancing down at his own outfit, his boxers- extraordinarily and unnecessarily tight boxers, in Tyler’s opinion- and baggy t-shirt, before looking back up, a sly grin growing on his face as an even deeper blush grew on Tyler's.   
Tyler waved his free hand, trying desperately to backtrack. "I mean, um, shit, I didn't mean...I just meant...you probably would look...like, you’d probably look _okay_ if you were wearing a Sunday suit, too, um...I didn't mean-"   
Josh started to giggle at Tyler’s rambling, effectively cutting him off.   
"It's whatever, dude," Josh said, amusement in his voice, and Tyler shrugged one shoulder, still not making eye contact and wishing his blush would just go the fuck away.   
Thankfully, God must have decided to have mercy on Tyler then, seeing as it _was_ Sunday, because Josh suddenly seemed to notice the Walmart bag.   
"Hey, is that the hair dye? Let me see!" he reached out a hand for the bag, but Tyler quickly stepped back, clutching the bag protectively, grateful for the change of conversation and jumping on his chance to cover up his last statement.

“Nope, sorry, dude, it’s still a surprise.” Josh made a pouting face at Tyler’s words, and Tyler was caught off guard with the sudden jump his heart took. _Dammit, why does he have to make that face? Why is it bothering me in the first place? Oh shit, what if I like h-_

“Give it to me, _please_ ,” Josh interrupted Tyler’s worrying, holding out the word _please_ until Tyler finally rolled his eyes and tossed the bag at him to shut him up.

“Fine, there.” Tyler tried to sound disinterested, but he couldn’t help smiling to himself at the excited expression on Josh’s face as he quickly pulled the box from the bag.

“ _Dude!_ ”

Tyler pulled at his tie again, trying to read Josh’s expression. “I hope the color’s okay, I wasn’t really sure, you know...you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to-”

“Dude, are you kidding? This color’s awesome, I love it!” Josh was already trying to open the box, and Tyler beamed.

“Well, I bet it’ll look great,” Tyler stifled a giggle as Josh’s crutch slipped out from beneath his arm and clattered to the floor in his haste to open the box. “I can’t wait to see it tomorrow.”

Josh abandoned the box suddenly, his fingers stilling as he quickly looked up at Tyler. “What do you mean tomorrow? You’re staying to help, right?”

Tyler blinked, searching for words. “Um, I...you want me to stay?”

Josh hobbled a step back, clearing the doorway and waving a hand dramatically at Tyler. “Like I can get back up the stairs with both the hair dye _and_ my crutch. You have to rinse your hair when you’re done dying it, and I don’t wanna get in the shower, I’m afraid I’ll slip.”

Tyler stared awkwardly at Josh as he edged past him into the house. He was starting to sweat a little. “So you want me to…?”

“Help...rinse my hair? In the sink?” Josh tilted his head, seemingly unaware of the position he was putting Tyler in.

Tyler hid his growing blush again by bending over to pick up Josh’s crutch, wishing he could kick himself with it. _Stop being weird. He just wants you to help dye his hair. No biggie._

“You good?” Josh closed the front door and elbowed Tyler as he hobbled past. “Give me my crutch back, and you take the box, okay?”

Tyler followed Josh slowly up the stairs, trying not to stand too closely behind him or rush him. He was obviously still getting used to doing stairs with one leg. There was a point halfway up when Tyler almost giggled out loud, but stopped himself at the last second- the last thing he needed right now was for Josh to get mad at him for laughing. And besides, Tyler had just noticed how nice of an ass Josh had, because _damn_ those were tight fucking boxers. And his _legs_ . _Oh my god, what the hell am I thinking this for, friends don’t think this kind of shit about friends-_

Josh stumbled on the last step and without even thinking, Tyler shot out a hand to grab onto Josh’s waist.

“Whoa, you okay?”

Josh let out a quick, nervous laugh and pulled away to regain his footing on the upstairs landing, and Tyler’s hand retreated embarrassingly to his side. _God, why am I so awkward?_

“You can just leave your jacket and shit on the bed, okay? You don’t want your tie getting wet.” Josh snatched the box from Tyler’s grasp and continued on down the hall towards the bathroom while Tyler made a beeline for Josh’s bedroom, thankful for the few seconds he had to himself to gather enough of his nerves to act nonchalant. _Why am I so fucking anxious right now? Chill, bro._

Tyler peered around Josh’s room as he shrugged out of his stiff jacket and draped it on the unmade bed. He had looked around a bit the past few times he had stopped by, but he hadn’t had a chance to really look. This was where Josh _lived_.

Struggling with the knot in his tie with one hand, Tyler nudged his foot at the basketball lying in the corner on top of a pile of clothes. _Poor Josh. It’ll be a while before he can really play again._

The closet door was half open; dirty clothes were still spilling out from inside, effectively keeping the door from closing. Tyler caught a glimpse of a poster on the inside of the door, and slipped it open a couple more inches to see. The words _I want to believe_ and an ominous looking space shuttle decorated the poster. Tyler smiled, wondering what it meant. A ripped page from a notebook was tacked next to it, covered with little sketches; some aliens, a basketball, a pathetically ugly stick person Tyler assumed was Brendon, judging by the ridiculous grin. Tickets to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert; a printed copy of a selfie of Josh, Brendon, and Spencer when they were several years younger; a sloppy list of what appeared to be an ongoing score of Call of Duty games Josh had won; another picture of Josh and...a girl Tyler didn’t recognize. A scrawled note in swirling cursive was written in sharpie across their bodies (Tyler definitely didn’t notice how intimately the girl’s arm was thrown over Josh’s shoulders, and how delicately Josh had his hand resting on her waist.) _I forgive you for having two left feet, Joshie! Lots of love xo._

Tyler made a sour face at the picture and the note, shoving the closet door as closed as it would go. He turned his back on the closet and looked around the rest of the room, tossing his tie on the bed next to his jacket.

It was a relatively small room, the bed, dresser, and night stand taking up most of the space. Granted, it probably felt a lot smaller than it really was due to the mess Josh had lying everywhere. A messy row of books lined the sill of one of the two windows, and several piles of video games were stacked in the corner of the room, leaning precariously against the wall. A pennant flag for Worthington High School was draped above the bed, and a letterman jacket hung on a peg on the closet door. The dresser’s surface was stacked with CDs and an old CD player, the glowing red numbers blinking _TRACK 07_ over and over. Tyler would have snooped through the games and music Josh had, but he had already stalled long enough. Josh was probably already wondering where the hell he had gone.

Tyler kicked off his shoes before making his way down the hall, unbuttoning the cuffs of his shirt to roll up his sleeves. There were several framed pictures on the wall, and Tyler slowed down to take a look; he had been so preoccupied eavesdropping on Josh’s and Brendon’s conversation the last time he had been in this hallway that he hadn’t even noticed the photos.

One picture showed two young girls standing together in front of the house. In another, one of the same girls looked even younger, holding a baby on her lap. There was a picture of four children in front of a Christmas tree, and Tyler snorted out loud in disbelief when he recognized the chubby cheeks, squinted eyes, and devious grin as a very young Josh among them.

“Tyler, what are you- hey, what are you laughing at?” Josh was standing in the doorway to the bathroom, leaning on his crutch and giving Tyler a glare.

“Nothing,” Tyler tried to keep a straight face as he waved a hand at the picture. “Just looking at the family photos, that’s all.”

Josh squinted his eyes accusingly. “You were laughing.”

Tyler bit his lip to keep from smiling too big. “You were a cute kid, that’s all. I wasn’t laughing. A _super_ cute kid. I bet your mom loved you.”

Josh rolled his eyes dramatically. “Stop it.”

Tyler smiled unabashedly once Josh had turned his back, his cheeks aching slightly. _Dammit, a fucking_ adorable _kid. It figures._

The bathroom already smelled faintly of bleach when Tyler finally suppressed his smile and giggling enough to enter. Josh was sitting on the closed toilet lid, his crutch leaning against the wall, and he had just opened the box of dye and was messing with a pair of rubber gloves. He tossed one to Tyler.

“My family will be home in less than an hour so we have to hurry, okay? My mom’ll try to stop me coloring it again if we’re not done when they get back.”

Tyler could only nod, because Josh pulled off his t-shirt then, causing more of a distraction to Tyler than Tyler had anticipated it would. His skin was light and pink, creating a stark contrast to the tattoos on his arm. Tyler tried to look without it looking like he was looking- _God, I’m a mess._

Josh seemed unaware, thankfully, and Tyler tried to fight the blush growing on his face as he busied himself with pulling on his one glove. He had seen Josh shirtless before. Lots of times. After basketball practice when he was changing in the locker room, just a couple days ago when he had sat right next to him on Josh’s bed and could _feel_ the heat radiating off his skin-

 _Ew, God. Get it under control, Ty-guy_ . _That is just plain creepy. You don’t think this kind of thing about friends. You don’t think this kind of thing about Gerard or Frank or Mikey, so why the hell are you thinking it about Josh? Stop it. For real._

Tyler finished reprimanding himself mentally and focused his attention instead on Josh’s hands, one clad in rubber glove, as he squeezed at the bottle of dye. The box’s other contents were scattered across the counter, and Tyler reached out for the paper instructions.  
“So what do you want me to do?” he asked, studying the picture guide. “I’ve never done this before, so I don’t know how to do it really.”

Josh didn’t reply, just unscrewed the lid from the dye and stuck the cap between his lips as he tested some of the dye on his finger. The liquid was so dark it looked black, and Tyler started to seriously doubt that the finished color would be as light and sky blue as the box had promised.

The picture guide proved unhelpful, and Tyler discarded it, noticed his one sleeve was still buttoned, and busied himself with that instead. His mom would _murder_ him if he got any of that dark blue dye on his Sunday shirt. He tugged at the stiff material, trying to drag his sleeve up his arm and out of the way.

“Hey, Ty-” Josh’s words were muffled as he spoke around the cap in his mouth- “go to my room and get my phone, we can play music or someth-”

Josh glanced up at Tyler then, and the cap slipped from his mouth and clattered on the floor. His eyes seemed to rake over Tyler quickly as he continued, stammered, “My phone...in, in my room, it’s on the floor, I think? By the dresser.”

Tyler tilted his head curiously at Josh as he finished rolling up his sleeve, but Josh had leaned back over the hair dye, dutifully preparing it. Tyler didn’t ask questions, just slipped out of the bathroom in search of Josh’s phone.

When he returned, Josh had emptied the bottle of dye into a disposable bowl and was stirring it with a small brush. The dark color had already splattered across Josh’s hands and the counter, and Tyler cringed at what his mother was going to say about his shirt when he finally got home that afternoon, but oh, well. Nothing to be done about it now.

Josh was standing with all his weight on his good leg, leaning against the counter and turned slightly away from Tyler. Tyler held out the phone to him. “Here you go.”

Josh waved his hand a little. “Could you do it? I’ll get dye on it. Passcode’s 0618, just put it on shuffle.”

It took Tyler several seconds to begin operating effectively enough to actually type in the numbers; Josh had just told him his _password_ . To his _phone_ . Who the fuck does that!? Tyler was secretly pleased, though a snotty voice in his head insisted, _I bet Brendon knows the passcode, too, it’s no big deal._ Tyler opted to ignore it.

 _Love Bites_ by Def Leppard started to play; Josh groaned, and Tyler nodded his head a little, smiling at Josh’s reaction.

“I didn’t even know I had that on there,” Josh said bashfully, hiding his face in his shoulder and trying to cover up, but Tyler only laughed.

“Anyways, here,” Josh slid the bowl of dye across the counter towards Tyler and hopped a step over to make room, facing the mirror over the counter. “So it’s pretty simple, right, what you do is take this comb here and dip it in dye, and basically you just comb it in, that’s all there is to it. I’ll show you.”

A fleck of dye hit Tyler’s cheek as Josh lifted the comb to his hair, and Tyler tried not to stare too long at Josh’s arms as he lifted them above his head to paint in the dye.

“You kinda start at the roots, you know? And comb out. I can’t really reach the back very well so that’s why it’ll help with you here.”

Tyler nodded and waited until Josh had finished the strand of hair and handed him the comb. The bathroom was small, but Tyler slipped behind Josh- the toilet lid was knocking into the back of his knee, but Tyler didn’t dare stand any closer to Josh’s bare back, he was practically flush against him as it was- and, comb in hand, selected the strand of hair next to the other freshly painted strand. _Goddamn, his hair is soft, what the fuuuuuu-_

“Hey, this is kind of fun,” Tyler couldn’t stop the small giggle in his voice as he stroked the brush through Josh’s dark, still slightly red tinted hair.

“Just try not to get it on my neck, it can stain your skin for like weeks-”

“Woops, too late.”

Josh huffed out a laugh, and Tyler peaked up through his eyelashes at Josh’s reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Josh was already looking at him. He squinted his eyes. “Jerk.”

Tyler spit his tongue out and started to rap along to _Nothin’ On You_ before Josh could spit his tongue back.

“‘Regardless of the things in my past that I’ve done-’”

“Oh, my _God_ , you are the _worst_ ,” Josh laughed out loud and purposefully jerked his head to the side, just as Tyler was grabbing another strand of hair. The brush streaked across Tyler’s hand, the dark blue dye smearing across his fingers.

Josh’s laugh sounded so melodious and his eyes seemed to actually shine so much that Tyler couldn’t stop himself from laughing, too.

“Jackass! Look what you’ve done, I’ve got this blue shit all over my arm! If you don’t like my singing just _say_ so,” Tyler said snarkily, dipping the comb back in the dye and waving it in front of Josh’s face.

Josh shrieked and ducked back away from the comb, grabbing at Tyler’s arm, his fingers curling around Tyler’s forearm, the dye smearing over them both. _His hand’s so warm,_ Tyler’s thoughts seemed to slow down to a crawl as he laughed at Josh’s reaction. _God, he smells so, so...so fucking_ good _, goddammit-_

“Oh, shit,” Josh’s giggles faded, though he was still grinning, as he pointed at Tyler’s shirt in the mirror. “Dude, you’ve got dye on your shirt.”

“And whose fault do you suppose that is?” Tyler crossed his arms, only to swipe the brush across Josh’s back, a faint blue streak in it’s place.

Josh’s mouth opened in shock and Tyler burst into another fit of giggles.

“Tyler, what the fuck,” Josh turned around in the tight space to face Tyler, grabbing again at the brush in his hand. “You’re making a _mess_ , it’s like you’re _trying_ to get it on everything!”

Tyler was still giggling uncontrollably when it hit him how fucking close he and Josh were standing. Their chests were less than an inch apart in the tight space, Tyler’s forearm clasped tightly in Josh’s hand as Josh pried at his fingers, trying to steal the comb. Tyler became vaguely aware of the fact that he was several inches taller than Josh, and that Josh’s eyelashes were a lot longer up close, and that if Josh looked up right then, their faces would only be like, an _inch_ apart.

These seemingly random thoughts were still surfacing in Tyler’s mind when Josh was finally able to grab the comb away from Tyler in his daze. Josh was grinning, a white-toothed smile that spread across his whole face, and when he looked up at Tyler, Tyler swore his eyes were the...the _warmest_ shade of brown he had ever seen in his whole life, ever, and all he could do was stare back.

Tyler didn’t know if it was mere seconds or a full minute later when the muffled sound of a door slamming shut and people’s voices drifting up the stairs broke the stillness, and Josh huffed out a small laugh before glancing away and turning back to the sink. Fuck, Tyler wasn’t even certain if Josh _had_ been staring back at all, maybe he had just made eye contact like a normal human being and _Tyler_ had been the one with the fucked up senses and misconceptions. Wait, misconceptions about _what_? The smell of the hair dye suddenly seemed too strong and overwhelming, and Tyler started to feel his skin prick with claustrophobia. He edged out from behind Josh to stand next to him at the counter instead.

Josh was re-dipping the brush in the dye again, careful not to get any more on his fingers. He glanced over at Tyler; his expression was neutral, and Tyler couldn’t read it at all.

“I guess that’s your family then,” Tyler said, his voice sounding too high and weak, but he was getting desperate trying to find something to say in the growing awkward silence. _Is this an awkward silence? What if it’s just a_ normal _silence, but I’m_ making _it an awkward silence? What if I’m freaking out, and there is_ nothing _wrong? What_ is _wrong, anyway?_

“Yeah,” Josh’s voice startled Tyler. It sounded so much lower than his own. “Church went kind of long today, honestly I thought they’d be home like thirty minutes ago.”

Tyler noticed a streak of dark blue dripping down Josh’s neck. “What about your hair? Wanna finish it?”

Josh eyed his hair in the mirror, shaking his head slightly. “My mom will get suspicious if we take too long. Maybe you can just help me finish the back part real quick, the roots and all that, and then you can go on home. I can finish the rest.”

Tyler nodded and took the brush from Josh, taking care not to spill any more of the dye than they already had. Neither of them spoke as Tyler combed at Josh’s hair, though Josh whimpered once- he fucking _whimpered_ , Tyler had trouble breathing for a couple of seconds afterwards, and he had no fucking idea why- when Tyler pulled too hard at a tangled strand of hair. The dye only started to drip once, the stream of liquid rolling slowly down the nape of Josh’s neck, so dark in contrast to Josh’s pale skin. Tyler watched in fixation for a moment before pausing his work to swipe it away with his forefinger. Josh tensed at the sudden touch- or maybe he didn’t, Tyler couldn’t tell. Either way, Tyler wiped the dye off his finger onto his Sunday shirt, his mom’s future scolding be damned, and finished dying the roots of Josh’s hair as quickly as he possibly could. He needed some air.

“Thanks, man,” Josh said when Tyler set the comb down a little too harshly on the bathroom counter. “Thanks for helping. And you know, thanks for like, getting me the dye in the first place. Going out of your way to buy it for me and stuff-”

“It wasn’t any trouble, I wanted to,” Tyler interrupted. He wasn’t sure why he was blushing.

Josh nodded, searched for something to say. “Well...thanks again. I guess I’ll see you in school tomorrow. With blue hair.”

Tyler nodded, too. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it, about anything, it’ll be okay. People won’t stare at the crutches or anything as much as you think, it’ll be cool.” He was starting to ramble, he knew it, but once he started he could never stop. “Just act chill. And I’ll be there, so...but we’re not...we’re not like, like...people don’t know we’re friends, right? Are we still...like is this still a secret, or…?”

A quick flash of _something-_ Tyler couldn’t tell- seemed to cross Josh’s face before he looked down and busied himself with the box of hair dye, tugging at the label. A part of Tyler wished Josh would look at him and another part was thankful he had looked away. “Yeah, no, I’m not sure, man, like...it’s just the guys all think we’re not cool and stuff, and last I checked, Brendon seemed pretty pissed at you, and _Pete’s_ mad at _me_ , and with all the bets and stuff, I don’t know how that all worked out...it might be better- just for now, you know?- if we just...don’t like...broadcast it...you know?”

Tyler nodded, even though Josh wasn’t looking at him. “No, yeah, sure, I get it, that’s what I was thinking. Yeah, that’s fine, I was just...I just wanted to make sure.”

Josh nodded, too. “Yeah. I guess.”

One of Josh’s siblings stomped up the stairs and down the hall, and a bedroom door slammed. Tyler took that as his cue. “Well, I better go now. Fuck, I’ve still got homework to finish for tomorrow. I’ll see you at school...okay?” Tyler reached for the door handle, eyes still on Josh.

Josh nodded again, still looking down at the hair dye box, still picking at the label. “Yeah, sure, man. See you.”

Tyler closed the bathroom door behind him and headed straight for the stairs, glancing once more at the baby picture of Josh in the hallway. He said hello and goodbye to a slightly surprised, but still very courteous and polite Mrs. Dun in the kitchen on his way out the front door, when he could finally fill his lungs with clean air again.

There was a light breeze outside, dancing across his warm and flushed skin through his thin shirt, and Tyler suddenly remembered his jacket he had left on Josh’s bed. The thought of going back upstairs and maybe bumping into Josh again felt, for some strange reason, too much to bear. Tyler made up his mind, strode down the driveway, and started down the road towards his own house. He could get his jacket anytime. He had walked all the way to the neighborhood basketball court before he realized that he had started crying.

 

The sun had just set, painting Josh’s room in a soft blue haze, the young night accentuating the blue of his hair. He hadn’t bothered turning on the bedside lamp, liked it better when he couldn’t see clearly. Tyler had left that afternoon without taking his jacket; after Josh had finished dying his hair on his own and rinsing it out, he had hobbled back to his room and had found the jacket still thrown across his bed.

It was hanging on the back of the closet door now, on top of Josh’s letterman jacket. He hadn’t exactly _sniffed_ Tyler’s coat when he had picked it up, but the jacket smelled like Tyler; a safe and cozy scent of peppermint shampoo and lilac laundry detergent, and only slightly of sweat, a husky undertone that definitely wasn’t a bad one. Josh loved it.

It was only several minutes past eight, but Josh had already brushed his teeth and called _goodnight_ down the stairs to his parents before locking his bedroom door and collapsing on his back in the middle of the bed. His skin was tingling. It _had_ been tingling since Tyler’s hands had first gently brushed against his skin and ran tenderly through his hair hours earlier. His touch had set Josh’s entire body on edge. He had been holding back for _hours_.

His hand was light over his boxers, delicate, tracing. He wanted it to last; he wanted the lingering ghost of Tyler’s fingertips on his neck to last. God, Tyler’s _hands_...just thinking back to how close they had been standing in the bathroom that afternoon, to the soft tug of his hands in Josh’s hair, the way Tyler had kept looking at him in the mirror...it caused Josh to inadvertently push his hips upwards, searching for more contact from his own hand. He had one arm thrown casually beneath his head as a pillow and his eyes were closed, and he took a deep breath to calm himself down for a moment.

His shirt had ridden up, and Josh ran his fingers through the soft hair on his lower stomach, pretending that it was...Josh’s mind raced back to that afternoon, when Tyler had first come into the bathroom, and Josh had looked up at him and had gotten dizzy by how quickly turned on he had gotten. (Hell, it had been embarrassing, but Josh hoped to God that he had covered it up okay, keeping his back to Tyler while his dick had tried to sort itself out. _It wasn’t a full out erection or anything, okay, I’m not_ that _creepy, it was just...it definitely jumped, a tiny bit, that’s all._ _Ugh, leave me alone._ ) But Josh hadn’t been able to help himself. When Tyler had walked in in his dress shirt with his fucking sleeves rolled up and collar still upturned from loosening his tie, and his eyebrows furrowed and lips pouting- Josh hadn’t been able to fucking help himself, okay? A thousand racy thoughts had sped through his mind, and he hadn’t been able to shake them off all day.

And so here he was, alone in his room on a Sunday night, inching his hand down his boxers, his dick leaking through the fabric, mind and body completely consumed with thoughts of Tyler.

Josh’s body started to tense as he wrapped his hand around his dick and moved it slowly, and he was embarrassed at how quickly he could feel his release building. He’d barely touched himself.

Thinking back suddenly to the time Tyler had stopped by earlier that week and spilled milk on him and then proceeded to wipe it off his pants for him, Josh’s hand involuntarily quickened, moving up and down and rubbing at the foreskin with every pump. He let himself groan out loud, but only softly. The last thing he needed was for his siblings to hear him.

He continued stroking softly after he came, his boxers definitely disgusting now, eyes half lidded, staring at the ceiling fan in the dim room turning around and around on the lowest setting. Everything was slow and warm and hazy, and blue and brown, a gentle brown that occasionally shimmered gold, that made Josh feel, for the first time in a while, very, very content.

 

Josh was having second thoughts.

_Shit, third or fourth thoughts. Fuck everything._

His mom had dropped him off at school, right by the front door so he didn’t have to walk any further than necessary. It didn’t help that they were fifteen minutes late; now Josh would have to parade into his English class in front of _everyone_ with his stupid crutches and stupid blue hair. Josh said goodbye to his mom and tried to look as casual as possible as he hobbled inside. His mom had insisted on him taking both crutches, even though Josh was fairly certain he could manage with just one, but when his mom had her mind made up...besides, she was still steaming over Josh’s new hair, and he figured he might at well try to accommodate her wishes to make up for it.

Josh dallied in the secretary’s office for as long as he could, filling out the paperwork for being late and even making small talk with Mrs. Hampton. _Anything_ to avoid having to go to class. Granted, it _did_ take him genuinely longer to make his way down the hall to his locker with his crutches. His arms were _tired_ , goddammit. After stuffing his things in the locker and fiddling for an extra minute with the lock, Josh readied himself mentally, tucked his crutches under his arms, and headed towards his homeroom.

Once outside the door, however, Josh was unsure. He checked the hall clock. There was only fifteen minutes left...no way could he go in this late. He wouldn’t be able to face his classmates, Pete and Patrick and Gerard and...and Tyler. Josh shook his head and eyed the closed door one last time before turning away and shuffling back down the hall.

 

Tyler glared around the lunchroom. She was here, somewhere.

She. Her. _Her_. Fuck her, whoever she was. Fuck Brendon, too. Fuck this whole damn school.

Fuck _Josh_.

Tyler didn’t understand why he felt so...so hostile about things, about Josh’s crush, this mystery girl, but he did. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t understand any of his feelings lately, none of it made any sense to him.

Besides feeling confused, Tyler felt _anxious_ . It was Josh’s first day back at Worthington. That meant- somehow, surely- Josh was going to find out about…. Tyler felt a wave of nausea rush through him. He’d made a mistake, not telling Josh about the team. The first Monday after the game, after practice, Coach had pulled Tyler aside and told him something, something Tyler hadn’t even relayed to his family yet. He didn’t know how to tell them. He didn’t even want to think about it _himself_ , let alone tell his parents about it.

And it didn’t involve just him, either. It involved Josh. Which is the main reason why Tyler hadn’t told him about... _this_ . He didn’t know if Josh was going to stop by practice after school to talk to Coach Anderson or not, but if and when he did...Tyler wondered briefly if he had made a terrible mistake in _not_ telling Josh, but after all, what could he do about it now?

Tyler sighed and temporarily gave it up, turning moodily back to his cold slice of leftover pizza. Gerard was rambling on to Frank and Mikey about this awesome new local band he had discovered over the weekend, and how the lead singer used to go to this school two years ago, and she had tried to sell Gerard pot once.

Frank wasn’t having it. “No way. No chick’s been into that here for the past decade, at least.”

Mikey looked satisfied to remain neutral and just watch the argument as Gerard shook his head, insistent. “Just because she didn’t try to sell you any doesn’t mean she didn’t sell it at all.”

“Dude, two years ago you looked _twelve_ , she wouldn’t have even _talked_ to you.” Frank snorted. “It probably wasn’t even pot, just a frigging mothball or some shit. You were a pretty stupid kid.”

“I didn’t _buy_ any, I just said she tried to sell it to me.”

Tyler chewed methodically at a pepperoni and tuned out the conversation, glancing back out at the crowded cafeteria. The day was half gone already, and he had yet to even see Josh; he hadn't shown up for English that morning. Tyler had thought with the blue hair and crutches and cast and the whole basketball team and the bet makers all anxious to see him again, he would have at least caught a glimpse of him, somewhere, sometime. Maybe he hadn’t come to school that day after all. Tyler started to fidget.

Mikey elbowed him. “What’s up? You’ve been acting weird all day. Looking for someone?”

“No,” Tyler replied almost immediately, sharp enough to cause Gerard to glance across the table at him in mid sentence curiously. Tyler lowered his voice. “No. I’m just...just nervous about the test in music today.”

Mikey squinted his eyes behind his glasses. “You’re great at music theory, and that’s what’s always on the test. You’ll do fine.”

Tyler stuffed a bite of pizza in his mouth to keep from having to say anything. He shrugged instead.

Mikey kept staring at him, and Tyler could feel himself starting to grow frantic. _I mean...it’s not like I’m hiding anything, not really. Why am I so on edge? I wish I could just relax-_

“What’s on your hand?”

The blue stain on Tyler’s fingers immediately caught his eye, and he shoved his hand into his lap, laughing awkwardly as Mikey just stared blankly at him. “Oh, it’s just, just some paint. I was painting at home last night.”

Mikey’s expression was unreadable and his voice monotone. “You’re an artist?”

“Yeah- no, no, not really, I was just...I was painting my room.”

“Oh.”

Thank _God_ for Gerard, because just then he flicked a corn chip across the table at Mikey. It bounced off the rim of his glasses, falling onto his tray of food, and he glared disdainfully at his brother as Frank started to laugh.

Suddenly a commotion in the front of the cafeteria caught Tyler’s attention, and he swiveled in his seat to see what was going on, his interest mildly peaked; his thoughts were still too consumed with worrying about Josh’s absence to be more than only a little interested in whatever could be going on.

Tyler changed his mind when a flash of blue appeared in the small crowd.

Without thinking, he stood up and peered over several students’ heads, trying to get a better view of what was happening. Tyler was vaguely aware of Frank asking him what he was doing, but he had more important things to think about right now.

There was a loud voice, and though Tyler couldn’t make out what they had said from this distance over the usual chatter of the lunchroom, he knew by the sneering tone that it was Pete. He was saying something to Josh, standing way too close for comfort; Josh was leaning on one crutch, making him appear smaller than he was- Pete seemed to be towering over him. Tyler grabbed his empty tray and made for the nearest trashcan as an excuse to get closer. He could feel his blood pumping.

“-such a coward, and you’re playing the martyr? Come on, Dun, this game is getting really old. ‘Oh, poor, Josh, he hurt his leg, it’s Tyler’s fault!’ Listen, Dun, you’ve-”

Tyler couldn’t explain it, but a sudden white hot anger flushed through him at breakneck speed. During the week of Josh’s absence, Pete had mostly ignored Tyler, as had Brendon and Spencer and most of the other guys on the team, giving Tyler the impression that, for the most part, any hard feelings about _how_ the accident had occurred during the Friday night game had dissipated. But, judging by the way Brendon had just elbowed his way through the spectators to stand between Josh and Pete, angrily shoving Pete back a step, well...Tyler guessed he had thought  wrong.

Tyler glanced back at his table. Gerard and Frank were once again engrossed in conversation, completely oblivious to the small scene going on, and Mikey seemed busy on his phone. Tyler emptied his tray, and instead of going back to his friends, edged closer to the gathering, trying to get within earshot.

Pete was still running off at the mouth, as per usual, only now Brendon’s angry protests were being thrown back, adding to the confusion. The lunchroom was pretty loud on a regular basis, so the argument wasn’t the center of attention, though Tyler was getting nervous about how many people were starting to listen in.

“-no way is the coach putting you back on the team, not for a long time-”

“Well, of _course_ not, he _broke_ his fucking _leg_ ,” Brendon’s arms were crossed. “When it’s healed, then he’ll be back on, just like before. You’re fucking kidding yourself, Wentz, if you think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell Coach would let a player as good as Josh go.”

Pete snorted. “Urie, you’re full of shit. I hope you feel fucking satisfied, _Josh_ . Your little plan didn’t work, by the way. _I’m_ first player now, nice try.”

Tyler’s face turned red. _Oh, shit. There it is._

Tyler could see the confusion in Josh’s face as he asked, “What plan? What do you mean you’re first?” just as Brendon spoke over him at the same time, “Shut the hell up, Pete, you weren’t gonna fucking say anything.”

Tyler suddenly felt too close to the whole scene for comfort. He wished he could retreat back to his table, but his feet seemed glued to the floor.

Pete was still talking. “Whatever, he was gonna find out sooner or later. Yeah, Dun, I’m first player now, not you. You’re off the team. You went to all that trouble for nothing, your scheme totally backfired. So you got Tyler suspended from the team for interference, big deal; _you still aren’t first player_.”

_Uh-oh._

Tyler could hear Brendon babbling on to Josh, trying to explain that he was sorry he hadn’t told him about being off the team, stressing the fact that Coach had said it was only _temporary_ , until he was completely healed, and that it practically didn’t even count as being off the team anyways. But the expression on Josh’s face made Tyler’s stomach drop. He looked so _mortified_ . So _sad_ , so _confused_. Tyler wasn’t trying to be vain, but he knew that being temporarily off the team wasn’t what was making Josh feel this bad.

_I should have told him, I know I should have told him, but he wouldn’t have forgiven himself, he’d have been so fucking upset, I just didn’t want him to worry about it…._

That’s when Tyler realized Josh had noticed him standing there. They held eye contact briefly, lasting less than a second before Josh was turning and leaving the cafeteria, his crutch tapping the floor, leaving Pete standing in victory and Brendon turning to him angrily to continue the argument.

Tyler stood there next to the trashcan for a moment, using every ounce of his self will to keep himself from _not_ running wildly through the cafeteria, in front of everyone, after Josh in a desperate last attempt to ease the ugly truth. To try to explain why he had kept this from him in the first place.

Tyler closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, Pete and Brendon were still in their corner of the lunchroom arguing, though the janitor seemed to be eyeing them warily now. _Finally, where the fuck have all the teachers been? Useless._ Gerard and Frank still weren’t paying much attention to Tyler’s growing absence, and, as much as Tyler really, really, _really_ wanted to go find Josh, he forced himself to walk casually back to his table. There were too many people around right now, and Josh didn’t want them to know; Tyler would do it, if that’s what Josh really thought was best.

Tyler slid back into his seat, and Mikey looked up from his phone. “What was all the noise about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Tyler tried to keep his voice low, hoping Gerard and Frank wouldn’t hear. “Pete and Brendon were arguing about the game or something, I think.”

“Was that Josh I saw? Is he back now?”

Tyler shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “Dunno. Probably. It’s been like, what, a week?”

Mikey shrugged, too. “We’re still not talking, so I wouldn’t know. Does he have blue hair now? I thought I saw blue, I didn’t recognize him at first.”

The bell rang then, and Tyler sighed inwardly with relief, standing up quickly from the table. “I think it’s blue now, I don’t know, I didn’t really see. I’ll see you in the music room, okay?” Grabbing his phone, Tyler didn’t wait for a reply and darted out of the cafeteria. He kept his eye out for a flash of blue as he made his way down the hall, but Josh was nowhere to be seen. Tyler’s heart sank.

_Fucking great._

 

Twenty minutes later, Tyler was sitting at one of the tables in the music room, tapping his pencil worriedly as he tried focusing on the music theory test. It was hopeless. He knew all this shit, but he couldn’t _concentrate_ ; Josh’s seat across the room was empty.

Tyler glared at the back of Pete’s head, sitting at the table in front of him. Gerard was seated beside Tyler, chewing anxiously on his pencil (he hated Theory.) Frank was sitting across the room next to Patrick, and it appeared to Tyler like Pat was letting Frank cheat off his own paper.

But Josh’s seat...Josh should have been there. He really dug music. He wouldn’t have missed a test unless something was really, seriously wrong.

Tyler slammed his pencil down on the table harder than he meant to, and Gerard jumped.

“Sorry,” Tyler said in a low voice, standing up. “Bathroom.”

He exited the room as quietly as he could, before the teacher, busy at his computer, could stop him. He didn’t know where he was going exactly, but he knew he had to find Josh, if he was even still at school. Tyler didn’t know where else he would go, still being on crutches, obviously.

He checked the bathrooms on the main floor, but Josh wasn’t there. Bathroom stalls used to be Tyler’s go-to place in his old school whenever he felt a panic attack coming on or started to dissociate. Josh couldn’t be in the gym either, because the younger grades were having their physical education the same hour. Tyler checked the stairwells, and even the janitor’s closet when he passed. The hallways were mostly empty, much to Tyler’s relief, as he continued wandering them, his own anxiety and regret growing with every step. _I should have_ told _him._

Tyler was running out of places to look when something slamming into a locker made him startle. It came from a relatively dead hallway around the corner, with an emergency exit at the end and no classrooms. To Tyler’s knowledge, most of the lockers in that section weren’t even used, because they were too far away from classes to be of any use.

When Tyler rounded the corner and saw Josh, _finally_ , his entire body was flooded with a huge sense of relief. Just as quickly as the feeling had hit him though, it turned into one of panic almost immediately.

Josh was panting for breath, and he seemed to be holding onto one of the lockers for support. Tyler saw one of his crutches lying on the ground, the source of the noise he had heard. Josh was pressing his head against the locker, his chest heaving. Even from the distance Tyler was standing, he could tell Josh was panicking.

Then Josh banged his head against the locker, his other crutch falling to the floor, and Tyler heard himself call out. “Josh!”

He wasn’t even aware he had moved from his spot at the end of the hall until he found himself standing at Josh’s side, grasping his shoulders and turning him around to face him. He was crying, his face red and patchy. He didn’t seem to see Tyler as he let his head fall heavily back into the locker.

“Josh, stop!” Tyler shook him by the shoulders before thinking maybe that wasn’t the best idea, compromising by holding tightly onto his arms to keep him still. “Stop it, Josh, look at me! Calm down!”

He was shaking, so hard it was difficult to hold him steady and upright. “Shh,” Tyler cooed as he helped lower Josh to the ground, kneeling down in front of him.

“Josh, look at me. It’s okay. I know I should have told you, I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want you to...it’s all gonna be okay, please stop crying, I...breathe like, really deep, okay? Slow breaths. You gotta stay calm. Understand?”

Josh was nodding, which Tyler took for a good sign, tears still streaming down his face. Tyler didn’t realize until that minute just how much he fucking _hated_ to see Josh’s big brown eyes glistening from crying. It felt so wrong.

Tyler moved one hand from Josh’s arm up to his face, cupping one side of it. He was really flushed, his skin hot against Tyler’s fingers. Josh’s eyes met his for the first time since Tyler had shown up. Tyler flinched. He looked so hurt. _Like a fucking puppy._

Hesitating only a second, Tyler moved his other hand up to Josh’s head, fingers resting in the newly colored hair. He tugged at it gently, petting him- only a tiny bit. _I’m just trying to soothe him, I hate seeing him like this…._

When Josh’s breathing started to come more regularly, and the shaking had died down a little, Tyler leaned forward a of couple inches to press his forehead tenderly to Josh’s. His face was damp and sticky. Josh’s eyes were staring intently at Tyler’s, and Tyler felt one of Josh’s hands come up and wrap around Tyler’s forearm.

“Calm down,” Tyler tried to sound authoritative and calm himself, even though on the inside he was seriously freaking the fuck out. Josh was sitting almost perfectly still now, eyes locked on Tyler.

A sudden shuffling sound caused Tyler to glance up quickly, pulling his head away from Josh’s. The hallway was empty, though Tyler eyed it warily for a moment. Josh sniffed and took a deep breath, catching Tyler’s full attention again. He let go of Tyler’s arm and rubbed at his face; Tyler let his own hand fall back down to his side.

“Sorry,” Josh’s voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat. “Sorry for that. I didn’t mean to….”

Tyler shook his head. “It’s okay, I get it. Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Josh sniffed again. “How did you...why aren’t you in class?”

Tyler’s face reddened slightly. “I was...I was worried about you.”

“You were looking for me?”

“Yeah. I wanted to skip music today anyway.”

Josh laughed a little, and Tyler’s heart soared. Only for a moment though, because Josh’s brows furrowed once again.

“So...you were suspended from the team.”

Tyler paused. “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I haven’t told anyone. Well, I mean, outside of school, no one knows. My family, I mean. I don’t know how to tell them, really.”

“But…” Josh shifted a bit on the floor. “You were suspended after the game, after what happened. Pete said-”

“Pete says a lot of things,” Tyler snapped before softening his tone. “It’s _not_ your fault, Josh. Seriously, it’s not.” He sighed. “Look, you know the...the rumors about me?”

“About at your old school?”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah. Well, I guess the coach heard about them somehow, some parent complained or something. He didn’t say it, but I think he doesn’t want a bad reputation ruining the whole team or something.”

“But they were just rumors. No way would Coach kick you off for that. It’s because of what I did during the ga-”

“What happened during the game, that was just an _excuse_ to kick me off the team, Josh. It wasn’t you, okay?” Tyler’s voice was harsh, but he wanted to get his point across. “It _wasn’t_ you.”

Josh didn’t look completely convinced, but before he could protest, the bell rang loudly over their heads, causing them both to jump. The distant sound of students chattering grew slowly louder.

Josh grabbed at his crutches, and Tyler helped him to his feet.

“Do you want to go home now or…?” Tyler was about to reach out and steady Josh, but let his hands fall awkwardly to his side when Josh seemed to manage on his own.

“Nah, I...I don’t wanna cause any drama. Well, I mean...any more than I already have.”

That’s when Tyler realized Josh was _embarrassed_. He wasn’t meeting Tyler’s gaze anymore, he was actually shuffling his feet a little.

“Josh, look at me.” Tyler waited patiently until Josh glanced up at him through several loose tendrils of blue hair. “It’s _okay_ to...to _feel_ things. You don’t always have to be _sorry_ about it. Not with me.”

A small light appeared in Josh’s eyes at Tyler’s words, and Tyler felt all the breath in his body rush out of him in a single beat.

He finally understood.

Staring down at his friend with blue hair and a cast covered in ugly doodles, with his skin red from crying and a snotty nose, and his eyes so, so, _so_ brown, Tyler knew.

_Oh, boy, am I fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i mentioned, i received a lot of super SUPER nice anons on tumblr; pls don't hesitate to drop me a message! messages and comments, things like that really keep the fire burning, yknow what i'm saying? ily


	9. because of you i might think twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who doesn't know the meaning of deadlines! Or release dates! C'est moi!
> 
> Yeah I'm actually really, enormously sorry about the incredibly long wait, but here at last is chapter 9! this has got to be the longest slow burn fic ever, and i'm sorry about that, too. Kiiind of...not really....
> 
> title from WDBWOTV <3
> 
> (hey what do you know, this accidentally became the longest chapter yet! cool beans!)

_ Beebo: Lol did you see that stupid tie TJ was wearing on Sun? _

_ J: I wasn’t at church remember. what up broken leg. don’t try cheering me up _

_ Beebo: Cmon Joshie don’t be emo abt it. Coach won’t replace u _

_ J: i have to use crutches for at least 2 more weeks _

_ J: and i have to keep the cast for at least a month, probably longer _

_ J: and then i have to “take it easy” for like half a year _

_ J: i’m fucked _

_ Beebo: … _

_ Beebo: yeah man ur right, ur fucked _

_ J: fuck u _

_ Beebo: hey you said not to cheer you up _

Josh dropped his phone onto the coffee table, letting it thump loudly against the surface and slumped back against the sofa, frowning. Jordan glanced at him from the other end of the couch.

“Don’t throw your phone like that, you’ll scratch the table.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Stop being a bitch baby about everything.”

One of Josh’s little sisters, Abby, interrupted from the recliner in the corner. “Don’t say that word, Jordan.”

Josh ignored her and glared at his brother. “ _ You’re _ the bitch baby, shut up.”

“Stop saying that word, I’m telling Mom!”

Jordan sneered back at Josh. “Just because you’re off the team doesn’t mean you can act like a dick, it’s not my fault.”

Abby sighed. “Mom!”

Josh groaned loudly and turned the volume up on the TV to avoid his siblings and to prevent his mom coming in from the kitchen and yelling at him- invariably she would yell at him, he was certain. Oldest sibling and all that. He always got yelled at.

It was Saturday afternoon, mid October, the first day off after Josh’s return to school earlier that week; cast, crutches, blue hair and all. People had stared and talked about him all week, half his teammates-  _ Ex-teammates….  _ Josh thought bitterly- rallying around him in support that gained him unwanted attention, and the other half viciously ignoring him. And verbally attacking him, as in Pete’s case. The number of nasty looks Josh had received in the hallways that week was unbelievable. And then there was the whole school’s building excitement about the next basketball game coming up soon. It made Josh upset all over again every time he had to think about it. He had never been so ready for Saturday before in his  _ life _ , ever.

Except that now his little brother  _ and  _ his little sister were  _ annoying  _ him. All Josh wanted to do was to be left  _ alone  _ to lounge on the couch feeling sorry for himself and watch Hilary and David battle it out on HGTV. He would list this condo, personally.

Josh’s other sister appeared around the corner from the kitchen, snacking on a bag of popcorn. “Mom’s on the phone, she says to shut up and stop yelling at each other, she can’t hear.”

“We weren’t yelling, Ashley, Josh was picking on me.”

Josh thought he showed an impressive level of tolerance as he pointedly ignored Jordan, picking his phone back up off the table and tapping open random apps as a commercial started to play. Ashley said something in a reprimanding tone, but Josh successfully tuned out what she had said, scrolling through Twitter faster than he could read any tweets.  _ Why can’t they all hang out somewhere else and let me fucking watch HGTV without being bullied? God, little siblings are fucking goblins. _

Josh shushed his siblings suddenly as  _ Love It or List It  _ came back on, the featured couple looking around their refurbished home in openmouthed amazement. He turned the volume up a few more notches to drown out Jordan’s protests at being shushed, when he felt his phone on his lap vibrate. Josh glanced down absentmindedly, assuming it was Brendon bothering him again, but an unknown number showed on his screen.

_ Hey :) Is this Josh? _

Josh was so intent in studying the number that he didn’t hear the couple’s decision to love their home instead of moving to the far better semi-detached. Three dots appeared on his phone screen, and Josh watched curiously as the unknown person typed.

_ This is Tyler. _

Josh choked on the breath of air he had just taken. Tyler was texting him.  _ Tyler was texting him. _

“Oh, God….” Josh muttered out loud, thumbs hovering uncertainly over the keyboard.

Ashley plopped down onto the sofa between Josh and Jordan. “What is it?” she asked in a disinterested voice, tossing more popcorn into her mouth.

Josh turned away from her, leaning into the arm of the couch, and tilted his phone closer to his chest protectively. “N-nothing,” he said, sweat starting to break out on his forehead as he eyed the texts once again. Tyler wasn’t typing anymore, presumably waiting for a reply to verify that this was indeed Josh’s number. Josh wondered how he had gotten ahold of it. Sure, he had been wanting to exchange numbers so that they could text for some time now, but every time he thought about bringing it up, he chickened out. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal, Josh knew this, but asking for your crush’s number, whether your crush knows they’re your crush or not, is inconceivably harder than asking a friend or a casual acquaintance. Josh cursed silently at himself.

Things that first week back at school between Josh and Tyler...they had been different. Possibly a little strained. Josh wasn’t sure. After he had found out so suddenly from Pete-  _ Fuck you and your first player, Wentz _ \- that not only himself, but Tyler, too, had been kicked off the team, he had had a complete meltdown. Thinking back about it actually embarrassed Josh. He hadn’t meant to go off the deep end and skip class and panic out in the hallway, but that’s what had happened. And then Tyler had showed up, and that happened. Josh almost wanted to laugh at how mixed up his emotions were, at how many different emotions he had inside him recently. It was enough to make his head spin.

The whole time Tyler had been there in the hallway with him, comforting him and  _ touching  _ him- Josh would be lying if he didn’t admit that he thought about Tyler’s hand pressed to his face, his palm so assuring and warm against his cheek, almost once every hour, on the hour- and talking to him, it helped to ground Josh; it helped bring his entire world, spinning wildly around and out of control, back into familiar territory, back into its crooked place in his currently  _ very  _ messed up situation.

And the entire time that Tyler had been there beside him, all Josh could think about was how much he lo- how much he  _ liked  _ him. Yeah, he liked him a  _ lot _ .

And it wasn’t like it was... _ easy _ for Josh to admit that to himself. That he liked, really, really,  _ really,  _ really  _ liked  _ Tyler. After all, he was just a stupid and confused twelfth grader who hadn’t had a girlfriend for all of highschool, it wasn’t like he was  _ used  _ to this sort of thing. A charismatic and good looking guy like Tyler, he had probably had  _ loads  _ of girlfriends his entire life. Maybe even boyfriends, too. Josh hoped so, at least. Or he thought he did.

While Josh had resigned himself to the fact that he lo-  _ liked  _ Tyler, he wasn’t certain that  _ crush  _ was the right word for what he felt anymore. Josh had had crushes before, and it had always been  _ different _ than this. In eighth grade, with his last crush, after a bit of persuading from Brendon and Spencer, Josh had marched right up to Debby and had told her that he thought she was cute, and would she like to hang out after school. Things had moved right along, with little to no interference from his brain suggesting stupid reasons to  _ not _ .

With Debby, even before she had known he had liked her, Josh’s brain hadn’t stopped him from making flirty and suggestive comments; his brain hadn’t worried about whether or not she would be scared away as a friend, his brain hadn’t warned him to play it safe in case she got freaked out. His brain hadn’t had really much of a say at all in the matter, Josh had just gone with his gut. If she liked him, good; if not, okay then, he’d try a bit harder. No sweat.

But Tyler.  _ Tyler _ . With him, it was different,  _ somehow _ , it had been from the start. Their friendship had already had such a shaky start to begin with, Josh was  _ terrified  _ of making a mistake, of messing it up somehow, of scaring Tyler away. Of Tyler realizing maybe Josh wasn’t the cool, laidback guy Tyler probably thought he was. Probably. Though Josh seemed to have a habit of trying to prove him wrong at every turn as of late.

Either way, Josh was finding it progressively more and more difficult to refer to Tyler as his  _ crush _ . Whatever the fuck  _ that  _ meant.

Josh huffed annoyedly, all these thoughts gnawing at his mind and making him irritated. The TV was too loud now. He half muted it and tossed the remote control onto the coffee table with a loud thud.

All three of Josh’s siblings protested at one time, and Josh threw his hands up in frustration. “God, just leave me alone!” He pocketed his phone and grabbed a crutch, limping through the room and out the door to the front step, where he collapsed on the pavement.

There was a gentle breeze,and though the leaves were starting to change color and the nights were getting colder, the late morning sun was still warm enough to keep Josh from freezing in his gym shorts. Josh hoped briefly that the neighbors weren’t looking. Yikes.

He decided that he didn’t care about the neighbors anyway and shoved his crutch to the sidewalk beside him, glaring at it for good measure. Then he pulled out his phone again, turned it on, and stared at the texts from Tyler.

After the initial shock, Josh would have replied in a fumbling heartbeat to the texts, relieved beyond belief at  _ not  _ having to be the one to ask for Tyler’s number. But right now, Josh held back, uncertain.

The problem was, Josh felt  _ guilty _ . He felt  _ guilty  _ for helping to perpetrate the rumors about Tyler before he even knew him, he felt  _ guilty  _ for accidentally insulting Mikey and for not having made up yet, he felt  _ guilty  _ for the bets that were placed on him and Tyler, he felt  _ guilty  _ for hurting his leg in the first place solely because he was trying to show off, he felt  _ guilty  _ for dragging Tyler down into a rivalry that split the entire team- heck, the entire  _ school-  _ in half, he felt  _ guilty  _ for ruining Tyler’s chance at making good on the team and possibly getting a scholarship or whatever else it was he wanted, he felt  _ guilty  _ for fucking  _ masturbating  _ to him, he felt  _ guilty  _ for Tyler feeling like he had to be the one to fix everything because he thought it was somehow his fault in the first place, because  _ goddammit  _ it  _ wasn’t Tyler’s fault. _

And it was obvious Josh had made Tyler feel uncomfortable that week. Josh knew it. When he had had that breakdown in the hallway, and Tyler had comforted him, Josh knew that he had let too much emotion show on his face. _ You don’t always have to be sorry, _ Tyler had said to him.  _ Not with me.  _ Those last words had resonated in Josh’s mind, so loudly that he hadn’t been able to help the look of pure adoration that had escaped from his chest and danced across his face. He had let too much fondness leak its way into his smile, into his eyes, he had known even then, he could feel it. It would have been the perfect moment, Josh thought, as perfect as it could have been directly after having a panic attack, except for that after Tyler’s words and Josh’s reaction, Tyler had pulled back.

Sure, the bell had just rung and the other students would have found them if he hadn’t moved, but Tyler had stepped away from Josh almost immediately, suddenly seeming unwilling to make eye contact with him anymore. He had barely muttered a goodbye before dashing off down the hallway, leaving Josh alone with his worries once again.

If that had been it, Josh might have been able to overlook that now and reply with charisma and ease to Tyler’s texts. But it hadn’t been just the one time. It had been _ all week. _

And,  _ yes _ , Josh understood that they “weren’t friends” to everyone else, and that they couldn’t let their guard down at school, there were too many people around. But in passing in the hallways, even when surrounded by his friends, Josh had always glanced out of the corner of his eye at Tyler, ready and willing to make knowing eye contact with him, maybe share a quick smile if Brendon hadn’t been looking. But Tyler had always kept his head down. And during lunch on Tuesday, Tyler had been right in front of Josh in line, but he hadn’t even turned around, not even a little bit, even though Josh had muttered hi when he had first gotten into place behind him. Josh had hoped that maybe Tyler hadn’t heard him. And when Josh’s mom had picked him up Wednesday afternoon, they had past Tyler in the parking lot. No one had been around to spy on them, and Josh had waved a bit as they drove past; but Tyler had been looking the other way. Purposefully, Josh had then feared and was now certain.

And in music class on Thursday afternoon, the instructor had asked Tyler to hand out papers for the pop quiz. As he had set Josh’s paper down on his desk, Josh had glanced up quickly, smiling ever so slightly, but Tyler had turned away before their eyes could have met. And on Friday, when there had been a fire drill, the most Tyler had acknowledged Josh had been to push the door open wider than normal so that it swung open a moment longer, allowing Josh to get through with his crutches. Tyler hadn’t even looked back to check on him.

And of course, being a school week, Josh didn’t expect Tyler to stop by his house  _ after  _ school very often. Not even Brendon or Spencer were able to drop by that week. But then, Josh argued to himself, they had a reason: the coach was apparently, according to Spencer’s texts, cracking down on the team a lot harder now that two of the best players were off it. The next game was scheduled for the end of the month, and Coach said that they had a lot of progress to make before then. But Tyler- which was more or less Josh’s fault, Josh couldn’t help reminding himself- was off the team; he didn’t have an hour long practice every day after school. On top of that, Tyler lived quite literally only two blocks away. And only last week, he had seemed more than happy to stop by and say hi.

So,  _ what the hell had changed? _

Josh eyed the simple texts once more, as if staring hard enough would give him answers to all of his questions. Twenty minutes had passed since he had received the first text. Josh imagined Tyler, only a mile away if that, in his own house in the same neighborhood, maybe sitting on the front step, too. Maybe he was eyeing his phone anxiously, waiting, just like Josh was doing. Josh wondered if he had told his parents about being off the team yet. The thought made Josh a bit uneasy. He really hurt for Tyler.

But then again... _ Tyler _ had been the one to text him, hadn’t he? Of course he had. Josh chewed on his lip studiously, convinced sending a simple message via phone should  _ not  _ be this fucking hard. If anything horribly wrong  _ had  _ happened between them, due to Josh’s apparent reveal of more-than-bros emotion, or the drama with the team, or  _ God knows _ what else- if Tyler didn’t feel as warmly about Josh now as he used to just a week ago, then he wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of figuring out Josh’s number and sending him a text on Saturday morning in the first place. Right?

Josh decided his reasoning was sound enough. If he acted like nothing was wrong, ( _ Besides, oh, you know, getting yourself and your new best friend kicked off the team and breaking your damn leg and several friendships at the same time…. _ ) then maybe nothing  _ was  _ wrong after all. Maybe he had just been reading Tyler wrong all week. Maybe Tyler had only been doing what he had thought  _ Josh  _ had  _ wanted  _ him to do- act like they weren’t friends, keep up the appearance of high school rivals. Of course!  _ That  _ was why Tyler had come off as so distant that week. It  _ must  _ have been.

Taking a deep breath of the crisp, late morning air, Josh hit  _ reply _ .

 

Tyler had fucked up.

Bigger than he had ever fucked up before in his entire life- yeah, okay, sure, he wasn’t thirty years old or anything, he was still pretty young. Tyler was certain he’d fuck up a whole lot more later on down the road, but throughout his seventeen years of life, this was the biggest fuck up of all fuck ups, ever, hands down, no competition.

Tyler had fallen in love.

And Tyler had absolutely no fucking idea what to do about it.

He paced quickly back and forth in the hallway outside the doorway to the sitting room, chewing on his lip and his phone heavy in his pocket. Josh hadn’t replied yet. It had been exactly twenty-eight minutes (and forty-one seconds), and Josh  _ still hadn’t replied yet. _ He had a broken leg, cast, and  _ crutches  _ for Christ’s sake, what the hell could he  _ do  _ on a Saturday morning beside mess around on his phone? And Tyler knew Josh had seen his texts, the  _ Read  _ notification had glared up at Tyler from his phone screen before he had turned it off angrily and shoved it in the pocket of his sweat pants.

_ Maybe he’s mad at you. Shut up! No, he isn’t.  _ He  _ was the one who insisted on acting like we’re not friends, he  _ wanted _ you to ignore him- wait, so you admit that you were  _ ignoring  _ ignoring him then..? Like not just pretending, you were actually  _ ignoring  _ him…?  _ Tyler continued to stalk back and forth down the hallway, mulling the incidents of the past week over in his head. He knew the  _ exact  _ moment that things had started to go downhill, because he knew the  _ exact  _ moment that he had realized he was  _ in fucking love  _ with his best friend-  _ Wait,  _ is  _ Josh my best friend? Fuck, he is, isn’t he?  _ Tyler had had a crush this entire time, and he  _ hadn’t even fucking realized _ it until it had turned into  _ love _ .  _ Wow, that’s sappy. I hate myself sometimes. _

Tyler knew it was probably a pretty big statement for a senior in high school to make, but god be damned if he didn’t make it anyways. Josh’s first day back at school, when Tyler had found him in a mess on the floor in that deserted hallway, face splotchy from crying, freshly dyed blue hair, crutches, and all. When Tyler had pressed their foreheads together, and Josh had grabbed onto Tyler’s forearm like it was an anchor and stared so deeply, so completely into Tyler’s eyes that Tyler had thought he was physically, literally going to drown- that’s when he had known. High schooler or not. That’s the second he had realized what a _ total idiot _ he was for  _ not  _ recognizing his feelings sooner. And it had all just hit him so fast, he hadn’t known what to  _ do _ , how to react, and, Tyler feared, he had reacted rather badly.

Ignore Josh, ignore the problem, right? It was a cowardly way out, Tyler had known this as soon as he had dashed off and left Josh in the hallway as the bell had started to ring, but come on, can you really blame him? Tyler had justified it a bit by recalling Josh’s idea of keeping up the appearance of rivals to protect themselves from their friends and uphold their reputations they supposedly had in the high school scene.  _ Not that mine is all that great right now, anyways, but...the point is valid...somewhat…. _

And so Tyler had ignored Josh, had done so all week quite successfully; but on Friday night when Gerard had invited him out to the movie theater, as Tyler had been sitting there in the dark, sandwiched between Mikey and Frank, he had been terrified to discover that he wasn’t paying an iota of attention to the movie, because he was too busy feeling utterly,  _ utterly  _ alone and depressed. Love was scary like that.

He fucking missed Josh.

That’s it, that’s all there was to it. Tyler missed his best friend, he missed his crush, he missed the guy he  _ kinda fucking loved  _ with all his young heart, and, well. Tyler wasn’t willing to go through another week like that one.

Tyler’s mind had churned during the rest of the movie, quickly devising his next course of action in Operation Get-Josh-Back. During the end credits, while Gerard and Frank had been excitedly discussing alternative motives of the antagonist, Tyler had peaked at Mikey’s phone as he had quickly typed in his passcode and began texting someone (Tyler had noticed with mild interest that Mikey had stealthily tilted his phone so that Tyler could no longer see what, or  _ who _ , he had been texting.) But only with mild interest though; Tyler had had a lot of bigger, more important things on his mind. Like remembering Mikey’s passcode until they had all walked to the McDonald’s across the street to get apple pies as a late night treat, and Mikey had gone to get refills for everyone, and Tyler had thrown his plan into action, seizing the opportunity to sneak Mikey’s phone off the table and scroll through his contacts.

He had still had Josh’s number listed. It had taken Tyler a bit longer to find it than he had hoped, because Mikey (or Gerard, Tyler rather suspected) had changed the name to  _ Butt-hole _ . Thankfully the picture hadn’t been changed, and Tyler had stealthily added the number to his own phone before Gerard or Frank had spotted what he had been doing. They had still been arguing over ulterior motives.

So it had been sneaky, and maybe even a little bit lowdown of Tyler. So that’s love. So what.

By any account, that’s how Tyler had ended up that Saturday morning, breaking a mall outing with Mikey in favor of furiously pacing the front hallway in his pajamas, counting the seconds it took Josh to reply back, and overanalyzing everything for the sixth _ (or is it seventh now?) _ time.

Tyler continued to tread the same invisible path as he muttered to himself, going over again the possible reasons why Josh  _ still  _ hadn’t replied. After another agonizingly long minute of silence from his phone, Tyler dug it back out of his pocket and tossed it onto the carpeted steps and wandered into the living room. God, he had to clear his mind and calm  _ down _ a little. This was driving him crazy.

The radio was on, and his mom was sitting on the couch and leaning over the coffee table, pieces of colored paper scattered everywhere before her, scissors in hands. Since moving to Worthington, his mom had found a job as an elementary school teacher’s aide, and so far she was taking the job  _ very  _ seriously. Tyler eyed the red and green and orange leaves she was cutting out, the extra scraps of paper scattering across the floor.

“Oh, hey, Ty,” she said, glancing up. “Hey, are you doing anything? Wanna help cut some leaves?” Tyler moved to the edge of the couch as she finished another leaf. “I’ll draw them if you cut them out for me, hm? These scissors are too tiny.”

Happy for a distraction, Tyler perched on the arm of the couch and took the scissors his mom handed him. He noted with interest that the dark blue stripe of hair dye was still visible on his wrist. That stuff really did take a long time to rub off. He wedged the small pair of scissors onto his fingers and retorted, “That’s because these are for like, five year olds, Mom.”

His mom nodded. “Nine year olds, but you’re right. We lost our scissors during the move, I think. Might be in Madison’s room somewhere. Your father was helping her get the duct tape off the dresser last night. You know, I don’t think taping those drawers shut during the move was a good idea, your dad is smart, but I don’t think that that was one of his better ideas-”

“Mhm,” Tyler hastily chopped at the paper his mom handed him, only half listening to whatever it was she was saying. He couldn’t remember. He was too busy straining to hear if his phone had gone off with a notification out in the hallway.

“Hey, mom?” Tyler interrupted, if only with slight hesitance. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, honey, what is it?”

Tyler let one leg dangle off the couch, toeing at the scraps of autumn colored paper splayed across the floor, eyes down. “Mom, did you...when you were a kid, I mean, like me, like in high school, right...did you ever have like...did you ever get a crush on someone? On a friend?”

His mom didn’t look up, just continued tracing a new leaf onto an orange sheet of paper as she replied. “Oh, I probably did, at one time or other. I had a lot of crushes on the older students, when I was a freshman.”

“Yeah, but did you ever like, get a crush- a  _ really, really bad _ crush, like a I-want-to-spend-all-my-time-with-you-forever crush, on a  _ friend _ ?” Tyler chewed his lip anxiously. So that’s how he felt about Josh, huh? It felt so...exuberant, saying it out loud.

Tyler’s mom didn’t respond right away, and Tyler felt his cheeks starting to pinken, so he quickly continued talking, trying to make his mom understand. “It’s like, I didn’t really care about h- I mean, um...I didn’t care about  _ them  _ that much, at first, but then we started talking, or I don’t know, it just happened, and we became friends and stuff and now like...I have a couple other friends, you know, and I really, really like them, obviously, but when I hang out with them, it’s like I just wish J- I mean, I just wish that this other friend of mine was there, too, you know? But like...it’s kind of complicated, because h- their friends don’t really like me, so we can’t be too friendly in front of the other kids at school, you understand? And like, I was feeling really weird about it all for weeks until recently, like just this past week, and I realized why I had been feeling that way, and it’s ‘cuz I  _ like  _ like h- them. You...know? Kind of?”

Tyler’s mom finally set down her pencil and smiled slyly up at him, and Tyler groaned, his face a proper shade of tomato red now, and he grabbed a pillow off the sofa, burying his face in it. “ _ Mooooooooooom _ ….” He whined.

She laughed suddenly, lightly, and patted his knee. “Oh, Tyler, sweetie, I’m not making fun of you, I’m sorry. C’mon, put the pillow down. So you like this girl, hm?”

Tyler’s voice was muffled from behind the pillow. “More or less.”

“And she’s your friend? And she doesn’t know?”

Muffled reply. “More or less….”

A few seconds with only the radio playing, and Tyler peeked out from behind his pillow. His mom was tapping her pencil against her thigh, staring intently out the window.

After another second, Tyler prodded, “What should I do? What did  _ you  _ do?”

“Well, honey, believe it or not, I wasn’t very popular in high school, I didn’t make many friends.”

“Oh.”

“I had a lot of crushes, sure, but the only one I can ever recall having on a friend, well- truthfully, that was your father. I’m sure that’s not the kind of advice you’re looking for. And that’s not the kind of advice I’m offering, either.” She poked Tyler’s foot with the pencil, smiling. “You hear me? You’re not allowed to even think about getting married until you’re at least thirty-five.”

Tyler groaned again and retreated behind his pillow. “ _ Moooooom _ .” Thinking about marriage and his crush on Josh at the same time made his face level up another ten shades of red.

His mom laughed lightheartedly and reached out to pull the pillow away from him. Tyler clung onto it tightly, until she stopped pulling and just shook her head at him. “I can’t tell you what to do in this situation, sweetie. Feel it out for yourself, you’ll know what to do. And if you  _ do  _ decide to tell your friend, even if they don’t feel the same way, if they really are your  _ friend _ , I’m sure they’ll understand.”

Tyler tossed the pillow aside and made a pouting face, resting his cheek on his palm. “I don’t know, I just...I don’t wanna mess anything up…. You know?”

Tyler’s mom smiled sweetly at him. “I  _ do  _ know, Ty. I felt the same way with your dad. I haven’t heard you mention her before, though. Who is she?”

Tyler squirmed uncomfortably and shrugged. “Oh, you know, just a kid in my grade. We share the same classes.”

“Is she a friend of Gerard’s? I like that boy. He’s so polite.”

“They don’t know each other that well. Mikey knows them a bit.” Tyler was starting to doubt the security of this plan. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything.

“I’m so glad you’re making friends here,” his mom picked up a new sheet of paper and began scribbling another leaf onto it. “You can bring her around sometime, just to hang out or something. I’ll make you guys some pizza rolls.”

Tyler snorted. “Maybe.” As an afterthought he added, “I  _ do  _ like pizza rolls.”

Tyler’s mom laughed. “Think about it, hm? Don’t be shy about it all, love.”

Tyler was about to retort that he was  _ not  _ nor never will be  _ shy _ about having a  _ crush _ , but just then the basement door crashed open in the hallway, and the excited chatter of Jay, and some of his friends sounded in the kitchen, and the pantry door also crashed open.

Tyler’s mom sighed heavily. “Would you please go and tell your brother not to eat the jello in the fridge? It’s for the kids in my class. If you guys want jello, I can make a new batch, but tell him not to touch what’s in the fridge!”

Tyler rolled his eyes dramatically but pushed himself off the couch anyways to go yell at his youngest brother. He passed the foot of the staircase and was almost to the kitchen, his mouth already opening to yell at Jay not to touch their mom’s jello, when suddenly there was a quiet message alert from his phone resting on the step. Tyler tripped over the legs of his sweat pants he backtracked so fast, grasping frantically for his phone and unlocking it, sinking onto the steps to read the new text.

_ Hey, it’s me _

Josh was still typing as Tyler stared hard at his phone, the screen only a few inches from his nose.

_ How did u get my number?? _

Tyler’s fingers flew to respond before he could think otherwise.

_ Got it off Mikey’s phone _

He quickly added:

_ Hope that’s OK _

_ He doesn’t suspect anything _

Tyler chewed on his lip, watching the three dots as Josh, somewhere in his own house, maybe lounging on his bed listening to music or playing video games, typed a reply.

_ It’s chill. I was gonna give it 2 u anyways _

_ What r u doing? _

Tyler’s heart skipped a beat at the question. So maybe Josh  _ was  _ okay with...with everything. With Tyler acting a bit distant that week, a bit strange. Heck, maybe he hadn’t even  _ noticed _ . They had both been busy, after all. And now Josh was  _ texting him back _ , and actually engaging him in a conversation. He could have just ignored Tyler’s text, an unknown number and all that, but he  _ hadn’t _ . Sure, it wasn’t like a  _ huge  _ deal or anything, but still. Tyler could dream. Leave him alone.

_ Nothing, i’m bored. Hbu? _

Not the most intricate of replies, but Tyler wanted to test the waters before  _ completely  _ diving in. He wasn’t  _ completely  _ tactless, thank you.

_ Same old _

Josh was still typing, and Tyler continued to stare. The conversation was either going to die out entirely now, or else it would-

_ Wanna be bored over at my house? _

“Fuck, yes!” Tyler couldn’t contain his burst of excitement as he jumped up from the steps, almost dropping his phone.

“Tyler?” His mom’s voice sounded from around the corner, slightly muffled by the wall. “You didn’t just say what I think you did, did you-”

Tyler didn’t reply, just thundered up the steps to get his hoodie from his room before hurtling himself back down, struggling to pull his jacket sleeves on without setting his phone down.

“Mom, I’m going out, I’ll be back for dinner!” Tyler waved as he passed the living room, not taking the time to stop or glance in, or to listen to his mom’s questioning response. He had a sudden concern that Jay and his friends had already finished the jello in the kitchen, since he hadn’t bothered to tell them not to, but he pushed the worry away and shoved open the front door, a light rustle of a fall breeze cooling his burning skin. Tyler only paused in the doorway for a moment to hurriedly tap out a reply to Josh’s last text.

_ On my way. _

 

A pretty girl with waving brown hair answered the front door after Tyler rang the bell for the second time. She had Josh’s eyes. Tyler tried not to stare.

“Um...yeah? You one of Jordan’s friends?” she asked.

Tyler could see into the living room behind her; Josh’s younger brother and another girl were peering towards the door with interest.

“Oh, hey, Tyler,” Jordan said from the couch, not bothering to move. “He’s not my friend, Ash, he’s just on the team.  _ Was  _ on the team. Hey, what are you doing here?”

Tyler shifted awkwardly; he hadn’t been prepared for three Dun children, none of whom were Josh, to be the unofficial greeting committee the second he walked in the door. He hadn’t even been invited indoors yet, actually.

“I, uh...I was just...I came to see Josh?” Tyler stammered, glancing anxiously from one sibling to the next. He noticed a sudden look of curiosity appear on Jordan’s face, his eyebrows drawing together in a very Josh-like manner. Tyler could smell potential trouble.

He waved a hand dismissively, aiming for nonchalance. “Just for, you know. Homework. Physics project. We’re a...we had assigned partners, so….”

The girl at the door shrugged before turning and heading to the couch, where Jordan still seemed to be watching Tyler suspiciously. Tyler edged into the room and closed the door behind him.

The other girl was sitting in an armchair across the room. She smiled sweetly at Tyler, and Tyler was surprised by how identical it was to Josh’s smile. She waved towards the staircase. “Josh is in his room. You can go on up if you want.”

“Um...yeah, thanks….” Tyler stuffed his hands in his pockets as he crossed through the middle of the room, fully aware of Jordan’s eyes on him the entire time.

“Josh never does school work on the weekends,” Jordan commented, and the older looking girl, Ashley, laughed once.

Tyler stammered out, “Y-yeah, well...wait until you get McAuley for physics. He’s pretty...pretty insistent on turning in projects on ti-”

“Yawn, Josh’s friend. We don’t really care.” Tyler squinted his eyes at Ashley. Looked like Josh; a lot meaner.

“I don’t  _ not  _ care,” the other girl chirped, continuing to smile sweetly-  _ very  _ sweetly- at Tyler, and Tyler suspected her, too.

As for Jordan, he didn’t respond; he just looked Tyler up and down suspiciously, so Tyler took his chance and dashed up the stairs to safety, taking the steps two at a time. Once alone in the upstairs hallway, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Josh’s door was halfway open, and Tyler could hear the opening sequence of Call of Duty playing on repeat. Modern Warfare. Tyler couldn’t tell which one, but then again, since the move, he hadn’t really had a good chance to play his video games.

Tyler was uncertain whether to knock or to go straight into Josh’s room, so he hovered awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, hoping Josh would notice him. Josh was bent over the floor in front of the dresser, almost hidden from view by the unmade bed, trying to untangle the cords of the controllers. Or at least that’s what Tyler guessed he was doing, judging by his frustrated cursing. Tyler compromised by rapping gently on the open door and clearing his throat.

“Hey, can I come in?”

Josh jumped and turned around, glancing over the edge of the bed. He was smiling that ridiculous only-Josh-Dun-could-get-away-with-smiling-this-big smile that Tyler realized just then that he secretly  _ adored _ , maybe even more than he adored pizza rolls. No, yeah, definitely.

“Hey, Ty, get in here. You scared me.”

Tyler pulled the door shut behind him and shrugged out of his hoodie, dropping it to the floor by the wall. He decided to play it cool and help himself to Josh’s bed, sprawling on his stomach on top of the sheets to peer down at Josh and the mess beside him on the floor.

Josh was utterly  _ adorable _ , Tyler noticed. He was wearing another set of tight boxers, a bright red color, and Tyler wondered if he would even bother wearing pants out in public if it were socially acceptable not to. Not that Tyler minded- his thighs looked  _ exceptionally  _ good in tight boxers. (And now that Tyler knew that he  _ liked  _ Josh, he was allowed to think those kinds of things. A little bit allowed, at least. At least he didn’t have to feel as guilty about it anymore.) A wrinkled Iron Maiden t-shirt and scruffy blue hair completed his look, plus a frown of exasperation as he tugged at the cords. Tyler hid his smile behind his hands.

“So...your little bro seemed kind of...I mean, does he know about us?” Tyler voiced the tiny worry that had been lurking at the back of his mind, hoping it would also help distract him from focusing too intently on Josh’s thighs.

Josh looked up at Tyler for the first real time since Tyler had entered the room and landed stomach down on the bed. Their faces were quite close, Tyler realized in a sudden panic, and the urge to either shove his face closer or to haul himself further away hit him simultaneously. Before he could do anything stupid, Josh spoke.

“About  _ us _ ?” Josh smirked and raised an eyebrow teasingly, and Tyler turned beet red, going completely rigid to keep himself from doing something extreme. Like kissing him on his goddamn mouth.

“You know what I mean,” Tyler rushed on in explanation. “Jerk.”

Josh giggled, his smile  _ literally  _ lighting up the dim room. He shook his head. “Nah, I haven’t told Jordan much. All he knows is what he’s heard going around on the team, I guess.”

Tyler’s face screwed up in concentration. “So...he thinks we hate each other then.”

“Yup.”

“Or at least that we’re like, athletic rivals or whatever.”

“I guess.”

“And he thinks I purposefully interfered during the game to get you hurt.”

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks-”

“No, I know,” Tyler interrupted. “I’m okay, I’m just...just trying to get things straight. It’s just, if I come over a lot, he’ll start to figure stuff out, right? Would he say anything to anyone?”

Josh made a scoffing noise, but otherwise acted completely disinterested. “Who would he tell? No one on the team talks to him.”

Tyler shrugged. “That’s true, I guess. I’m just...I guess I’m just a bit paranoid, that’s all.”

Josh finally freed the two controllers from each other and sat back with a sigh. “Yeah…so...you plan on coming over a lot then, hm?” There was a hint of something in his small smile, Tyler was sure, but he couldn’t place it.

Tyler shrugged. “I mean, if you  _ want  _ me to.”

Josh stood up and set one of the remotes on the bed in front of Tyler in response, then clambered onto the bed next to him, taking care not to put any pressure on his hurt ankle. His bare thigh got awfully close to Tyler’s face in doing so, and Tyler froze even more solidly in horror, praying to God to give him the self will to get through this. Not that he would actually  _ do  _ anything, just. It would be a whole lot fucking easier if Josh would put some damn pants on.

“Problem?” Josh had settled on his stomach beside Tyler, his own controller in hand, and was looking curiously at Tyler out of the corner of his eye and through a strand of blue bangs.

Tyler stammered awkwardly for an embarrassingly long moment before waving a hand in the general direction of the television screen. “Um...what game are we...what game is this?” Tyler knew perfectly well what game it was. Call of Duty was his specialty.

Josh squinted his eyes at Tyler, but replied neutrally. “Modern Warfare 3. I need to practice, Brendon will never let me live if I can’t get past this one mission.”

Tyler must have still had a dazed look on his face, because Josh continued. “You play much? It’s fun, you’ll get the hang of it.”

Josh pushed play on the menu and started skipping through the intro scenes as Tyler tried not to fidget, one hundred and ten percent aware of how close he and Josh were lying on his bed, the sheets tangled around their legs. Josh’s arm was pressed against Tyler’s, and Tyler could feel Josh’s side swell a bit with every breath he took.  _ God, I’m going too far...I really need to chill. Stop focusing on Josh’s body and pay attention to the damn game- oh, yeah, and maybe  _ tell  _ him you’re an amateur  _ expert  _ at any and every Call of Duty game before you have to start lying about that, too. Come on, Ty-guy, you’re not some awkward, pre-teen high school girl with just a stupid little crush- well, I mean, technically, you  _ do  _ have a stupid little crush and you’re being pretty awkward, too. Technically. But for God’s sake, don’t pretend that you don’t know how to play- _

Josh’s hand was suddenly on Tyler’s, and Tyler startled, looking up quickly at him, but Josh’s eyes were on the controller as he pointed to the different buttons and explained what they did. He leaned his head in closer to Tyler’s as he did so; Tyler could feel his breath on his neck and loose strands of hair prickling his forehead and his shoulder pressing even more solidly into him now than before, and Tyler heard himself making surprised, unknowing sounds as Josh continued to explain the controller.  _ Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Letting him explain isn’t a big deal, he doesn’t have to know I know…. _

_ Yeah, okay, I’m pathetic. It’s okay, I already know that, too. _

“You got it? Everything make sense?”

Tyler swallowed hard and nodded, hyper aware of the warmth of Josh’s hand against his own skin-  _ holy  _ shit _ , he’s still touching me, Josh is still touching me, he hasn’t moved his hand yet, he’s not even trying to- _

Josh pulled his hand away and abruptly ended Tyler’s thoughts, just in time for Tyler to refocus enough to choose a weapon and start shooting at the enemy pressing in from all sides on the screen in front of them.

It was harder than Tyler had anticipated, pretending not to be good at Call of Duty. Not only was he battling an entire rogue military force, he was battling his own overly competitive spirit as well, which was infinitely more difficult to subdue. But the proud and elevated, and slightly surprised look that appeared on Josh’s face every time he beat Tyler was totally worth it. Which was saying a  _ lot _ -Tyler was  _ really fucking competitive. _ But the way Josh’s eyes lit up, brighter and browner than Tyler had ever believed was possible, that small, sideways grin- no, yeah, hard as it was, it was worth it.

They had been playing for about an hour and were in the middle of a particularly difficult aerial operation when a message alert sounded from between them, almost lost amidst the explosions and wind from the helicopter propellers coming from the screen.

“Come on!” Josh yelled, blasting an enemy soldier out of the door of a flying aircraft, oblivious to the text. “Ty, we’re losing!”

Tyler let a stray bullet hit him in the shoulder and paused to let his character revive himself, stealing a glance at the phone lying on the bed next to Josh’s elbow.

_ Dude! Serious headway w Ryan, just fuckin wait till I tell u! _

A disturbingly suggestive row of emojis followed the text, and Tyler checked who had sent it with a raised eyebrow.

“Who’s Beebo?” he asked, voice lost amidst Josh’s string of curses as his character suddenly lost an arm.

“Ty, quick, don’t let him advance or you’ll lose your-”

The enemy tossed a grenade at Tyler’s character, and the entire aircraft he was on exploded.

Another message alert. Tyler glanced again at the phone as his side of the screen faded to red.

_ So hows ur crush coming along? _

If Tyler hadn’t been paying attention before, he certainly was now. A wave of heat flushed across his body.

_ What was her name again? it’s Sarah right, in 11th? or Jenna? or is it Tatum? _

The message alerts had finally caught Josh’s attention, too, and after hurling a grenade towards an enemy helicopter, Josh tilted his head down quickly to read the texts showing on his phone screen, just as another text came in.

_ Is she a senior? oh my god is it Debbie again? tell me it’s not _

Tyler could feel Josh tense suddenly, and then Tyler tensed, too, as Josh looked up, and they made what Tyler considered to be very awkward eye contact. Josh looked away just as quickly as he had looked at Tyler, snatching his phone off the bed and stuffing it under the pillow on his other side, out of sight.

In the time that they had both been preoccupied, Josh’s character had been blown up as well, and the game was reloading their mission, the relative silence of the screen compared to the previous battle sounds enormous and echoing.

Tyler shifted restlessly as muffled text alerts continued to sound.

Josh sighed heavily before laughing sheepishly and sitting up on the bed. “Um, hey, you think you could go downstairs and get some snacks maybe? I’ll just see who that is texting me and then we can replay this mission...okay?”

Tyler would have protested; one, because he liked being the one in charge, and he  _ abhorred _ being bossed around; and two, Josh’s siblings were still downstairs and he’d have to pass through the living room again to get to the kitchen. But the facts that Josh still had to use crutches, one of Josh’s friends was  _ still  _ sending him disgusting texts about Josh’s secret  _ crush,  _ and the pouty look Josh was currently wearing, outweighed Tyler’s reasons for  _ not _ doing what Josh had asked.

Tyler shrugged and slid off the bed to the sound of even more text alerts, and made a beeline for the door. He glanced behind him as he went; Josh was already reaching for his phone.

Tyler pointedly ignored Josh’s siblings as he treaded through the living room to the kitchen, being sure to keep his head down, though he was painfully aware of the youngest girl’s-  _ what was her name? _ \- eyes following him.

Mrs. Dun was at the kitchen table going through some receipts when Tyler ducked in. She looked up and smiled, then did a double take and asked, “Oh, you’re that Joseph boy, aren’t you? Your father was the one who looked after Josh’s leg! Oh, yes, I remember your face now! Hello, dear, how are you? Paying Josh a little visit?”

“Um, yeah, we’re a…we’re playing video games.”  _ She talks as much as  _ my  _ mom. If Josh and I keep hanging out, I bet they’ll be best friends real f- _

“Oh, not that war game I hope, it’s always so violent.”

Tyler was unsure as to  _ which  _ war game Mrs. Dun was referring, seeing as how  _ most  _ games involved war to some extent.  _ Even Mario Kart. At least when you’re playing with my siblings. Jesus. _

“Uh...no...it’s not too violent. Actually I was just coming to get some snacks, if that’s alright.”

Mrs. Dun jumped up and started rummaging through the pantry. “Of course, dear, of course, what do you guys want, some oreos?”

Tyler tried not to snatch the carton away. “I  _ love  _ oreos, thank you, Ms. Dun.”

Back in the upstairs hallway, arms full of oreos, cheese sticks, and ritz crackers, Tyler kicked Josh’s door open with his foot wide enough for him to get in and kicked it closed behind him.

Josh was still lounging on the bed, lying on his stomach and fiddling with a rubix cube. He looked up as Tyler dumped the snacks on the bed.

“Hey, what did you get- oh, fuck yeah, oreos!”

Tyler handed the carton to Josh, trying desperately not to stare at his ass as he did so. When Josh was lying on his stomach like that, wearing boxers  _ like that _ \-  _ Oh, shit, those are really short, too, what the hell- _

“Um….” Tyler coughed awkwardly, his face red, and Josh looked up at him with minor concern as Tyler stammered, “So...so who was it? Texting you, I mean. Anything...wrong?”

He didn’t mean for the tone of accusation to cling to his words, but Tyler would be damned if he knew how to control shit like  _ emotions _ .

If Josh sensed it, though, he didn’t show it, just ripped open the carton of oreos and pulled a cookie out. He shrugged one shoulder as he replied. “Nah…. It was just Brendon. He was just, um...he mentioned the next basketball game, against Northpointe, I think. What is it, in two weeks? I don’t think I’m gonna go. I don’t think I can stand to go and  _ not  _ play, y’know? How about you?”

Josh rolled over onto his side to face Tyler still standing at the foot of the bed, his t-shirt riding up on his stomach as he did so. It caught Tyler’s attention immediately, the visible stretch of pale, smooth skin, his belly button, a few dark wisps of curly hair beneath it and along the line of his boxers.

“Still haven’t told your parents, then? About being off the team, I mean?”

Tyler tore his eyes away, embarrassed, and kicked at a pile of clothes on the floor. “Not yet. It means as much to them as it does to me, I think, being on the team. I...I don’t know how to tell them, really. And with the game coming up...I don’t know how to keep hiding it from them.”

“Your siblings haven’t ratted you out?”

Tyler shook his head. “They don’t know either.”

Josh munched thoughtfully on another oreo, shaking his head slowly. “This isn’t going to work, you know. You and me. You got kicked off the team, and you don’t want your parents to know; we’re in drastically different friend groups at school, and there’s nosy dicks like  _ Pete  _ messing about. Not only all that, but there’s my little siblings  _ and  _ your little siblings, and c’mon, who can trust little siblings?  _ And  _ then Brendon’s always asking me about- never mind, it’s just...it’s not going to work forever. And if you hang around here, with  _ me _ , I mean; Jordan doesn’t know how to keep his fucking mouth shut, and Brendon and Spence like to drop by whenever they want  _ all  _ the time, and…. It’ll be kinda tough. All of this, you know? You  _ do  _ know that...right?”

It was a lot to process, all at once. Of course, it had all been building up for a long time, Tyler realized this, but still. It was a lot. Half of Tyler just wanted to curl up and go to sleep and stop thinking about anything. Or maybe go home and hide in his room and not to go to school and avoid getting into any deeper trouble with Josh and his clique by hanging out with him behind everyone’s back, and the both of them lying to all their family and friends.

But instead, Tyler let out a quiet breath of air and slumped down onto the bed, mirroring Josh, stretching out on his side to face him. Josh was looking at him almost as if he... as if he had been unsure if Tyler was going to stay or not. Tyler hated to think for even a second that Josh had any doubts about that.

It was an accident, Tyler  _ totally  _ didn’t mean to do it, but he reached out a finger and poked the exposed part of Josh’s stomach. In a friends way. Friends do that. Totally.

Josh made a funny face, and Tyler giggled, grabbing for an oreo to give his hands  _ something  _ normal to do before he made this weird. Or any weirder, at least. He kept his eyes focused on the cookie in his hands as he pulled one side away from the cream, feeling Josh’s own eyes on him the entire time. “I don’t...I know it’ll cause a lot of drama or whatever, if anyone finds out right now, but….”

Tyler trailed off and forced himself to look up at Josh. They were lying  _ really  _ close, and Josh’s eyes were  _ really  _ fucking brown. Tyler was pretty sure that Josh was cuter than a puppy. Even a  _ really, really  _ cute puppy. Definitely.

Josh was watching him aptly, lips slightly parted- yes, Tyler noticed that, okay? He was just observing, that’s all- and Tyler struggled to find the right words to continue his thought. “Yeah, I...I know it’s probably better if we don’t do this- whatever  _ this  _ is, but...honestly? I don’t think I care.”

Josh snorted and buried his face in one arm against the sheets, and Tyler suspected he was laughing. He made a hurt face. “What?”

Josh shook his head and smiled at Tyler with- admiration? Something?

“Nothing. It’s nothing. Sorry.” Josh didn’t look all that sorry to Tyler.

Josh reached out then unexpectedly and ruffled Tyler’s hair before leaning halfway off the bed to grab something from the floor. Tyler remained still in comical surprise at Josh’s sudden show of playful affection, trying quickly to recover as Josh resettled himself on the bed. He waved a game in Tyler’s face.

“I’m tired of Call of Duty. You like Mario Kart?”

Tyler grinned and snatched the box away. “Sure. But I’m gonna beat your ass.”

Josh snorted again. “As if you could.”

“I will.” Tyler’s eyes darted to Josh’s with assertion. Just as Tyler started to fear things were going to grow awkward, and he felt a blush growing on his face-  _ Well, fuck, that was an awful choice of words, what the hell’s my problem? _ \- a sly grin suddenly appeared on Josh’s.

“Fine,” he said, and Tyler noted with satisfaction the challenging tone in Josh’s voice. “Prove it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be another two chapters posted this month! I'll aim to post the second one on or around the 25th as a CHRISTMAS PRESENT for y'all. Conveniently, the timeline in the fic is almost current with ours, so that'll be fun, a Christmassy chapter at actual Christmas time!
> 
> It's not for another few chapters at least, but i wanna get your guys's opinion. Now, I'm sure there's a careful, tactful way of phrasing this, but nobody got time for that, so, to put it bluntly, who tops and who bottoms??? I'm obv all for versatile relationships, and I def have my own opinions/preferences, but I just wanted to see what u guys have to say about...this.... ;)))
> 
> Once again as always your commitment and support mean EVERYTHING to me, have i made that clear enough, they mean EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! Pls leave your thoughts below!!!!! <333333333


	10. I don't wanna be your friend, i wanna-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS, FRIENDS!!!!!!! i hope you're all having a GREAT holiday! it came up really fast didn't it holy shit! well, as promised (haha plot twist i threw y'all a curve ball this time didn't i? posting when i said i would! whoa! christmas miracles and all that) here is one of two chapters that i will be posting during this Christmas season!!!!! the next chapter will definitely have more holiday vibes, aaaand a pretty big, ground breaking scene...if i do say so myself....  
> also there's some subtle bombshells in this chapter, if that's even a thing. maybe you'll know what i'm talking abt when you read it, who knows...... :'))  
> chapter title from the 1975 fallingforyou 3

Josh didn’t go to school that Wednesday. It was the first time that he could recall being actually  _ excited  _ about having a doctor’s appointment.

After nearly a month, he finally had doctor permission ( _ Tyler’s dad is the fucking best _ ) to ditch the crutches and return to a relatively normal life.

Sure, he still had to wear the cast, and his ankle  _ definitely  _ still hurt a little if he put too much pressure on it all at once, but Dr. Joseph had said that that was okay and that he could go back to walking on  _ two feet.  _ Like humans are _ supposed  _ to do.

And come on, what high school student in their right mind would complain about taking a full day off from school? Not Josh, that’s for sure.

On Thursday, Josh didn’t even mind going back to school again as much as he had originally thought he would, because he could actually  _ walk _ . Fewer people stared at him in the halls, too. All in all, Josh was pretty grateful. When he  _ walked  _ into his homeroom that morning, he didn’t miss the smile that instantly bloomed across Tyler’s face when he looked up from his desk and noticed Josh entering- a couple minutes after the bell rang, but whatever. Josh couldn’t be bothered about stuff like that when  _ Tyler  _ was  _ smiling  _ at him like he was the best thing he’d seen all week. (Yes, Josh was fully aware how naive it was too assume shit like that, but he could have hopes, okay?)

School kept them both pretty busy, and unfortunately, separated, but Tyler was still the most pressing issue on Josh’s mind that Friday afternoon as the last bell rang. After all, it was the weekend, and all of Josh’s other buddies were way too busy preparing for the game the next week to hang out, so that meant it was a clear shot for him and  _ Tyler  _ to just chill.  _ Together _ .

Josh had just finished stuffing his books into his locker ( _ fuck homework, am I right? _ ) and had turned around to make a beeline for the exit when Brendon appeared out of nowhere, hurling himself at Josh. Josh threw out at arm to steady himself against the row of lockers as he cursed loudly, shoving Brendon away.

“What the fuck, Brendon, I literally  _ just  _ got rid of my damn crutches! It’s like you’re  _ trying  _ to kill me or something. You might at least have the decency to do it on a Monday morning and not a Friday afternoon, thank you very-”

“Okay, okay, drama queen, I’m  _ sorry _ ,” Brendon huffed out, his face beaming. He didn’t look sorry at all, not in the least. He had already changed into his sports jersey and shorts, ready for basketball practice. Josh tried not to be to too bitter about being clad in an oversized black hoodie and sweatpants and cast, and not his jersey, too.

He grimaced away the notion before tenderly testing out a little pressure on his leg, making sure Brendon hadn’t  _ broken  _ it all over again. Josh sent a halfhearted glare in Brendon’s direction.

Brendon was still grinning wildly at Josh with that bright, mischievous expression that only Brendon could pull off, and Josh began to grow wary. “Why do you look so happy? Stop, it’s annoying.”

“Whatever, you’re just mad ‘cause  _ you’re _ not getting any from your mystery crush.”

Josh paused a moment in slight concern. He could never tell how much Brendon really knew; he was kind of hard to read. Josh decided he didn’t know much, probably, and rolled his eyes before shuffling down the emptying hallway. Brendon trailed after him; he was almost  _ skipping _ . Almost.

Josh looked him up and down with amusement. “And I suppose you  _ are  _ getting some from  _ your  _ crush?” he quipped in mild interest at most.

Brendon just raised his eyebrows, face split in a toothy grin, and Josh stopped suddenly and turned to face him, his interest definitely more piqued now. “No way, dude...seriously?”

“ _ Way _ , man. So I’ve been going to his house after practice like  _ every day _ almost for like, the past two weeks, right, to  _ help him with his calculus homework _ .” Brendon waved his fingers dramatically in air quotes around his last phrase. “And by now it’s obvious that he knows that I know that  _ he  _ knows that I  _ suck  _ at calculus, like I suck  _ major ass _ at it-”

Josh was about to interrupt and remind Brendon how gross he was, but Brendon plowed on before he could.

“-and we hung out _ all day _ Saturday, and I swear to God there was like, so much sexual tension, he kept hinting around-”

“Wait a minute,  _ Ryan _ was hinting around?” 

“Okay, so maybe  _ I _ did most of the hinting around, but either way it must have gotten the message across, because literally, dude, I swear to God, it was so hot, he-”

“Um,” Josh intercepted, only half joking. “Try and keep it PG, okay? I’m not too interested in the details.”

“But, J, I have pics!”

“No,  _ no _ , oh my God, absolutely  _ not _ ,” Josh frantically waved the phone Brendon had pulled from his pocket away and resumed making his way down the hallway to the front doors. “ _ No pictures _ , God, Brendon, the hell’s your problem? You think I wanna see that shit?”

“ _ Dude _ ,” Brendon appeared unfazed, as he usually was. “We had  _ sex _ , dude, we  _ fucked _ , me and Ryan! He fucking digs me, man! After like  _ four fucking years _ , he  _ actually  _ digs me! I can’t believe it-”

“Me either.”

“ _ Josh _ , c’mon!”

Josh huffed out a laugh, anxiously hoping that the few students-  _ or teachers, oh God _ \- still around the hallway weren’t listening to this certain conversation. “Alright, B, I’m proud of you, man, really. So you like...actually...like you did it then? For real?”

Brendon pushed the front doors to the school open as he shrugged and replied. “Well, like not like, anal or anything yet-”

“God! Okay,  _ tact _ , Brendon, I don’t really feel like discussing the details of gay sex with you right now, if you don’t mind. I was trying to be  _ tactful _ .”

Brendon raised his eyebrows at Josh, looking way too smug. “ _ You _ were asking  _ me  _ if I had anal sex.”

Josh rolled his eyes so hard that it kind of hurt and headed to the front curb near the bike racks to wait for his mom to pick him up. She was still insistent on him not walking too far on his hurt leg, and Josh didn’t mind, not really. It was getting kind of cold to walk home anyways. The curb was kind of damp, and there were a few leaves stuck to the pavement, but Josh opted to ignore that as he settled himself down to wait.

Brendon remained standing and cocked his hips suggestively, his tone dripping- as per way too usual- with sarcasm. “Whatever, Joshie, you just mad you missed your chance at all  _ this _ .”

Josh started laughing, half in embarrassment and half in disgust as Brendon made a thrusting motion with his hips. “Okay,  _ okay _ , stop. That was a long time ago.”

“Dude, I thought we weren’t gonna talk about that.”

Josh raised his hands, his cheeks warming. “ _ You _ brought it up.”

“The rules don’t pertain to me.” Brendon didn’t seem too uncomfortable- did he ever?- but he quickly changed the subject nonetheless. “Anyways- no actual  _ sex  _ sex yet, but listen, he literally just sucked me off during last period in that empty classroom in the basement, you know the one-”

“ _ Brendon- _ ”

“-can’t keep his hands off of me, literally, like, dude, you have no fucking  _ clue _ , Ryan gives the  _ best  _ fucking blowjobs  _ ever _ , holy-”

“Fuck you on about, Urie?”

Both Josh and Brendon jerked around at the new voice. Pete had just come out the front doors of the school, a grimace on his face as he made his way towards them, stopping a good few yards away. “Coach says to get your ass to practice  _ now _ , Urie, or you’re off the team, too. Like little Joshie over here.”

Josh shrugged, turning his attention to his phone instead. Whatever. He was getting used to Pete by now. Kind of.

Brendon sneered loudly. “Fuck you, too, asswipe.” He clapped Josh on the back and said under his breath, “I gotta run, text you later.”

“No details,” Josh reminded Brendon as he sulked off after Pete.

Josh watched the last remaining students as they collected their bikes and found their cars, the parking lot emptying quickly before him.  _ Where the heck is my mom? Is it that hard to be on time? C’mon, give me a break, I have a crutch! Oh, wait...well, I  _ had  _ a crutch. I have a  _ cast _!  _ He sent a short text to his mom, reminding her that,  _ oh, yeah, school’s out, mind stopping by? Please? _

After another ten minutes of sitting alone in the damp, cool afternoon with no reply from his mom, Josh sighed heavily and heaved himself back up onto his feet. A dull ache throbbed up his leg, and he winced, resting most of his weight on his good leg as he started off across the parking lot.

He had only made it a block away from the school, when Josh realized that he shouldn’t have expected to be able to make it all the way home on his own. His leg _ really, really _ hurt. Dr. Joseph  _ had  _ told him that his leg would get tired easily and that he’d have to slowly build it back up again. But it was cold and he had been tired of sitting, and he wanted something to  _ do _ . It  _ was  _ Friday afternoon, and who wanted to spend it waiting at school to be picked up?

There was a crunching of gravel and the sound of brakes behind Josh, and his hopes soared that maybe it was his mom,  _ finally _ . It wasn’t, but when Josh saw who was peering out the open window at him from the driver’s seat, he was totally one hundred and ten percent okay with that.

“Joshua Dun,” Tyler exclaimed in a tone strikingly similar to Josh’s sister when she got mad at him. “What the  _ hell  _ do you think you’re doing?”

Josh tried not to smile too big as he shrugged stupidly. “Um...walking home?”

Tyler stared at him with a disapproving look on his face, and Josh stammered on. “My mom was gonna pick me up, but she was late. I mean, I texted her and everything, but….”

Tyler raised one eyebrow.

“It was  _ cold _ , I didn’t want to keep waiting!”

Tyler rolled his eyes, and Josh heard the car doors unlock. “Get in.”

Josh smirked, secretly super,  _ super  _ pleased. “Nah, I’m good.”

“ _ Josh _ , get in the damn car!”

Josh huffed out a laugh and reached for the door, climbing into the front seat, suddenly very grateful for the blast of heat that hit his face. It was kind of  _ freezing _ outside. He rolled the window up, willing it to go faster.

“Seriously, man,” Tyler was saying, pulling back out into the road. “My dad said you didn’t need crutches anymore, he didn’t say to go on a fucking joy hike.”

Josh snorted. “It’s barely a  _ hike  _ to my house, it takes like, fifteen minutes.”

“Yeah, and it takes almost an hour if you’re hobbling on a double fractured leg, and you know what? It’ll take a whole damn  _ day  _ if you do it with a pair of crutches because you fucking ruined the healing process and made your entire leg worse than it was to start with because you’re too damn impatient to wait for your mom so you don’t have to walk home. Jerk.”

Josh grinned lopsidedly, a little disbelieving at Tyler’s mild outburst. “Shit, dude...I didn’t know you cared so much.”

“Of course I care.”

Tyler’s sharp tone sounded defensive, if only a little, so Josh quickly amended his comment. “No, yeah, I know you do, I just meant, like, I didn’t know it bothered you so much, you know. Thanks, and all, though. For picking me up.”

Josh peaked over at Tyler out of the corner of his eye and grinned even bigger when he noticed the small smile playing at Tyler’s lips. “Hey, man, I didn’t know you had your license. Is this your dad’s car?”

Tyler laughed, slowing to a stop at a red light. “No, my mom’s. My dad would never drive a mini van. Except to a game, actually. He used to be a coach at my old school, back in the day, and he’d always drive me and the team to wherever we were competing.”

“You haven’t ever really talked about your old school before,” Josh prompted. If he was being honest with himself, he would sit contentedly and listen to Tyler ramble on about anything and nothing forever.

Tyler fiddled with the radio as he replied. “Yeah, well. There’s not too much to tell, I guess. Hey, they’re playing Christmas music on this channel already.”

“What, before Thanksgiving? That’s crazy. Didn’t you have any friends, any close friends? You never talk about anyone.”

“Not really. There were a couple people, from my youth group, we hung out sometimes. And this one girl at my school was pretty nice, we went out once.”

“What, like as in a date?”

Tyler glanced over at Josh, and Josh blushed as he realized how incredulous his comment had sounded. “Yeah, once or twice. I took her to see a-”

“Oh, you missed the turn, our neighborhood’s that way,” Josh interrupted suddenly as Tyler turned right at an intersection.  _ Eugh. Enough talk about some  _ girl _. Anyways…. _

Tyler smirked at Josh as he turned the Christmas music up a couple notches. “I know.”

“Then where are we going?”

“To get chicken nuggets and watch the new Star Wars movie. You game?”

“Wait, for real?”

“Dude, it’s a Friday afternoon, you can’t go home yet,” Tyler said matter of factly, turning into McDonald’s parking lot. “And we don’t have to worry about running into the other guys either, ‘cause they got extra practice today. Perks of being off the team, I guess.”

Josh huffed. “Yeah, well, I guess we would know.”

Tyler made a  _ ridiculously  _ adorable face at Josh, and Josh’s heart melted a teensy bit, embarrassingly enough.

“You bet, J.”

 

The next week passed quickly, though emotionally it was a roller coaster for Tyler. The next basketball game was that Friday evening, looming closer and closer, and he had yet to tell his parents that he was off the team. To put it frankly, Tyler was terrified of how they would react. He had all but ruined his chances of getting a scholarship, and no way could he afford college without one. It was a miracle none of his siblings had caught on yet, but Tyler wasn’t knocking it.

While one part of Tyler was anxious about being off the team because of the consequence it promised, another huge part of him simply missed playing. He really, really,  _ really  _ fucking enjoyed the game, and getting kicked off the team was _ totally  _ unfair _. Coach Anderson and everyone else at this fucking school is a douche.  _ So with another competition coming up, and Mikey being on the team, and half the school anticipating it, it was pretty damn hard for Tyler not to get too down about being excluded from it all.

And then there was another, even more secretive and protected part of Tyler; the part that was as giddy and excitable as a kid with their first crush, and as romantic as one of those black and white Cary Grant movies his mom loved so much. The part of him that made him think of brown irises as he went to bed every night and blue hair during every lecture and test, of giggles and squinted eyes every lunch break, of colorful tattoos and pale skin spotted with freckles every time he looked out the window. Tyler had started to borrow his mom’s car to drive to school a lot more often, for the sole sake of being able to use it as a legitimate excuse to drive Josh home. (It had been working, too; every day since that past Friday, Tyler had driven Josh home, never without pulling through a fast food drive through for an after school snack. It was easily becoming Tyler’s favorite part of the day.) Any chance he could get some alone time with the boy that made him feel  _ this good _ , Tyler would take it.

And then there was the flip side. There was always a flip side. The ever growing, nagging feeling gnawing away in the back of his mind, that he  _ had to tell him _ or he would lose him.

_ But what if he doesn’t feel the same? What if I scare him away? What if we’re not friends anymore? What if he freaks out, what if he hates me, what if he laughs? Josh wouldn’t laugh at me. I don’t know that. He might. But he wouldn’t, not Josh, I know him. No. But he  _ could  _ double cross me and laugh. What if he’s like, ultra straight? No way, not with the whole punk thing going on. There’s straight punks, though...yeah, but he’s really... _ handsy _ with that  _ Brendon _. Ew. But even straight guys can be handsy with their best friends. Well, yeah, sure but...what if he’s homophobic? Not Josh. But he could still be like...weirded out by it...so wait, am I gay? No, I’m not like, totally gay, I’m more...you know what, it doesn’t even matter, I like  _ Josh _ , end of story. It doesn’t matter who else I liked before. Or after. No, no, no after. It’s Josh. Tyler, don’t be stupid, you’re in high school, Josh is not the end all. He’s just a crush. You’ll finish school and go off to college and find a wife and never even remember him. He’s just. A crush. That’s all he’ll ever be, because you shouldn’t ruin everything by burdening him with your stupid “feelings.” Don’t tell him, it’s not worth it. He’s just a crush. But I love him. Don’t say that, you  _ like  _ him. You’re too young to know what real love is. But...then why do I feel this way? _

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…. _

Yeah. It had been an emotional week.

Finally, despite all of Tyler’s emotions fighting themselves and dragging their feet, it was Friday, and the world around Tyler had trekked on in its painstakingly  _ normal  _ routine. Gerard had skipped school that day for God knows what reason, and without telling Frank, apparently, because Frank had been sulking around even more than usual, muttering under his breath and kicking stray chairs in the lunchroom out of his way. Both Tyler and Mikey simply stared silently at him as he dramatically flung himself down into the seat next to Mikey.

“You finished?” Mikey asked stoically after a couple of seconds.

Frank glared over at him. “No. You have a shit brother, you know that, right.”

Mikey nodded sympathetically, and Tyler stifled a chuckle by taking a sip of his coke.

Frank picked at his lunch for a short amount of time before sulking off again, probably to hide in an empty classroom somewhere. Tyler didn’t try to stop him.

His phone buzzed, and he snatched it up quickly, a smile breaking out across his face.

_ J: Ur punk friend looks mad _

_ J: he knocked my lunchbox off the table _

Tyler snorted quietly, trying not to attract Mikey’s attention. He glanced up across the lunchroom towards Josh’s table. Josh was grinning subtly at him, and Tyler’s heart soared.

_ T: lol which punk friend _

_ J: the short one _

_ T: i have 2 short punk friends, b more specific _

Tyler sneaked another glance in Josh’s direction and could barely maintain himself at the look of disbelief on Josh’s face.

_ J: HEY _

_ J: I am not short _

_ J: you’re just a frigging green bean _

_ J: and I’m not a punk _

_ J: UR the punk _

Tyler was tapping out a snarky reply when Mikey’s voice made him jump.

“Who you texting?”

Tyler almost dropped his phone in his haste to dim the screen. “My- um, my mom.”

Mikey raised both eyebrows above the rims of his glasses. “You’re texting your  _ mom _ ? Now? What for?”

Tyler shifted guiltily, pocketing his phone as discreetly as possible when your friend’s staring you down from across the lunch table. “I dunno, I just...who are  _ you  _ texting?”

Mikey set his own phone down calmly and folded his hands on the table in front of him. “Tyler...what’s up with you? You seem kind of...distracted lately. Like, all the time you’re...you seem like you’re sneaking around and hiding things. We  _ are  _ friends, you know, you can...you can tell me stuff. If you need to.”

Tyler shrugged one shoulder, his eyes sliding across the room to Josh’s table of their own accord. Brendon had an arm slung around Josh’s shoulders, and Josh was laughing with his  _ friends _ , his phone no longer in sight. Tyler tried not to glare.

Mikey glanced out across the lunchroom but didn’t seem to find anything of interest, turning back to look at Tyler.

Tyler sighed. He knew Mikey meant well, really, he did, but...this was something he couldn’t talk about...wasn’t it?

“There’s nothing to tell,” Tyler settled on saying, hands playing with the cap of his coke bottle. “Sorry if I’ve been weird lately, it’s just...um...you know, with the game and everything, I’m just...I’m a bit out of it. Sorry.”

Mikey shook his head slightly, still studying Tyler, and Tyler squirmed under the scrutiny.

A moment later and the bell rang loudly, and Mikey finally looked away. “See you later, Ty. I’m gonna go find Frank.”

He patted Tyler on the back as he passed behind him, and the light touch felt like the weight of the world, or at least like, a third of it. Tyler was starting to feel guilty as hell for hiding things from his friends, especially from Mikey. Maybe it was just his older brother syndrome coming out, but he felt like he was disappointing him or something. Whatever. Tyler brushed the feeling aside- for now- and walked as casually as possible past Josh’s table on his way out of the cafeteria.

 

Arctic Monkeys was blasting from the radio when Josh climbed into the front seat of Tyler’s mom’s mini van. The Worthington High School bus had just pulled out of the parking lot, packed full with the basketball team and Coach Anderson leading a victory chant- though whether or not they would win with two star players off the team was yet to be determined.

Tyler smiled over the console at him, but Josh was fairly certain that he could detect a fleeting look of disappointment on his face. Josh smiled back and knew the same look was on his own face.

They both sat in silence for a minute in the empty school parking lot,  _ No 1 Party Anthem _ playing in the background.

“I’m sorry,” Josh murmured. He hadn’t meant to say it, not exactly, but he had.

“Dude,” Tyler said, putting the gear in drive and rolling out of the parking lot. “Don’t start.”

Josh sighed. “No, really, man, I...have you told your parents yet? What’s going on there?”

Josh could see Tyler grimace, his eyes trained on the road ahead of them. “Nah. They’re not going to the game tonight anyways, so I didn’t see the point in telling them...yet...I’m still trying to figure out  _ how  _ to tell them, so. Until I  _ have  _ to….”

Josh watched out the window as they turned towards their neighborhood. “So, wait...you’re not going home yet, then, right? Then you wouldn’t have to tell them, they’d  _ know _ .”

Tyler made a sudden, sharp turn, pulling up alongside the curb next to the basketball court and turning the ignition off.

“What are we doing?” Josh turned around in his seat to watch as Tyler climbed out of the car and opened the trunk. He pulled out a basketball.

“Come on,” he said, forcing a smile. “We might as well pass the time having fun.”

“Uh….” Josh unbuckled his seat belt but stayed in his seat. “Hello, Tyler, I can’t really play, my leg’s still  _ fractured _ , you know.”

“I realize that, Josh,” Tyler said, his voice sarcastic. He smiled again, this time more genuinely, and Josh felt his own mouth starting to turn up a little, too. “We’re not gonna play a game. But I can still teach you some  _ real  _ moves, you know. Like how to dribble.”

Josh scoffed, but before he could reply, Tyler had slammed the trunk shut and was jogging off towards the court.

Josh couldn’t have  _ not  _ followed him, even if he had wanted to.

 

It was dark, and the temperature had dropped to an uncomfortably low degree; the street lights had flickered on almost an hour ago, illuminating the court in an unnaturally bright white, but Josh hadn’t noticed any of those things as much as he had noticed the red splotches across Tyler’s cheeks as he dribbled the ball back and forth between his legs, his jeans stretched tight against his thighs as he moved, the white cloud of air every time he exhaled, the soft grunting noises he made on occasion and the soft giggles when Josh tried to imitate some of his better moves, only to have the ball slip from his grasp and bounce away from them.

Josh had been trying to spin the ball on his finger, then transfer it to his next finger and then the next and back again, spinning it the entire process, for about the twentieth time now, only to have the ball go flying to the ground  _ again,  _ rolling all the way across the court and into the grass. Tyler burst out laughing as he chased after it, and Josh took the moment to catch his breath, trying desperately not to blush. Not that you would be able to notice, his face was red enough from the cold already. His fingers were kind of numb.

Tyler came jogging back, spinning the ball on his pinkie, and Josh rolled his eyes.

“Oh,  _ please _ ,” he complained, crossing his arms. “Fucking  _ show off _ . Don’t even fucking say it, Tyler, I know, I su-”

“Dude, you  _ suck _ ,” Tyler’s face was split in an ass eating grin. “That’s like the  _ gazillionth time  _ you’ve tried to do that!”

He tossed the ball towards Josh suddenly, and Josh snatched out a hand to grab it, only to trip on his shoe lace. He stumbled a step, but managed to catch himself before falling.  _ Again. Whoa, that’d be embarrassing as hell. _

Tyler was keeling over with laughter. “Oh, my  _ God _ , Josh!”

Josh threw the ball at Tyler’s head, then crossed his arms and tried to look unperturbed. Tyler managed-  _ of fucking course _ \- to catch the ball before it hit him.

“Josh,” Tyler gasped out in between girlish giggles, jogging up beside him and holding onto Josh’s shoulder as if he couldn’t catch his breath for laughing. Josh pouted, and Tyler wheezed. “ _ Oh, my God _ , Josh, you’re so cu-”

Josh froze.

So did Tyler.

Or at least Josh thought he did. Josh’s heart felt like it was tripping, continuously, as he tried in the very short period of maybe two point five seconds to process what was- possibly- happening. Or what had almost happened.

Then Tyler was taking a step back, his hand leaving Josh’s shoulder, cold air rushing against Josh’s skin beneath his jacket. “Clumsy. You’re so clumsy, Josh.” Tyler wasn’t looking at Josh as he spoke. He took a few more steps back before bouncing the ball once against the pavement.

Josh let out a soft breath of air. He was freezing. “Yeah,” he agreed. He didn’t even know what Tyler had said, except that it hadn’t been what he had thought he was going to say, so what did it matter?

“C’mon,” Tyler said into the sudden silence, his voice high but seemingly loud in the abandoned basketball court. Josh watched the breath leaving his lips with every word. “Let’s go get Krispy Kreme, and then I’ll take you home.”

 

Finals. They had a lot of finals before Thanksgiving break, and projects and exams and research papers and essays due. Another two basketball games, against East Side and Slate Hill respectively; Tyler’s entire family was visiting from all over Ohio for the holiday, and he knew that Josh’s family was busy organizing a food drive for the hospital, Josh had told him so. Josh had also told him about another tattoo appointment he had to add to his sleeve (without his mom knowing, obviously), and Tyler’s dad had volunteered Tyler and his siblings to babysit his secretary’s toddlers for a week-  _ thanks a  _ lot _ , dad.  _ Tyler was  _ really  _ busy, and so was Josh. It was totally normal that they hadn’t been able to hang out much since- well, since that night. And as for texting, well...who has time for that? Sure, they had texted a bit, but as Tyler’s mind had very well pointed out- they were both busy. Even now, even though it was the Saturday at the end of Thanksgiving break, and all of Tyler’s relatives had said their goodbyes and had left that morning. Even though he had found time to invite Mikey over to play video games that afternoon. Even though Tyler knew for a  _ fact,  _ because his dad had said so after he had visited the hospital for work, that the hassle of the food drive run by the Duns was officially complete. Even though Tyler knew Josh was spending a lazy Saturday afternoon several blocks away, playing video games, too, with  _ Brendon  _ and Spencer, because Josh had posted a picture on instagram.

Okay, so maybe they  _ weren’t  _ currently that busy….

Tyler pulled at a strand of his hair and sighed. Excuses. A stupid, bullet point, mental list of nothing but fucking  _ excuses _ , and he knew it.  _ Pathetic. I’m pathetic. _

“You’re thinking again, I can almost hear your brain churning,” Mikey stated dryly, thumbs working the remote control as he ran Tyler’s car off Rainbow Road with no signs of remorse.

Tyler punched Mikey’s arm, but it didn’t derail his car, unfortunately. “Yeah, thinking of ways to beat your ass. Rainbow Road is my specialty.”

“Then why are you losing?”

As if to further prove Mikey’s point, Tyler’s car reloaded on the screen only to spin on a banana peel. Tyler huffed disappointedly.

Mikey won the race by two laps and sat silently until Tyler had finished the course. “Look, Tyler, for real...this is like, the first time in weeks that you’ve actually answered my texts, and the first time in like, a  _ month  _ that we’ve hung out.  _ And  _ you keep turning me and Gee down when we ask you out.”

Tyler chewed his lip, eyes intently reading and rereading the score on the screen in front of them. He didn’t want to have this conversation.

“So...you wanna talk about it? Or are you gonna keep brushing off your friends and mope around for the rest of the year?”

Tyler let out a loud sigh and muted the television. The repetitive victory tune playing was getting annoying. Mikey was waiting patiently on the couch beside Tyler, his eyes studying Tyler’s face, but somehow not in a confrontational way. Tyler was grateful for that.

It dawned on Tyler then, as he glanced around his basement, the scene overwhelmingly comforting; the heat blasting from the vents and the familiar grip of the remote control in his hands, one of his favorite sweatshirts keeping him warm and sitting next to one of his best friends- why not? _ Why not? _ Why not just  _ tell  _ him? What harm could it do?

_ Tell him what?  _ Tell him about his new friend, about Josh, about a secret crush, about his newly discovered undying love for his best friend?  _ What? _

“I….” Mikey was still watching him expectantly, and Tyler caved.

“I...I have a sort of crush...on a guy...a guy from school, we’ve been, uh...hanging out and stuff….”

Mikey nodded, looking only a tiny bit smug. Honestly, Tyler couldn’t really blame him. “So that’s why you haven’t been acting yourself lately.”

Tyler crossed his arms and squirmed. “Was I that obvious?”

Mikey barked out a laugh louder than Tyler had ever heard him make before, and he covered his mouth afterwards, though he was still smiling. “Um, yeah, I would say so. But maybe that’s just me.”

Tyler groaned. “Ugh, no...we haven’t been hanging out that much recently, for different reasons, I guess...the last time we did, I almost spilled the beans, I almost called him cute to his  _ face _ , oh, God, I would have died. Like I was  _ actually  _ close to  _ death- _ ”

“Tyler, chill-”

“-and he knew it, he knew I almost said it, I’m sure he did, how could he  _ not  _ know?  _ That’s  _ why we’ve not talked much lately. Shit, shit,  _ shit _ , I’ve ruined it, I’ve ruined  _ everything _ , I’ve made it too fucking awkward for us to hang out anymore, that’s why-” 

“Tyler, look...I don’t know who you’re talking about, but if it’s just a crush-”

Tyler hadn’t realized how much he had longed to  _ tell  _ someone until he had finally opened up a little- and now he didn’t know how to stop, his words rushing into a run on paragraph. “Yeah, technically, it  _ is  _ a  _ crush _ , but it’s a really,  _ really  _ bad one- like,  _ crush  _ doesn’t even feel like the right word anymore, ‘cause I  _ like  _ like this guy, like I  _ really  _ like him, and I just wish I could  _ tell  _ him, because  _ who knows, _ maybe if I lay everything out there on the line and tell him how I feel, he’ll like me back; but at the same time, I’m  _ terrified  _ that he’ll freak out, and we won’t be friends anymore, which would suck  _ major  _ ass, because he’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to lose what we  _ do  _ have just because my dumb ass heart went and got too involved, and what if I’ve already ruined it by slipping up at the basketball court and he realized what I was about to say, oh, God-”

“Basketball court?”

“I...um….” Tyler’s brain was tripping several yards ahead of him, and he had yet to catch up.  _ Typical. Good job, Ty.  _ “Um, yeah, we were, uh, we were just walking home...we passed by, so we...stopped to talk for a bit, you know.”

If Mikey suspected anything, he didn’t let on, just asked harmlessly enough. “So...you gonna tell me who it is, or…?”

Tyler squirmed around in his spot on the sofa, debating. _ Should I…? _

“I just didn’t realize you had made many friends at school besides like, me and Gee, and Frank. Not to be mean or anything,” Mikey added hastily.

Tyler shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I haven’t, not really, it’s just...he just kind of  _ happened _ ...do you know what I mean?”

Mikey seemed to blush suddenly, but it was gone in the next instant as he resettled himself more comfortably against the armrest and replied softly. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

The basement door crashed open, and Madison’s voice sounded from the top of the steps. “Hey, Tyler! Mom says it’s time for dinner, and if your friend is staying then he needs to call his mom!”

“Okay!” Tyler bellowed back annoyedly, though in part he was grateful for the end to this certain conversation; he didn’t want to make it awkward by refusing to tell Mikey who this secret friend of his was.

But thankfully, Mikey didn’t seem too bothered by the fact that Tyler was uneasy about giving names. As Tyler stood up from the couch to turn off the television, Mikey followed suit, tossing his controller onto the couch. “Thanks for like, telling me, bro. And you can be more...like, open and stuff, you know? Like you don’t have to  _ hide  _ as much as you think you do. If it’s because he’s a boy, then-”

“No, it’s not that, really, it’s just….” Tyler shifted awkwardly at the foot of the stairs. “It’s not like I want my  _ entire  _ family knowing just yet or anything, but...that’s not the biggest of deals to me.”

Mikey smiled a bit. “Good.” After a short moment, he added, “So like, don’t hesitate anymore to come to me, then, if you want. I could give you advice maybe.”

Tyler flipped off the lights, and they made their way up the stairs in the dark. “Like you know anything about secret, gay crushes on best friends,” he said teasingly.

“More than you think,” Mikey replied back.

Tyler was on the verge of over analyzing whatever it was Mikey had been alluding to, but they were having hamburgers for supper that night, and it quickly slipped from his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER IS COMIN SOON and it's gonna be a doozy! everyone have an AWESOME Christmas alright!????? LOVE U!!!!! Send me season's greetings by leaving ur comments, thoughts, or questions down below <33333333


	11. it's not mine, but i want it so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2017, friends!!!!!!!!! here's a new chapter for the new year!  
> the chapter title is from "Miserable at Best" bc WHY NOT make things really, really emo, am I right? Just...the whole song. I think it kinda fits for this chapter

“So, I kind of have like, a problem that I wanted to like...talk to you guys about, I guess...you know? Brendon, I swear to God, I’m being serious right now-”

Brendon held his hands up in surrender, a look of shock on his face. “I wasn’t gonna say a word!”

“Shut the fuck up, you were totally thinking it,” Josh glared at his friend from across the table.

Spencer threw himself down into the booth next to Josh, setting down the tray with their burritos and tacos onto the table. “Hey, what’d I miss?”

“Took you long enough,” Brendon grumbled, grabbing three tacos from the tray.

“I _told_ you this Taco Bell is shit, but _someone_ was in the mood for burritos. You didn’t even _order_ a goddamn burrito-”

Brendon cut Spencer off by rolling his eyes with maximum attitude. Josh stifled a sigh. He had gone out after school with his best friends for a very specific purpose, and he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity just because Brendon was being...well, _Brendon_.

“Josh wanted to ask us for some life advice,” Brendon informed Spencer, taking a sip of Josh’s coke.

“Oh?” Spencer turned to face Josh before Josh could grab his drink back from Brendon. “What’s up, Joshie? Did your mom find out you flunked pre-calc?”

“What? No-”

“Did she see your new tattoo?” Brendon suggested. “Did she find out about the concert last month?”

“Did you crash your dad’s car? Is Debbie texting you again?”

“Did your sibling rat on you about that thing with the principal?

“Did your dad see your report card? Or did they find out about last year when we ditched that whole week of school?”

“Oh, God, did they figure out why you were always deleting the family computer’s history when you were in junior high after I sent you that youtube video-”

Josh tried not to yell; he didn’t want the other customers in the restaurant listening in, too. “God, no, what the hell? What is _wrong_ with you guys? No, it’s not about _any_ of those things.”

“Oh,” Brendon looked disappointed. “Well, damn it, Josh, we covered all the exciting stuff. What could you possibly want our advice for besides all that shit?”

Josh stuffed a bite of burrito into his mouth and took his time chewing before bothering to respond. “Look, guys, it’s about...okay, it’s about my crush, right-”

Brendon almost jumped out of his seat, slamming his fists against the table. “ _Dude_ , this is even _better_ than your parents finding out about that video I sent you!” His voice was high with excitement, and several people at the table across the room glanced over at them.

“Yes, c’mon, Josh, _spill_ ,” Spencer joined in. “It’s been long enough, we’ve been fucking _waiting_ and _waiting_ for you to _finally-_ ”

“Um, I don’t recall telling you about my crush, Spence,” Josh pointed out.

“We _both_ know that _you_ knew _big-mouth Brendon_ would tell me about it the second after you told him.”

“Hey, I object!” Brendon said.

“Shut up,” Spencer dismissed him and nudged Josh’s shoulder. “So...about your crush, Josh…?”

Josh took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves that had been going haywire inside of him for weeks, ever since _that night._ The last real time he and Tyler had hung out. The night he had thought, for one glorious second, that Tyler had _actually_ liked him back.

“It’s, um...it’s kinda complicated.”

“Please don’t make me twist your arm,” Brendon huffed.

“Don’t make him do it,” Spencer advised.

Josh struggled to find the right words to explain without revealing everything. “Basically, I’ve liked this friend of mine- you don’t know them- for, God, it’s been months now, I guess. I like them. I doubt they like me. I think I kind of freaked them out a couple weeks ago, I don’t know how exactly, I guess I just...I guess I was too obvious or something, because it feels like we’ve been ignoring each other for a couple weeks now, since Thanksgiving break. And...I just don’t know what...like, what to do. I feel like I need to do _something_.”

“Mhm,” Brendon had his hands folded on the table in front of him, tacos forgotten, nodding his head and looking very thoughtful. “What are your intentions, Josh?”

Josh tried not to blush. “What?”

“Like, your end goal? What do you want from this crush? Do you wanna just like, go on a couple old fashioned dates- we all know how conventional you are- or do you want an _official_ girlfriend, or do you just wanna get some-”

“Brendon-”

“No, hear me out! I’m trying to help. After all,” Brendon leaned back in his seat looking way too smug. “I’ve had quite a lot of success lately in the romance department. With Ryan.”

“Yeah, we know, we know,” Spencer voiced Josh’s thoughts. “You’ve told us all a _million_ times. Please spare us.”  
“I just...I don’t know _what_ I want exactly, I just know that I like them, and I wanna know if they like me back. Without ruining our friendship.” Josh added, in case Brendon needed verification on that.

“Well, does she already have a boyfriend? Does she- did she- hang out with you a lot?” Spencer helped himself to a sip of Josh’s drink, too, and Josh didn’t even bother trying to stop his friends anymore.

“Well, no- about the boyfriend, I mean,” Josh said. “Not that I know of. They never mentioned anyone else. And we hung out like...a lot...after school, all the time. Except not lately, you know.”

“Oh, shit!” Brendon exclaimed suddenly, and both Josh and Spencer jumped.

“ _What?_ ” Spencer asked annoyedly.

“I’ve got a plan!” Brendon’s eyes were gleaming in a definitely-not-good way that Josh knew way too well.

“I don’t know, B.”

“You haven’t even _heard_ my plan yet!”

“I don’t have to to know that it’s probably a little crazy and not at all lowkey, which is what I’m _trying_ to be.”

“It’s not crazy, it’s actually a totally chill and tested method. It’ll _work_ , for sure.”

Josh looked to Spencer, and Spencer shrugged. “It might work. He _is_ with Ryan, after all.”

“Exactly! _Thank you_ , Spence! You boys need to pay attention to daddy!”

“Ugh, okay, we will _listen_ to your plan,” Josh conceded. “But only if you promise _never_ to call yourself that again.”

“Yeah, we’re eating,” Spencer added.

Brendon ignored them both and elaborated on his plan. “Okay, Josh, listen to me. What is the big annual social event that happens every year at this time, before Christmas break? What is the announcement _every_ teacher has been making at the end of _every_ class for the past _week_? Hm? Ring a bell?”

Josh started to fidget nervously, glancing over at Spencer. “Um...yeah, the, uh...the Christmas junior-senior prom…? I don’t get it, what does that have to do with-”

“Don’t be _stupid_ , J! This is the best idea I’ve _ever had_ , and that is saying a _lot_ , because- let’s be real here- I _always_ have good ideas.”

“ _What_ , Brendon?”

Brendon leaned over the table and lowered his voice, as if Josh’s secret crush may be hiding somewhere nearby, eavesdropping. Josh let his eyes drift over the other people in the restaurant for a brief moment- just in case.

“This is absolutely foolproof,” Brendon was saying, way too excited about all of it, in Josh’s opinion. “So there’s the prom. So there’s a dance. So your secret crush is sending mixed signals. So? Ask _someone else_ out with you.”

Josh eyed Brendon silently, and Spencer waved an irritated hand in the air. “ _So?”_

Brendon rolled his eyes heavily and muttered something under his breath. “ _So_ . Voila! Josh’s mystery crush sees him at the prom with another girl, Josh completely ignoring said crush, and she either cracks and admits her feelings for Josh, _or_ on the _extreme_ off chance that she _doesn’t_ find my homeboy Josh’s attentions flattering- well, then nothing happens. But that’s not likely, I don’t think, not from what you’ve been sayin, J.”

Josh was already shaking his head before Brendon had finished talking. “No, no way, that’s not a good idea. I don’t think so, Brendon. Maybe it’s your style or whatever, but it doesn’t feel right for me, I don’t think I should-”

“Aw, c’mon, J, there’s no excuse _not_ to at least _try_ it! What can it hurt? You don’t even have to wear your damn cast anymore, you seriously have _no excuse_ not to go to the dance, so _why not_ go with my plan?”

“Hey, yeah, B’s right!” Spencer interrupted, shaking Josh’s shoulder suddenly. “He’s totally right! If this girl _doesn’t_ dig you, then nothing’ll happen, she won’t care you took someone else to the prom. But if she acts weird at _all_ , even if she doesn’t call you up at midnight to admit her _undying love_ for you or whatever, then it’s _still_ an _obvious_ sign that she _probably_ likes you! This plan can’t go wrong!”

“But-”

“Look, I’ll even get a girl for you,” Brendon said, pulling out his phone in a dismissive gesture, as if that was the biggest of Josh’s worries.

“What? No, wait; stop, Brendon, don’t do that,” Josh tried to stretch across the table and grab Brendon’s phone, but Brendon leaned back out of reach, fingers tapping away.

“Josh, my dude, _chill_. This is the only way for you to know, it’s the logical next step,” Spencer nudged at Josh’s half eaten burrito in front of him. “Just chill, eat your burrito. The prom’s next Friday, so you have a whole week to prepare yourself.”

“But….” Josh said miserably, picking up his burrito and eyeing it disdainfully. His appetite was gone. “I’m not so sure...are you guys _sure_ this’ll work? Is this actually a _good_ idea? What if-”

“Ha!” Brendon exclaimed triumphantly, still tapping at his phone. “I just texted Jenna, she says- and I _quote-_ ‘Josh Dun? That cute jock with the tats and blue hair? Totes!’”

Josh blushed a deep shade of red, slightly horrified. “ _Brendon!_ For real? Did you _have_ to text her already? God.”

“What?” Brendon pouted at Josh like this wasn’t _all his damn fault._ “Don’t you like Jenna? She’s hot.”

Spencer whistled and elbowed Josh. “Dude, she’s legit the _hottest_ girl in school.”

“What’s the deal?” Brendon added, disinterested. “ _She’s_ not your secret crush, is she?”

“What? No-”

“Then no problem! Look, she _totes_ wants to go with you, so what are you crying about? I just solved your problem for you, you’re welcome. You should be buying _me_ lunch.” Brendon leaned back, grinning smugly.

Josh spluttered, disbelieving. “I _am_ buying you lunch!”

“Well, then win-win.”

Brendon started to ramble on to Spencer about the test he had flunked the other day, while Josh blinked down at his burrito, brain churning quickly, feeling as if he had been cheated somehow.

He had a very bad feeling about this.

 

A car horn sounded outside, and Tyler tripped down the stairs, buttoning his suit jacket while trying to pocket his phone at the same time. His mom appeared in the hallway.

“Tyler! Your friends are- oh, there you are!” She beamed, looking him up and down. “You look _so handsome!_ You look _just_ like your father when he was your age. Chris, come here, doesn’t he look handsome?”

Tyler’s dad came out of the sitting room and leaned in the doorway, nodding. “Ty, you look great, son. You’ll knock her off her feet.”

“ _Dad_.”

Jay came running in from the kitchen to stand behind their father, and Madison clambered down the stairs behind Tyler, bumping into him. Tyler sighed loudly. “Guys, you don’t _all_ have to make a big deal about it, it’s just a dumb prom-”

“Mom met Dad at their graduation ball!” Madison suddenly felt the need to remind Tyler, straightening his tie from behind him and patting at his hair. “This one strand won’t stay down, honestly, Ty, did you even-”

“It’s _fine-_ ”

“Didn’t you throw up last prom?” Jay mused.

“Shut up!”

“Now, Tyler,” Tyler’s mom began, and Tyler sighed, hopping down the last two steps to the floor, away from his sister’s reach. “Make sure to be polite to the teachers, maybe try to socialize with some new people, make some new friends. If someone asks you to dance- you know girls sometimes do that nowadays- _be polite_ and say yes, or just- don’t be rude about it, honey. And don’t slink around outside the building, alright, God knows what types could be at that _public_ school. Just be safe, alright? Call us before you leave, remember to be home by eleven. And be sure to thank Gerard for giving you a ride, okay, sweetie? Oh, and if you find out about Zack’s plans changing or anything, and he isn’t going to spend the night at his friend’s house after the prom, let us know when you call, you might need to drive him home, too. Okay?”

Tyler had been nodding the whole time. He knew it all already. “Okay, okay, I will-”

“ _Don’t forget_ about your brother, I don’t want him stuck at that school overnight, you hear me?”

“Yeah, I won’t forget-”

The car horn sounded again, three times in a row. Tyler bolted for the door.

“And!” Tyler’s mom added, following him over and straightening his tie herself, too. “If you do much dancing, you dance like a _gentleman_ , you hear me? Like a good, Christian boy. None of this _modern_ dancing that you see on television-”

“Mom!” Tyler exclaimed, horrified.

Tyler’s dad chuckled. “Kelly, I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem with Ty-guy, he’s a good kid. I’m more concerned about Zack.”

Tyler’s mom ignored his dad’s last comment. “I _know_ Tyler’s a good kid, dear, but I’m just reminding him! You never know all the types at these kind of schools. And no _alcohol_ , Tyler. Don’t let me find out that you’ve been drinking-”

“They don’t even _have_ alcohol there, Mom, it’s a _high school._ That’s _illegal_.” Tyler leaned forward and quickly kissed his mom on the cheek before pulling the front door open. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll be fine. Bye, guys! See you later!” He dashed out the door and down the driveway to the road before his mom could stop him again.

It was dark and cold, and the sky was covered in heavy gray clouds; Tyler had heard on the news channel earlier that it might snow, and he shivered, hoping it would hold off for a couple more days. Once it started snowing in Ohio, it never liked to stop.

Tyler climbed into the back seat of Gerard’s car, an old looking Subaru that made funny but concerning noises every three minutes. Tyler was used to it by now, but one thing he had learned in the past few months was to always buckle the seat belt if Gerard was behind the wheel.

Mikey was in the back seat, too, drowning in a suit that was several sizes too big for him and wearing a grimace on his face.

“It’s Gerard’s old one, mine was too short,” Mikey said in greeting to Tyler, already in defense to whatever mild, joking comment Tyler might have been about to make. Frank waved hello in the rear view mirror from the passenger seat at the exact moment that Gerard hit the gas, before Tyler had even fully closed the car door. They sped out of the neighborhood and down the road towards the high school.

Frank had made a date last minute with some new girl at school, Lindsey or something, and Gerard had been insisting for the past _month_ that he was _not_ going as anyone’s _date_ , though Tyler knew that he was very chummy with a guy in their class named Bert, who was always getting on detention and who never sat or talked with anyone at all during the school day, even Gerard, who occasionally claimed that they were best friends, which in turn always pissed Frank off. When and how Gerard had gotten to know Bert, Tyler didn’t know.

As for Mikey, he was going stag, like Tyler. Tyler didn’t understand this; during the past week alone, two different girls had come up to Tyler and asked him about that shy guy with the glasses he hung out with. Tyler had excitedly told Mikey of this after each incident, but Mikey had just brushed it off, saying he wasn’t interested. But now, eyeing him sideways in the backseat, Tyler didn’t miss the way that Mikey had neatly combed his hair that night, and there was definitely a strong scent of cologne that everyone in the car seemed to be purposefully ignoring, and Tyler was one hundred percent certain that the smell was coming from Mikey. He’d have to keep an eye on him during the evening.

The high school, all lit up and beckoning in the cold, dark night loomed into view as they rounded the final corner, and Tyler felt that painfully familiar dread wash over his insides once again. He’d been feeling that way a lot lately, if he was being honest. And he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that it was in direct response to an absence from...well, from Josh. The few half-assed texts they had sent back and forth over the past weeks simply weren’t enough compared to all the time they had started spending together. Tyler had even started walking to school again, despite the growing cold he despised so much, just so he could spare himself the bitter disappointment when Josh would turn down a ride. He knew he would, and he wanted to avoid that kind of awkward confrontation as much as possible. Not a single night went by where Tyler didn’t curse himself for slipping up in the basketball court.

But then again, Tyler consoled himself, if he treaded carefully enough, he might be able to mend things. Nothing had been officially or severely severed, it had just been a _little slip up_ . That’s all. Once the rush and craziness of the holiday season passed, and the new semester at school started, Tyler was more than hopeful that he and Josh could slowly start hanging out together again. Like they used to. Like they _should_.

But all those pressing thoughts were hastily stuffed into the back corner of Tyler’s mind as Gerard squealed the car to a stop in one of the last parking spaces available. They were a couple minutes late, and they could hear the muted music coming from the gym as they weaved through the parking lot towards the front doors.

Once inside the building, a couple teachers directed them down the hallway to the gym, where the doors were propped open, and Tyler was taken aback by how quickly Mikey dashed off towards the crowded gym. Frank was visibly excited, chatting away to Tyler, who had no idea what he was saying, though he _did_ notice Gerard slink off back outside.

Some popular upbeat pop song was blasting way too loudly from a small stage that had been set up in front the of gym’s changing room’s door, with a DJ that looked half asleep. He looked vaguely familiar, maybe one of the kids that Josh’s group hung out with occasionally. Joe or something, Tyler didn’t know.

There was another table nearby with snacks and punch, and a few teachers and chaperones milling about the edges of the room; Tyler spotted Coach Anderson trying to dance- hopefully as a joke- and turned away quickly, embarrassed. He bumped into a random girl he didn’t recognize, who smiled briefly at him before dashing off with another student. Tyler hadn’t realized Frank had left.

Tyler officially hated proms. He had always disliked them, but that dislike had finally turned to _loathing_ when he had- yes, Jay had been right- thrown up on his date’s shoes in eleventh grade. Tyler still had nightmares about it sometimes.

He edged towards the refreshments table, where Mrs. Hampton and Ms. Wilson, the secretary and school nurse, were helping to pour punch and keep the paper plates and plastic silverware fully stocked. Tyler grabbed a plastic cup of punch to give himself something to do and idled over to the end of the bleachers, trying to appear casual and not like he wished he would drop dead. That would be convenient.

Tyler gulped his punch and eyed the crowd of students from his relatively safe and hidden position. The gym was big enough and crowded enough that Tyler thought maybe he could make it; if he could only make it through maybe an hour and a half without spotting _him_ among the other students, then maybe, maybe, he would be able to sneak out early and he would be okay-

Who did Tyler think he was kidding, anyways?

Just as the survival thoughts were running through his head, Tyler saw him, choking a little on his sip of punch.

Josh was out there on the dance floor, in the middle of it all- of course he was, Tyler knew he would be. His blue hair looked bluer than it had been before; maybe he had re-dyed it, or maybe it was just the lights. Even from the distance at which he was standing, Tyler could see the black dress shirt Josh was wearing beneath his jacket, with no tie or anything; he was wearing black ear gauges instead of the red ones he normally wore, and black skinny jeans- Tyler could tell- and Tyler smiled despite himself and his anxiety when he saw that Josh was wearing sneakers. Tyler’s own smile faded as quickly as it had appeared when he looked back up and saw the smile plastered over Josh’s flushed face, white teeth flashing in the crowded room. Several of Josh’s gang were hanging around, and that _Brendon_ was right next to him, too close, laughing in Josh’s ear about something that Tyler would never know about or be a part of, and the sharp pang of jealously that punched Tyler in the gut surprised even himself. How petty could he be?

A lot, apparently, because the feeling skyrocketed in the next instant, and Tyler felt physically sick. Like, going-to-throw-up-again-just-like-in-eleventh-grade-thanks-a-lot-Jay-for-reminding-me _sick_. A streak of pretty, white blonde hair had caught all of Tyler’s attention.

The girl moved close to Josh in a comfortable and confident way that meant they knew each other, this wasn’t the first time that they had talked during the night. As soon as she had appeared, cup of punch in hand, Brendon had slinked back a few steps closer to- _Is that Ryan? Ugh, what the fuck is going on…?_ \- a boy a few paces away, with a knowing and gleaming look on his face that Tyler _loathed_ , and he actually lurched a little when he saw Brendon wink at Josh. _His_ Josh.

And then it got worse, because _that girl_ was all over him, in a short black dress with a flowing skirt and a high collar with no sleeves that showed off her tanned arms and long legs; the solid black of her outfit, even her shoes black, in sharp, stunningly beautiful contrast to her straight, shining light hair. She was a little taller than Josh. She was striking and stunning. She was _beautiful_.

Tyler kinda hated her.

Red alarms of panic went off in his head as the girl put her free arm around Josh’s shoulders, pulling him closer as she swayed her hips in a languid, hypnotizing manner. She put the cup of punch to her lips- bright, red lipstick- and took a small sip. Tyler narrowed his eyes as he watched the girl staring right into Josh’s eyes the whole time, and Josh was staring back. Then she- _Oh, God, oh, Jesus, just kill me, please_ \- held the same cup up to _Josh’s_ mouth. Tyler looked down at his shoes then, very suddenly; they were old and a little scuffed- actually, they were hand-me-downs from his little brother, whose feet had always been bigger than Tyler’s despite the several year age difference. Jay had had to get bigger shoes a year ago and so their mom had insisted on reusing the old pair by giving them to Tyler. Tyler had been adamant, explaining to his mom again and again that that was _not_ how hand-me-downs worked, the oldest sibling should never be forced to wear the youngest sibling's clothes, it wasn’t ethical, it wasn’t _just_ ; but, typical, his mom would have none of it and had made him use them anyways. Tyler kinda hated these shoes-

Tyler was surprised when a small splash of- _water? punch?_ \- dripped over the shoes he was currently staring at so intently.

_Well, check that off the bucket list. Threw up at prom, check; cried at prom? Check._

Tyler tried to stifle his heavy breathing as a couple more splashes appeared on his shoes. _Stop it, goddammit, not now; not now, Ty-guy, God, not now,_ not now, not _now!  Please, dear Lord, help me, this...I...I don’t want to have to...I can’t do this, why did you have to…._

Tyler heard an ugly cracking sound and looked over at his hand; the cheap, plastic cup was broken in his hand. _At least it was empty._

He set the mangled cup down on the bleacher seat next to him and wiped a rough jacket sleeve across his face. His nose was running. Tyler peeked up through his wet eyelashes at the spot where _they_ had been.

Teachers, teachers, where were the _damn chaperones?_ That was _grinding_ , she was legit _grinding_ on him, that _wasn’t allowed! Front to front dancing only!_ Tyler wished suddenly that his mom had signed up as chaperone. Tyler’s eyes scanned the rest of the gym frantically, looking; for what he had no idea. Mikey, or Frank. The back door. The principal. A hangman’s noose.

What Tyler saw next happened so fast and so naturally that his brain almost couldn’t process it. He stood as if frozen for several long moments- minutes, possibly ten; or maybe it was only for a few seconds, Tyler couldn’t tell- as his eyes unwillingly focused on Josh. And _her_.

She was kissing him.

It felt like something snapped inside Tyler’s chest just then as he tore his eyes away, back down to his shoes, and he took off along the bleachers, sticking as close to them as he could and trying to avoid everyone in the damn gymnasium, in the damn _world_. He peaked up and saw the back door, a sliver of the dark night and parking lot visible through the small window in the door. He had to get out. Maybe Gerard had left the car unlocked, and he could lie down in the back seat; his head felt dizzy.

“Hey, Tyler, what’s up?”

A friendly arm reached out and clasped Tyler on the shoulder, and Tyler instinctively recoiled away from it, almost tripping backward over the lowest bleacher bench. Patrick was smiling genially at him, head bobbing to the music.

“I haven’t seen you for a coupla days! You come alone or did you bring a date?”

Tyler looked out across the gym floor in a blurred daze, trying to remember how to breathe. _Don’t look at Josh, don’t look at him, don’t look-_

“Tyler, are you okay? You don’t look good at all. Dude, are you...are you crying?”

Through the tears in his eyes that he hadn’t even realized were still there, Tyler caught a glimpse of Pete pushing through the crowd towards them, and his instincts kicked in again. Pete hadn’t been outright _mean_ to him as of late, for whatever reason, Tyler didn’t know; but the last thing he wanted right now was an audience. He brushed Patrick’s hand off his shoulder and tried to mumble an excuse about feeling sick, but he couldn’t form any words. He stumbled off for the back door again, tears blurring his vision, feeling bad about leaving Patrick so rudely on top of having his heart ripped out of his chest. _What a night._ Adding Pete to the mix would only make it all worse. He had to get out of there.

The door banged shut behind him, but Tyler doubted anyone inside had even noticed, what with all the noise. The cold air he hated so much was actually, for the first time, a relief. It added to how miserable Tyler felt and made it harder to cry, though his eyeballs didn’t seem to be getting the memo, because they kept on trying. Tyler scrubbed his sleeve across his face for a few minutes, letting the rough material scratch at his skin until his whole face felt like a frozen, wet, raw mess.

Gerard’s car wasn’t where they had left it. Tyler stumbled blindly around the dark parking lot for about fifteen minutes, peering at different license plates with the flashlight on his phone, until he was certain that Gerard and probably that _Bert_ had left the school premises. Tyler was too wasted to care. He started walking home.

There were too many cars and pedestrians still out and about on the main roads, and Tyler felt funny walking down the sidewalk alone in a suit with a tear stained face, even though nobody could see his face; so he cut through a small neighborhood, wanting desperately to be alone, alone from Josh and alone from that girl and alone from his friends and the high school and Ohio and whatever else was out there in the world. He glared up at the night sky in disdain.

He couldn’t go home either, not yet; his parents and siblings would ask too many questions, would be too overbearing. He wouldn’t be able to breathe. Tyler worried briefly about Zack. He hadn’t noticed him at the prom, but it had been pretty crowded; he’d probably get home okay, or else he would spend the night at his friend’s house. Nothing Tyler could do about it now.

Tyler’s neighborhood was quiet, the way it should be. He tried to turn off his mind and just follow his feet, wherever they were taking him, and when he looked up, he was only mildly surprised for about half a second to find that he outside the basketball court.

The streetlights were on, that especially bright one lighting up the biggest part of the court. Tyler would have preferred the lights to be out, for it to be all dark so the world or at least the neighbors couldn’t see him, but it would have to do. Tyler was so exhausted he didn’t think he could take another step if he had wanted to. And he really, really didn’t.

He walked slowly to the middle of the court. He had made friends with Josh here, kind of. That spot right there was where Josh had tripped that late summer day and twisted his ankle for the first time, and Tyler had grudgingly helped him home. Tyler had since formed the opinion that that had been the best decision of his life, the start of it all, helping his rival over to his own house, despite both of their egos. He wasn’t so sure anymore.

 _That_ was where Josh had stood, trying to spin the ball the fancy way Tyler had shown him; and _that_ was where he had done that funny little dance that one time, trying to make Tyler laugh; and _that_ was where the sunlight had reflected so perfectly one afternoon off Josh’s red hair- it had still been red, then; and _that_ was where Josh had tripped on his shoe or shoelace or whatever it was that made Joshua Dun fall; and _that_ was where Tyler had been when he had-

Tyler scuffed his shoe against the uneven asphalt. _God, what am I doing? How did I get here?_

He couldn’t really feel his hands anymore, it was so cold, and his nose wouldn’t stop running, but Tyler felt himself drop slowly to his knees and then to his back, stretching out on the ground. There was a little pebble under his head digging into his skull, but he was too tired to move it. The sky was blank, and very dark. As he stared up at it, a couple more tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes, running into the crevice of his lips due to him lying down. Tyler tasted salt.

It was funny, lying there on the basketball court in his suit in the middle of December, his mind unwillingly replaying that evening’s tragic events; Tyler couldn’t really remember the most of what had happened, what had made him so upset, his mind singling in on a few, solitary and miniscule details.

The light reflecting off Josh’s eyelashes as he had looked up at the _girl_ as she had held the cup to his lips. Her little black flats; she had been about an inch taller than Josh, even in flats. Josh hadn’t been wearing a tie- _Why wasn’t he wearing a tie? Dummy._ The smudge of red on Josh’s face, at the corner of his mouth and smearing up to his dimple, his _dimple_ , after she had kissed him. _Or did Josh kiss her? It doesn’t matter. Josh and kissing happened, and it didn’t involve me._

It started to snow, tiny little flakes that hit the pavement and melted instantly. They speckled across Tyler’s face, cold, prickling sensations. Tyler felt very, very tired.

 

_Beebo: omg i gotta send u some screenshots of this shit, Jenna totally digs u_

_Beebo: like big time! she’s texting me all abt it. Did u go to hers after? dude spill!_

_Beebo: I’d say the whole idea was a success hbu_

It was Sunday morning, and Josh was still in bed. He could hear his parents downstairs banging pots in the kitchen, getting ready for church. It was the Christmas service that morning, and they insisted Josh not miss it. His mom wanted him to wear his candy cane tie, but _no fucking way._

Josh sprawled on his side in bed, the covers tangled around his legs, his fan spinning on low despite his frosted window and the thin layer of snow outside. He stared at his phone as the texts from Brendon appeared, one by one, before replying.

_J: idk_

_Beebo: idk? is that it!?????? smh_

Josh didn’t respond right away, and another text from Brendon appeared.

_Beebo: no seriously what happened, did it work_

_Beebo: did ur crush do anything, does she like u? don’t kno yet????_

_Beebo: u gotta tell me J don’t leave me in the dark bud, or else i’ll send u those pics of Ryan_

_J: no!_

_J: …._

Josh erased the beginning of his new text; he had been about to try to explain, but...what was the point? Tyler didn’t like him. Tyler didn’t like him, and everything was pointless.

_J: nah_

_J: it didn’t work_

_Beebo: details! it didn’t work or she doesn’t like u or u don’t kno or what_

_J: she doesn’t like me_

_J: no biggie_

_J: thx tho_

Josh turned off his phone before he could see Brendon’s reply. He’d hear it all again at church in an hour. God, he was dreading it. _Merry fucking Christmas._ He dragged himself up into a sitting position on his bed and eyed his messy room sleepily. It had snowed after the prom on Friday night and all day Saturday. Josh loved the snow, the way it made the earth look so quiet and clean and how crisp the air was and how fun it was to play in. But after the prom, he hadn’t felt like doing anything. He had slept away most of his Saturday.

Brendon’s stupid plan hadn’t worked. It had just fucked everything up. Josh wanted to be mad at Brendon, and maybe Spencer, too, but he knew it was own his fault, really. He couldn’t blame them, that wouldn’t be fair.

Somehow Jenna had gotten his number on Friday night- _Probably from Brendon. God, what a dick_ \- and she had sent him several texts the day after, none of which Josh had yet replied to. Don’t get him wrong, Jenna was a super cool kid, she was chill and nice and hot and popular, and basically everything everyone at school wanted to be like. And Josh would have had a relatively good evening with her, if it hadn’t been for his damn _crush_ on _someone else._

On _Tyler_.

Josh had been looking for him as soon as he and Jenna had arrived that night (Jenna had her own car and had picked Josh up at his house. He had been slightly embarrassed and even intimidated about it, but. What can you do?) Despite spending the majority of the prom searching the crowd for Tyler, Josh had only glimpsed him once, talking to Patrick. He had had his back to Josh. Tyler hadn’t even seemed to have been looking for him- _why should he have been anyways? What makes you so special? But...you’d think he’d at least say hi...since we haven’t hung out lately or anything. But then again maybe I made it too awkward that night at the basketball court, and he hates me a little bit now. What did I even do? God, I’m such a mess. He probably thinks I’m a creep, I started getting too close, and he had to break it off. Why can’t I have nice things?_ Josh had spied Tyler over Jenna’s shoulder as they had danced; he had been about to excuse himself to go say hey, but then she had kissed him _again_ and...well, Josh was only human, okay? It had effectively distracted him- despite his not wanting to have been distracted in the first place, unless that distraction had been Tyler- long enough for him to lose sight of Tyler. He had kept an eye out for him the rest of the night, but to no avail. He had probably been off having a great old time with his other _friends,_ not thinking about Josh at all. He had probably had his own date, too! Josh was still bitter about that fact, that faceless date Tyler had probably taken to the prom, some cute, handsy girl. God, it wasn’t _fair_.

There was a brief rapping on the closed, bedroom door before it cracked open, and Ashley leaned into the room. “Josh, you better hurry, Mom and Dad don’t want you to miss church again, remember? They’re already warming up the car.”

“O _kay_ ,” Josh huffed, annoyed. “Close the door.”

Ashley rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything as she left his room. _Thank goodness._

Josh forcefully dragged himself out of his bed and wandered over to the window, wiping it clear with his hand and peering out at the snow, the bright morning sun reflecting bright white off of every surface. It felt wrong for it to be so sunny and glorious outside when Josh felt nothing but the shadow of a great cloud of depression over himself on the inside.

_Well, that’s kinda selfish of you. Just ‘cuz you’re depressed doesn’t mean everything else has to be, too._

Ten minutes later, smashed in the backseat of the car between the window and Abby, Josh stuffed his headphones into his ears to try to block out the happy, Christmassy chatter of his family. He rested his chin grumpily on his palm as he leaned heavily on the armrest to avoid sitting too close to his little sister and stared out the window at the dirty slush on the pavement. He thought about ditching church and lying out there in the snow and staring up at the sky as the white little flakes floated down to earth. He thought about the prom, about Jenna’s blonde hair. He thought about Brendon, and how happy he had looked that entire night, finally being able to take Ryan to the dance. He thought about the punch he had ended up spilling on himself, when Jenna had tried to hold the cup for him. He thought about Tyler.

He thought about how Tyler had probably been on the other side of the gymnasium, dancing with some girl, probably several different girls who all had little crushes on him; he thought about how Tyler had probably not even thought of Josh all night; he thought of how good Tyler had looked in his suit, even though Josh had only seen him for a second. Josh missed him, the times they had spent together. He missed him.

_That’s over now._

Josh fingered his phone in his hands mindlessly, turning it over and over. He looked down at it. He was aware that his family were all still talking, that his mom had started singing Christmas songs at some point, but it was all vague in his mind. He eyed his phone suspiciously.

After another minute, he turned it on, scrolling through several different text messages until he got to the right one. He opened the conversation and read the last text.

_Jenna: i hope u had fun too :*_

Josh’s dad made a slow turn into the church parking lot, and Josh looked up at the steeple all covered in a thin layer of snow. He thought about Tyler again.

His fingers moved heavily as he finally gave in and typed out a reply to Jenna’s texts.

 

After the Christmas service, Josh stood in the back of the church, waiting miserably for his parents to finish talking to everyone while he listened to Brendon ramble on about who knows what. He wasn't listening. His eyes wandered emptily around the auditorium, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He just wanted to be left alone, to go back home to his room and curl up on his bed.

Over Brendon’s shoulder, Josh spotted Tyler’s mom leaving one of the pews, and then suddenly there _he_ was himself, following close behind her. Tyler looked up blankly, and he and Josh made eye contact.

Josh panicked for a second, but Tyler’s eyes didn’t jolt away immediately, though his gaze didn’t linger either; it was like he looked at Josh, and then, simply, looked away. Unfazed, unconcerned. Apathetic. _Distant_.

Josh dropped his own gaze down to focus on the buttons of Brendon’s shirt. They looked a little blurry.

He wondered how he had ever gotten to feeling this empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts? new chapter soon :') luv u all <333333


	12. we both know you'd already win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (belated) Valentine's Day, friends! this chapter is a valentine's surprise! Get it, because it was posted AFTER V-day so...so you didn't expect it so...hence the surprise...yeah, i meant to post this ON Valentine's day, but it was only on Valentine's afternoon when i realized HEY that'd be hella cute! but despite my greatest efforts, I couldn't finish it then.... but this chapter IS like twice the normal length, so that's cool, right!? anyways, it's almost 2:30 and i've been writing in a frenzy for the solid past 4 hours i think- and i have to get up for work at 7 AM ew kill me. BUT having this SPECIFIC chapter completed and POSTED for you guys will certainly, CERTAINLY (*wink wink*) make it all worthwhile :')))) i promise :'))))))))
> 
> btw um [THIS gif!???](http://68.media.tumblr.com/3cfdcf62fd6f54802613783313d305c9/tumblr_olam5z9eWD1unudb3o2_500.gif) what the HECK, boys!? GOD i love them, aren't we lucky to have such special boys?????? i lovelovelove them <333
> 
> chapter title from Sarah Smiles by That Boi Brendon (TM)

It was snowing. There was already at least a foot on the ground, and it was still coming down, soft and not cold at all. The basketball court was empty, except for Tyler. He was standing directly in the middle of the white covered pavement, staring at Josh with a lopsided smile on his face as Josh trudged through the snow towards him. Josh couldn’t move very fast, his foot was in a cast and the snow seemed to be holding him and his crutches down, and it was agitating him, because all he wanted was to run to Tyler.

“Before next year, J,” Tyler said in a singsong voice. He was too far away. The sun was shining on the tanned skin of his arms, enticing Josh.  _ Where’s his jacket, the dummy. Isn’t he cold? _

“Come  _ on _ , Josh! Forget those damn crutches, I told you you don’t need them!”

“I like you,” Josh said, stumbling, surprised to see his own breath in the air before him.

“Well, duh,” Tyler giggled. It was kiddish, high-pitched. “I like you, too. Josh!”

“Yeah?”

“Josh!”

“What, Tyler?”

“ _ Josh! _ ”

Jenna was shaking Josh’s shoulder. “Oh, my God, did you seriously fall asleep? The movie wasn’t  _ that  _ boring, was it?”

Josh blinked a couple times, the bright white of the snow fading rapidly to the heavy darkness of the movie theater.  _ How did I get here? _

“I thought it was a  _ good  _ movie! Honestly,  _ boys _ .”

“I, um...sorry….” Josh stood up clumsily as Jenna grabbed her purse and started buttoning up her coat. “I was just...I had a late night, I think.”

“You  _ think? _ ” Jenna laughed. “You’re funny, Josh. And cute. I forgive you for falling asleep on our first date.”

“Was this a date?” Josh’s mind was still too fuzzy with sleep to remember what was going on.

“Well, not officially, I guess. But it’s the first time we’ve gone out together, so in technical terms, it’s a date.”

“Oh,” was all Josh said as he mindlessly followed Jenna out of the theater. _God, I’m out of it._ _What movie did we watch again?_

There was a cold wind outside, but Josh didn’t bother zipping up his hoodie as he followed Jenna to her car, hands stuffed in his jean pockets. He let out a tiny huff, just to see if he could see his breath. He could.

Jenna blasted the heat as soon as she started the car and headed off slowly down the snowy road. Josh flipped the radio on to the same Christmas carols it had been playing all month, repeating the same few to the point of being obnoxious, but Josh didn’t mind, not really. He loved Christmas songs, and it only happened one month out of the whole year, so why not enjoy it? Only once Elvis finished the chorus of Blue Christmas did Josh remember that it was Tuesday afternoon, and it was Christmas Eve.

He made a noise of surprise, but Jenna was chattering on about something- the movie? the prom? school?- and didn’t seem to hear. She groaned loudly, though, when Elvis began crooning the second verse. She reached out a hand and turned off the radio.

“All they do is play the same old songs over and over, honestly it gets so annoying!”

Josh didn’t reply, just squinted his eyes at the control button, seriously considering turning it back on again. He liked that song. But he still felt too drowsy to actually reach out his hand and do it.

The drive home to Josh’s house seemed to take three times longer than it should have. He tuned out Jenna’s ongoing rambling and stared out the window at the passing snow drifts, trying to straighten out his own head- why did everything feel so fuzzy? The past few days seemed to him to have passed in a complete blur. The last thing he remembered solidly was making eye contact with- with  _ him  _ at the Christmas service. Everything after that, in all truth, seemed so unimportant to Josh that he had partially forgotten it, just waking up and eating and sleeping and going through the motions of his day out of habit, completely unaware of his surroundings.

Josh caught sight of his reflection in the sideview mirror. There were always slight bags under his eyes- he was a teenager, come  _ on-  _ but they appeared much bigger and more visible than usual. He figured he hadn't been getting much sleep lately. And for Josh, that was just plain  _ weird _ . Josh  _ loved  _ his bed.

He couldn’t quite remember what exact events had taken place that had been the cause of him and Jenna going to the movie theater, either. Had he asked her or had she asked him? Did that even matter in the long run? He hadn’t called it a  _ date _ , had he? Was this considered leading her on? What was Brendon going to say about all this? What about  _ Tyler _ ?

_ Forget him. That’s not going to happen, and you know it. Look at you, you’re making yourself sick over this. Honestly just forget him. You need to move on. It’s Christmas, stop being a scrooge. _

Finally,  _ finally _ , after what felt like a goddamn hour to Josh, Jenna pulled up to the curb in front of his house, and Josh quickly said goodbye, see you later, yes, I’ll text you, merry Christmas, before slipping up the steep driveway and into the garage. He breathed out a sigh of relief as Jenna’s car rolled out of sight. Sure, she was nice, and  _ yeah _ , she was hot, obviously, and super pretty, but...that didn’t seem to have as big of an effect on Josh as one might assume it would.

The kitchen was warm and smelled strongly of freshly baked gingerbread. The television was on around the corner in the living room, and Josh stood in the doorway a moment, content to just stay in this exact spot and moment in time forever. It was so cozy and nice he could almost forget about all the troubles weighing down on him and making his anxiety shoot to all kinds of new levels and about  _ Tyler _ . Almost.

“Joshua, close the door, you’re letting out the heat! It’s freezing out there!”

Josh’s mom had just come up the stairs from the basement, a dusty holiday platter in her arms. She set it on the kitchen table and glanced over at Josh.

“Where in heaven’s name is your  _ coat!? _ Do you know that it is  _ twenty-eight _ degrees out there right now, young man? And there’s a wind! You’ll catch pneumonia if you don’t watch out.”

Josh closed the garage door behind him and hopped onto the counter next to a tray of gingerbread men, careful not to hit his head on the row of cabinets behind him. His mom glared at him but didn’t tell him to get down, so Josh didn’t say anything, decided not to push his luck. He picked up a cookie and broke the head off.

“Josh!”

“What?”

“Those aren’t for us, they’re supposed to be a Christmas present!”

“There’s more.”

“Don’t you eat them all.”

“I’m eating  _ one _ !”

“Don’t talk back to me.”

Josh huffed and shoved a piece of cookie in his mouth, chewing moodily. Mrs. Dun carried the platter over to him and set it in his lap, handing him a wet rag. “Can you clean that up a bit? I want to give the cookies on this tray, it has the cutest little snowmen on it.”

Josh, in his personal opinion, thought the snowmen were ugly and looked more like zombies for Halloween than snowmen for Christmas, but didn’t say as much to his mom. He picked up the rag and wiped it across the platter instead.

“Have you finished your Christmas shopping?” his mom asked, using a spatula to pry the cookies from the tray. “How was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date,” Josh corrected quickly, then changed the subject. “And no, not really. I...I kind of forgot about presents.”

“Oh, Josh,” Mrs. Dun sighed. “It’s tomorrow, how could you forget about that? Your sister got you a very nice present this year, and you can’t even remember to get anything at all?”

Josh couldn’t think of an excuse, so he sneaked another gingerbread cookie from the tray.

Mrs. Dun whacked his leg with the spatula, and Josh almost dropped the platter he was holding with one hand. “Mom!”

Josh’s mom ignored him and started to hum a Christmas song, taking the relatively clean platter from Josh and placing it on the table, stealing away the tray of cookies before Josh could take another.

Josh sat for another minute on the counter, staring at the wall opposite him as his mom continued to hum, her voice mingling with the sound of the television. Josh wondered what Tyler was doing.

His phone in his pocket buzzed with a new text, and after a moment’s delay, Josh decided to check it in case it was Brendon or Spencer, though he had a feeling it was- yep, Jenna.

_ I swear the movie was pretty good xx _

Josh ignored it, unsure of how to reply, and hopped off the counter, drifting towards the living room. He didn’t want to talk to Jenna, or to Brendon or Spencer or his mom, or anybody. Not right now.

“Josh?” His mom called him back, and Josh stopped in the doorway.

“Hm?”

“Why don’t you come with me, I’m just about to head out now and pick up your father’s present from the department store. I ordered him that new suit, you know. You could pick up a little something for your siblings, maybe something for Brendon. You haven’t forgotten your friends, too, have you?”

“Um….”

“Come on, you can get your brother that new video game or something, maybe get Abby that phone case she’s been wanting? Come on, Josh, you need to get them all  _ something  _ for Christmas.”

Josh opened his mouth to protest, but his mom continued on.

“You’ve been acting so...so out of it lately, sweetie, is something wrong? I want you to be happy, especially  _ now! _ It’s Christmas! Come on, going out with your mom will do you some good. I’ll let you drive the car.”

“Uh, no, that’s okay, you can drive,” Josh interrupted quickly.

“So you’ll come? Oh, good!”

Mrs. Dun let Josh have another gingerbread cookie before twisting cling wrap around the Christmas platter, so Josh couldn’t stay pissed too long about having to go out again. Better than staying home, he guessed. All he would have done anyways was lie on his bed and stalk Tyler’s instagram.  _ Ew, I need a life. _

The roads in the neighborhood weren’t so icy as they were simply bumpy with inches of dirty snow and loose gravel packed down against the pavement. The main roads were better- they had been treated with salt- and most of the snow was heaped in piles along the curb, making driving pretty easy, pretty normal. Josh slumped in the passenger seat without a seatbelt, listening to the same Christmas song on the radio his mom had been humming earlier and watching the houses pass by. They were almost out of their neighborhood when Mrs. Dun turned before the main road, and steered the car slowly around a curve and up a small slope, a dead end street his family didn’t go down very often, had no need to. Josh, however, knew it well. He sat straight up in his seat.

“Mom, you missed the turn. Mom? Where are we going?”

“Oh, I was just going to drop off those cookies before we go to the department sto-”

“But, but I have to get...I have to get presents for people!”

“I know, Josh, I’m only dropping them off real quick.”

“But Christmas is tomorrow, if I d-don’t get busy right now, then I, I’ll just-”

“It’ll only take a minute. What’s wrong with you? I’m taking them to Kelly- oh, you know, Mrs. Joseph? Mr. Joseph, your doctor, the one who fixed your leg-”

“ _ Yeah _ , Mom, I think I remember that-”

“Don’t get snappy with me, Josh. Besides, your little friend might be home, you can say hi.”

They pulled up into the driveway in front of Tyler’s house. Josh slumped even lower in his seat. “I’ll just wait here.”

“It’s too cold, you’ll get sick. Come on in, it’ll only be a couple of minutes. Tyler’s probably home, come on, Josh, stop being such a wet blanket.”

Josh’s mom all but physically dragged him up the walk to the front door. She made Josh hold the platter of gingerbread while she rang the bell. Josh’s eyes jumped around frantically, his mind thrumming with thoughts of escape.  _ Escape route, gotta get outta here, how can I blow this place with an armful of Christmas cookies? Shit, why do I get myself into these situations? Shit, shit- _

Jay answered the door. Josh knew him from Tyler’s mentions of him only, but he looked like Tyler, even though he was probably a full foot taller and fifty pounds heavier. He had the same eyes. Josh felt incredibly awkward, so he kept his own eyes on the floor as he followed his mom down the hall and into the kitchen, saying hello politely to Mrs. Joseph when she hurried in from the living room.

Jay disappeared down to the basement, and Josh hoped very much that if Tyler was down there, too, he’d stay there. Just until Josh had time to escape back out to the car and hide.

Mrs. Dun fell easily into genial chatter and gossip with Mrs. Joseph, and Josh set the platter of cookies down gently on the counter, afraid that if he didn’t do so soon he would drop them. He considered edging back towards the hallway, seeing what his mom would do. Maybe he could sneak out, maybe she’d let him.

Josh had just made up his mind to get out of there and had turned around towards the hall when he heard footsteps and saw a familiar hand on the banister, and then Tyler was padding down the hallway towards him. Josh’s heart and mind both froze as he opened his mouth as if to say something, but no sound would come out. Tyler suddenly noticed Josh standing there, and he froze mid step, the two standing each other off at opposite ends of the hall.

“Oh, um...I...w-what are you…? What are you doing here?”

Josh felt a strange ache in his chest at hearing Tyler’s voice. It seemed to him so exasperatingly long since they had last talked together, not to mention hanging out. Josh tried to smile, but he was pretty sure it looked more like a cold grimace than anything remotely friendly.

“I, um...I was just- I mean my mom, she, uh, she...she brought you some gingerbread. Your mom, your family, I mean, for you guys. As a...a present. For Christmas.”

“Oh.” Tyler wasn’t  _ not  _ making eye contact, but it felt weak and fleeting. Josh had the sudden urge to cross the space separating them and shake Tyler by his thin shoulders and demand to know what had gone wrong between them, was it his fault, did he do something…?

Before he could, though, more footsteps sounded on the stairs, and then Mikey was leaning over the bannister. “Hey, Ty, if you wanna just- oh, um...hey, Josh.”

Josh suppressed a sigh, shifting awkwardly. Could this get any more terrible?

“Hey...my mom was just...dropping some cookies off, we were just leaving. I was just, I was...going outside….”

Both Josh and Tyler’s moms came out of the kitchen just then, and Mrs. Joseph patted Josh on the back. “Well, hey, looks like the gang is all here, huh? You know you’re welcome to stay, Josh, if you want. The boys were playing video games, I think, weren’t you, Ty?”

“Um, no….” Tyler’s attention was shifting between his mom and Mikey, skipping over Josh completely. “We were just...just playing some board games.”

“Oh, well, that sounds fun! You wanna stay, Josh? You’re more than welcome to!”

“It’s fine with me, honey, if you want to,” Josh’s mom added.

Josh felt so frustrated he almost wanted to cry. He felt crowded, too; too many people pressing in on him, all of the attention focused on him. He was looking at the faded runner beneath his feet, but glanced up briefly at Tyler before forming a reply. Tyler wasn’t looking at him.

“Uh...no thanks, Ms. Joseph, I...I have some stuff I need to do...Christmas shopping and all...thank you, though….”

Josh felt miserable and kept his eyes trained firmly on the floor as Mrs. Joseph clapped him on the back again. “Oh, of course, well, that’s fine, dear! Just so long as you know you’re always welcome, come over whenever you like-”

Josh nodded politely and tried to smile at her as he slipped away towards Tyler, making to pass him and stand by front door.  _ Don’t look at him, don’t look at him, don’t look at Mikey either, that’d be awkward, too; don’t look at Tyler, don’t….  _ Tyler didn’t step over to make room for Josh as he passed, but Josh could feel him leaning away as he edged around him. Josh’s heart fell a little lower. If that was even possible.

It took Josh’s mom forever to say goodbye as Josh waited, arms crossed, at the front door. She had asked Tyler something about the basketball team, and for a moment Josh had tensed, unsure of how that situation had been progressing for Tyler. He couldn’t see Tyler’s face, only his back, but had heard him reply that everything was going well.  _ So he still hasn’t told his parents…. _

Mrs. Dun asked him and Mikey something about the prom and school, and Josh’s tension level continued to rise. His mom was getting pretty close to some risky territory. Mikey still didn’t know that he and Tyler were friends- well, that they had  _ used  _ to be. That is, after they  _ hadn’t  _ been. ( _ Whatever. It’s complicated. _ ) Tyler’s shoulders seemed to tense a little, too, at least it seemed so to Josh. Either Josh’s mom  _ or  _ Tyler’s could say something casually,  _ anything _ \- Mrs. Joseph practically already had.  _ Does Mikey suspect anything? _ \- at any moment, and that would change  _ everything  _ as they knew it. And Josh wasn’t ready for that to happen yet.

“Mom?” Josh tried interrupting her as politely as he could. “Shouldn’t we hurry up and get going? Dad’s suit…?”

Tyler took the break in conversation to turn away from the moms in the hallway and start towards the stairs. Josh couldn’t help but watch him as he did, half hoping that he would look up and make eye contact with him, just one last time, but Tyler kept his face studiously turned away from Josh as he quickly rounded the end of the staircase and climbed the stairs, brushing past Mikey. Josh’s mom was saying goodbye to Mrs. Joseph as Josh opened the door, disappointment weighing heavily on his chest, and he glanced back one more time. Mikey was still on the stairs, and he was looking at Josh from behind his glasses and messy bangs. Josh shifted awkwardly, embarrassed that he still hadn’t gotten around to making up with him sooner, and a little more concerned just then, possibly, with just how much Mikey might be putting together. Josh lifted one side of his mouth in an attempted smile, though he felt utterly miserable, and Mikey didn’t return it. He turned quietly and plodded back up the steps after Tyler.

A deep and unexpected stab of jealousy suddenly hit Josh full on as he and his mom made their way back to the car. Mikey got to hang out with Tyler casually on Christmas Eve, got to play board games with him up in his room- Josh hadn’t ever even  _ seen  _ Tyler’s room, let alone hang out in it with him.  _ Why does Mikey get to be friends with Tyler like that? Like it’s so...so  _ easy _ , and uncomplicated. Why can’t it be like that for  _ me  _ and Tyler? _

Josh climbed back into the car and glanced up at the house again. _ Because Mikey isn’t a dumbass with a crush, that’s why. _

Josh hated himself sometimes. Especially now.

 

“Okay, round five goes to me, so that’s...three for you and two for me. Wanna play something else now? I’m bored with Battleship.”

Tyler was perched on the edge of the window sill, one leg drawn up against his chest and looking out the window. Mikey looked up at him from the bed a space away. “Ty? Wanna play Trouble again? Or Clue?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I wasn’t...I didn’t hear you,” Tyler glanced at Mikey and smiled but quickly let his gaze turn back to the window. Josh had just gotten into the car, and it was backing out of the driveway. Tyler thought maybe he could see Josh looking up at him but dismissed the idea just as quickly. Of course he wasn’t. Tyler’s heart was heavy.

“Tyler?”

The car disappeared down the road and out of sight. Tyler let out a little sigh and tilted his head to look at Mikey. Why couldn’t he be in love with someone whom he was on good terms with and wasn’t so hard to understand, like Mikey? Why couldn’t he have fallen for someone who was maybe, um, into  _ guys _ ? That would’ve helped. That would have saved him some heartbreak. Tyler tried his damned best to shove his emotions to the back of his mind- which had been considerably  _ easier  _ before Josh had suddenly showed up at his house, disrupting absolutely  _ everything _ about the shaky peace Tyler had been trying for days to come to. Josh didn’t like him like that. Learn to live with it. Though it was so much easier to try believing that when Josh  _ didn’t  _ randomly turn up in his hallway, cheeks red from the cold and faded blue hair swept across his forehead from the wind. Tyler shook his head, trying and failing to rid his mind of the image of Josh’s face, of Josh,  _ Josh _ .

“Yeah, sure, let’s play Clue. I’m Mrs. White.”

Mikey didn’t move, just squinted his eyes at Tyler.

Tyler felt his cheeks growing hot, despite the cold of the window pane pressing through his sweatpants and chilling his body. “What? Don’t you wanna play Clue?” He had the growing sense of dread that Mikey knew something, knew too much.

Mikey didn’t say anything.

Tyler rolled his eyes dramatically and stood up, struggling desperately to act casual as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, it’s okay. I’m cool with it.”

Mikey raised his eyebrows at that, and Tyler continued.

“ _ You _ can play Mrs. White. It’s okay."

Mikey almost laughed, fidgeting on the bed as Tyler climbed on next to him. Tyler grabbed the Clue box off the floor and shook it a bit. He was surprised by how much his hands were trembling. “I’ll be Professor Plum if you want to be Mrs. White so bad.”

Mikey eyed Tyler for a long minute, apparently weighing whether or not to discuss whatever it was that was on his mind- and Tyler knew damn well what it was. And Tyler  _ also  _ knew that he did  _ not  _ want to discuss it with him.  _ Not  _ now. He tried to convey as much through his own eyes as he met Mikey’s stare, with some internal struggle. Mikey could be pretty intense if he wanted to.

Finally Mikey shrugged, looking away and reaching for Mrs. White. He handed the tiny figure to Tyler. “You can have her. I’ll be Scarlet.”

Tyler laughed shakily at that. Maybe he could at least  _ pretend  _ that things were a little normal again. Though he doubted it.

 

It was a little before dinner time when Tyler drove Mikey back to his house across town. It had started snowing again and was already dark, despite only being half past five. Both Tyler and Mikey had decided that they were tired of Christmas music for the time being, so they listened to a Maroon 5 album in silence as Tyler drove carefully down the main road. When they reached the Way household, Tyler pulled up alongside the curb and turned the music down to say goodbye.

“You wanna come in for a minute and say hey to Gee? Frank might be in, too, I don’t know.”

Tyler waved a hand. “Tell them I said merry Christmas and all that. I really should hurry home, my mom’ll yell at me if I let my supper get cold.”  _ And I’ll break down in an emotional mess if I have to face another person right now. _

Mikey nodded and unbuckled his seatbelt, reaching for the door handle before stalling a moment. He looked over at Tyler; Tyler couldn’t see his eyes because of a nearby streetlamp reflecting off his glasses, but he had a feeling that he knew what was coming.

“Tyler, I...I’ve told you before, you  _ know  _ you can-”

“-talk to you about anything, yeah. Yeah, I know, Mikey.  _ Thank you _ .” Tyler meant it; he hoped that Mikey knew that. But he couldn’t talk about it, not now. Not yet.

Mikey smiled restlessly. “Yeah….”

Tyler drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and glanced about the car, unable to look at Mikey’s face. His heart was breaking. “I, um...I’ll see you around. ‘Kay? Have a good holiday, alright?”

For an awful minute, Tyler thought Mikey would think he was brushing him off- which, well, he kind of was, but still- and slam the car door and leave without replying. But instead, Mikey suddenly leaned over the console and gave Tyler a loose-armed hug, surprising him. Tyler flailed awkwardly for a second, unable to really hug him back due to the awkward angle, so he settled on patting Mikey’s shoulder with one hand. When Mikey sat back, Tyler’s face was bright red.

Mikey smiled warmly at Tyler. “Ty, you are  _ so _ ...I don’t know. I don’t know what you are. Never mind. Have a nice Christmas, okay? Have fun with your family. And try to be happy,  _ jolly _ , okay? It’s  _ Christmas! _ Text me.”

Tyler nodded, at a loss for words.  _ What? Why is he looking at me like that? _

Mikey looked like he might try to hug Tyler again, so Tyler held out a fist instead for Mikey to bump. He unlocked the car doors afterwards, hoping Mikey would get the hint.

He did, to Tyler’s relief, and he wished him a merry Christmas again as he climbed out of the car.

Alone, at last, Tyler let out a breath and watched Mikey disappear into his own home. A haphazard string of lights were strewn across the front porch, and there was a trail of smoke coming from the chimney. It looked cozy and homey and  _ nice _ . Tyler turned off the CD then, cutting She Will Be Loved off in the middle of the chorus. He didn’t want to listen to anything right now. He imagined he could hear the dead silence of the snow falling. He liked that sound.

He drove home slowly, more slowly than was necessary, his thoughts in a better and kinder place a hundred miles away- which, of course, wasn’t really a hundred miles away, more like one or so. It was only that far to Josh’s house, after all.

 

It was the end of an era. Or at least it felt that way to Tyler. The end of the era of his life of incredible friendship with  _ Josh _ . The love of his life. Sure, Tyler knew he was being melodramatic- probably, a little bit, maybe- but this was his first big heartbreak, okay? He was allowed to feel this way, goddammit. Tyler had never met anyone like Josh before, and he felt like it was all such a goddamn  _ waste, _ to get to know such a tiny bit of him and then have it all ripped away. It was a real downer to feel like this during the holiday season, Tyler found.

Tyler loved Christmas time as much as the next guy, don’t get him wrong, he  _ did _ , really. But the holiday break seemed to pass in a blur of dull, aching emptiness, and Tyler was at least thankful for it passing quickly. Try as he might, it had been next to impossible to find any alone time to mope about his  _ feelings  _ in a household filled to the brim with loud and overexcitable siblings, too many presents, and an unbelievable amount of Christmas cheer. Going back to school almost seemed like a relief. Tyler hoped that if he just had time to feel sad and sorry for himself, he’d be able to get  _ over  _ it finally and enjoy the rest of the school year with the new friends he  _ had  _ made since coming to Worthington. It wasn’t all bad.

Of course, being back at school had its downsides. Two major ones, and probably some smaller ones, too, smaller ones like homework and getting his phone confiscated during class and Gerard bugging him again to keep an eye out for Mikey because Pete was acting suspicious, as per usual. But as for the major downsides, they were pretty major, Tyler felt. For one, he had to be around... _ him _ again. In like, every single goddamn class. Not that seeing  _ him  _ in person could be  _ that  _ much worse than thinking about him day and night for the past two week break. It couldn’t be  _ that  _ much worse, right? Tyler hoped not. And besides, he was supposed to be getting  _ over  _ it.  _ Stay focused, Ty-guy. _

As for the other downside, well. It was the first day back at school, the first week of the new year, when Tyler realized that the first game of the new year was only another ten days or so away. He had been so caught up in trying to avoid Josh at every turn that he had completely forgotten about being off the team, and, oh, yeah,  _ my parents don’t fucking know yet. _ It was only a matter of time before they would find out. And every time Tyler thought about, he knew with a sinking, sick feeling that he was making the situation so much worse than it could have been by stalling the truth. He should have told them  _ months  _ ago. The thought didn’t help Tyler feel any better.

It was lunch break, and Tyler was mulling all this over in his head for about the hundredth time that day, when the name  _ Josh  _ jogged him out of his trance. Frank was laughing about something to Gerard across the table, and Tyler tuned into the conversation, cheeks inadvertently pinkening.

“-just so stupid, like really, dude? What the hell are you thinking? It’s just so annoying, he thinks just ‘cause he gets away with the blue hair and shit he’s teacher’s pet. Like what is this, grade school?”   
“Daycare,” Gerard snickered.

“Hey, we should print those pictures Pete has of him and Brendon back in, God, what was it, seventh? Eighth, I don’t know. Remember those? We should print them and put them on his locker, man, that’d be _hilarious_. They’ll both be fuckin’ _expelled_.”

“Oh, God, dude, they almost  _ were _ , that was fucking crazy,” Gerard wheezed.

Tyler shifted uncomfortably, trying not to act too interested, but at the same time  _ what the fuck? What are they talking about? _ Tyler didn’t like the direction this conversation seemed to be going, at  _ all _ .  _ What  _ about  _ Josh and  _ Brendon _?  _ He glanced over at Mikey, but Mikey seemed engrossed on his phone, oblivious to everyone at the table.

Tyler cleared his throat quietly, interrupting Frank’s plan to steal Pete’s phone. “That’s not a great idea, guys.” He doubted Frank would actually go through with it, he was all talk, but still. It made Tyler uneasy to listen to them.

Gerard looked curiously at Tyler while Frank raised his eyebrows sarcastically, both of them turning towards Tyler. “Well, look at you, I thought you hated the guy.”

Something in Frank’s tone made Tyler defensive. He squirmed under both their gazes. “I do- I mean I don’t, I don’t hate anyone, I just...I mean, you’ll get in trouble. If you do that. With...with the principal….”

Frank huffed. “No we wouldn’t, he doesn’t do his job anyways, he’s too old. He’s like ninety, you know. Hey, Ty, have you seen those pics of Dun? Have you heard about that time? We were only freshman or something, but it’s still so funny-”

“Why don’t you just leave him alone, he’s not bothering you guys.”

The lunchroom was just as loud and busy as it had been a minute ago, but it seemed to Tyler like everything had gotten a lot quieter. Gerard was staring blankly at him, which quite honestly unnerved Tyler a great deal more than he would care to admit, and Frank’s expression was one of slight confusion, and a little bit of shock.

“I...I gotta go...see you later….” Tyler didn’t bother grabbing his tray, didn’t bother seeing if Mikey had been listening in, just got up from his seat and weaved around the tables and students towards the exit. He needed some air, he needed some space. He needed to get  _ Josh  _ out of his  _ head _ .

“Tyler? Wait a minute!” Tyler could hear Mikey’s voice behind him, but he didn’t stop, hoping Mikey would get the hint and leave him alone. He risked a glance over his shoulder to see Mikey making his way after him and almost bumping into a passing student, and when Tyler turned back around, he himself collided chest to chest with another student.

“Oh, shit, sorry, sorry, I-” Tyler stammered, then froze, his face only inches away from- Oh. Of fucking course-  _ Josh _ .

Tyler choked on his own tongue while Josh just stared slightly up at him, his eyes  _ so much more brown  _ than Tyler had even remembered.  _ How do eyes actually legit  _ sparkle _? He’s a fucking  _ angel _.  _ His lips were definitely more pink and chapped than Tyler had remembered, too.

“I, um, I….” Tyler realized awkwardly that they were still standing almost on top of each other from when they had collided a moment before, and that...Josh hadn’t moved away...Tyler’s hopes spiked up a dozen miles in the span of a nanosecond. Maybe-

“Hel- _ lo _ ,” Brendon appeared beside Josh, arms crossed. “Lose something, Joseph?”

Tyler noticed suddenly that they were directly beside Josh’s clique’s table, and every face there was turned to stare at them. White-hot emotion flash flooded Tyler’s entire body when his eyes landed on-  _ what’s her name, Jenna? _ \- sitting at their table, watching curiously.

“I was just, I didn’t...I didn’t mean to...I mean I was….”

Tyler’s attention jerked back to Josh when Josh’s head finally turned away, his eyes on the floor. Brendon pulled him back and away from Tyler, sneering at him. Tyler watched as Josh sat back down at their table, keeping his head turned the other way; it made Tyler’s heart plummet back down dizzily in his chest. He felt even worse than he had before.

Brendon was just opening his mouth to say something, but Tyler didn’t want to hear it. He was done here. He brushed past Brendon, avoiding his eyes, and escaped from the lunchroom and into the empty hall, unsure if Mikey was still following him or not.  He hurried down the hallway, casting a glance over his shoulder as he took turns at random, searching for a place to hide for a while. Just until lunch was over. He’d be okay by then. Probably.

The gym doors loomed up suddenly to his right, and Tyler made a sharp turn and dashed into the empty room. It was cool in the gym, but it was warmer where the sunlight was coming in from the windows high up along the walls, streaming down over the bleachers and in patches across the floor. Everything seemed so silent in a loud way, except for the faint whirring sounds coming from the boiler room nearby. It all felt familiar and comforting. Tyler felt like he could breathe again, being in there alone. There were some basketballs lying on the floor across the room, and Tyler didn’t have to think twice before jogging across the gym and scooping one up. He hadn’t played basketball in  _ forever _ .

Tyler had hoped that shooting baskets in the far hoop across the gym and warming himself up by running around would cheer him up, help him to forget his problems. It  _ was  _ really peaceful, after all, the bright, happy sun shining in and trying its damnedest to make Tyler happy, too. But while focusing on his dribbling and spinning, Tyler found his mind, as per fucking usual, dwelling on all his issues and inner conflicts. And Josh. Mostly on Josh. And this was only  _ Monday _ .

Tyler let out a sigh of acceptance and, aiming the basketball, launched it from his fingers.

 

Almost two weeks later, in the cafeteria- _ two weeks? One week. Is it two? Oh, my God, it’s two, isn’t it? It doesn’t feel like two weeks, it feels shorter. Or...does it feel longer? God, I don’t know anymore. What day is it? Wednesday. I think...no, Thursday. Oh, yeah, it’s Thursday, ‘cause the game’s tomorrow, right. I knew that, duh-  _ Josh was scrolling on his phone, completely tuned out of his friends’ conversations at the table and lost in his own thoughts.

_ Does it count as stalking if I check his instagram every day? What about his snapchat? No, not really...friends do that. Even not-friends do that. I even check Pete’s. Well, sometimes. But this  _ isn’t  _ stalking...right? Right. Probably not. _

But Tyler hadn’t posted anything on snapchat that day, or the day before, or the day before either. In fact, if Josh really thought about it, Tyler hadn’t posted on snapchat (and he  _ loved  _ snapchat, Josh happened to know) or instagram in...a month? Almost a month. Josh was getting a bit concerned.

Not that that was any of his business. Tyler was his own person, off doing his own thing, not really caring about Josh, and Josh should respect that and move on. It was  _ just  _ a crush, and it had only existed for like, a week. _ Okay, more like...a month. Maybe two. Or...three…. _

Josh had really expected to be over this by now. January was half  _ over _ , for God’s sake. He and Tyler had technically fallen out over a month ago- a sharp pain still shot through Josh’s heart when he thought about that. But Josh tried not to think about it too much. If he didn’t think about it, or Tyler, or basketball, or the classes they shared, or the basketball court by his house, or the street next to his where Tyler lived or the fact Tyler wasn’t posting on his social media or...if he  _ just didn’t think _ about  _ any  _ of those things, then Josh could function day to day like a fairly normal human being, for the most part.

Still, Josh couldn’t help but feel a cavity in his chest, even then, as he tapped through snapchat, his slice of pizza cold and forgotten with his friends all joking and laughing around him, Brendon on his one side and Jenna on his other.

_ Oh, yeah. Jenna.  _ Sometimes Josh forgot she was there, even though she had started spending more and more time with him and his friends while at school, joining them at lunch and tailing after them in the halls. She texted him a lot, too, come to think of it, and had started sitting next to Josh in all of their classes. Brendon said that they were becoming an item. Josh wasn’t sure he liked that.

It wasn’t Jenna’s fault, Josh knew. She was nice enough. He liked her. Brendon and Spencer and Ryan and all the guys liked her, too. She was fun to have around. But something Dallon had said just the day before had hit Josh like a train, and ever since being confronted with it, he hadn’t been able to stop worrying over it.

_ You and your  _ girlfriend  _ coming to watch the game this Friday? _ Dallon had asked the other day after school. They had been leaving the building with the other guys; Jenna was there, too; and he had asked it simply enough, but it had stopped Josh dead in his tracks.  _ Girlfriend? Girl-friend? Like a girl who’s a friend, or like...a girlfriend as in a  _ girlfriend  _ girlfriend? Like...a fucking  _ girlfriend _? _

Josh had broken out in a cold sweat as his eyes had shot over to Jenna, but she had acted as if she hadn’t heard, or maybe she genuinely hadn’t. Brendon and Spencer and Ryan hadn’t reacted to the wording, either. The rest of the way home, Josh had contemplated what that could mean. Had they all just pretended not to notice Dallon’s slip of the tongue? Or...had it been  _ true _ ? Had his choice of the word  _ girlfriend  _ not disturbed anyone in the slightest because to all of them,  _ it was true? _

That had freaked the fuck out of Josh.

He eyed her now, at the lunch table next to him, as casually as he could. She was smiling and handing her packet of Skittles across the table to Spencer. Josh glanced down her body and noticed that she was indeed leaning towards him a bit. And she was sitting pretty close to him, too. Their thighs were touching. He looked the other way to Brendon, to compare- but Brendon was practically flush against him as well, his arm  _ definitely  _ resting on Josh’s part of the table. But that was just Brendon. Josh couldn’t compare Jenna to Brendon very accurately. Brendon had no sense of personal space.

Josh sighed to himself and looked blankly out across the cafeteria. He tried to find Tyler amidst the other students, but it was too crowded. Tyler  _ was  _ out there, though,  _ somewhere _ , probably with Mikey, as per usual- though Josh hadn’t seen much of Tyler at all that week. The last time he had even been within speaking distance with him was that first day back at school, during lunch, when they had quite literally bumped into each other. It hadn’t ended well, Josh hadn’t even been able to think fast enough to find something to say- not that he could have really said anything anyways, the whole gang had been  _ right there _ , and Josh would have blown his and Tyler’s cover for sure. Despite all of that though, Josh found himself wishing that he and Tyler  _ did  _ bump into each other again, just once more.  _ Anything  _ was better than barely seeing him for almost a full goddamn week. It was almost like he didn’t exist.

A sudden weight across Josh’s back made Josh jump slightly, coming back to his senses.

Jenna had thrown her arm around his neck, her fingers playing with the string of his hoodie.  _ That’s normal, right, girls always hug and touch people, right? Even friends. Right?  _ She leaned her head on his shoulder.  _ Friends, just friends, just friends, friends, friends-  _ She grabbed his hand from his lap with her free hand and laced their fingers together, humming lightly before laughing at something Ryan had said. Josh could feel himself sweating as he shifted uncomfortably. No one else at the table seemed to be aware of his current distress. Was the sight of Jenna clinging to him like a  _ girlfriend  _ would do to her boyfriend  _ that normal  _ to all of them?

Ryan was sitting across from Brendon, speaking in a monotone voice about something funny his teacher had said the other day. His hands were on the table in front of him; and across from him, Brendon was slumped onto the table, one hand propping up his head, and the other playing with Ryan’s hands. Ryan didn’t seem to notice as he looked out at the other people at the table, telling his story, but Josh noticed one of Ryan’s own hands grab gently at Brendon’s fingers, holding them still. After a second of struggling, Brendon freed his hand to keep pulling at Ryan’s fingers and messing with the tattered sleeve of his jacket. Ryan didn’t stop him.

It was disgustingly sweet to Josh, in a really,  _ really  _ envious way. No one else at the table paid Ryan and Brendon any attention- they  _ did _ , of course, as two friends, but  _ not  _ to the fact that they were now a couple and were able to do cute couple things together. Like handholding. Josh let himself imagine for a moment that Tyler was there across from him, with his tanned, thin hands on the table between them. Josh imagined touching them, and it not being a big deal. Except to him. To him, it would be a bigger deal than if aliens landed on earth. Hell, landed in  _ Ohio _ .

Suddenly there was a gentle hand and cool, soft fingers at the nape of neck, and Josh jerked violently in surprise, violently enough to bump the table and slosh Spencer’s soda over the brim. Ryan stopped talking, and Jenna let her hand fall away as she leaned forward to peer into Josh’s face. Josh could feel all of his friends’ eyes on him as the table fell silent.

“Josh, are you alright?” Jenna asked, a small, concerned smile on her lips.

“I, um...it’s just….” Josh took a deep breath, trying to reel his emotions back in. He glanced up across the table, but that was a bad move- Spencer and Dallon were staring at him with the same concern that was on Jenna’s face-  _ God, I must look horrible, am I that obvious? _ \- and Josh quickly averted his focus, eyes trying to find a safe place to land. He tried to slow his breathing.

There was a pressure on his knee, not Jenna though, Josh could tell immediately. Brendon’s hand squeezed gently, and he leaned in, speaking softly enough for only Josh to hear. “Hey, man, what’s up? You okay?”

Josh glanced over at him, his heart beating way too fast. It took too much energy to meet Brendon’s eyes for more than a second at a time, so Josh found a stain on Brendon’s collar to stare at instead.  _ There, that’s good, this will work. _

Brendon could read Josh’s face, Josh knew he would be able to, and Brendon cleared his throat loudly, forcing a laugh. “Nah, he’s fine, it’s okay, guys. We’re just gonna go take a breather real quick, it’s too crowded in here. Keep telling that story, Ry, we’ll be right back.”

Brendon stood up quickly and tugged at Josh’s arm, his steady grip on Josh’s bicep the only thing keeping Josh from mentally blacking out. It was so much easier to just mentally black out. But Josh didn’t, as much as he wanted to, forcing himself to get up and let Brendon lead him out of the cafeteria. He heard Jenna say something but didn’t know what, and he didn’t reply.

Out in the hallway, Brendon didn’t stop pulling Josh along behind him until they rounded the corner and were out the back door. It was freezing, obviously, it was even snowing a tiny bit, or maybe it was just the wind blowing snow around that was already covering the ground. Josh couldn’t tell. He only had a thin hoodie on, but the biting cold helped a little to clear his head. At least he could breathe again.

Josh slumped down to the damp pavement and let his head bang back against the wall, hugging his arms around his chest. Some snow brushed into his eyelashes, and he blinked them away. Brendon stood next to him, leaning against the brick wall of the building as he dug around in his pocket. He held a small box down to Josh, offering him a cigarette, but Josh shook his head. He didn’t like smoking- he’d only done it once, maybe twice- and it always made his head too foggy. Brendon offered him gum instead. Josh took a piece but only fingered the wrapping idly, not opening it. He stared out blankly across the back parking lot, covered in a layer of snow that the snow plows hadn’t cleared away yet.

After a few minutes of silence, Brendon cleared his throat, startling Josh out of his trance. “So...what was that back there? What’s up?”

Josh hung his head and studied the gum wrapper in his hands. He shrugged one shoulder, even though he wasn’t sure if Brendon could tell or not from his standing position. “I’m just...just going through some things. Dealing with some things.”

Brendon made a scoffing sound and waved his cigarette around, smoke dissipating in the snowy wind. “Well, obviously, you’re not dealing with ‘some things’ very well.”

Josh didn’t reply.

“Well? Wanna talk about it?”

Josh opened his mouth to say something, but...what? Say  _ what? _

“Like look, dude, I’m not trying to pry or whatever, but you should just like...open up about whatever it is, you’re not acting like yourself, you haven’t been acting  _ normal  _ since like, the beginning of December or some shit. I don’t know, man.”

Josh bristled suddenly, and it wasn’t because of the cold. “I’m  _ sorry  _ I’m not acting  _ normal  _ enough for you,  _ Brendon _ . I didn’t realize it was such-”

“I’m just saying, dude. Don’t be so emo. You  _ should  _ open up, I’m your best friend, you should-”

“No, don’t pull that card,” Josh interrupted.

Brendon didn’t say anything for a moment. “What card?”

“You know what card, the  _ best friend _ card.”

The silence between them was incredibly tense, and growing tenser. Brendon’s voice was tight when he spoke. “I  _ am  _ your best friend, Josh. Don’t you  _ get that? _ Because you’re acting like shit. Ever since we-”

“ _ Brendon _ , I just need-” Josh threw the piece of gum on the ground and waved his hands angrily, “-some  _ fucking  _ space.  _ Jesus _ . I’m  _ sorry _ , okay?”

Brendon fidgeted next to Josh for a few seconds before tossing his cigarette on the ground between them and grinding it roughly with his sneaker. “ _ Fine _ . Do it your way.”

Brendon turned and stalked back to the door, and Josh glared at the footprints he left in the snow.

“You always do,” Brendon added harshly before letting the door swing shut behind him.

_ Shit. _ Josh watched the piece of gum he had dropped slowly disappear under the snow as the wind continued to blow and shift the drifts around.  _ Well, that...could have been handled better…. _

Guilt crept up into Josh’s chest, and he seriously considered running after Brendon and apologizing. But a small, selfish part of him couldn’t help but blame Brendon, at least a tiny bit, for what had happened between him and Tyler. _ So  _ that’s  _ what all this is about then? Tyler? _ From them not being able to openly be friends to the disaster at the prom to the run-in last week. He  _ wanted  _ to blame  _ someone _ .

_ Yeah, well. That would be  _ you _ , buddy. If you wanted to blame someone…. _

Josh sighed.

 

The next day, the day of the game, Brendon didn’t talk to Josh at all. He sat near him in the couple of classes that they shared though, near enough not to raise Spencer or any of their gang’s suspicion too much, which Josh was pretty thankful to him for, honestly. The last thing he needed right now on top of everything was for the whole clique to know that him and Brendon weren’t currently on good terms. They hadn’t had an official falling out or anything; they had little tiffs like this all the time- after all, when you grow up with someone, when you’ve been best friends since  _ first fucking grade, _ well. You’re  _ bound  _ to have  _ some  _ arguments from time to time.

Still. Josh felt pretty fucking bad about it.

They didn’t talk at lunch either. Josh sat quietly and scrolled on his phone while the rest of the table talked excitedly of the game that evening. Brendon sat across from him, relatively quieter than usual, but not enough for anyone to notice. Well, besides Ryan. Josh noticed Ryan saying something to Brendon under his breath, and he glanced back and forth between the two of them a couple of times, but he didn’t press it. Thankfully.

The game that night was all the way out in Hamilton, almost in Cincinnati, so the team was leaving on the bus directly after school. Josh cut his last class to hang out by the back door, waiting for the team so thar he could wish his friends good luck ( _ and _ he hadn’t studied for that test in his last class, so...it was a win-win by skipping.) Dallon had tried all afternoon to talk Josh into coming along to watch, and Jenna really wanted him to go, too, but Josh just didn’t feel emotionally up to it. And the way Jenna kept talking about how fun it would be for them to go watch  _ together  _ and all, Josh had a sneaking suspicion that it would be labeled as a  _ date _ . Ever since the movie theater last month, Josh had been treading along  _ extra  _ carefully, avoiding outings if it just involved the two of them. He did  _ not  _ want to lead her on, but he didn’t know what to  _ say  _ to her to explain that, since they weren’t  _ officially  _ a couple or anything. Everyone just apparently assumed that they were.

The school bell rang loudly above Josh’s head, and he could hear the bus out in the back lot, its engine revving. He hid behind some lockers- lowkey, though- when he saw Jordan running down the hall like a maniac. A wave of bitterness washed over him, that his kid brother got to be on the team (on the bench, but still) and attend all the games. Jordan dashed out the door to the bus, passing Josh without noticing him. Pete jogged down the hall a moment later in his jersey and no jacket ( _ moron, it’s like twenty degrees out there _ ), and Patrick was close behind. Josh stayed hidden until Pete was out the door, and he gave a small wave when Patrick passed by with Dallon.

“You sure?” Dallon called, nodding towards the bus. “Coach wouldn’t mind if you ride with us.”

“Nah, I’m good,” Josh tried to smile. “You better hurry.”

Brendon and Ryan were close behind the other players, holding  _ hands _ , Josh noted a little spitefully, and Ryan smiled when he saw Josh.

“Bye, man, we’ll miss you. The team sucks without you, it really does. Doesn’t it, Bren?” Ryan dropped Brendon’s hand to elbow him in the side.

Brendon crossed his arms and shrugged, eyes looking out the glass door. “It  _ kinda  _ sucks.”

“It kinda sucks a  _ lot _ .  _ Right _ , Bren?”

“Nah,” Josh said, forcing himself to at least  _ try  _ to make an effort. “Not with B as head guard.”

Brendon huffed loudly and rolled his eyes dramatically before pulling Josh into a quick hug. “Okay, so it  _ really  _ sucks, a  _ lot _ . Fuck you, it’s your fault, you know. Leaving me with  _ Pete _ .”

Josh laughed a little into Brendon’s shoulder. He loved him. “Just don’t let Wentz make the winning shot, okay?”

“Never,” Brendon smirked, and then more quietly so Ryan wouldn’t hear: “We  _ are  _ going to talk about this, by the way, you know that?”

Josh tried not to grimace. “Sure.”

Coach Anderson blared the horn outside, and Josh quickly muttered a goodbye as he let Brendon go and watched him and Ryan hurry out the doors. The heavy, sullen weight that Josh had been slowly getting used to in the past months crept back up into his chest, cold and familiar. Josh sighed, zipping up his hoodie and shouldering his backpack. Oh, well. At least he had gotten out of that test.

He was halfway down the hallway when someone called his name.

“Hey, Josh? C’mere a second!”

Josh turned around, surprised, and-

“Mikey? What’s up? Hey, wait, aren’t you going with the team? They’re all in the bus already, I think Coach is ready to go-”

“Shut up and listen.”

Josh had never heard Mikey speak with such conviction and authority before. He was more than a little dumbfounded, and there wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d admit it then, but he was a little intimidated, too.

“Okay...what is it?”

Mikey closed the last few steps between them and grabbed one of the straps of Josh’s backpack, pulling him back down the hallway a bit towards the deserted area nearer the back door. He looked serious. But then again, he always did a little bit. It was hard to tell behind those glasses.

“Listen. Do you like Tyler?”

Josh’s stomach somersaulted into his throat, and he swallowed the urge to throw up. His blood temperature probably  _ legit  _ dropped to that of outside in the span of like, two nanoseconds. Josh opened his mouth and tried to remember how to speak English.

“I...you...y-you’re asking if I, if...if...do I like...if I...w-what? What?”

Mikey rolled his eyes almost as hard as Brendon could, and that was _ fucking hard.  _ “I  _ said _ , do you  _ like _ ...Tyler?” He spoke very clear and slowly, pronouncing each word so sarcastically that Josh was almost as surprised about  _ that  _ as he was about  _ what  _ Mikey was asking him.  _ Almost _ .

“I...I  _ heard  _ what you said, I just...I just don’t...like, um...I mean, like, where are you g-getting this? Like...w-what is this, I don’t understand why you...I mean, me and Tyler, we...we don’t, we’re not...I mean, everyone  _ knows  _ we’re like... _ rivals _ , and...rivals don’t, they don’t...everyone knows that-”

“I  _ know  _ what everyone else knows, and  _ I _ want to know  _ this _ . Do you  _ like  _ Tyler?”

Josh’s heart was beating so hard it actually hurt. Like it was legit  _ bruising  _ his ribcage. “Y-you mean like... _ like _ ...like…?”

Mikey nodded slowly, as if Josh was a little kid. “ _ Yes _ . Do you  _ like  _ like Tyler?”

Josh’s brain was whirling; he felt physically sick.  _ What the fuck, where is this coming from? What does he  _ want _ , like is this some sort of...sick  _ joke _? Is this something those emo kids he hangs out with planned? Frank what’s-his-name? I swear to God, if it fucking is- _

The bus horn sounded outside again, three long times in a row. Mikey shifted anxiously and glanced over his shoulder towards the back door.

“Josh, for  _ real _ , I’m in a  _ hurry _ , just fucking tell me. Do you fucking like Tyler Joseph?”

Josh opened his mouth, but nothing but more stammering came out.

Mikey pursed his lips, his grip still on Josh’s backpack strap tightening. He looked on the brink of just letting it go, shoving Josh away and running outside to join the team, and leaving Josh in a suspended state of blind panic.

Instead, Mikey closed his eyes for a second before staring Josh down as he appeared to pick his next words very carefully. “Look, because if you do, I...I wouldn’t even be asking you this in the first place if it wasn’t for Tyler. I mean, you and me, we’re not really friends, are we, not really. But Tyler, he...he’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I love him, but lately all I wanna do is  _ strangle  _ him.”

Josh made a confused face and was about to interrupt, but Mikey plowed on.

“Look, I  _ know  _ about you guys, okay? I’ve known ever since you dyed your fucking hair blue. You guys thought you were so slick, but you  _ weren’t _ . You might’ve fooled everyone else in this damn school, but not me. I’m not  _ blind, _ you know. I’d  _ have  _ to be to miss it, honestly, you guys are pretty sloppy about it. You’re both  _ so obvious _ , it makes me cringe sometimes, really. Not just the fact that you’re  _ friends _ , but that you both...well, that  _ Tyler  _ at least really likes you. Like he really,  _ really  _ likes you.”

Josh was vaguely aware that his mouth was hanging open a bit, but he was concentrated on Mikey’s words far too much right now to even care.

“Like I said, I wouldn’t be telling you this ordinarily, it’s not my place to interfere or whatever, except that Tyler, well, he’s my  _ friend _ . So I know, I can  _ tell _ , and I see it all the time. He is fucking  _ miserable _ . He  _ has  _ been, for  _ weeks _ . He just mopes around and bottles up his feelings and  _ lies _ , all the time. And friends shouldn’t have to do that. It’s only because I  _ care  _ about him so much that I’m risking telling you this. He can’t go on like this, he just  _ can’t _ . I won’t let him. And honestly? I have a  _ very  _ strong idea that you like him back.  _ Don’t you? _ ”

Josh’s brain wasn’t even tripping over itself anymore, it had tripped a long time ago and had facepalmed the floor. Josh tried desperately to breathe again. “But...how did you know? We didn’t...we were only ever friends,  _ secret  _ friends, we never...how could you possibly know that I...”

A wave of uncertainty passed over Mikey’s face, and he dropped his hand from Josh’s backpack strap. He let out a heavy sigh. “I knew you guys liked each other because you...well….”

Another long blare from the bus outside. Mikey let out his string of words in an embarrassed rush.

“I knew you guys liked each other because you were acting just like me and Pete were acting, okay? Me and Pete, we’re...we’re together, and...it’s a fucking  _ secret _ , though, okay? Not even Gerard knows, not even Tyler,  _ don’t  _ tell anyone, I  _ swear- _ ”

Josh, in his stunned and dying mind, started to laugh silently. This was  _ crazy _ . This wasn’t real, this was just a crazy dream.

“-but  _ that’s  _ how I knew, okay? I know about this kind of thing. Secret friends, secret crushes...but seriously now, Josh. If you  _ like  _ Tyler, then please just...and if you  _ don’t _ , for God’s sake,  _ please  _ just...just  _ tell  _ him, okay? Tell him kindly, like a  _ good  _ friend would, and help him through this, because he is  _ so  _ desperately in lo- ...he  _ needs  _ you to explain, if you don’t like him back, okay? He can’t keep going on like this, and if you would just fucking  _ explain  _ to him that you don’t like him, then-”

“B-but I  _ do _ , I do, I  _ really _ ...I  _ really  _ do,” Josh had been trying to intervene for the last full minute but couldn’t make his mouth form any words.

Mikey froze mid-sentence and stared at Josh in what Josh felt was a totally new light. “You...y-you do?” It was Mikey’s turn to stammer and look surprised. Josh liked it.

“ _ Yes _ .  _ God _ , just...w-where is he? Do you know?”

The bus horn sounded repeatedly, but Mikey didn’t seem to hear. “Tyler? Yeah, he’s, uh...he’s in the gym, I think. He was with me when I changed into my jersey, he’s...I think he’s still there, he...he wanted to shoot a few baskets….”

Josh had started nodding as soon as Mikey had said Tyler’s name, and he felt what had begun as a small spring in him explode into...fucking Niagra Falls. It was like downing fifteen Pixy Stix in a row, it was the biggest rush of frantic and desperate adrenaline that Josh had ever experienced in his entire  _ life _ . And it was the  _ best  _ fucking feeling.

Josh clapped Mikey on the shoulder, a huge grin spreading across his face. God, he couldn’t  _ stop _ ...he couldn’t stop  _ smiling _ . His cheeks were already aching. He kept patting Mikey’s shoulder like an idiot.

“Mikey, man, I... _ thanks _ , thanks a lot, I just...I’m gonna go, you better...the bus….”

Coach Anderson had had his hand on the horn for the last entire minute, one solid, long blare, not even letting up any more. Mikey looked almost as surprised at all of this as Josh still felt. He clapped Josh back and nodded. “Sure, no problem, I’ll...I gotta go now, but...yeah, Tyler should be in the gym still, if you hurry, you might-”

Josh had already taken off down the hallway at a sprint.

There were a few students still in the hallways, and Josh weaved about them and skidded around corners, smacking a few lockers with his backpack as his mind seemed to chant  _ gym, gym, gym. _

_ Why is this school so fucking  _ big _ , I just need to get to the goddamned gym, I just need to…. _

Josh had never been so ecstatic to see the double doors leading to the gym in his entire life. He didn’t slow down, just charged through the middle, both doors swinging widely open and clanging shut, echoing in the vast room. On the far side of the gym, Josh’s eyes focused in immediately on  _ Tyler _ , his back still to Josh, dribbling a ball.

There he was! It had been so long, it felt like  _ so long _ since Josh had last been near  _ him _ , and really, all the times before, they had never been that  _ good _ . There were some times, sure, back before the prom and shit, but they dimmed grossly in comparison to  _ this _ , to this feeling, right here, right now. Josh almost fainted.

But not now! He could faint anytime, anywhere, but  _ not now _ . For now,  _ get to Tyler _ . That’s all that mattered.

Josh started off across the wide stretch of the gym, slowly at first, trying to remember how to walk, then he broke into a jog. Walking was too  _ slow _ , and he needed to be there where Tyler was  _ now _ .

Halfway across the gym, and Tyler finally heard Josh’s footsteps above the steady sound of his basketball on the cement. He turned around, and it was like in slow motion in Josh’s mind. An imaginary halo appeared around Tyler’s head.

“Josh? What are you….”

Josh’s heart soared at hearing Tyler’s voice,  _ his voice!  _ It was high and strained and shaky and raspy and made Josh want to melt in a puddle at Tyler’s feet. He was almost there now, almost to Tyler. It occurred to Josh that he didn’t have a plan, that in the time that he had made his way to the gym, he could have-  _ should  _ have- been planning out what to say in his head; figuring out his exact words so that he could sit Tyler down on one of the bleachers and explain in full to him about Mikey confronting Josh just a few minutes before, about why he had brought another girl to the prom and had stopped texting him and why he had acted to strained on Christmas Eve when he and his mom had stopped by, and…. Yes, it occurred to Josh briefly that he should have planned out what the fuck he needed to say, what he needed to do.

But he hadn’t. It had only been about one second since Tyler had turned, confused, and said something,  _ something _ , Josh couldn’t remember; but it felt like a full hour to Josh. It felt like it took that long for him to  _ finally  _ be within actual speaking distance of Tyler. Josh still didn’t know what to fucking say- so he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even try to. He didn’t stop a foot or so away, either, but instead closed the space between them,  _ always  _ too much fucking  _ space _ .

“Josh? I-”

The blood rushed like a tsunami by Josh’s ears as he collided with Tyler, throwing out his hands and grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to him, pulling him up against him and banging their mouths together so roughly that Josh actually hit his forehead against Tyler’s-  _ hey, that actually hurt _ \- but who fucking cared? Who could care when Josh had finally,  _ finally _ , after  _ five fucking months _ ,  _ finally  _ had his mouth on Tyler’s?  _ Who  _ could fucking care?  _ Certainly  _ not Josh.

Josh’s backpack was falling off his shoulders, and he heard the basketball Tyler had been holding drop to the floor, bouncing beside them, and then- and then he felt Tyler’s hands grabbing at his shoulders, fisting his hoodie and tugging frantically. For one sickening, god-awful second, Josh thought Tyler was trying to push him off, push him away. But then his entire body shot into goosebumps as he felt a warm wetness swipe across his bottom lip, and then Tyler’s tongue was in his mouth, and Josh moaned so loudly that he was certain it echoed throughout the entire gym.

Tyler was indeed pulling and pushing at Josh, but he certainly wasn’t trying to push him away; he was trying to hold Josh in place as they stumbled blindly against each other. Josh made a noise of surprise into Tyler’s mouth, his eyes shooting open as Tyler pushed in his tongue deeper and ran  it across the roof of Josh’s mouth. It tickled; Josh hadn’t done this for years, he wasn’t used to it, embarrassingly. He let out a laugh, well- if you could consider it a laugh. Tyler’s mouth kind of choked it off into a high-pitched whine before it could really get out. Josh tilted his head back to lessen some of the sensation- not that he wanted it to stop,  _ God _ , no,  _ never-  _ but it was just  _ so much fucking sensation _ , and Josh wasn’t sure he could handle it, he  _ couldn’t _ , it was  _ too much _ , he was going to  _ burst _ . But Tyler pressed even closer to him, having the advantage of an extra inch of height as he stumbled closer against Josh and bore down on Josh’s mouth, not letting up at all.

Josh dropped one hand from Tyler’s collar to his waist, sliding his hand up and down over his side. His shirt rode up a little, Josh could feel it, and he jumped at the chance to touch Tyler’s smooth and overheated skin, running his hand up and down. God, he could do this forever. For a fucking  _ eternity _ . Josh’s other hand found the back of Tyler’s neck and then his hair, his fingers tracing through the short strands, holding his head close to his. He didn’t ever want to be away from Tyler, ever again. God, how did they fucking  _ survive  _ all this time?

One of Tyler’s arms wrapped around Josh’s waist as they continued to kiss, and Josh forced his own tongue into Tyler’s mouth. Tyler bit down on his tongue lightly, whether intentionally or on accident, Josh wasn’t sure, but Josh let out a little cry- that  _ hurt _ , okay? Kissing is dangerous- and Tyler immediately started sucking on his tongue, turning Josh’s cry into a long whimper.

The next thing Josh was aware of was a basketball between them at their feet, and then they were tripping, falling, the both of them.

_ Again, seriously? Come  _ on, Josh thought mid-fall.

Only this time, Tyler was there with him. Falling was infinitely more enjoyable when it was mutual, Josh found. _ That’s poetic. Shut up. _

Josh’s kneecaps smacked the floor, sending jolts of pain down both legs, but he was lying on top of Tyler, one knee between Tyler’s legs and one hand still behind his head, having prevented him from smacking his head solidly against the hard floor.

For a horrifying second, Josh worried Tyler was hurt. He studied his face.  _ Are his eyes kind of dazed? Isn’t that a concussion? God, what if he- _

“Are you okay?” Josh murmured, his own voice surprising him by how low it sounded.

Tyler’s face lit up, even more than it usually was, and Josh felt his heart melting all over again.  _ God, I lo- I like him. I like him.  _ So  _ fucking much. _

“Maybe. Kiss me again,” Tyler said in answer to Josh’s question. He didn’t wait for Josh to move, just took Josh’s face in both his hands and pulled him down against his mouth.

Josh didn’t complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!!! that's an okay Valentine's day surprise, right???? i hope so! i've been shown an INCREDIBLE amount of amazingly kind support the past few weeks, so a HUGE MOTHAFUCKIN THANK YOU to EVERYONE who left kudos, a comment, a message on tumblr, or even just for reading this fic, my baby, THANK YOU! it all means THE FUCKING WORLD TO ME!!!!!!! you guys! are the BEST of the clique! don't tell everyone else i said that...you didn't hear it from me....
> 
> and so frens! this is certainly...a mile marker for the boys, to say the least. after 87k, gosh golly!!!! not just anyone would stick around like you guys have done...i love you guys.... SO there is a LOT of supa good sweet and funny and smutty and sexy and angsty (oops, did i say angsty? ha ha i didn't mean thAT! of cOUrsE not..... .. . ...) stuff coming up in the next several chapters, so i REALLY REALLY HOPE that you'll continue being the best fanclub ever and stick around!!! AS ALWAYS, THANK YOU FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333 let me know your inner most thoughts and feelings about this update!!!!!!!!


	13. before the world catches up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!! ANOTHER UPDATE!!! friends, i'm so sorry for the long wait! this is a super long chapter to make up for it <3
> 
> OKAY SO GUYS!!!! GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME??? GUESS WHAT THE FUCK!!! so i was at MY neighborhood basketball court the other day...riding my skateboard...and guess! what! the! fuck! happened!!!!! i fucking TRIPPED :) and i SPRAINED :) my fucking :) ANKLE :) YEP :))))))))) just like ya boy Josh in this gottamn fic :)))))))))) um KARMA MUCH???? i went to the doctor yesterday and thankfully it's not fractured or broken or anything, but it was because of the fact i can't fucking WALK and have to sit in the same gottamn place all day that i FINALLY finished this chapter so. GOOD PROBLEMS???? let me say this tho- i'm legit going to edit the past chapters and make Josh bitch a bit more about how much sprained and fractured ankles HURT. because DAMN DANIEL. THEY HURT.
> 
> (one more thing as well! a couple of you commented on the last chapter about Tyler and Mikey and Mikey having a possible crush on Tyler and i was like "what!? no way, weird! i didn't write that at all!" and then i reread and i was like "whoa...i DID write that...." for the record, NO, Mikey doesn't like Tyler, not in this fic. i wasn't trying to hint at them at ALL but i can totally see how that'd be really easy to read ((oops!)) i HAVE been lowkey dropping hints about a past relationship between two other people, but almost no one has commented on that at all, so idk if that's being picked up on or not? oh, well :) it's all fun, we'll see how things go)
> 
> anyways. sorry for the all the rambly pre-chapter notes. i MISSED you guys, that's all!!! so HERE you go, the next chapter. you're all so awesome, thank u for reading my fic <3333
> 
> chapter title from Collar Full by patd <3

Tyler was pretty sure he had a concussion, at least a small one. That gym floor was  _ hard.  _ Tyler was also pretty sure that at that exact moment, he did not fucking  _ care _ .

Less than two minutes ago, Tyler had been shooting baskets half assedly with a hell of a lot of weight on his shoulders and worries in his head, feeling more alone than he ever had before in his entire life, but now? Tyler honestly couldn’t recall half of what he had been so worried about. What on earth had been wrong again?

All Tyler was capable of being aware of right then was that  _ Josh _ was on top of him with his arms on either side of Tyler’s body, completely blocking out everything else in Tyler’s mind except for  _ him, _ and Josh’s mouth was  _ finally _ on his. Fucking  _ finally _ . How and why, Tyler didn't care about right now either- well, he kind of did, like Josh went from avoiding him like the plague and being one hundred percent uninterested to tackling him in a heated makeout sesh? At  _ school _ no less, where any one of their friends or classmates or, God forbid,  _ teachers _ could walk in on them. What the hell had changed? What had Tyler missed? Yeah, okay, so he  _ was _ curious as  _ hell _ to figure out all those things, and he had a  _ hell _ of a lot of questions to put to Josh about everything that had happened in the past couple of months, but. But for now, Tyler wouldn’t worry about any of those. For now, all he wanted to worry about was keeping Josh’s mouth on his.

Speaking of the devil, Josh was kind of crushing Tyler a little bit; it was growing harder for Tyler to get any air into his chest what with Josh basically lying on top of him- Josh was  _ heavy,  _ goddammit- but Tyler also thought it might have been from the fact that their mouths hadn’t separated for at least a solid three minutes. Whatever. Tyler was  _ way  _ too busy with super important things like  _ kissing Josh _ to worry about simple stuff like  _ breathing _ .

Josh’s tongue was in Tyler’s mouth, and Tyler sucked around it, letting his hands run up and down Josh’s back and into his hair. Josh still had one hand beneath Tyler’s head, and sure, Tyler was a bit embarrassed about it, but it made him literally swoon. Well, as close to swooning as you can get while lying on your back on the gymnasium floor. Tyler didn’t care though. Everything about this,  _ everything  _ was absolutely perfect.

_ Oh, my God, he smells so good, how does he smell so good? God, I wanna stay like this forever, how did I fucking  _ live _ not talking to him? I can’t  _ not  _ do this, always, always. Ugh, okay, he’s getting kind of heavy, maybe- no, dammit, I don’t wanna end this, I can deal with not breathing for a bit longer. I just fucking love- okay, Jesus Christ, if he moans like that one more fucking time, I swear I’m gonna- _

Josh bit Tyler’s bottom lip and tugged on it, their mouths parting for a second, drawing out a long whine from Tyler. Tyler could tell- feel, actually- Josh about to smirk, so Tyler jumped at the opportunity to take back control while they were parted, resecuring his hand behind Josh’s head and forcing his face back against his own before he could make any smart comments and shoving his tongue between Josh’s lips. It was Josh’s turn to make a high pitched sound of surprise, muffled slightly in Tyler’s mouth, and Tyler would have laughed at him to give him a taste of his own medicine, the big meanie; but Josh let out another small sound just then, lower than before, and the thought of giving him a hard time about it quickly vanished from Tyler’s mind as Tyler was reminded once again that he couldn’t handle it for much longer if Josh kept it up…. But  _ goddammit _ , Tyler wanted to make him make those sounds again.  _ Those  _ sounds, those little breathy and low moans and groans, he wanted to make Josh feel like that. Tyler felt Josh’s tongue probing gently at the inside of his cheek, and Tyler guided Josh’s tongue into his own mouth to suck on it. He pressed his hand down a little harder as he smoothed it up the hot skin of Josh’s back- _ Huh, when did I get my hands under his shirt? Oops, sorry not sorry!-  _ and then Tyler sucked a little harder on Josh’s tongue, and suddenly Tyler’s heart was soaring as Josh made another breathy noise.  _ Score! _

Tyler couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, which made it difficult to keep Josh’s tongue in his mouth, and Josh pulled back a little. Tyler immediately tightened his grip on the back of Josh’s neck to keep him close, and then suddenly Josh’s lips weren’t on Tyler’s mouth but on his neck, and Tyler moaned so loudly it echoed throughout the entire gymnasium. He would have been embarrassed about it except that it felt  _ so fucking good.  _ Tyler moved both his hands up to the back of Josh’s head and ran his fingers through the fading blue. Not that he could see, his eyes were squeezed shut, but Tyler felt right then that he knew everything about Josh by heart.

Josh suddenly grazed his teeth sharply against Tyler’s Adam’s apple and Tyler gasped loudly.  _ Except that, I didn’t know that about him, shit. This is a side of Josh I want to get to know very, very well. God, is that slutty of me? I literally do not even care right n-  _

Every coherent thought in Tyler’s mind went flying out the window as a wave of pleasure washed over his entire body, his mouth falling open at the sensation though he found himself unable to make any sound. Josh had- whether intentionally or inadvertently, Tyler honestly couldn’t care- ground his hips down against Tyler’s, and to put it frankly, Tyler had lowkey  _ known _ he was getting horny, but he hadn’t realized until this moment that he had a full hard on through his jeans. Another wave of pleasure hit him as he realized, with only a hint of smugness, so did Josh.

Tyler didn’t exactly mean to, but he pushed his hips up to meet Josh’s again; he couldn’t  _ not _ when he had become aware of just how much tension had built up between them and how fucking  _ good  _ it felt to tease it a little.

“Ty...Tyler, oh, God, you...y-you….”

Josh’s voice was right in Tyler’s ear, his breath hot against his now damp skin. It tickled a little but sent delicious chills racing down Tyler’s spine, causing Tyler to whine a little in response and jerk his hips up again. Josh groaned long and low against Tyler’s neck, right beneath his ear, and as the chills hit him again, Tyler honestly was prepared to just melt and die right then and there on the gym floor with Josh Dun on top of him, when there was the loud bang of the gym doors being shoved open from across the room.

“Shit, shit,  _ shit! _ ” Tyler exclaimed quietly, shoving Josh off of him in a panic and scrambling into a sitting position. Josh was stumbling to his feet, tripping over Tyler’s legs and almost falling again, but he managed to stay upright. Tyler scrambled to his knees before Josh grabbed the shoulder of Tyler’s hoodie and hauled him to his feet beside him, the two bumping into each other.

“Get down!” Josh hissed in Tyler’s ear, pulling him around the corner of the bleachers.

“We just got up!”

Josh ignored Tyler and shoved him to the ground again, crouching down beside him.

“Bossy,” Tyler chided in a low voice, unable to help himself. Now that they were out of the open and relatively hidden from whoever it was that had entered the gym, Tyler’s initial nerves had settled a bit, that wave of euphoria they had both earlier been riding returning. He was just so  _ happy _ , he couldn’t contain it; he was  _ much  _ too happy right now to be bothered with anyone else  _ other  _ than Josh. They had almost been caught by God knows who, and sure, he had freaked out a little at first, but it  _ was  _ kind of exciting, he had to admit. Plus watching Josh get all serious and worked up about it was pretty hot. Tyler had never thought he’d enjoy being manhandled before, but he was quickly changing his mind.

“Shut  _ up _ ,” Josh hissed back in a whisper, pushing at Tyler’s side. “Get under the bleachers, they can still see us out here.”

“What’s the matter, Joshie, you scared-”

Josh shoved Tyler a bit harder, and Tyler collapsed from his crouched position backwards beneath the bleachers and onto his ass.

“Ouch!” he whispered dramatically. “That hurt, you dick.”

Josh inched beneath the bleachers after him and pressed in close to Tyler, ducking so he wouldn’t bump his head on the bottom of the seats. “Tyler, please, be  _ quiet _ , I swear-”

“You left your backpack out there anyways, if they come this way at all, we’re screwed.”

Josh squinted his eyes at Tyler. “You sound annoyingly happy right now.”

“Yeah, well, you just sound annoying,” Tyler grinned.

“Ty, this is  _ serious _ .”

Tyler was about to make a smart reply, but the sound of footsteps kept him quiet. It only sounded like one person, but that’s all it could take to cause a lot of trouble, for both of them. And the footsteps weren’t staying on the far side of the gym like they should have been; they were getting closer.

Tyler felt his breath hitch in his throat as he tried to quiet his breathing. Every little sound seemed to echo achingly loud in the large room. Even though Tyler knew it was probably just his imagination, he still felt a bit paranoid about it. He glanced slowly over at Josh without moving his head too far. Josh was kneeling next to him as still as a statue, one of his knees digging into the side of Tyler’s thigh and resting his head against the edge of one of the rows of bleachers. He was so tense Tyler could practically see the sweat forming on his forehead. The footsteps were still getting closer; Tyler could see the feet of whoever it was between the bleachers now, halfway across the gym. He breathed in deeply and glanced back over at Josh. It was relatively dark beneath the bleachers, with only a few streaks of light finding their way through between the seats and one of them casting shadows across Josh’s face. Tyler could see the shadow of his eyelashes on his cheeks. He wanted so badly to cup his face, to feel his skin again, but- not now.  _ Dammit _ .

Then Tyler noticed how Josh’s brows were furrowed, and how he actually wasn’t crouched as still as Tyler had thought at first but was shaking ever so slightly. A warm feeling washed over Tyler’s heart-  _ yeah, it’s cheesy, I’m cheesy, okay? Fuck off _ \- and with the footsteps still getting closer, Tyler understood how big a deal this was to Josh. Seriously, he didn’t want to get caught either, after all. ... _ do I? No, Ty, not now, think about that later. Of  _ course  _ I don’t want us to get caught, not like this, don’t be an idiot. _

Tyler glanced briefly back out between the bleachers at the approaching person before inching his hand slowly towards Josh’s hand and gently brushing the back of it with his thumb. Josh didn’t move from where he was leaning his head against the metal seating, so Tyler slowly leaned forward a couple inches to rest his head against the seat, too. He had a slightly better view of who it was out in the gym, and at least it didn’t look like any kid they knew. It looked more like an adult. Which could be a lot better or a lot worse.

Tyler shifted uncomfortably; kneeling so long on this floor was getting really tough, it was killing his knees. He was too young to have anything kill his knees. He sounded like his dad. Then Josh's elbow was suddenly digging into Tyler’s side, and Tyler had to stifle a surprised gasp.

“Be still,” Josh whispered very slowly and quietly, so quietly that Tyler wouldn’t have understood what he had said if he hadn’t been watching his lips. Which in immediate retrospect was a bad idea, because now all Tyler could focus on was Josh’s lips and how they were still swollen from earlier and what was the quickest way to get them back on his again.

Whether or not it was a good move, considering how precarious a situation they were in, Tyler leaned towards Josh anyways, unable to help himself, bumping their shoulders together. Josh actually tilted his head a bit this time to look at Tyler and frowned, shaking his head cautiously.

“ _ Stop _ .” Josh more mouthed the word than he spoke it, and Tyler didn’t know if Josh could really see his face too well beneath the bleachers, but he rolled his eyes dramatically just in case he  _ could  _ see.

Just then though, the mystery person who had interrupted them earlier-  _ damn them _ \- stopped walking almost directly in front of where Tyler and Josh were hiding, and Tyler’s stomach jumped a little. Maybe they had heard him squirming around, dammit, he should have listened to Josh,  _ I am such a dunce- _

There was the sound of shuffling and a set of keys jingling, and Tyler peered between the bleachers curiously, letting out a small breath as the person simply picked up Josh’s bag from the ground and collected the basketball Tyler had been playing with earlier before turning around and heading back across the gym.

“Janitor,” Josh whispered in Tyler’s ear, and Tyler jumped as his breath tickled against his skin. It legit made him shiver. Tyler just wished the janitor would hurry the  _ fuck  _ out of there.

They remained still in their crouched positions as they heard the distant sound of his keys again and then the gym doors clanging shut. Josh let out a huge sigh, and Tyler rearranged his aching legs to sit more comfortably on his ass, stretching his legs out in front of him. He pushed at Josh’s ankle next to him, knocking Josh backwards onto his ass, too.

“Dude, you were so fucking stressed,” Tyler huffed out a laugh, feeling himself relax, the tension in his shoulders dissipating.

Josh chuckled tightly once and kicked at Tyler’s thigh with his foot. “Shut up, dude. You were stressed, too, don’t pretend you weren’t.”

“Hm, maybe so, but at least I wasn’t pissing my pants over it.”

Tyler shrieked then as Josh lunged at him, tickling his stomach and sides and knocking him backwards, only to hit the back of his head on the edge of the bleachers.

“ _ Owww… _ .” Tyler let his voice sound as whiney as physically possible, making a show of rubbing his head as he fake glared at Josh in the dimness.

The immediate hurt puppy look that crossed Josh’s face made Tyler’s heart melt. So maybe it was a little mean of him, but  _ that face _ was the cutest fucking thing  _ ever, _ and Tyler would do almost anything to see it more often.

“Shit, bro, I’m sorry, are you okay?” Josh crawled over closer to Tyler and kneeled beside him, watching with worried eyes as Tyler continued to rub at the back of his head. “I’m sorry, Tyler, I didn’t mean to...shit….”

Josh reached out a hand between them as if to place his hand on the back of Tyler's head, and then they both froze, Josh’s hand in midair. Tyler felt his breath getting caught somewhere in his throat as his stomach dropped, and ordinarily Tyler thought that that was probably a not-so-great feeling, but right now, when it was because of  _ Josh _ , Tyler was hoping the feeling would never go away.

Tyler realized then that he had been staring blankly at the strings of Josh’s jacket for the past few seconds, and he forced his eyes to flick up to Josh’s face. Josh was already looking at him, and Tyler knew that he had thought it before, but he had never seen Josh’s eyes look so fucking  _ brown _ and deep and  _ beautiful _ before. And his eyelashes were so damn long and soft. Tyler vaguely recalled feeling them flutter against his cheek as Josh had kissed him, and Tyler had the strongest urge to just leap at Josh, forget everything and just kiss him again like they had been doing before. 

Suddenly Tyler focused on Josh’s hand still in the air between them and the fact that his hand was shaking.  _ Why doesn’t the idiot move or something? _ Tyler’s brows furrowed down.  _ Why doesn’t he just kiss me again? Doesn’t he  _ know  _ that I want him to? Fuckin’ dummy. _

Tyler huffed, half in a sigh and half in a chuckle as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Josh’s, placing his hand on one of Josh’s knees. He could feel Josh tense against him, but it was only a few seconds before he let his own hand settle gently on the back of Tyler’s neck.

Tyler peered at Josh and smirked when he saw that it was now Josh who was avoiding his gaze, staring down at Tyler’s hand on his knee. Tyler tilted his head and brushed his nose against Josh’s.

“Dude, are you  _ blushing? _ ” Tyler couldn’t help himself. Apparently giving Josh a hard time was a new favorite pastime of his.

“Shut up….” Josh said softly between them, the bright shade of red splattered across his face becoming even more visible in the dim light.

“Dude, you  _ are  _ blushing!”

“Tyler, shut  _ up!”  _ Josh huffed, sitting back on his heels and pulling away from Tyler.

Tyler burst into giggles, only giggling harder when Josh crossed his arms and glared at him.

“Tyler, I’m serious, dude, shut the  _ fuck  _ up-”

“Dude!” Tyler wheezed, clutching his side. “You’re  _ still  _ blushing.”

Josh resettled himself on the floor so he could shove his foot at Tyler’s leg. “I’m not talking to you anymore, you’re such a dick, honestly.”

Tyler shoved Josh’s leg back. “You’re into it though.”

“Are not.”

“Are, too.”

“Are  _ not. _ ”

“You totally are.”

“I am  _ not! God _ , you’re  _ so  _ annoying, I can’t believe that I-”

Josh stopped talking and started blushing again as Tyler made a smug face at him.

“And don’t look so fucking satisfied with yourself. What about my backpack? I need to get it back, my phone’s in there.”

Tyler shrugged. He didn’t care about Josh’s backpack, he just wanted to keep teasing Josh and making him squirm, then maybe kiss his adorable face and make him blush again. “I dunno, bro, the janitor probably put it in lost in found, we can just stop by the office on the way out. No biggie.”

“We?”

Tyler fought his own blush threatening to appear on his face as he shrugged again, trying to appear as cool and casual as possible. “Yeah, I thought maybe we could stop by Burger King on the way to your house.”

“ _ My  _ house?”

“Yeah, I’m inviting myself over, is that okay? This is an overnight trip for the team, remember? And as you well know, my parents don’t know about...well, y’know. Going home tonight would blow my cover.”

“Wait, you mean you wanna...like, you wanna spend the night? At my house?”

Tyler couldn’t read Josh’s expression too well in the dim light, and he suddenly felt unsure. “Yeah...I mean if that’s chill with you and everything…?”

“Dude, for real? Of course it’s chill with me, I mean...yeah, of  _ course, _ ” Josh stumbled over his sentence, the blush on his cheeks spreading across his whole face. Tyler smirked, reassured.

“Well, c’mon then, let’s go get your bag. I’m hungry, I want some fries.”

Josh huffed out a small laugh, and Tyler saw him watching him as he crawled past Josh and out from underneath the bleachers, walking off across the middle of the gym. Well, half walking, half skipping. Tyler was kind of skipping, and he knew it. And he didn’t even care.

Tyler didn’t even check to see if Josh was following him, and the fact that he didn't have to made his heart beat race.

 

Tyler peered out the window of Burger King, squinting suspiciously as a car drove slowly past. It was probably no one, but the restaurant was only around the corner from the high school; it would be so easy for someone to see him here, with  _ Josh.  _ The tiny shred of anxiety that Tyler had been feeling vanished though as his mind turned to Josh, once again. He glanced across the room to the counter where Josh was waiting in a short line, head turned down as he tapped on his phone. Tyler felt a huge grin spread across his face as he studied Josh, looking absolutely  _ adorable  _ in his old hoodie and beanie with a few stray tufts of brown- _ Brown? Brown! The blue is almost completely faded now, wow. Hey, maybe he’ll let me help him dye it again...that could get...interesting, considering where we stand now...couldn’t it?- _ hair wisping out from beneath it. Josh’s cheeks were flushed a bright red from the cold air that tsunamied the room every time a customer opened the doors. Tyler noticed, even from across the room, that Josh’s lips were a lovely dark shade of pink, and that Josh was currently biting his bottom lip. Tyler felt a wave of  _ something _ suspiciously similar to pure  _ lust  _ come over him at the sight, and then as if Josh had heard his thoughts, he looked up and their eyes met and locked on each other, and Tyler swore it was like meeting for the first time. This was new and exhilarating and a bit scary and it- whatever  _ it  _ was- kept Tyler feeling like he was on an extremely fast and daring roller coaster, the kind with the caution signs in the line about not riding if you’re pregnant or over a certain age and about being in perfect physical condition before getting on. The feeling made Tyler’s stomach forget that stomachs belong in your tummy and not your throat, and it  _ kept coming back _ , every time Tyler even  _ thought _ about Josh, much less making long and intense eye contact with him. It was okay though, Tyler decided as the line moved forward and Josh suddenly had to look away to place their order. Tyler fucking  _ loved  _ roller coasters.

Another blast of cold air hit Tyler as the restaurant doors swung open once again, a few flakes of snow actually finding their way inside. Tyler watched them from across the room as they disappeared upon hitting the floor, and he shivered even harder than he had been a moment before. It was fucking  _ cold.  _ He had left his coat at school in his haste to not leave Josh’s side as they retrieved his bag from the office, probably hanging somewhere in the gym or still in his locker, and Tyler cursed himself now for forgetting it. He pulled the drawstrings of his hoodie tightly around his face and drew his legs up onto the booth bench and against his chest, turning his back to the cold window beside him. It helped, but only a tiny bit.

“Hey, Ty, you wanted pickles on your cheeseburger, right-” Josh stopped beside the booth, tray in hand, and eyed Tyler for a moment before starting to chuckle under his breath. “Cold?”

Tyler shifted his hood enough to make sure that Josh could see his eyeroll. “ _ Yeah,  _ and it’s  _ your  _ fault I left my jacket at school, mister.”

Josh didn’t look very sorry in Tyler’s opinion. “Whatever, dude. You shouldn’t be complaining anyways, I just bought you a cheeseburger.”

Tyler made a pouty face. “How can I enjoy it if I freeze to death before I eat it?”

Josh set the tray in the center of the table and slid into the bench across from Tyler. Tyler was only a little disappointed that he didn’t sit down on the same side as him.

“Drama queen. Relax, dude, it’s not that bad. We can share the fries, okay?” Josh handed Tyler his burger and dumped the box of fries onto the tray.

Tyler shrugged off his slight disappointment and turned in his seat to sit cross legged instead, facing Josh. He was fucking  _ starving.  _ He hadn’t brought a lunch to school that day.

“Ew, pickles,” Tyler wrinkled his nose and glanced up when he heard Josh snicker.

“Give ‘em to me, I’ll eat them,” Josh said.

Tyler picked the pickles off his burger- _ four of them, ew, that’s four pickles too many-  _ and tossed them on the tray in Josh’s direction.

“Gee, thanks,” Josh commented. Tyler didn’t respond, just hummed happily as he took a bite of his sandwich. _ Finally. Why the fuck didn’t I eat lunch? _

Josh’s phone dinged with an incoming text, and Tyler glanced up at Josh in between bites of his food. He paused. Josh had been staring at him, but had quickly looked away when Tyler had noticed, completely oblivious to his phone. He picked at the fries on the tray and steadily avoided Tyler’s gaze.

“What?” Tyler finally asked, mouth half full, as dread washed over him. Was Josh starting to back out of this...whatever  _ this  _ was? Tyler’s heart rate sped up, but not for good reasons this time.

“Hm?” Josh briefly met Tyler’s gaze before blushing and looking back down, fiddling with his napkin on the table. “Nothing, sorry.”

Tyler frowned. _ I knew it, I knew this was too good to be true. _ “Seriously, what...what is it? Why were you looking at me like that?”

Josh fidgeted, but he met Tyler’s eyes. “It’s...you’re just...you’re really cute, that’s all. Like really...really cute….”

Tyler’s mouth had dropped ever so slightly, but he didn’t care. As soon as the words left Josh’s lips, Josh’s blush got even more noticeable, and he looked away again.  _ Dammit, he blushes a lot, he is so,  _ so  _ pretty...wait...did...did  _ I _ make him blush? Do I make him  _ blush _?  _ And  _ he thinks I’m cute? Whaaaaat- _

“Is that...sorry, I’m being a bit creepy, if you don’t-”

“Wait, no, it’s fine,” Tyler reassured Josh, studying him closely from across the table. “You can call me cute any day, I don’t mind.”

Josh only blushed harder, and Tyler beamed. So he  _ did  _ make Josh blush!

“You’re blushing again,” Tyler stole a handful of fries, watching in glee as mortification crossed Josh’s face.

“Tyler! God....”

“What!? It’s cute. I think you’re cute, too.”

“Yeah, well,” Josh huffed, shifting again in his seat. “Who wouldn’t?”

Tyler barked out a laugh in surprise. “Wow, look at you, aren’t you saucy?”

Josh was grinning and blushing at the same time, and when he stuck his tongue out slightly between his teeth, Tyler almost died right then and there in the booth at Burger King.

_ God, I love him...whoa, hold up, I guess I shouldn’t really think shit like that randomly. I should slow down or something. But...I don’t  _ wanna  _ slow down….. _

Neither Tyler nor Josh said anything after they stopped giggling, just continued eating in silence. It didn’t feel too awkward though, Tyler thought. Well...it was kind of awkward, probably just because they had a big conversation coming up, sooner or later, and they  _ both  _ knew it. But for now, while Tyler finished his burger, he was content with just shivering in his hoodie and looking out the window at Burger King’s neon sign reflecting off the snow, with Josh sitting across from him, still playing with the napkin on the table. It was the closest that they had been in  _ months _ , and Tyler was gonna fucking enjoy it.

“So….”

Josh’s voice made Tyler jump. He knew what was coming now.  _ Ugh, so soon? _

“So I guess we should...y’know...talk about this...and all...you know?”

Tyler crumpled up his burger wrapper and nodded. Better sooner than later, right? “No, yeah, totally. Talk. We should. Talk about it, I mean. We...we totally should. Yes.”

Josh nodded, and they made fleeting eye contact, a permanent blush on Josh’s cheeks now. Tyler smiled to himself.  _ God, he’s so pretty….  _ Whatever they had to talk about and despite the small level of anxiety Tyler was feeling, Tyler was fairly confident that they would be okay. Josh had  _ kissed _ him, Josh had called him  _ cute,  _ Josh was currently  _ still _ blushing. They’d be fine. They were just going to talk. 

“So, um, you...you, uh...you like me, then, huh?”  _ Great going, Ty. Sick job. You have such a way with words. Great. _

Josh’s blush deepened even more ( _ how is that even possible!? God, what a cutie… _ .) as he started to fidget. He rubbed at the back of his neck, and Tyler’s eyes followed his movements inadvertently. Tyler wanted to hold his hands, wanted to reach across the table and touch him, he wanted to be  _ closer _ to him, dammit. Less than an hour ago they had been making out and grinding on the gym floor, and thinking about it now only made Tyler all hot and bothered. Well, as hot as he could be while currently  _ freezing. _ Tyler wished Josh would get over there on his side of the table and warm him up.

“I mean...yeah, like...yeah. I like you….” Josh stuttered out, shifting around nervously. He kept sneaking glances at Tyler; every time they made eye contact, his blush would somehow deepen even more, and he’d quickly glance away again. Tyler was about to demand to know more, but Josh finally continued.

“Like...I  _ really  _ like you, I  _ do.  _ I mean...don’t you...don’t you like me back, just...just a bit? ‘Cuz Mikey  _ swore  _ that you-”

“Wait, wait,  _ Mikey? _ How is  _ Mikey _ involved in this?”

“Oh, well...didn’t you know? I bumped into him after school, he was about to head out with the rest of the team, and then he just...he just  _ knew _ , about us hanging out and being friends and...well, everything else, too. You didn’t know? You didn’t tell him? I thought since he’s like, your best friend or whatever that he woulda-”

“ _ You’re  _ my best friend,” Tyler interrupted, feeling his face grow hot.

Josh’s rambling stuttered to an end as his eyes flicked up to meet Tyler’s. Tyler swallowed hard but didn’t look away. He didn’t know why, after everything that had happened between them, he felt so shy about admitting to Josh that he was his best friend. Tyler had never had a best friend before.

_ Well, that’s it, isn’t it? That’s why it’s hard to say it out loud, ‘cuz Josh might be  _ your  _ best friend, but Josh has already  _ got  _ a best friend, buddy, like it or not, and it’s not you. Now you’ve gone and put him in a fucking spot, what can he say now? Great going, Ty- _

“Really?”

Tyler couldn’t stop staring across the table and into Josh’s eyes as he nodded hesitantly.  _ God, I love his eyes. Why can’t it just be us two? Just us and no one else- _

“You’re my best friend, too.”

Tyler’s heart leaped, but he shoved it back down. “You don’t have to say that, dude, sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“But I mean it.”

Tyler paused, uncertain. Josh looked genuine, but then again, who couldn’t _completely_ trust those big, chestnut eyes? “But...but what about Brendon? And, and Spencer, and Dallon, and I mean _Brendon-_ ”

“You’re different.”

Tyler tried not to smile, because he was certain it would come out looking a little smug if he did. 

“In...in a good way?”

Josh’s face cracked into a smile then, and Tyler’s heart rate doubled at the sight. Tyler didn’t think he would  _ ever  _ grow tired of seeing Josh smile. “Of  _ course _ in a good way, dummy.”

“Just checking.” Tyler didn’t even try not to grin back at Josh.

They didn’t say anything for a moment. Tyler finished his soda and crunched on the ice. It only made him colder, but he didn’t want to stop. The silence between them might grow awkward again if he stopped making crunching noises. Josh’s phone dinged again, but they both ignored it.

“So…,” Josh was playing studiously with his fingers on the tabletop, and Tyler glanced up at him over the rim of his cup. “So like...you like...how long have you...I mean-”

Tyler understood what Josh was trying to ask and decided to let him off the hook without making him finish his sentence. Cute as Josh’s bumbling was.  _ Hey, I can be a nice guy sometimes.  _ “Since like, I don’t know, man, like...remember when you first got your crutches? I guess around then. Probably. Most likely. I mean, it’s not like I wrote it down or anything.”

“Same for me, I guess,” Josh said, before sticking out his bottom lip. Tyler choked on his own tongue. Goddammit, Josh had to give him a fucking  _ warning  _ before being all cute and shit like that.  _ Dammit _ . “What, you mean you don’t write about me in your diary?”

“Ha,  _ ha _ ,” Tyler replied, rolling his eyes. “Eff you, bro. But...if I  _ did  _ keep a diary, you’d be in it. Probably.”

“You  _ totally  _ keep a diary.”

“I  _ don’t _ .”

“Whatever you say, cutie pie.”

Tyler burst out giggling at the look of shock and mild horror on Josh’s face at his own choice of words.

“Wait, I d-didn’t mean, like...shit,” Josh stammered out, his blush back and stronger than ever.

Tyler’s heart was glowing, and he was sure his face was, too. “‘ _ Cutie pie _ ’?”

Josh groaned and slumped down against the table to bury his face in his arms. “Tyler, shut  _ up _ .”

Tyler burst into giggles again. He was so happy. For the first time in a long while.

“I missed you, Josh-” he confided, “-dude.” He didn’t want to make things too deep, too quick.

Josh peered up at Tyler from the table surface. “Same, bro. Like...I don’t even...I can’t even remember why we stopped hanging out in the first place, like….”

Tyler leaned down against the table to peer across at Josh at face level. He pushed his cup out of the way. “I know, right? It was like, obviously before the prom, before...Thanksgiving break, too, I think? I think we just...I think we both just kinda freaked each other out a little, ‘cause I didn’t know you liked me and you didn’t know I liked you and I didn’t know that you didn’t know that-”

“Okay, okay, dude, I get it,” Josh huffed against his sleeve, a small smile on his face. “So...wait, you’re serious you didn’t tell Mikey anything then? He just put it together on his own from watching us and from his own cru- I mean, like, he just put it together? O-on his own?”

Tyler gave Josh a questioning look, but didn’t press it, just shook his head against his arm resting on the table.“Well, I mean, I told him I had a crush, on a guy, on a friend, but...I think I let something slip about basketball once, but I don’t see how-”

“Well, that limited the options,” Josh quipped.

“-but I don’t know.  _ I  _ thought we were pretty slick, in my personal opinion.”

“We’re so slick,” Josh grinned.

“ _ So _ slick.”

“Want the last fry?”

“Nah, you can have it.”

“Thanks, bro.”

Josh’s phone dinged once again, and Josh sat up, huffing as he powered it off without even checking the screen and shoving it into his hoodie pocket. Tyler tried not to grin too much.

“Wanna head out?” Josh asked as he tossed the last fry in his mouth. “I think Call of Duty is calling our names.”

Tyler sat up excitedly, a huge smile on his face. “Definitely, dude. I’m gonna kick your ass.”

 

“You wanna drive?” Tyler asked as they crossed the Burger King parking lot to his mom’s van.

Josh had been busy staring at Tyler’s ass while he was walking a few steps ahead of him, but he quickly and embarrassedly jerked his eyes up to meet Tyler’s face as he glanced over his shoulder at Josh. Josh began to sweat despite the cold wind and the few snowflakes falling from the sky. He really hoped Tyler hadn’t caught him; that would be awkward.

“Uh, n-no, you can drive.”

“Do you have your license?”

“Um...I have a learner’s permit.”

“I don’t mind if you  _ do  _ wanna drive. I don’t know if that’s legal, technically, since I’m not over twenty-one or whatever, but.  _ Whatever _ , am I right?”

“Um...it’s fine, really, I’ll let you drive.” Josh didn’t really feel like getting into a whole big explanation about him being terrified of driving. That’d be a real mood killer.

Tyler shrugged as he unlocked the doors and didn’t push it farther, and Josh sighed in relief as he quickly hopped into the passenger side of the car.

“I’ll let you use the aux cord then, how ‘bout that?”

“Hey, thanks, man, really?”

Tyler started the ignition and immediately turned the heat dial on as far as it would go. “Yeah, go for it, bro. Play something catchy.”

“If there’s anything embarrassing, just ignore it,” Josh warned, hooking up his phone and placing it on shuffle.

“If there’s anything embarrassing, I’ll incorporate it into daily jokes and references and never let you live it down.”

“Dude, you are  _ so  _ mean,” Josh laughed, only a tiny bit relieved when Immigrant Song came on. He didn’t doubt that Tyler would actually do what he had threatened.

Tyler started humming quietly as they pulled out of the parking lot, and Josh smiled, glancing over at him. He studied his profile; his funky hairline as it tapered into sideburns and his eyelashes so soft and fluttery they reminded him of Jenna’s; tanned skin, even in the winter, little upturned nose and the faded splash of freckles across his cheekbones. Josh loved-  _ liked _ , admired, he meant- every part of Tyler. And to think that only an hour or so earlier, Josh’s own face had been pressed against  _ that face _ , that  _ beautiful  _ face, his own lips touching Tyler’s skin- God, Josh was getting himself all worked up just thinking back to it. He wanted to do it again. And then again, and again, and maybe one more time. Just for good measures. Just to prove to himself that this was all actually real.

“You’re lookin’ pretty serious right now, bro,” Tyler’s voice startled Josh out of his reverie, and Josh cursed silently at himself as he felt the blush that he was getting so used to lately growing on his cheeks once again. “Whatcha thinkin’ about? Anything in particular?”

Tyler’s voice was playful, hinting, and Josh stifled an embarrassed groan as he realized Tyler most likely  _ definitely  _ knew what he had been thinking about.

“Just, um...I was just...I was thinking about the, uh, the game. Tonight. The basketball game. In Hamilton. Y-you know, the, uh...the game….”

“Yeah,” Tyler said slowly, his tone making it obvious to Josh that he just  _ loved  _ to tease and embarrass him. “I know the game.”

“Y-yeah….”

“...what about it?”

“What?”

“Well, are you gonna finish that thought or not?” Tyler giggled at him, and Josh smiled, despite the fact his blush was once again turning into a bright red.  _ Goddammit _ , he’d have to work on that. Google how to not blush around your crush so much or something. Jesus.

“Oh, um...I don’t know. I was just thinking how this would’ve been a fun one to go to, y’know? The first overnight trip for the team this year and everything, and in such a big city, too. It would’ve been pretty tight.”

“Yeah,” Tyler agreed, stopping at a red light. It was late enough in the afternoon now that a hazy blue light hung in the air, growing steadily deeper and darker with every passing minute. It made everything look soft and quiet, especially with the blanket of snow on the ground. It had started snowing a bit harder as well; Josh was glad Tyler was behind the wheel and not himself.

“I don’t know if it would’ve been  _ that  _ fun though, for  _ us _ , I mean. If the team still has issues with stuff, y’know?”

Josh nodded. “Yeah...about that, Tyler, I’m...I’m sorry about it, man, I really am. Just...this year, sports-wise and shit, it’s...it’s not really going the way I think either of us wanted it to.”

“You couldn’t have stopped it from happening though, dude. I  _ seriously  _ hope you’re still not blaming yourself. I thought you’d grown a pair since then.”

“Ha, ha,” Josh replied, though he didn’t answer what Tyler had been asking. “So...your parents still don’t know, then?”

Tyler groaned out loud, and it was pretty cute, though Josh figured now wasn’t the best time to tell him so. “Yeah, I don’t know how to tell ‘em. I was...I was kind of hoping to get back  _ on  _ the team before I’d have to, y’know? I mean, I almost hit the end of my rope with the game tonight. My dad was talking about going with me to Hamilton  _ all week long,  _ like he was getting  _ really  _ excited for it. But then at the last minute he had an emergency appointment this morning, and he decided he couldn’t get away. Thankfully. Saved by the bell.”

Josh huffed, shaking his head. “That was a fucking close one, dude.”

“Yep,” Tyler sounded infinitely cheerier now. “And now you’re saving my ass  _ again  _ by letting me crash at your place tonight. Don’t worry, I bring the party so it’ll be worth it.”

Josh laughed once, quickly skipping a song on his phone as he detected the beginning notes to probably an embarrassing selection. Nickelback or something. Quick one.

“So what about you then, hm? Your ankle’s all better now, has Coach talked to you about being back on the team yet?”

“Oh….” Josh didn’t know why exactly- probably because he had been too busy being an emotional wreck over a lack of Tyler in his life for the past couple of months- but he hadn’t even thought about  _ when  _ he’d be able to rejoin the team. Coach had  _ said  _ he could when his leg was healed. “He hasn’t said anything to me yet, but I guess I haven’t really given him a chance to, y’know? I’ve kinda been, uh...skipping my last period and stuff. I haven’t really been hanging around after school a lot lately. You know how it is.”

“Tsk, tsk, Josh,” Tyler said in a sing-song voice. “Well, you  _ should _ . You should go ask him next week, like on  _ Monday _ , dude, right away, just  _ do  _ it, go ask him about being back on the team. This is the time of year you start getting a lot of scouts during the games, you don’t wanna miss out on that.”

“Yeah, but….” Josh was having bad vibes about getting back on the team, and he was pretty certain he knew why. “...what about you?”

Tyler glanced over at Josh as he grinned. “Don’t worry about me, bro, just _ get back on the team.  _ Seriously, ask Coach. Do it.”

“But-”

“Just  _ do it! _ ” Tyler mimicked Shia LaBeouf, and Josh couldn’t help but to start snickering at him.

“ _ Dude _ ,” Tyler interrupted himself suddenly as a new song started to play. “What the  _ fuck... _ is  _ this…? _ ” Tyler threw Josh a wide grin- and, frankly, a menacing one, in Josh’s opinion- as, to Josh’s horror, he recognized the new song as a Jonas Brothers song.

“Ugh, oh, my  _ God _ , I didn’t even know that was on there,” Josh groaned out loud, wildly grabbing for his phone. Tyler was laughing as he snatched it away before Josh could reach it.

“Dude, seriously, give me that!” Josh whined, punching at Tyler’s arm, though the effect was weakened by the fact he too was laughing. “Pay attention to the road, Jesus, give me my damn phone!”

“When you look me in the eyes!” Tyler sang in an annoying voice (in Josh’s opinion), holding the phone out of Josh’s reach. “And tell me that you  _ looove  _ me!” Josh would have protested more about Tyler and unsafe driving, but they had just made the turn into their neighborhood and were driving so slowly now anyways that he didn’t suppose it mattered that much.

“I catch a glimpse of  _ heaaaven- _ ”

“You are the absolute fucking  _ worst, _ and I  _ hate  _ you,” Josh emphasized, giving up trying to steal back his phone and collapsing back in his seat, pouting over at Tyler as Tyler continued to sing along to the song, turning up the volume. Josh mimed covering his ears and made a sick face, though he had to admit- Tyler was being pretty fucking cute.

“I don’t know why I’m the embarrassed one here,” Josh spoke loudly to be heard over the second chorus playing nearly at the highest volume and Tyler’s jokingly off-tune harmonies. “It may be on  _ my  _ phone, but  _ you’re  _ the one who knows all the words, bro.”

They rolled to a stop in Josh’s driveway, and Tyler just continued singing, turning to waggle his eyebrows at Josh.

Josh barked out a laugh, tugging the aux cord out of his phone and hopping out of the van, slamming the door shut on Tyler’s protests.

“Dude, don’t pretend that you don’t know all the words either, bro,” Tyler said once he had exited the van and slipped around the front and over to Josh.

Josh pursed his lips at Tyler. “Well, I don’t go around  _ yelling  _ them at the top of my lungs like an  _ idiot _ .”

Tyler was practically beaming at Josh, and Josh’s heart rate doubled when he noticed Tyler’s gaze flick down to his lips.  _ He did, right? Oh, my God, he totally did. _ Standing there staring at Tyler staring at him- it made Josh’s knees weak. Which was not currently a good thing, since the driveway was incredibly slippery with the newly fallen snow, and it was dark enough now to make it nearly impossible to spot the icey patches. Josh  _ really  _ didn’t want to fall and hurt his leg again. That would suck some  _ major  _ ass.

“C-come on,” Josh waved a hand towards the house, breaking their eye contact. The cold was getting seriously uncomfortable now; the snow was starting to seep through his sneakers. “Let’s get inside, it’s kinda cold out here.”

Tyler’s eye lit up visibly despite the dark. “Call of Duty?”

“You bet,” Josh replied, nodding, even as Tyler took off for the front door. Josh huffed out a laugh to himself as he followed.

The electric fireplace was on and blazing in the living room, and Josh started to sweat in his hoodie the second he closed the front door, though it was a welcome change from the frosty weather outside. Tyler was tugging off his shoes, leaving them on the tile by the front door, and Josh tried not to smile too big at the sight of Tyler feeling comfortable in his house. It made Josh really happy; why, he wasn’t so sure, but it was nice. Josh tugged off his own wet shoes and shrugged out of his hoodie, dropping it on a nearby armchair.

“Oh, hey, who’s watching Gossip Girl?” Tyler piped, ducking around the sofa and eyeing the TV, on and muted in the corner by the fire. “Is your fam home?”

“You watch Gossip Girl?” Josh teased.

“Hey, don’t knock it, it’s a good show. Lots o’ drama.”

“ _So_ , you know _all_ the lyrics to Jonas Bro songs, _and_ you not only _like_ the show, but you _recognize_ a _random_ episode of _Gossip Girl-_ ”

“ _ Joshua _ , don’t  _ judge  _ me.”

Josh dissolved into snickers as Tyler sunk onto the arm of the sofa to watch the silent screen. He heard the sound of the pantry door closing in the kitchen and made his way across the room to Tyler. “My sisters are home, but my parents went to Hamilton to watch Jordan play- I mean, he’s on the  _ bench _ , it’s not like he’s gonna  _ actually  _ play, but they’re pretty pumped about him making the team, I guess. Plus this is his first trip away overnight, like in a different city, so they-”

“Shush, this part is so good, oh, my God….”

Josh huffed in disbelief, Tyler’s eyes glued to the screen. “Ty, the volume’s not even  _ on _ , how are you enjoying this?”

“Oh, hey, Josh,” one of Josh’s sisters padded in from the kitchen, mug of coffee in hand. “I was wondering when you’d get home. Mom told us to call her if you were out past ten.”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Abs, I’m not that late. It’s literally five o’clock.”

“Ashley was about to call her anyways,” Abbie shrugged her shoulders, slipping past Josh towards the sofa. “Oh- hey,  _ Tyler _ . What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, sorry, I was just- hi, nice to see you, um, again,” Tyler stammered awkwardly, jumping up from the arm of the sofa and subtly edging away from Josh’s youngest sibling towards the staircase.

“I’m Abigail, don’t you remember? The last time you were over here was like, last fall.”

“Oh, r-really?”

Josh tried not to smirk as Abbie nearly cornered Tyler, Tyler looking rather awkward and panicked. And flustered and  _ cute _ , if Josh was being completely honest, albeit a little mean. Tyler glanced to Josh over Abbie’s head, looking frantic, and Josh tried not to giggle out loud as he shouldered his backpack and headed for the stairs to rescue Tyler from his baby sister.

Ashley appeared in the kitchen doorway then, leaning against the frame as Josh passed by. “‘Sup, J, you’re home? Mom said we can order a pizza tonight,” she said dryly, crunching on an apple.

“Oh, awesome,” Josh paused, momentarily distracted. They had just eaten, but he could always go for a pizza. “I brought a friend over, just FYI.”

“I know already. To play video games up in your bedroom, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know-”

Tyler’s loud voice interrupted Josh and Ashley. “Yeah, well,  _ Josh  _ and I are going to go now-  _ upstairs _ , okay? See you later.” Tyler took a step backwards onto the staircase, jerking his head at Josh while trying to smile politely at Abbie as she continued to crowd him at the foot of the steps.

Josh huffed out another laugh. “Get pineapple and pepperoni when you order, okay, Ash?” Josh said, leaving his one sister in the doorway to help Tyler escape from the other.

“Back off, Abs,” Josh muttered, only half joking as he brushed past his other sibling to follow Tyler, who was already halfway up the stairs and around the corner out of sight.

“Wait, J, whos’ that? Your friend is already-” Ashley’s voice followed Josh as he jogged up the steps, but he ignored whatever it was she was saying.

Tyler was standing on the landing, still looking quite flustered with a small splash of red across his cheeks, and Josh started to laugh at his expression.

“ _ Dude _ , I think your little sis  _ likes  _ me,” Tyler murmured, as if the idea was the most horrific thing to him.

Josh wheezed. “ _ Dude _ , you are so funny, you should’ve seen your  _ face  _ back there, bro, oh, my  _ God- _ ”

“ _ Hey… _ .” Tyler elbowed at Josh’s side before crossing his arms. “It’s not funny, okay? I didn’t know what to  _ do _ , it was so  _ awkward… _ .”

“‘Nice to see you,  _ um _ , again!’” Josh mimicked in a high voice, laughing harder as the red on Tyler’s cheeks spread to his whole face.

“Bro, you are  _ such  _ an asshole, I don’t even sound like that,” Tyler pouted, swinging Josh’s bedroom door open and stepping in backwards, glaring at Josh.

Josh was about to crack another joke in a Tyler-like, high-pitched voice as he took a step closer to Tyler, crowding him against the open door, his hand reaching out for Tyler’s without his even realizing it and their faces suddenly quite close, when out of nowhere-

“Josh, hey, buddy, I texted you, but-”

Josh spun around at the exact same time as Tyler, the two of them hurriedly stepping apart, Tyler banging into the open door and the door respectively banging loudly into the wall, and Josh stumbling in a pile of dirty clothes and collapsing against his dresser next to the door, nearly falling to the floor.

Spencer was sitting on the edge of Josh’s bed, controller in hand, the Skyrim save screen glowing on the TV behind him. His mouth was hanging open.

Josh’s nerves suddenly went ballistic as his mind began to run and trip over itself, feeling his body literally grow sick with the sudden weight of anxiety and worry that hit him full force as he could only stand there, frozen in place, watching as one of his best friends slowly stood up, face visibly hurt and confused as his eyes darted back and forth between Josh and...and  _ Tyler _ . Josh’s school enemy. Josh’s basketball rival. The new kid. The outcast. The guy that Josh’s friends believed had purposefully interfered to get Josh kicked off the team, the guy who had walked onto their turf and stolen Josh’s placing on the team, dashing his dreams of winning a scholarship and becoming a professional athlete. The guy who had torn the team in half, who was responsible for Josh’s hurt leg and his ruined last year of high school. Josh’s supposed  _ nemesis _ .

Josh could only watch as all the emotions played across Spencer’s face, the silence in the small bedroom growing louder and louder with every passing second that none of them said anything.

Finally,  _ finally _ , Spencer moved, raising a hand slightly before dropping it back next to his side.

“Dude, what...what the  _ fuck? _ ”

Josh tried not to wince. At least it was Spencer and not Brendon. Thank  _ God  _ it wasn’t Brendon. Brendon would have lost his shit.

“S-Spence...what are you  _ doing  _ here?” Josh managed to choke out, literally feeling a drop of sweat form on his forehead.

Spencer let out a single laugh, though he wasn’t smiling. “Me?  _ Me? _ What am  _ I _ doing here? What about  _ him? _ ”

Josh had his eyes locked on Spencer, but in his peripheral vision he saw Tyler flinch.

“Look, listen, listen to me, Spence, okay? Listen,” Josh took a small step towards the bed, towards his friend. “Look, I...I...I’m sorry t-that...that I didn’t  _ tell  _ you, alright, I...I  _ should  _ have, I know, I know it, b-but...but me and Tyler, we-”

“I just, I thought-  _ we  _ thought that you  _ hated  _ this guy, and now you’re...you’re what,  _ hanging out  _ with him behind our backs?” Spencer waved an angry hand around in the air. “Dude, I just...what is going  _ on?  _ What, did you just start off the year thinking, oh, what a funny joke it’d be to lie to all my friends about hating this guy and get them to all hate the new kid, too? Is  _ that  _ what you thought,  _ Josh _ ?”

“Of  _ course  _ not,” Josh snapped, trying not to get too angry. “Look, I did,  _ we  _ did at first- hate each other, I mean.” Josh glanced sheepishly in Tyler’s direction, but Tyler only nodded lightly, eyes meeting Josh’s briefly but giving nothing away.

Josh continued, feeling as if he were balancing on a tightrope, trying not to hurt either friend. “At first I kind of  _ did  _ hate him, I was...I was stupid and angry and I just...it was mean of me, I know, but...I couldn’t help but be super jealous of him, y’know, I thought he was a dick- and then I...I don’t know how it happened exactly, but...he turned out to not be as much of a dick as I thought he was, he-”

“Gee, thanks,” Tyler piped from the corner. Both Josh and Spencer sent him dirty looks as Josh continued.

“-and he was actually pretty chill, which was pretty sick of him since  _ I _ had been the one being such a dick to  _ him _ in the first place, not the other way around, a-and he...he helped me the first time I hurt my leg, and I realized I had been  _ super  _ mean and-”

“Wait, the  _ first _ time you hurt your leg?” Spencer interrupted. “You mean  _ before  _ you fractured it in the game and got a cast and shit? Dude, you mean you’ve been  _ lying  _ to us for what, four, five months?  _ Months _ ?”   
Josh shrugged one shoulder slowly, mind reeling. “I guess...I guess so? Kind of? It’s not like I didn’t  _ want  _ to tell you guys, I  _ did _ ,  _ we  _ did, but like...there’s just  _ so  _ many fucking strings attached, we didn’t know  _ how _ .”

Spencer crossed his arms. “What do you mean?”

Josh sighed in frustration. “Like, the whole fucking team is a  _ mess _ , because of us- well, because of  _ me _ , mostly me-”

“No, it’s because of  _ us _ , not just you,” Tyler corrected.

“Ty, this isn’t your fault, let me-”

“Stop being a martyr, Josh.”

“Yeah, stop being a martyr, Josh,” Spencer echoed, and for a second Josh thought maybe they could make this work, the three of them. He glanced over at Spencer, but Spencer still wasn’t smiling.

“ _ And? _ ” Spencer demanded. “Why didn’t you just tell us the  _ truth _ ?”

“ _ Because _ ,” Josh started again. “Our friendship was like, still rocky, like we had just become kinda friends, y’know, when I fractured my ankle, and suddenly Coach and the  _ whole team _ were all up in our shit. And now- well, now we’re  _ both  _ off the team, so we both have friends mad at the other about that, and half the team hates  _ me  _ and the other half hates  _ Tyler _ , and then there were all those stupid bets that Brendon had going on, and since we didn’t technically finish the game that night on ‘fair terms’ or whatever, a lot of  _ other  _ kids were pissed about  _ that _ , and  _ then- _ ”

“Okay, okay, y’know what, stop. You’re making my head hurt,” Spencer grumbled.

Josh took a couple deep, slow breaths in the following silence, eyes darting back over to Tyler. He seemed to be doing okay, his head hung low as he quietly watched the scene unfold through his eyelashes.  _ Those damn eyelashes…. _

“So….” Spencer said, voice trailing off, unsure. “Are you guys...so you’re  _ friends _ , then?”

Josh’s eyes shot over to Tyler. Yeah, they  _ had  _ been friends, then not so much, then they had- they had fucking  _ kissed _ , so  _ yeah _ ,  _ obviously  _ they were  _ friends _ again, and now...now they were something  _ more _ , surely...not that they had really  _ discussed  _ that part of things yet, but. Josh was pretty sure he didn’t need to try explaining all that to Spencer though, when he himself didn’t fully understand it yet. Probably Tyler didn’t either. So for now- friends.

“Yeah,” Josh nodded, glancing back to Spencer. “We’re...we’re friends….”

Spencer nodded, eyes scanning the floor as if still trying to process everything. “So...so is this like, why you’ve been acting so weird lately?”

Josh blushed, shuffling awkwardly. “What do you mean,  _ weird- _ ”

“Don’t play, Josh, you’ve been out of it for  _ months _ , and you’ve been keeping this secret for  _ months _ , so. Put two and two together.”

“I am  _ not  _ his  _ secret _ ,” Tyler protested, waving dramatic air quotes in the air as he snapped out his defense, and Josh had to stifle a small laugh, despite the amount of tension he still felt.

Spencer merely glanced at Tyler before directing his attention back to Josh. “Look, J, I don’t...I don’t, like,  _ get  _ this, I don’t really understand how this  _ happened _ , like, at  _ all _ , but...you’re my friend, and if...if this guy-”

“It’s  _ Tyler _ ,” Tyler said.

“-is your friend now- however that happened- I mean...I’m not gonna...like, what can I do about it? I mean, ultimately, I guess, it’s not  _ that  _ big of a deal or anything...really...I mean, you’re not  _ hurting  _ anyone- the opposite, actually-”

“ _ Yeah _ ,” Tyler added.

“Would you let me finish?” Spencer snapped at Tyler, and when Tyler stuck his tongue out in response, Josh almost grinned at how  _ normal  _ this could all get to feel. Eventually.

“What was I saying?” Spencer looked only slightly frazzled. Josh felt sorry for the guy.

“...that you approve of my friends? Thanks, mom,” Josh jested lightly, offering a small smirk when Spencer looked up at him.

Spencer huffed, almost a laugh. “Yeah. Whatever, dude.”

“ _ I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family- _ ”

“Tyler, shut up!” Josh exclaimed.

“Dude, ew!” Spencer said at the same time. “Josh, dude, where did you  _ find  _ this guy?”

“My name’s  _ Tyler _ ,” Tyler huffed, crossing his arms. Josh had never seen someone jokingly sing such a lame cartoon’s theme song one minute only to look so adorably put out the next. It was kind of impressive.

“Sometimes I wonder the same thing,” Josh said, and the betrayed look Tyler gave him made Josh snort out a giggle.

“You’re  _ both  _ assholes,” Tyler huffed. He didn’t look too mad.

No one said anything for a few moments, and Josh was just about to awkwardly stammer into the silence, but Spencer beat him to it. “So...it’s Tyler, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve only said it like three times already-”

“Yeah, it’s Tyler,” Josh intervened, giving Tyler what he hoped was a stern look. “And he’s actually not a prick, even though right now that’s kind of iffy. He’s just hungry.”

“I am  _ not _ ,” Tyler glared at Josh.

“Oh. Well, I was kinda hoping you were, ‘cuz  _ I  _ am, and we’re ordering pizza, so.”

“ _ I’m _ hungry,” Spencer offered.

Josh held a thumbs up in Spencer’s direction. “Cool! So I’ll tell Ash to go ahead and call Pizza Hut and we can- wait,  _ Spence _ ?”

“What?”

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?”

Spencer looked at Josh like he was crazy, which Josh only kind of resented. “I live here,” he replied dryly.

Josh gave him a look. “No, you don’t, bro, seriously, what about the game? Why the  _ fuck  _ aren’t you in Hamilton right now?”

“Don’t tell me  _ you  _ got kicked off the team, too!” Tyler chirped, way too brightly for the still slightly tense situation.

Spencer gave Tyler a decidedly distasteful frown, shockingly similar to an expression Brendon frequently made when looking down at someone, which he did often. Josh almost laughed.

“ _ No _ , I did  _ not  _ get kicked off the team, thank you very  _ much _ . Unlike  _ some  _ dipshits I happen to know-”

“Okay, okay, seriously, Spence,” Josh interrupted before Spencer and Tyler could go at it anymore. “What happened?”

Spencer rolled his eyes, and Josh decided then that Spencer had been spending  _ way  _ too much time with Brendon lately. He was rubbing off on Spencer in a not-good way. “I’ve been bitching about it all week, dude, but  _ apparently  _ you’ve been all caught up with your little  _ secret friendship  _ over here that you weren’t even listening during lunch or reading any of my texts. I’m flunking a class, I can’t go on school trips until I bring my grade up. It’s that simple. And I  _ did  _ text you this afternoon,  _ several  _ times, about coming over to play Call of Duty and hang out and shit. But you didn’t reply.”

Josh rubbed the back of his neck, feeling guilty for being so blind to his other friends lately. He smiled sheepishly at Spencer. “Yeah, sorry about that, bro. I’ve been kinda distracted-”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

Josh bit back his sarcastic response, waving a hand at the TV on the bookshelf instead, the Skyrim save screen still glowing in the background. “Okay, well, you’re here now. Let’s play Call of Duty, okay?”

Josh looked over at Tyler, who was glancing between Josh and Spencer. Tyler shrugged. “Sure. I mean, if  _ he’s  _ okay with that.”

Spencer grimaced, eyeing Tyler suspiciously. “Yeah,  _ I’m  _ okay with that, as long as  _ this  _ joker doesn’t  _ cheat  _ or some shit.”

“Good!” Josh exclaimed loudly before either of his friends could continue. “It’s settled then, we’ll do multi-player. And don’t worry about Ty, Spencer, he’s an amateur gamer, even  _ you  _ can probably beat him.”

“Hey!” Both Tyler and Spencer protested at the same time.

Josh was just about to escape from his friends to go tell Ashley to order the pizza when he remembered one last thing. “Oh, hey, and Spence? About me and Tyler, we...well, we’re not really...we’re not really like,  _ telling  _ people yet...okay? That we’re friends. I just...I don’t think Brendon’s gonna take it very well, you know how he can be, and I mean, I wouldn’t  _ blame  _ him-”

“Well,  _ thanks _ ,” Tyler commented.

“No, I don’t mean it like  _ that _ , Ty, c’mon, it’s just. We’re just gonna tell all our friends in our own time...okay? Spencer?”

Josh glanced over at Tyler, still standing in the corner by the open door, concern filling his chest as he searched Tyler’s face for any negative emotions. Josh knew it wasn’t fair to act like Tyler was a dirty, little secret or something, but they had  _ both  _ agreed that this was for the  _ best  _ for now. Tyler wasn’t looking at Josh though, he was watching Spencer, assumedly waiting for his response. Josh turned to Spencer as well.

Spencer was turning the controller around in circles in his hands as he shrugged one shoulder casually. “It’s up to you guys, it doesn’t involve me.”

Josh tried not to sigh in relief too loudly. “Thanks, bud. You won’t tell Brendon?”

“You kidding? He’ll flip.  _ You  _ can break his heart again.”

Josh widened his eyes warningly at Spencer before glancing worriedly over at Tyler, hoping Spencer’s choice of wording had gone over Tyler’s head and he hadn’t noticed. Tyler was already squinting at Josh, and Josh could feel his face heating up. There were some things in Josh’s past that he just wasn’t ready to share with Tyler yet. Probably not for a long time, if  _ he  _ could help it.

Josh let out a shaky laugh, trying his best to shrug the comment off. “Yeah, well, you know B. He always flips about all kinds of shit. Real drama queen.”

Spencer huffed in agreement before turning towards the pile of video games on Josh’s floor, rooting through them for Call of Duty, and Josh took his chance to escape. He slipped past Tyler, pointedly ignoring his questioning raised eyebrows, and out into the hallway, calling over his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go order that pizza now while you two set up the game, okay? And just,  _ try  _ not to kill each other, please, while I’m gone. I’ll be right back!”

So, maybe that had all been a little unexpected. Or a lot unexpected. Same difference, in the end. And so it had been a little rocky. But, despite it all, Josh couldn’t help but have a pretty good feeling about it. He had told a friend about Tyler and the earth was  _ still  _ spinning. They were okay. They were  _ all  _ okay. Josh smiled to himself as he hopped down the stairs. They could make things work.

 

Two pizzas (with pineapple), six games, four fistfights (between Tyler and Spencer, all of which Josh had split up), and five or so hours later, Josh was lying on his stomach in the middle of his bed, thumbs sore from the controller and stomach uncomfortably full, his eyes drooping tiredly as he only half assedly tried to dodge an enemy grenade. Ultimately, Josh was pretty pleased with how the evening had progressed. Tyler and Spencer had argued over the last slice of pizza, argued over who got to sit on the bed, argued over gaming tactics, and argued over which Call of Duty game required the most skill, but at least they hadn’t killed each other, despite the fistfights. Josh was sure that, given a bit more time and maybe a couple more pizzas, they would become best friends. Sooner or later.

It was late. Spencer was on the bed next to Josh, slouched back against the headrest, his own controller resting in his lap as he snored lightly. Tyler was sitting cross legged on the floor in front of Josh, and he seemed to be the only one still awake enough to be at all invested in the current game. Either Tyler had magically and miraculously improved at Call of Duty since the last time he and Josh had played, or else he had been lying all along about not knowing how to play. Josh didn’t know, and he was too sleepy right then to really care. He dropped his controller to the floor next to Tyler and let his head fall to the mattress, mind fading in and out as he listened to Tyler curse quietly about the enemy’s underhanded tactics.

The next thing Josh was aware of was someone shaking his shoulder gently, and he blinked his heavy eyes open, squinting. “Hm? What?”

“Hey, J, Spencer went home, it got kinda late on us.”

“Mhm….”

“Can I wear one of your t-shirts? I don’t have my pajamas.”

Josh was so sleepy, he didn’t remember responding, just let his eyes slip back closed and buried his face in his arms. Maybe he nodded, he didn’t know. He couldn’t really remember the question.

Someone was shoving at his arm again, and Josh grumbled something, trying to swat the hand away, but ultimately letting himself be guided into a more comfortable position on the bed, the comforting weight of his sheets and blankets being pulled up and over him. Josh snuggled down into the warmth.

The bed springs squeaked and the mattress moved slightly, and then there was a soft voice in his ear. “Is this okay?”

Josh hummed.

“I can sleep on the couch instead if you want.”

Josh made another humming sound.

“This is okay?”

A moment later the covers were being rustled around Josh’s shoulders, and just before Josh could sleepily complain, there were thin, cold fingers slipping beneath his arm.

“Sorry. My hands are cold.”

Even in his exhausted state, Josh didn’t mind. Not one little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I FUCKING SPRAINED MY ANKLE JUST LIKE JOSH IN A FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD BASKETBALL COURT JUST LIKE JOSH!!!! WHAT 


	14. more than anyone, darlin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little (a lot) later than i wanted to post, but here it is! sorry frens for the wait <3  
> the good news is i have plotted out in extreme detail the next several chapters, so updates should be relatively smooth now (knock on wood)  
> ANYWAYS this chapter is....... purty darn cute...if i do say so myself...HOPE YA LIKE IT!!!
> 
> title from Tyler's ADORABLE cover of Build Me Up Buttercup <3 (EDIT: I FUCKING ADORE THE VIDEO CLIP OF HIM SINGING THIS I ACTUALLY CAN 'T FUNCTION IT'S SO FRIGGING ADORABLE OK PLS GO WATCH IT HE'S SO SMILEY AND TINY AND SCREAMY I LOVE HIM GOD ISN'T HE THE BEST)

Despite it being late January, Josh woke up sweating, his legs tangled in his sheet. He rolled over onto his back and squinted up at the ceiling; the fan wasn’t on. Josh always slept with the ceiling fan on.

Sunlight was streaming in through the window beside the bed, slowly washing the room with it. It was at an awkward angle just then, the light shining over most of the bed except for where Josh’s head was, but every few seconds it would creep up a little higher. It was up to Josh’s nose now, and if he moved too much the light would flash into his eyes, forcing him to squint them shut again. And it was so damn _hot. Why the hell isn’t my fan on?_ Josh wouldn’t have been surprised if all the snow outside had melted by now.

Part of the comforter was resting heavily on one of Josh’s legs, and he kicked lazily at it- only it wasn’t the comforter and it slipped off the bed onto the floor. _That’s weird, I don’t think I left my jacket there…._ Josh glanced over the edge of the mattress and saw a hoodie lying on the floor.

 _That’s not mine...wait...that’s_ Ty-

Josh jerked his head to the left and leaned up on both elbows at the same time, slipping back a few inches and almost rolling backwards off the bed. The comforter was bundled up on the opposite side, and there beneath it, with his back to Josh, was Tyler. _Tyler. In my_ bed. _Holy shit…._

The last time that anyone had slept in the same bed as Josh had been...well, strictly speaking, it had probably been Brendon some night last August before school had started- or actually, once Josh thought about it, it had been Jordan when they had repainted his little brother’s room sometime in October. Josh hadn’t liked bunking with Jordan one little bit, but their mom had insisted he sleep with Josh instead of on the couch. But those times didn’t count; Josh meant, like, the last time he _romantically_ shared his bed with someone- though did this even count as _romantic?_ Tyler had spent the night as a friend, as a sleepover type of thing. But _Tyler_ was more than a friend- right? So the last time that Josh had slept in the same bed as someone that he was _romantically_ interested in had been….

Wait, that all was besides the point. _Tyler_ was in Josh’s _bed, right now. Tyler_ was in Josh’s fucking _bed. Tyler_ had slept _with_ Josh _all night_ in his _bed._ And, Josh noticed, Tyler was wearing one of _his shirts._ Even with his back to Josh and the comforter pulled halfway up his waist, Josh could tell his wrinkled band tee was baggy on Tyler’s slim shoulders. It did funny things to Josh’s heart just then, to see Tyler so quiet and peaceful, just sleeping. The sunlight pouring in and heating up his room didn’t really bother Josh anymore; it painted Tyler’s tanned skin and hair a shining, golden tone, and Josh just wanted to look at him forever.

Josh tried to slow his breathing and get over the initial shock of it all as he slowly lowered himself back against the mattress, resting on his side with one elbow propping his face up, a definite space still between him and Tyler. He didn’t want to wake him up. How early was it anyways? Or how late? Josh watched the comforter lift and fall gently with each breath that Tyler took, and he wondered how the hell Tyler wasn’t uncomfortably hot under that heavy blanket.

Josh thought back to the night before, to the afternoon before, and everything that had happened between them. It felt like a lot more time had passed since he had talked with Mikey and discovered- _wow, Tyler actually likes me back!_ Not even a whole day, less than twenty-four hours even! And they were friends again. Josh almost cried with relief, right there in bed next to… _oh, God, he’s my_ best _friend, isn’t he? God. I lov- I_ really _like this guy. He’s cute. He’s fun. I like him._

Josh didn’t know what they were considered now, technically; their talk the other day at Burger King hadn’t really been that enlightening in that regard. But Josh figured that Tyler was probably still as surprised and unsure as Josh was about all of... _this_ . After all, it _had_ all happened kind of suddenly. And anyways, Josh didn’t care about labels right now. Simply _being_ with Tyler was _way_ more important than whether or not they were technically considered boyfriends or dating or- just thinking about that aspect of things made Josh start to blush. Again. _Dammit._

Tyler shuffled softly beneath the comforter just then, and Josh started, surprised. He held his breath, waiting to see if he had woken him, but Tyler just let out a soft little sound before flopping over onto his back, eyes still closed and breath steady.

Josh felt himself smiling like an idiot, just lying there next to Tyler and studying his face. He loved _everything_ about his face, it was literally _perfect_ . His little upturned nose and _goddamn those long eyelashes_ and the light scattering of freckles across his cheeks and his light pink lips- _oh, God, his lips...I just wanna…._

An idea occurred to Josh, and he quietly grabbed his phone off the bedside table, trying not to feel like too much of a creep as he snapped a quick picture. Seriously, how could he _not?_ He couldn’t waste this opportunity. Tyler looked absolutely _precious_ . Angelic. And they were like almost-boyfriends anyways, he could take a picture of his _almost-boyfriend_ if he damn well wanted to. And he _did_ . He really, really did. Josh admired the picture briefly in his camera roll before frowning slightly upon the realization that that was his only picture of Tyler. After months of knowing each other and that was all? Nearly three thousand and five hundred pictures on his phone, and only _one_ was of his best-friend-almost-boyfriend? He had pictures of all his other friends- lots and _lots_ of them; at least a _third_ of all the pictures on his phone were of Brendon, ridiculous selfies he had taken, forty or fifty at a time whenever he stole Josh’s phone. Which he did a lot. Another third of the pictures was probably all the screenshots Josh had taken of all the stupid shit Brendon and Spencer posted or sent Josh; he even had a picture of _Pete_ on his phone, for God’s sake. He even had pictures of Jenna. Ones Dallon or Brendon had taken of her and Josh sitting together at the lunch table when Josh didn’t realize they had taken his phone and were taking pictures of him, or selfies Jenna had sneaked onto Josh’s phone herself, Brendon-style. All those pictures- but only _one_ of Tyler.

Well, Josh would just have to fix that. ASAP.

He held the phone out to capture both him and Tyler on the screen, held up a peace sign, winked, and snapped another picture.

 _What? So I took a pic, okay? He’s too cute, I_ had _to...ugh, leave me alone._

Josh shoved his phone under his pillow and sighed happily, eyes falling back down to Tyler’s face. Josh still couldn’t believe it, really. Not just the fact that Tyler was in his bed, had spent the night, but that they had...they had fucking _kissed_ , just the day before. And it had been so fucking good, Josh had almost _died_ . Legit _died_ . And not only that, but Tyler _liked_ him. He actually _liked_ him. Josh honestly had no fucking idea _why_ , but thank God he did. Mikey could apparently tell that Tyler liked him and then Tyler himself had _said_ he liked him, too. So Josh _hadn’t_ just imagined it all. Tyler was asleep beside him wearing one of Josh’s own shirts to prove it.

Josh suddenly had another realization that he wasn’t too happy about- he had only ever kissed Tyler once. Sure, they had been busy yesterday, after the janitor had interrupted them. There was their Burger King stop and then Spencer had showed up and they spent hours playing video games. So they hadn’t really had a chance to...continue anything.

Josh felt himself blushing as he lay there admiring Tyler and his lips as he debated about what to do about that. In his past relationships- there hadn't been many, but he wasn’t a _complete_ virgin, thank you very much- Josh had never really...taken the initiative too often. He was more shy, more reserved, especially when it was with a person he really, _really_ liked. And he _really, really_ liked Tyler. But at that moment, with the sunlight reflecting a halo around Tyler’s face and the soft sound of him breathing, Josh decided that a few seconds of insane bravery on his part would be well worth it, in the end. Or at least he hoped so.

Josh wiggled closer to Tyler, still a little hesitant to press too closely against him, but Tyler was bundled under the comforter anyways, so Josh didn’t feel too uncomfortable with it. He tucked one arm under his head and tentatively reached out the other, fingers playing lightly with the collar of his shirt that Tyler was wearing. It looked like a Metallica one, but Josh couldn’t really see it beneath the covers too well.

His fingers brushed against Tyler’s collarbone, and his skin was so warm on Josh’s fingertips that he just wanted to...to _hug_ Tyler or something. _Goddammit_.

 _I want him to wake up, I want to talk, I want to cuddle, I want to- oh, shit, that’s kind of embarrassing,_ cuddling _. No, it’s not, why is that embarrassing? Ugh, I don’t_ know _. Either way, he’s a sleepy head. Time to wake uuup. He honestly can’t still be tired, can he?_

Josh hesitated for only a second before leaning in closer, bed creaking slightly as he shifted, and lowering his head a few inches so his lips hovered above Tyler’s chest. He breathed out softly, heart full of butterflies, before brushing his lips along Tyler’s collarbone. His hand had stopped playing with the collar of Tyler’s shirt, palm resting gently against Tyler’s chest instead. Josh could feel Tyler’s chest moving as he breathed beneath his hand. Josh peppered light kisses all across Tyler’s collar bone, confidence building as he pressed another kiss to the base of Tyler’s neck, almost on his shoulder.

Tyler stirred and made a small noise, and Josh pulled back only a little to see Tyler’s eyebrows furrow before his eyes blinked open.

Tyler mumbled something Josh wasn’t sure were even words, and he huffed out a small laugh.

“It’s about time you woke up, holy shit, man,” he gently kissed Tyler’s shoulder again, before he could lose his nerve.

Tyler didn’t reply; he seemed confused as to his surroundings for a second before he appeared to register that Josh was kissing up his neck now.

“Mm, J-Josh,” Tyler grumbled sleepily. “ _Stop_ , that tickles.”

Josh smiled against Tyler’s neck and pressed another kiss to his skin, right beneath his ear.

“I know.”

Tyler fidgeted a little; he had freed his hands from beneath the covers, Josh found out, because he tangled them in Josh’s hair just then and tugged gently.

“You’re a _jerk_ . You _know_ I’m ticklish.”

“I know,” Josh reiterated, nipping Tyler’s ear.

“ _Jerk_.”

Josh smiled again, he couldn’t help it, and Tyler wiggled onto his side facing Josh before he could kiss his neck another time. Josh pouted at him and was about to complain, but Tyler bumped his forehead against Josh’s and pressed their lips together, his tongue immediately finding its way into Josh’s mouth.

Josh let out a quiet groan, surprised. _Pleasantly_ surprised. It wasn’t as...intense or anything as yesterday, but Josh didn’t care about that. Tyler was _kissing_ him. Josh felt one of Tyler’s hands slip from its place in his hair down to rest on his hip, and Josh almost pulled back from the kiss, embarrassed, because his shirt had ridden up and he only now realized that he wasn’t wearing his jeans, only his boxer briefs. He didn’t remember taking his pants off the night before, but then again he shouldn’t be too surprised- he never slept with pants on, _ever._ He must have taken them off sometime during Call of Duty. Tyler’s hand was resting half on the bare skin of his hip and half on the elastic strap of his boxers, and his hand felt incredibly warm against Josh’s already heated skin. Josh tried not to let on how much it was affecting him.

Tyler, however, must have been a professional mind reader or some shit, because Josh felt him smile against his lips before murmuring, “Prude.”

Josh opened his eyes to glare at Tyler, who was already grinning up at him, their foreheads still pressed together. “I am _not_ a fucking prude. _You’re_ the prude. Asshole.”

“Aw, poor Joshie, he’s blushing!”

Josh shoved at Tyler’s shoulder and rolled onto his back, covering his face with one arm. “I’m _not._ Shut _up._ ”

Josh heard Tyler giggle before feeling the bed dip slightly as Tyler scooted closer to Josh’s side, squirming under Josh’s other arm and resting his head on his bicep.

“ _Josh_ ,” he said in a whiney voice. Josh turned his head and peeked out from under his arm at him. “Don’t be moody, bro.”

Josh huffed out a quiet laugh but didn’t move his arm from over his face, and after another second, Tyler reached up to tug at his arm. Josh let him pull it away, his cheeks still warm.

Tyler smirked at him but thankfully didn’t mention it. “I think your friend Spencer likes me, what do you think?” he said instead.

Josh huffed again. “Oh, yeah, totally. You guys were arguing last night like me and Brendon argue all the time, so I think you’re good.”

Tyler made a face. “What _about_ you and Bren-”

“I don’t wanna talk about them right now,” Josh interrupted, brushing his nose against Tyler’s. “Kiss me?”

This time Tyler huffed. “Hey, I call the shots, mister.”

“Well, fine, bro, if you don’t wanna, then you can just-”

“I didn’t say I didn’t wanna, chill, dude,” Tyler giggled and grabbed at Josh’s face with his hand, guiding his face back against his. A warm feeling, even warmer than the sunlight filled bedroom, flooded Josh’s chest.

Josh let his eyes flutter shut as he kissed Tyler, feeling more content than he had in a long, long time. He sucked on Tyler’s bottom lip, tugging at it gently with his teeth, and Tyler let out a high-pitched whine. He felt Tyler’s hand slip from his cheek to the back of his neck, keeping their faces as close to each other’s as possible.

Tyler started to grin again and freed his lips from Josh’s, though their mouths were still so close their lips brushed as Tyler spoke. “Your breath smells bad.”

Josh was still lying on his back as he turned his face away from Tyler’s to look up at the ceiling fan instead, trying not to laugh because he wanted to be mad. “Dammit, Tyler, why do you say shit like that?”

Tyler started giggling; Josh couldn’t believe his impertinence.

“For real, bro! Your breath smells fucking bad, too, but I wasn’t gonna fucking say so,” Josh huffed, making to sit up.

Tyler grabbed at his arm before he could and said in between giggles, “Aw, c’mon, man, I didn’t mean it, I was just joking, c’mon, bro, get under here with me.”

He held the comforter up and tugged harder on Josh’s arm, though to be honest, Josh didn’t need much convincing to slip beneath the covers next to Tyler. Whether he was kind-of-mad or not.

“Sure you don’t want me to go brush my teeth first?” Josh snipped half heartedly as he laid down on his back again, close enough for Tyler to throw the covers back over them both.

“Shut up, you’re perfect,” Tyler replied, still too busy with rearranging the comforter to notice the way Josh froze at his words or the blush that had almost faded from his cheeks starting to grow again.

With the covers finally arranged the way he wanted, Tyler let out a little sigh and threw a leg over Josh’s beneath the comforter, while at the same time pulling out one of Josh’s arms so he could wiggle back beneath it, using it as a pillow. He nuzzled his face against Josh’s neck and sighed again, hand resting in the center of Josh’s chest.

Josh lay rigidly, blinking up at the still ceiling fan as sweat formed on his forehead, and it wasn’t just because he was hot beneath the heavy comforter, either. Tyler was curled up on his side against him, head on his arm, hand on his chest, and sweats-clad leg over his own bare ones, and it was without a doubt the most sweetly intimate Josh had ever been with another human being, like _ever._ And with _Tyler_ . If someone had told Josh a week ago that he’d be here now, like _this-_ he would have _never_ believed them, _ever_ , not in like, a _gazillion_ years.

Life was funny sometimes, Josh supposed.

Josh felt Tyler press a gentle kiss to his neck, right below his ear, and he tilted his head slightly towards Tyler, peering at him out of the corner of his eye. Tyler peeked up at him through his eyelashes, and Josh was thoroughly surprised when he saw Tyler blush and glance quickly back down. _Why would_ he _be blushing? That’s my department. What on earth does he have to be embarrassed about?_

Josh thought about saying something but couldn’t decide on what, so he just hummed quietly and softly ran his fingers through Tyler’s hair. It was short in the back and longer up front, the strands tangled and sticking every which way. Josh quickly realized that he _loved_ playing with Tyler’s hair.

Tyler hummed in a low voice, and Josh giggled. “You sound like a cat purring, dude.”

“I could make a couple inappropriate jokes about that,” Tyler replied in a gravelly voice, his eyes closed.

“Yeah, I bet you could.”

“Want me to-”

“Nah, bro, I think we’re good.”

“Whatev-”

Suddenly, Josh’s phone started to ring loudly from beneath Josh’s pillow, and Josh jumped, startled, sitting up and dislodging Tyler from his arm. Tyler’s head flopped back against the pillow as Josh rummaged wildly for his phone, cursing and muttering at the blaring ringtone. Brendon had changed it to “Friday” by Rebecca Black a few weeks ago, and Josh had completely forgotten about it; he rarely received phone calls. Tyler was chortling hysterically.

“Bro, are you fucking _kidding?_ What _is_ this, are you serious?”

“Tyler, shut up, I swear-”

“It’s like I don’t even _know_ you, Josh, first the Jonas Bros, now _this-_ ”

“ _Tyler_ -”

Josh finally found his phone and immediately hit accept, just to make the ringtone stop. He hadn’t even seen who was calling. Probably his mom, to let him know that she and his dad and Jordan were almost home.

“Yeah?” Josh said into the phone, slightly winded from frantically trying to find it beneath his pillow, face flushed from the minor embarrassment of such a stupid ringtone. _Fuck you, Brendon._

Tyler was still giggling quietly, and Josh glared down at him. Tyler only giggled harder and tugged on the edge of Josh’s shirt. “Lay back dooown,” he whined in a semi-quiet voice.

“Shut _up,_ I’m on the phone-”

 _“What the fuck is up, bro, this_ is _your number, right?”_

Brendon’s voice in Josh’s ear made Josh sit up even more rigidly than before, feeling as anxious as if Brendon had just walked into the bedroom. Josh waved a hand at Tyler, trying to quiet his giggling.

“Oh, y-yeah, hey, B. No, yeah, this is my number. What...what’s up? Why are you call- _oohf!_ ”

Tyler had abandoned tugging on Josh’s shirt and had punched the inside of his elbow instead, causing the one arm supporting Josh’s sitting position to give sudden way, and Josh collapsed back against the bed. Tyler was beaming.

“ _Tyler_ , seriously, what the _hell-_ ”

_“Josh? What’s going on, are you okay, cuz? I texted you like, five times, but you didn’t answer. I thought I had the wrong number or some shit.”_

“Jooosh,” Tyler whined, but Josh threw a hand over his mouth, sitting straight back up in bed.

“Oh, uh, s-sorry about that, yeah, I was just, uh, y’know, um...I didn’t get the notifications, y’know...sorry, man….”

 _“It’s whatever. I just wanted to tell you about the game. Worthington fucking lost, dude. To fucking_ Hamilton _, their fucking team sucks_ ass _, and we fucking lost._ ”

Tyler was still playing with the hem of Josh’s shirt, but at least he was being quiet now. He looked questioningly up at Josh. Josh let his hand slip from over Tyler’s mouth back to his side.

_“Pete got a foul for kneeing some jerk in the balls, and the score wasn’t even fucking close, man, seventy-four to forty-two! Fucking forty-two, can you fucking believe it, bro?”_

Josh started to sweat; having Brendon on the phone while lying half naked in bed with Tyler was way too stressful for him. “Wow, man, that’s tough-”

_“I know! And the fucking worst part of it all is there was a fucking scout at the game, bro! Pete doesn’t think it was a scout and Coach won’t tell us if it was or not, but I totally know, I saw him! I made one shot- and it was pretty impressive, too- and the fucking guy didn’t even see it, he just saw our fucking low as shit score.”_

“There was a scout?” Josh questioned lamely, wishing he could just hang up and talk to Brendon later, maybe when Tyler wasn’t running a hand over his bare thigh. He glanced back down at Tyler and shook his head, feeling goosebumps forming on his skin.

_“Hel-looo? Josh? Did you hear what I just said?”_

“Hm, what? Sorry, what did you say?”

Brendon sighed loudly over the phone. _“You. The team. When are you going to rejoin, bro? Your leg is more than back to normal now, and we fucking_ need _you. If there was a scout at this game, there’ll be one at like every game from here on out, and we need to seriously step up our game. Cue you, my dude. There’s another game next Friday, a home game. You gonna be playing or what?”_

“Oh...yeah, I guess I should-”

 _“Ask Coach this Monday, okay, J, or like even call him or something today, we_ need _you, man- don’t you want to play?”_

"No, yeah, I want to, sure, I just...." Josh trailed off, distracted, and glared down at Tyler, who was now tugging at the elastic band of his boxers.

 _Stop it,_ Josh mouthed. Tyler only smirked, pretending not to notice.

_"You just what, bro? You fucking love basketball! Look, if you wanna get a scholarship or some shit to get into a nice college, you better get back on the team pronto. Coach would totally let you play this next game, even though it's literally back to back with yesterday's flop, he trusts you that much, for real, bro. You're the best player, hands down-"_

"Okay, Bren, I'll ask, but just let me- ow! What the hell!?"

The waistband of Josh's boxers snapped sharply against his hip. Tyler grinned sheepishly up at Josh. "Oops...." He didn't look sorry, and Josh glared down at him even harder.

"Dude, that fucking hurt, why did you-"

_"Josh? What are you doing, who are you talking to?"_

Josh started to sweat again, and he lowered himself a bit closer to the mattress so he was resting his weight on his elbow. "Uh, no one, no one, um...yeah, about the team, I'll just...I'll ask Coach, okay? So...how was the trip...?"

If Brendon suspected anything, he didn't let on, just began rambling on about the roadtrip and how cramped the bus was and Pete's derogatory and sexual remarks about Brendon and Ryan, but Brendon didn't really care, because most of them were true, and he told Pete as much, and then Pete-

Josh's mind was wandering all over the place, trying to find a way to get Brendon to hang up. His arm began to ache from holding himself up in the awkward position he was in, and he shifted slightly, pulling his leg out of Tyler's reach. The sheets shuffled below him, and Josh side eyed Tyler, who froze when he noticed Josh looking at him. He smiled innocently, only his head visible above the covers, and Josh rolled his eyes. _This kid is trouble, I swear._

"Uh-huh...yeah...wow...really? What a dick...mhm...."

Josh felt like he was talking to his grandma- minus the cursing- simply murmuring the occasional word or two so Brendon would know he was still there, though Josh seriously doubted Brendon was even listening to the lack of what Josh was saying. He was on about how he and Ryan got to share a motel bed last night, and how they still got it on even with half the team in the same room.

"Wait- that's kinda gross, dude-"

_"Shut up, Josh. And then Patrick was banging on the door, 'cause the idiot went down the hallway to get a bucket of ice and forgot the key, so that weird kid who's friends with that Joseph dick got up to let him back in, and-"_

Josh's breath hitched, and he tensed at the mention of Tyler, but he tried staying calm. Brendon had only mentioned him, no big deal. Josh realized he was probably being incredibly paranoid, but he couldn't help it right now. And hearing Brendon call Tyler a dick didn't really set well with Josh. He glanced back down again at Tyler; he was curled up on his side and humming a song under his breath, the sunlight making his face glow and his eyelashes shine, appearing even longer and softer than usual. He was playing gently with the fingers on Josh's hand, his eyebrows drawn together in an adorable face. A warm feeling flooded Josh's chest, and then a heavier one a moment later- why did people have to be so mean to Tyler? Why did Josh's friends have to hate him? As soon as the thought came to him, Josh realized it was equally his fault that his friends thought Tyler was a dick. Josh felt suddenly that he didn't deserve to have Tyler snuggled up beside him, looking so peaceful and at ease.

Brendon's voice in his ear shook Josh out of his thoughts. _"-and he said okay, obviously. And I have no fucking clue about Spencer, ha, poor guy. We'll have to work on him, y'know how it is with him and girls, he's so fucking shy. What about you, you're taking Jenna, right?"_

"Hm- what?" Hearing Jenna's name only made Josh feel more awkward. As if he didn't feel on edge enough right now. "What about J- what about...her?"

Josh glanced nervously at Tyler, who was in the middle of edging closer to Josh. He nuzzled his nose against Josh's side, causing butterflies to erupt in Josh's stomach. Josh could barely concentrate on Brendon's words as he tried not to swallow out loud as Tyler slid an arm over Josh's stomach, draping it across him. Josh's shirt had ridden up even more, somehow, which Josh thought was a little unfair and definitely gravity defying, as he was still half sitting; Tyler's arm was warm and heavy against Josh's abdomen, and Josh tensed his muscles, trying not to let Tyler feel how much he was shaking. _God, what is he doing to me right now, I can't deal with him_ and _Brendon at the same time, Jesus, I'm gonna slip up, I don't know how, but Brendon's gonna know, he’s gonna figure out, how can't he when-_

_"Seriously, did you forget, J? In like, I don't know, two, three weeks. V-day prom, my dude! V-day, more like D-day for me, ha, ha, get it, bro? Get it? Me and Ryan, dude, 'cause Ryan has a di-"_

"Brendon, what are you even saying right now? Jesus Christ, you're an idiot, your jokes aren't even funny...." Josh couldn't afford to think about dicks right now. No. Absolutely not. Tyler drummed his fingers gently against Josh's bare side, and Josh only barely managed to stop himself from squeaking out loud. He tilted his head, pinning his phone between his ear and his shoulder; with his one hand free, he tugged softly on Tyler's arm, taking it away from his stomach and then pulling his shirt back down over his belly button. He mouthed for Tyler to stop again, and Tyler spit his tongue out. Josh scoffed quietly and raised his eyebrows, giving him a _Really?_ look.

_"-a new phone soon, I'm going down to the Apple store today and looking at the different options, then I might check out GameStop, just browsing, y'know. I'm fucking broke. Ryan was gonna come, but he can't now 'cause he's got family over, but I'm gonna go over there after I'm done looking around and surprise him, because let me tell you, man, we've got some unfinished business after last night. It's hard to- oh, ha, get it, hard- it's hard to really do anything good in a motel room with like five other people around, so we're gonna-"_

Josh was about to interrupt again and tell Brendon to stop giving him details about shit like that, but a loud shuffling noise distracted him. He looked over at Tyler, who had shoved the covers halfway off of himself and rolled over onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows. Josh tried not to glance down at his ass, which was now visible with the covers bunched on his legs. His sweatpants looked a little big for him and were riding quite low on his back, the dip in the small of his back sloping down beneath the gray material. His skin was so, so golden, and Josh suddenly wanted nothing more than to throw his phone across the room and kiss a trail down Tyler's back.

Tyler's mouth on Josh's neck effectively jogged Josh from his daydream, causing him to jump slightly in surprise. Tyler's head was turned to face Josh, since he was still on his stomach, and just as Josh was about to sit up higher out of Tyler's reach, Tyler snaked his arm back around Josh's upper waist and tugged him lower and closer to him. Josh tried to protest, but only a muffled sound came out as he felt teeth close delicately over his skin. Josh didn't think he could have remained even half sitting anymore, even if he had wanted to; his muscles were betraying him and turning to jelly at Tyler's touch.

"You are seriously a douche," Josh murmured quietly as he sank into his pillow, Tyler's hand slipping beneath Josh's shirt as he nipped at Josh's ear, tongue circling the gauge. Josh felt Tyler smile against his skin as he edged even closer to Josh and nuzzled his face into Josh’s neck.

Josh fumbled to hold onto his phone, his brain unable to process whatever it was Brendon was saying, if he was even still there, because the only thing he could register right then was _Tyler_. Everything else was so, so unimportant. Tyler’s hand beneath Josh’s shirt inched higher, up to his chest, and Josh’s muscles in his stomach were quivering so hard he imagined the whole bed was probably vibrating a little. He gasped and then moaned quietly as Tyler suddenly licked his tongue solidly across his collarbone and up the side of his neck.

“Nnnhhh, T-Ty, s-stop, I’m tryna...the phone….”

 _“-the hell are you_ doing, _bro?” Brendon’s laugh echoed in Josh’s ear. “Wait, are you fucking around with Jenna right now, bro? Oh, my God, you are something else-”_

“Shit-” Josh’s brain switched to panic mode, and he bodily shoved Tyler away from him, dropping his phone in the process, the covers rustling loudly and Tyler making an _oohf_ sound as he flopped over onto his back. Josh scrambled to his knees and dug around in the tangle of sheets for his phone, shushing Tyler loudly when he began to giggle again, both of Tyler’s hands covering his face as he continued to laugh.

Josh’s face was impossibly red by the time he recovered his phone and lifted it unwillingly to his ear. “B? Y-you still there?”

 _“_ Joshua _, you slut! And you tell_ me _not to be the gross one. Wow, dude. I legit just got home from the school, how is Jenna over there already, bro? What, couldn’t you guys wait?”_

“Shut up, for real, man….” Josh mumbled, talking half to Brendon and half to Tyler, who was shaking behind his hands. Josh smacked at his leg, annoyed and embarrassed. _I seriously hate this kid right now…._

 _“Whatever, bro, I get you. I’ll hang up now then, since you’re_ busy. _Just remember to use a condom, okay, J-”_

Josh tapped the End button and dropped his phone onto the messy bedside table, thoroughly relieved to have finished that conversation, more or less. Now he could deal with _Tyler._ Josh crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at him, waiting for him to notice his annoyance.

Tyler took a shaky, deep breath and peered up at Josh, waving a hand in his face as he exclaimed, “Oh, my, God, dude, _your face!”_ and dissolved into giggles again.

Josh swatted at Tyler’s hand. “Not funny, bro. I was on the _phone._ With _Brendon._ He could have totally heard you, doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Oh, well, I’m _so sorry_ to bother you when you’re talking to your precious little _Beebo-”_ Tyler began in a sarcastic voice.

“Tyler, come on-”

Before Josh could begin worrying too much about Tyler being seriously annoyed, he started to giggle again and reached out a hand to poke at Josh’s knee, walking his fingers up to Josh’s thigh and trying to tickle him.

“Stop, I’m trying to be mad at you,” Josh whined, grabbing Tyler’s fingers and hoping he couldn’t tell how much Josh was beginning to blush from Tyler’s hand on his thigh.

“Ooh, you thick,” Tyler said in a sing-song voice, tugging at the edge of Josh’s boxer briefs, and Josh knew if he hadn’t before, he definitely looked like a tomato now.

“What-”

“Girl, you thicker than a bowl of oatmeal,” Tyler said in between even more giggles.

“ _Ty_ -ler, what the hell, you can’t just _say_ that. I’m not _that_ thick, come on, Jesus-”

“Haven’t you seen that video, it’s so funny-”

“ _Yes,_ I’ve seen it, that doesn’t mean you need to _repeat_ it-”

“Thicker than a bowl o-”

Josh fell forward from his kneeling position to hover over Tyler, his hands supporting himself on either side of Tyler’s head. He leaned down and brushed his nose against Tyler’s. He tried not to smirk too obviously at Tyler’s mildly stunned expression and heaving chest.

“What were you saying?” Josh murmured against his cheek.

Tyler made a squeaking noise before Josh felt his hands come up to rest on his hips, his fingers splayed on the bare skin of his hips above his boxers.

Tyler’s breath tickled Josh’s ear as he said in a high voice, “You _are_ pretty thick, to be honest.”

Josh smiled against Tyler’s cheek, too happy to stay embarrassed. Thick or not, Tyler seemed to like him. And that’s all that really mattered to Josh at that moment.

Tyler ran one of his hands from Josh’s hip up under his shirt and onto his back, pushing at him, until Josh realized what Tyler meant, and with only minor hesitation, he swung his leg over Tyler’s to straddle him.

Josh pulled his head back to study Tyler, lying there beneath him, his hands still now, and to his surprise, Tyler was looking down, his eyes shielded by his eyelashes and a red tint on his cheeks. Josh leaned back down to nose at Tyler’s cheek, but he still didn’t look up.

“Hey,” Josh said quietly, afraid his voice would sound too loud amidst the morning light streaming in the window. “Ty?”

Tyler hummed in response and brought his hands up to Josh’s chest, playing with the collar of his t-shirt.

“Ty?” Josh pressed quietly, turning his head quickly to nip at Tyler’s fingers. Tyler started, surprised, but let Josh kiss the tip of his knuckles, then ran his fingertips over Josh’s bottom lip.

“Yeah?” Tyler finally replied in a soft voice, almost a whisper.

When Josh didn’t reply right away, Tyler lifted his eyes to meet Josh’s, and the red on Tyler’s cheeks darkened.

“Thank you….” Josh mumbled, suddenly embarrassed with Tyler finally looking at him.

Tyler drew his eyebrows together, his lips looking incredibly pouty, and Josh feeling the incredible urge to lean forward and kiss them.

“For what?” he asked, his eyes darting back and forth to each of Josh’s. The sunlight was shining in a direct beam on Tyler’s face, making his skin and lashes and eyes all appear even more golden and soft than Josh normally saw them as. Josh felt that warm feeling inside him again, rising up and flooding his chest and threatening to spill out of his lips. Josh didn’t think he was ready for that. He closed the door on those specific thoughts for now. Not now.

Josh shook his head once, then indulged himself, because _why the fuck not? I can do what I want,_ and leaned forward to suck at Tyler’s bottom lip. Tyler moaned into Josh’s mouth, tilting his head up so Josh could reach him better and letting his hands drop from Josh’s face to rest on either side of his head, fingers wrapping around Josh’s wrists. Josh lowered himself onto one elbow, pulling his one wrist free from Tyler’s grasp to slip his hand beneath Tyler’s neck instead, rubbing soft circles in the dip of his neck directly below his hairline. Tyler was making quiet, openmouthed sounds into Josh’s mouth, and Josh traced his tongue along his bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to drown in the sounds Tyler was making, to record them and listen to them forever.

“Josh,” Tyler said, ending it with a high moan as Josh took his lip between his teeth and tugged gently. “F-for what?”

Josh furrowed his brows, letting Tyler’s lip free from his teeth, his mind blank. It took him a moment to remember what it was Tyler was asking about.

“Oh,” he murmured, embarrassment rising all over again, his face feeling flushed. He felt Tyler’s thumb rubbing soothing circles on his wrist, and he smiled against Tyler’s lips, knocking their noses together gently. “Just for...y’know...this. Being like...I don’t know...for wanting this...too….”

Tyler was silent, and it took Josh a stressful moment before he realized it was because he was grinning and not because he was weirded out.

“You’re welcome, Jish.”

Josh made a quiet scoffing sound, pulling back an inch more to look down at Tyler. “ _Jish?”_

Tyler shrugged and made, quite frankly, in Josh’s opinion, an _adorable_ face, his nose scrunched and mouth in a lopsided grin. “Yep. Jish. Joshie.”

Josh rolled his eyes, smirking. “Just wait till I make up some nicknames for you, you twat. Then you’ll regret calling me Jish and Joshie and _oatmeal-”_

“Hey, for real, you _are_ thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. At least the kind of oatmeal my mom makes-”

Suddenly Josh’s stomach dropped, and not for good reasons, because the sound of someone thundering up the stairs all but shook the walls of Josh’s bedroom, and then all too quickly there was someone fumbling with the doorknob to Josh’s bedroom. Josh and Tyler both moved at the same time, Josh pushing himself up from his position of straddling Tyler and falling over on his ass on his side of the bed; Tyler sat up and bumped into Josh as Josh was getting off of him and slipped off the other edge of the bed and onto the floor, taking half the sheets with him and jostling the night stand on his way down. Josh clambered off the bed and to his feet on the opposite side of the bed, his heart racing. He stepped backwards onto something sharp and stumbled back against the nightstand, his phone and a cup of water clattering and sloshing to the floor. Tyler popped up on the other side of the bed, Josh’s too-big band tee hanging off one of his shoulders, steadying the lamp on the other nightstand before it could topple over as well.

“Ow, _shit!”_ Josh exclaimed angrily, glaring down at whatever it was he had stepped on, just as the door flew open, and Jordan bounded into the room and punched Josh on the shoulder. Josh shoved him backwards a step, but his younger brother seemed unfazed.

“ _Ow,_ Jordan, what the hell? Whatever happened to fucking _knocking_ before just running in here, I fucking _told_ you not to do shit like th-”

Jordan interrupted, oblivious to Josh’s complaining. “Yo, bro, Mom and Dad and me just got home, they picked me up at the school ‘cause I rode home from Hamilton with the team- oh, guess what, Worthington lost! It was a good game, though, you shoulda been there! I got to play! For like a whole minute, for real, bro! Dallon hurt his knee and Mikey had a penalty and Patrick was already playing so Coach had to use me-”

Jordan stopped abruptly, suddenly noticing Tyler standing on the other side of the room. “Oh, hey, I didn’t see you. I didn’t know you had a friend over, Josh. Hey, did you spend the night? Josh, does Mom know you had a friend overnight?”

Josh just glared at Jordan, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t study the scene before him too closely and put two and two together.

Jordan _did_ notice something just then, though. He eyed Tyler up and down and then looked back to Josh, asking quietly as if Tyler couldn’t hear them in the small room, “Tyler _Joseph?_ Did he hang out here all night? I thought you didn’t like that guy. That’s what the guys on the team are saying. I thought you guys were just hanging out before for a school project or something, like you _had_ to.”

Josh rolled his eyes and sighed, trying to act as casual as possible, despite the fact that his heart was still racing faster than an Olympic runner. “It’s none of your business, I can have a friend over if I want. I’m not all up in your shit all the time, why do you think you can be all over mine? Just get outta here, and fucking _knock_ next time, I swear, or I’ll-”

“Don’t you wanna hear about the game?”

“You guys lost ‘cause the team sucks, yeah, I know,” Josh said quickly, hoping Jordan would get the idea and leave. “Now can you fucking go please?”

“ _Mooom!_ Josh is cursing again!” Jordan yelled, throwing a smirk over his shoulder at Josh as he barrelled out of the room, not even tossing Tyler a second glance.

Josh huffed loudly and limped over to the open door, yelling after his brother, “Am not! Jordan’s being an asshole!” He slammed the door shut and leaned against it, just in case Jordan got the idea that it would be funny for him to come barging in again.

Josh was still pissed, but Tyler burst out into a fit of laughter, doubling over and holding his stomach like the whole situation was the funniest thing he had ever witnessed.

Josh scowled at him. “What is your _problem,_ is _everything_ a joke to you? He almost _saw_ us, in _bed together,_ and half _naked-”_

Tyler wheezed, “You _are_ such a prude, oh, my God. I didn’t even mean it when I said it earlier, but now….”

Josh glared at him, limping over to the bed. “I hate you.”

“Like, have you even ever had sex before, bro?”

“I have _to,_ shut the fuck up, _Tyler_.” Josh sat down heavily at the foot of the bed and rubbed at his foot, turning his glare from Tyler briefly to the pair of cracked sunglasses on the floor that he had stepped on a moment before.

“Really?” Tyler quipped sarcastically, edging around the bed and crossing his arms. “‘Cause you act like a virgin to me.”

Josh fixedly ignored Tyler’s annoying smirk, cursing at himself in his mind to _not fucking blush, not right now, please,_ and muttered instead, “That is seriously not up for discussion right now.”

Tyler moved a step closer to Josh and knocked his knee against Josh’s. “Right now?”

Josh chanced a glance up at Tyler’s face and immediately regretted it, because seeing Tyler standing so close to him with his bed head and swollen, red lips and baggy t-shirt, combined with the gleam in his brown eyes as he stared back down at Josh, rendered Josh completely helpless. His hands moved on their own, reaching out to take hold of one of Tyler’s, pulling him closer to stand in between Josh’s knees. He tried to think of something to say, but no words could form to describe what he was feeling, so he let his head fall forward and bump against Tyler’s stomach instead. A moment later, Tyler freed his hand from Josh’s and was gently running his fingers through Josh’s hair, cradling his face closely against him. Josh reached out hesitantly before resting his hands on Tyler’s hips. He could smell the cozy, somehow familiar scent that he now associated with Tyler, though it was currently mingled with the smell of Josh’s own shirt and laundry detergent. He decided it was a very good mix.

It felt very quiet for a very long time, though Josh supposed it was really closer to fifteen seconds, before muffled voices sounded in the kitchen and the garage door rumbled closed. Josh leaned back to look up at Tyler. Tyler’s eyes were closed, and Josh couldn’t tell if he was humming again or not. _This kid is so weird…._

Tyler opened his eyes suddenly and noticed Josh looking up at him. “Hey, Josh?”

“Hm?”

“I’m kinda hungry.”

Josh huffed out a laugh. “Me, too. I can hear your stomach rumbling.”

Tyler tugged at Josh’s hair before stepping back and glancing around the floor. “Wanna change and go get some breakfast then? Your mom won’t mind, right? Hey, have you seen my shirt anywhere?”

“Maybe….” Josh stood up, eyeing Tyler’s shirt lying behind the door, and said, “But...does this mean you’re gonna leave now?”

Tyler muttered something unintelligible as he kneeled and dug around under the bed, and Josh continued. “‘Cause...I mean, you can hang out here...if you want. I don’t think Brendon’s gonna come by or anything, so we should be good...Ty?”

“Hm? What, J, I didn’t hear you.” Tyler popped back up from the other side of the bed, tossing the sheets back onto the mattress. His eyes scanned the floor as he grabbed the collar of his tee and pulled it quickly over his head, dropping it on top of the tangled covers.

Josh almost choked. “I was just, um, saying, um...could you...if you want to….”

“Yeah?”

“Please...um….” Josh’s eyes looked everywhere but at Tyler’s bare chest, the new expanse of tanned skin he had never seen before screaming at Josh to do nothing _but_ look at it. “Please, um...stay? Here? Maybe?”

A slow smile grew on Tyler’s face, and Josh felt himself blushing all over again. “You want me to?”

“Yes,” Josh replied way too quickly. “Is that even a question? For real? Of _course_ I want you. T-to stay, I mean. Yes, definitely. I mean, as long as it like, y’know...fits in your schedule and...stuff….”

Tyler tilted his head and repeated slowly, “Fits in my _schedule…_ ? Oh, my God, dude. You are seriously too cute. You sound like my grandma. Of _course_ I’ll stay. I still have to beat your ass at Mario Kart.”

Josh’s face exploded into a bright shade of red as he spluttered indignantly. For one, he did _not_ sound like anyone’s fucking _grandma,_ and secondly, _no one_ was gonna beat him at fucking _Mario Kart._ Tyler ignored Josh’s spluttering, humming happily as he finally spotted his shirt and passed by Josh _way_ too closely for being half naked, oblivious to Josh’s unease. He grabbed it from the floor and pulled it on over his messy hair, much to Josh’s relief. Maybe now he could _breathe_ again.

“You coming?” Tyler jogged Josh from his reverie, and Josh noticed Tyler was waiting by the open door.

Josh nodded, and Tyler grinned at him in a way that made Josh wonder what was so funny, but before he could question it, Tyler headed out into the hallway, and Josh had to jog to catch up.

Josh bounded down the steps two at a time to catch up with Tyler, jumping the last four to the living room floor before Tyler hopped down beside him. Josh eyed the room warily; Ashley was sitting in the corner with her headphones in, writing in a notebook, but she glanced up when Josh followed Tyler closely, guardedly through the room. Josh glared at her warningly, and she raised her eyebrows, looking Tyler up and down before looking at Josh pointedly.

“Morning!” Tyler smiled when he noticed her and went to wave, but Josh grabbed Tyler’s hand and pulled him into the relative safety of the kitchen before he could.

The kitchen turned out to be the worst place to be right then, however. Josh’s mom and Abigail were both in the room; Mrs. Dun was rummaging in the coat closet beside the back door, and Abby was sitting at the table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, her face lighting up when she noticed Tyler walk in.

“Oh, hi, _Tyler,”_ she smiled brightly and nearly bounced in her seat. “Did you sleep well? Josh didn’t make you sleep on the floor, did he?”

Josh turned bright red and glared at his youngest sister, and Tyler laughed once, a little awkwardly. “I was fine, no worries. So, um...how are you...today?”

Abby exploded into a bubbly chatter, about what, Josh didn’t even know, and he smirked only a little at Tyler’s awkward stance as he nodded deafly, looking confused. He looked over at Josh with wide eyes, but Josh only raised his eyebrows at him. He would learn soon enough not to get Abby started, even if he had to learn the hard way. Even so, Josh glared at Abby once more, just for good measure- Tyler was _taken,_ thank you very much.

“Oh, well, what a surprise, it’s nice to see you, Tyler! Abby, for goodness’ sake, don’t talk his ear off, dear. Did you spend the night with Josh?” Josh’s mom interrupted Abby, closing the closet door and crossing the kitchen to give Tyler a side hug and patting him on the shoulder. Josh stifled a snort at how stiff Tyler was standing throughout the ordeal.

“Um, y-yes, we were just hanging out,” Tyler stammered in a polite tone, crossing his arms shyly across his chest once Mrs. Dun had pulled away.

“Oh, well, isn’t that nice?” Mrs. Dun said as she moved over to the dishwasher, beginning to unload its cleaned contents onto the counter. “You working on a school project or just, what’s the word Josh uses, _chilling?”_

Josh snorted and raised his eyebrows teasingly at Tyler, who only glared at him before responding. “We were just, um, chilling.”

“Not playing those violent video games, I hope.”

Josh sighed loudly and slipped past Tyler, subtly running a hand across his hip as he past and smiling secretly to himself as he felt Tyler stiffen beneath his fingers. “Yes, Mom, we were playing the most violent games imaginable.”

“Don’t get snippy with me, Joshua-”

Abby interrupted from the table. “There _was_ a lot of yelling and _cursing_ going on.”

Mrs. Dun turned to Josh, hands on her hips, and looked ready to give him an earful, when she once again noticed Tyler standing sheepishly in the corner, and she smiled tensely instead.

“Never mind for now, never mind...well, are you boys hungry? I can’t imagine you could have dragged Josh out of before eleven, hm, Tyler?”

Josh smirked at Tyler across the room, Tyler’s face a rosey red. “Oh, um, we were out of bed- I mean, we got up like...a bit...ago...thirty minutes maybe?”

“It’s almost one, y’know,” Abby chirped.

“Goodness, you must be hungry then! How late did you boys stay up anyways? No matter, you’re up now! Well, you wanna- oh, Josh, would you mind helping your dad in the garage, he’s getting our bags out of the backseat.”

Josh huffed but slipped past the open dishwasher and to the garage door, glancing back over his shoulder as he went out.  Abby was standing now and closing in on Tyler, but Josh’s mom was already ordering her to leave him alone; Josh couldn’t help but smile as he jumped down the step to the garage floor.

“Yikes! What the hell, it’s fucking co-”

“Hey, Josh, that you?” Josh’s dad came around the back of the car, several bags in his arms. “Mind taking one of these for your old man? Your mother insisted on packing nearly half the house. I tried telling her it was only one night, but- well, you know your mom.”

“Yeah, I know Mom.” Josh danced back and forth on his bare feet, trying not to touch the freezing cement any longer than was necessary as he took the bags from his dad. In hindsight, Josh figured it would have been smart to put on socks, and maybe a pair of pants. “S-so how was the game?” he chattered.

“Wasn’t the same without you, sport. But your brother _did_ manage to play for about thirty seconds, don’t know how he swung that,” Josh’s dad chuckled, grabbing the rest of the bags from the backseat and slamming the door. “You don’t have to tell him I said that, though.”

Josh followed closely on his dad’s heels as they made their way back inside, Josh sighing audibly in relief at the wave of warmth that hit him once back in the kitchen. He dropped the _ridiculously_ heavy bags he was carrying to reposition them ( _what the fucking hell did you even_ pack _in these, Mom, holy shit-_ ) when he paused, eyes landing on Tyler across the room.

He was leaning against the counter, fingers fiddling idly with a pack of poptarts as he stared out the window over the sink, the sunlight streaming across half of his face. He looked so casual and at home, standing there in the kitchen of the house that Josh had grown up in; it was a sight that Josh realized looked absolutely _beautiful_ , and the second the thought hit Josh, that annoying warm feeling flooded his chest again.

Just then Tyler noticed Josh standing there by the door, and his face split into a smile. Josh felt like he was in a daze, unable to move as he simply stared back. He realized Tyler was saying something to his dad, but he hadn’t been paying any attention to his words, too busy watching his lips move from across the room. And then suddenly Josh was being pulled back to the present by the sound of his dad’s voice.

“Tyler _Joseph?_ That name’s familiar...hey, you’re on the team, is that it? I didn’t see you at the game though.”

“Hey, that’s right, I forgot you were on the team, too,” Josh’s mom added. “Tyler, why weren’t you at the game, hon?”

Josh froze again, only this time for less than nice reasons. Tyler’s eyes jerked to his before he stammered out, “Oh, um, I _was_ on the team- I mean, I _am_ on the team, I just...I wasn’t able to, um….”

“He had a dentist appointment,” Josh offered, grabbing up the bags from the floor and walking between his parents to be nearer Tyler, dropping the bags onto the kitchen table and elbowing Tyler in the side. “Right, Ty?”

Josh’s dad chuckled. “Well, Worthington sure could’ve used your help last night, that’s for sure.”

“Now, Bill-”

Josh tugged on Tyler’s sleeve while his parents were distracted discussing the game and nodded his head towards the living room. Tyler grabbed another bag of poptarts from the counter and followed Josh out of the kitchen, holding onto his hand lightly.

“Thanks,” Tyler said once they had rounded the corner. “But, bro, what if your parents tell my parents about the game, or that I wasn’t there? What if they like, accidentally mention that-”

“Shh, Ty, don’t worry about it, we’re good for now,” Josh reassured, turning around to face Tyler.

“Hey, _guys,_ what’s up?” Ashley spoke from her chair in the corner, and both Josh and Tyler jumped. Tyler dropped Josh’s hand and took a step back, his cheeks heating up again.

Josh glared at his sister across the room. _Really? Again? How many fucking times are we gonna be interrupted, I swear…._ Josh had completely forgotten about her. “None of your business, Ash.”

Ashley raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “You sure there’s nothing...going on?”

Josh sighed dramatically, and Tyler mumbled, “I’ll wait for you upstairs,” before dashing down the hall.

“Now look what you did, you scared him away,” Josh said, only half joking.

Ashley shrugged. “Pretty sure he won’t give up that easily.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Have you told mom and dad yet?”

“Don’t answer my question with another question.”

Ashley just stared judgingly at Josh. “Okay, fine, then don’t tell me. I already know anyways.”

Josh was pretty certain she _wasn’t_ bluffing, but he held out hope anyways. “I don’t know what you mean, stop being annoying. I’m going upstairs.”

“Have _fun,”_ Ashley called after him, and Josh really didn’t appreciate her tone just then.

Josh bumped into Tyler at the top of the stairs. “Dude, you have way too many family members,” Tyler told him.

“You’re telling me,” Josh mumbled. “Sorry about...all that...downstairs. Pretty crazy family.”

Tyler arched an eyebrow. “Well, now I know where you get it from.”

Josh scoffed as Tyler marched past him and into his bedroom, Josh following a second later like a puppy. Tyler was already on his knees, shifting through the stack of games piled in the corner.

“What do you wanna play? I’m tired of Call of Duty. How about The Last of Us? Or- ooh, Portal! Dude, we’re playing Portal.” Tyler waved a case around in the air.

Josh groaned, latching the bedroom door behind him. “No way, man, not that one, I hate that game.”

“You _own_ that game.”

“Yeah, but I hate it.”

Tyler inserted the game anyways and turned the TV on. “Well, I’ll just have to find some creative ways of distracting you, then, won’t I?”

Josh tried not to let his mouth gape too obviously, nearly dropping the pack of poptarts Tyler threw at him.

“Come on, dude, they probably broke now,” Josh complained, doing his best to recover as he flopped down on the bed next to a cross legged Tyler and sprawled out on his stomach.

Tyler hummed absentmindedly as he loaded the game menu, and Josh felt one hundred and ten percent content to just lay there and look up at him all day. He shifted and placed a quick kiss on Tyler’s knee through his sweatpants instead.

Tyler, his eyebrows drawn as he studied the screen, finally glanced down at Josh. His lips turned up in a faint smile. “What was that for?”

Josh knew it was fucking cliche, but he felt like he was melting under Tyler’s gaze. He was becoming really used to that warm feeling in his chest now. _Because I lo-...._

Josh shrugged, fiddling with one of the controllers. “Because you’re cute.”

He sneaked another glance up at Tyler, who was beaming down at him. Tyler reached out then and patted Josh’s head. “Well, then, you’re cute, too, _Joshie_.”

Josh groaned.


	15. you're what I started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love u guys thx for reading mmmmmm <33333333 this chapter might be a tad dull but the next one!! is good!! i pwomise!!
> 
> chapter title from Raised By Wolves by Falling In Reverse

Tyler couldn't stop smiling. He was sitting in the back of his homeroom, five minutes away from starting a boring English class that he wasn't going to pay any attention to, and he was  _ smiling _ . And it was a  _ Monday _ . If Tyler was being honest, his face kind of ached; he had been smiling all weekend. And it was all because of one person.

The one person who had been more or less the only thing on Tyler's mind for weeks, _months_ probably, the one person whom Tyler had hated, then liked, then admired, and now, for some time- yeah, Tyler was man enough to admit when he was a goner- _loved_ ; the one person who, in the past couple of months alone, had made Tyler hate him all over again, cry over him, and then fall head over heels for him, again. _Dammit_. And only last week, Tyler had thought his haywire emotions were all for nothing, that _that_ _one person,_ who made Tyler's young heart feel _everything_ , didn't care for him anymore, not even a little bit, not even as a friend. And that had been almost too much of a burden to bear. Tyler couldn't begin to express the immense relief he felt wash over him when he finally realized _oh, my gosh, he likes me, too!_

Tyler was bent down over his desk, protecting his phone screen from prying eyes and scrolling through his text conversation with  _ Josh _ . Once Tyler had finally gone home Saturday evening, he and Josh had taken to texting instead. They had grinned at each other in church, but had been unable to approach each other;  _ Brendon _ had sat with Josh during the service. But it made Tyler's heart soar when Josh had winked at him as Tyler and his family had slipped past their pew after the sermon.

Tyler wasn't sure how he and Josh were going to make school days work for them. It had been hard enough keeping their friendship secret several months ago, but now this? Would it be harder or easier? Harder for sure, Tyler worried. But the worry couldn't stay too long or prominent on his mind, because his phone buzzed with another new text.

_ Joshie: where r u? _

_ T: Home room u idiot where r u? _

_ Joshie: with b in mcdonald's drive thru, want something?? _

_ T: JOSH!  _ Tyler pasted several shocked emoji faces to the message. He couldn't  _ believe  _ that boy sometimes.  _ T: class starts in like 3 min!!! _

_ Joshie: i wanted hashbrowns _

_ T: and demerits? _

_ Joshie: lol Moore luvs me she wouldn't do that _

_ T: lol no yeah she would _

_ Joshie: whatever at least i got my hashbrowns _

Tyler tried not to chuckle out loud.  _ T: fine its ur life. bring me some too then _

_ Joshie: gotchu bby _

Josh posted several of the kiss blowing emojis, and Tyler almost blushed. Over a  _ text.  _ Almost.

Suddenly someone was bumping against Tyler's shoulder, and he almost dropped his phone. Mikey shoved Tyler over several inches to squeeze onto the same chair with him.

"Bro, there's a chair  _ right there, _ " Tyler sighed, turning off his phone to another message alert.

"I know," Mikey said, shifting awkwardly. "But I wanted to ask you something. About  _ you-know-what. _ "

For one hot second, Tyler started to panic, then remembered that it was Mikey who had known about them in the first place. Not only that, but he had been the one to actually push them together.

"Wait, shouldn't I be asking  _ you _ about  _ you-know-what? _ " Tyler countered, raising his eyebrows. "Like, how the fuck did you even know about us in the first place?"

Mikey had the decency to look a little sheepish. "Yeah, about that...sorry and all, but like...I mean, I had to, you were  _ miserable _ , it was a little pathetic, to be honest. I had to do something. And the two of you were so busy ignoring each other that you didn't even realize you coulda been spending all that time making out. Or something, I don't know."

Tyler looked skeptical. "Were we that obvious?"

"Just a little, yeah."

Tyler shrugged and bumped Mikey's shoulder with his own. "Thanks, then. A lot. I seriously don't know when we would've...y'know...on our own. If like, ever, who knows."

"Ha, yeah," Mikey huffed. "I totally understand that."

"Yeah- wait, really?"

"Oh, just, y'know, um...I feel you...y'know...."

Tyler nodded, side eyeing his friend. "Okay."

Mikey nodded, too, eyes avoiding Tyler's, before he quipped, “ _ So _ how'd it go? I tried giving you some space over the weekend, y'know, let you two sort things out. Probably had a lot of arguing to get through."

"Not really," Tyler said, a smile growing on his face as he thought back to the past couple of days. "It actually went really well. We hung out at his place on Friday afternoon 'cause his parents and brother were away for the game, and I still haven't told my parents about, well...y'know. The whole being-off-the-team thing. So staying over at his place was a great cover for-"

"Whoa, whoa, wait, hold up, you spent the  _ night? _ At Josh's  _ house?" _

"Shhh!" Tyler waved a hand in Mikey's face, glancing nervously around the crowded classroom. All the other kids were making so much noise that Tyler doubted they could hear anything, but all the same. It didn't hurt to take precautions.

" _ Yes, _ I spent the night at his house, okay?" Tyler repeated himself. "But we didn't like,  _ do _ anything, Jesus."

"Uh-huh, sure. You spent the night at his house, but you didn't  _ do _ anything...okay. Sure."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Well, like, we slept in the same bed."

Mikey widened his eyes, smirking. "And? Come on, give me the scoop, I wanna know!"

Tyler sighed, trying to act casual and not start blushing or gushing or something equally embarrassing. "And we like, y'know, made out a lot...he wasn't wearing pants-"

" _ He wasn't wearing-" _

"No, yeah, he  _ was _ , but like, just underwear, y'know. The really tight kind, y'know? Like mid-thigh type of thing. It was really hot."

"I bet."

"He's got a really,  _ really _ nice ass."

"You sound totally in love."

"Oh, yeah, totally," Tyler joked, glancing away, face heating.

Mikey didn't push it, and Tyler was relieved. Instead, he noticed Tyler's phone and tapped at it. "Take any selfies or sneaky pics or anything?"

Tyler's felt his face light up as he turned his phone back on- to several messages from Josh, which he smiled at and temporarily ignored- and opened his camera roll, scrolling through several pictures he had taken yesterday afternoon of the melting snowman Madison had made in the backyard to the pictures from Saturday. A lot of them had turned out blurry, but there were still a few good ones.

Tyler tilted his phone to show Mikey one of Josh kneeling on the floor, searching behind the dresser for a video game he had sworn he owned but couldn't find anywhere. Mikey scoffed when he saw it.

"You're right, he  _ isn't _ wearing any pants!"

"He's thick, right?"

"Really thick. He's a keeper."

Tyler laughed and opened another picture; Josh had just stood up from his kneeling position and was giving Tyler and the camera a  _ “Really?”  _ look.

Mikey laughed. "Oh, my God, he's cute."

"I  _ knooow _ , right?" Tyler whined. "Here, look at this one. I just beat his ass at Mario Kart, see?"

In the picture, Josh was sitting on the floor and leaning against the bed; Tyler had been laying on his stomach on top of the bed and had leaned down to take a selfie of the two of them, a victorious shit-eating grin on Tyler's face and an adorable pout on Josh's.

"Oh, my, God," Mikey said again, laughing as he took the phone from Tyler to study the picture. "I bet he hates you."

"Bet he doesn't," Tyler piped, grinning as he took his phone back and scrolled through several more pictures.

The bell rang loudly from the hallway, making both Tyler and Mikey jump. Gerard bustled in from the hallway right before Ms. Moore did, hurrying to the back of the class to grab his seat. He paused when he saw Mikey still sitting with Tyler in the same chair and furrowed his eyebrows at them.

"Close one," Mikey told his brother as he stood up from the cramped space he and Tyler had been sharing, patting Tyler once on the back before taking the empty seat next to him instead. Tyler smiled up at Gerard, who made a sour face and avoided the empty chair on Tyler's other side, crossing the room to sit next to Mikey instead.

Tyler eyed Mikey, eyebrows raised in question, but Mikey only shrugged. Sometimes Gerard got in moods, no big deal. They should just get used to it.

Ms. Moore closed the door loudly behind her and ordered the class to quiet down. Tyler quickly stuffed his phone in his pocket, not wanting to get it confiscated. English was not the class to try messing around in.

The teacher had just finished collecting homework and was writing some notes on the whiteboard when the door slammed open, Brendon waltzing in, laughing loudly as he was saying something over his shoulder to Josh.

Tyler stiffened in his seat when he saw Josh, feeling like everyone in the room would suddenly be able to tell everything simply by the way Tyler was looking at him, despite being at the back of the class and no one even looking in his direction; they were all too distracted with watching Brendon and Josh as Ms. Moore slammed her marker down on her desk and began lecturing them.

Brendon must have said something sarcastic in reply to Ms. Moore, because the class erupted into quiet giggles around Tyler, but Tyler only had eyes for Josh, who was smiling ear to ear, face flushed, eyes landing on Tyler before he would smile a little bigger and his eyes would dart away again. Tyler's cheeks were starting to hurt again. He wanted nothing more than to wave his hand at Josh and call him over the empty desk beside him, but he couldn't. The pang of bitterness that hit Tyler just then surprised himself, and he tried his best to squash the feeling back down. Slipping out his phone while Ms. Moore was distracted, Tyler sent Josh a short text.

_ T: Told u so _

Tyler peeked up to the front of the room; Brendon was still going at it with the teacher, and Josh was taking the chance to idle away from the scene towards an empty seat on the far side of the room. Tyler watched from the corner of his eye as Josh slipped into his chair and pulled out his phone. He glanced up and over his shoulder at Tyler and stuck his tongue out, and Tyler covered his grin with his hands.

"You're blushing," Mikey leaned over and whispered.

Tyler didn't doubt it, and he didn't really mind.

 

The remainder of the school day proved challenging for Tyler. For real, how come he had  _ every _ class with Josh? Like every class. That was just unfair. And besides English, lunch, and music, Mikey had his own junior classes to go to, so Tyler had no one to pretend to talk to when in actuality he was trying not to stare at Josh. It didn't help Tyler's cover at all either that Josh was constantly sending him texts during each class, just little, pointless blurbs or emojis. But Tyler wasn't about to pretend that he didn't thoroughly enjoy each and every text Josh sent him, even though it was seriously keeping him from taking any kind of helpful notes during their lectures. At least none of the other teachers seemed to be as concerned with distracted students as Ms. Moore always was.

Tyler joined up with Mikey again at lunch, sitting together at their usual spot along the back wall. Gerard, and Frank as well, for that matter, were nowhere to be seen; Gerard was still acting rather coldly, but when Tyler voiced his concern, Mikey reassured him not to worry about it, then tore his tuna fish sandwich in half and offered some to Tyler. Tyler ripped open his bag of chips and set it between them on the table.

It already felt to Tyler like the school day had been eight hours long instead of only four.  _ How can today not be over yet? Get me out of here.... _ Keeping up the whole I-still-don't-like-Josh-Dun-so-we-ignore-each-other-out-of-spite thing was getting pretty tiring, to say the least, especially when in reality you not only  _ not _ dislike him, but really, really, really,  _ really _ like him, like I-wanna-put-my-tongue-in-his-mouth like him... Tyler was just getting really tired, okay?

"You chill?" Mikey asked, and the elbow of the arm Tyler was resting his chin on slipped off the edge of the table. Tyler jerked back upright, feeling his cheeks heat up as he realized he had been staring across the room in the direction of the Cool Kids' Table. Brendon and Spencer were laughing loudly, and Jenna was sitting next to Josh- Tyler tried not to feel too jealous about that. They were just friends. Even though literally the entire rest of the school, including Jenna, thought they were dating. Tyler didn't know how he felt about that. He didn’t want to think about it.

"Yeah, I'm chill. Aren't you?" Tyler forced his eyes away and tossed a handful of Fritos in his mouth.

Mikey gave him a knowing look. "O-kay."

Tyler sighed. "Are you going to act like this all the time now? I won't show you any more cute pics of us if you do."

Mikey raised his hands. "I didn't say anything."

Tyler just ignored him and checked his phone for another text message from Josh.

 

When the last bell finally rang, Tyler collected his things with superhuman speed and followed the majority of the student body to the front doors, propped open and letting in a frigid wind and several small flurries of week old snow. Tyler shuffled from foot to foot to stay warm, eyeing the crowded hallway. Basketball practice was starting in five minutes, and Mikey had already waved goodbye to Tyler and darted off towards the gym; most of the kids Tyler knew weren't around.

Just like at Burger King last week, Tyler felt like he and Josh hadn't really discussed the finer points of this new... _ thing _ that they were doing. Relationship, Tyler guessed. Maybe.  _ Hopefully _ . Eventually. Whatever it was though, they hadn't really discussed how it would work now, what with most of their time being spent in school, around people who weren't allowed to know about them.

Tyler pulled out his phone and contemplated sending Josh a text. It was pretty slippery out, and obviously cold; Josh wouldn't want to walk home on a day like this, not when Tyler had driven his mom's van to school and could conveniently give Josh a lift. It would be  _ rude _ even not to wait and offer Josh a ride.

_ T: i'm by the front door i'll give u a lift _

Tyler hit send and peered down the hall once more, smiling a minute later when he saw Josh come around the corner. He was grappling his backpack onto his shoulders while trying to untangle himself from his headphones at the same time, nearly dropping his phone when he finally glanced up and noticed Tyler waiting by the front doors. A smile lit up Josh's face, and Tyler felt giddy at the sight of it. He nodded towards the parking lot and edged towards the door. Josh had just nodded back when Coach Anderson dashed out in front of Josh, the two actually colliding and Josh’s bag flopping to the floor. Coach grabbed one of Josh's shoulders and led him a short way back down the hallway, out of the way of any passing students who may suddenly appear, and began talking animatedly to him. Tyler stopped in the doorway and watched for a moment.

_ Coach Anderson? He should be in practice right now, what does  _ he  _ want...oh, my, God, maybe it's about the team...! _

Tyler didn't want to get his hopes up, in the small chance that that  _ wasn't _ what the coach was talking to Josh about, but Tyler couldn't help it. This was  _ awesome! _ Josh's leg was all healed now, practically back to being completely normal, he could  _ totally _ be back on the team, no problem. Tyler remembered how important the team was to Josh, though he had a feeling as of lately Josh had been hiding just how much he really missed playing. Why, exactly, Tyler wasn't totally sure, but you could never know with Josh. He was a little weird in some ways, Tyler was continuously finding out.

There were loud voices from the hall leading to the gym, and Tyler decided it was best to wait outside, just in case someone who knew him and Josh wandered by. He glanced once more over his shoulder at Josh and the coach before jumping down the steps to the sidewalk and darting off across the parking lot.

The parking lot was clearing pretty quickly, which was a good thing, because Tyler couldn't really remember where he had parked his mom's van that morning. He spotted it in the far corner of the lot, the windows frosted over and a tiny icicle hanging off the muffler. Tyler threw his bag in the backseat and leaned against the car, shuffling his sneakers in a clump of dirty snow. He felt nervous and excited, wondering what was going on back inside the school. Maybe if Coach  _ was _ offering Josh a place back on the team, Josh would go to today's practice and not even come outside right now. Tyler pulled his phone out of his back pocket and checked his texts. Should he wait a few more minutes? Would Josh text him if that was the case? He didn't want to  _ leave _ Josh here without a ride if he  _ wasn't _ going to practice- he didn't even have his sports clothes, of course he wouldn't stay for practice. But there were extras in the locker room.

_ Wait, wait, wait, Ty, stop jumping to conclusions, you're gonna get yourself all excited and you don't even know what Coach is saying to him- _

Josh was standing at the foot of the steps, glancing around the parking lot, and Tyler jerked himself out of his thoughts to wave a hand at him, stuffing his phone back in his pocket with the other.

Josh noticed him waving and started off in his direction of the parking lot. His head was down, and his brow was furrowed.  _ Oh, no. He's not back on the team. Oh...shit.... _

"Hey," Josh said when he reached the van.

"Hey," Tyler replied, then dived right in. "Dude, what was that with the coach? Was it about the team?"

"Oh...yeah."

Tyler waved his hands around, his excitement levels rising. "Well? Are you back on?"

"...yeah."

Tyler felt his face burst into a huge grin, and he fist pumped the air. "Fuck, yeah, bro, that's sick! That's  _ sick! _ You're back on the team, it's about goddamn time! They were fucking  _ losing _ without you, oh, my God, it served them right! Now you can show those losers how it's  _ really _ done,  _ fuck,  _ yeah!" Tyler grabbed Josh's arm and thrust it in the air with his own. "C'mon, dude, aren't you at least a  _ little _ excited about this!?"

Josh wasn't really making eye contact, and when Tyler let go of his arm it dropped back to his side. "Well?" Tyler persisted. He poked at Josh's stomach through his hoodie. "Dude? Joshie?"

Josh sighed. "Well,  _ yeah, _ I mean, I  _ guess _ I'm a little excited...like, it'll be nice to play again and all...."

Tyler squinted his eyes at Josh. "'I  _ guess _ I'm a  _ little _ excited ?' What the hell, bro? What's with you, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just...I don't know...."

Tyler struggled to find the words he needed to question Josh's sanity right now. He spluttered a little, raising his voice. "You _don't_ _know?_ Don't know _what,_ what's that supposed to mean? Josh, when I first fucking met you, basketball was like your fucking _life,_ and now you _'guess you're a little excited'?_ Seriously, what gives? Are you okay? Pete's not being a dick or anything, is he-"

"No, it's not that," Josh interrupted. " _ I'm _ fine, I promise, I just...honestly, I just feel...a little guilty...about this...."

Josh peeked up with puppy eyes through faded blue bangs at Tyler, and Tyler's heart started to melt. " _ Guilty? _ Why the  _ hell _ would you feel guilty about this, Josh? What's there to feel guilty about?"

Josh shuffled around and kicked at a clump of snow, dropping eye contact again to look around the parking lot instead. "Can we get in the car? It's kind of open here...."

"Yeah," Tyler murmured and nodded, and Josh slipped around the front of the car to the passenger side. Tyler climbed into the driver's seat just as Josh was climbing in on the opposite side; he tossed his bag into the backseat next to Tyler's and slammed his door shut, the sound of the nearby traffic muting instantly.

"What's up?" Tyler pressed, when Josh didn't say anything, only reached out a hand to fiddle with the air conditioning slats. "You know you can...you can  _ talk _ to me, about  _ things, _ y'know...right?"

"No, yeah, I know I can, it's not that, it's just..." Josh leaned back in his seat and ran his hands through his hair. "It's just not  _ fair, _ Ty, it's not...it's not fair-"

" _ What's _ not fair? How is this not fair?"

Josh gave Tyler a look through squinted eyes. "It's my fault you're off the team, and now I'm getting a second chance, but not  _ you _ . That's...that's the most unfair thing  _ ever, _ like...I don't even wanna do it if you don't get to, too, and-"

"Josh," Tyler interrupted, putting on his sternest oldest brother voice. He didn't even know when Josh's birthday was, maybe he was older; but that didn't matter right now anyways. Tyler had a point he wanted to get across. "Josh, listen, okay, first off, that  _ wasn't _ your fault-"

"It was-"

"It  _ wasn't _ ...okay, it  _ wasn't _ . It was...it was a lot of people's fault, I guess, or I don't know, it wasn't anybody's fault, but most of all it wasn't  _ just _ you, okay? So stop that, you got it?"

Josh was peering at Tyler through several loose, tangled strands of hair; he wasn't smiling, but Tyler thought he could detect a hint of a smile in his eyes. Maybe. Or maybe he was just about to laugh at him for being sentimental.

Tyler continued anyways. "Like, I mean, it was my fault, too, right, like it was about me, so it's my fault. Stop saying it was because of you, 'cause you're  _ wrong, _ you stupid idiot. And the team legit sucks ass right now, they  _ need _ players like you back on the team."

"And like  _ you, _ " Josh added.

Tyler nodded slowly, fighting the urge to jokingly, unironically claim to be the best player. Now was  _ not _ the time. "Maybe. Sooner or later. But that's my problem, okay? I'll work it out with the coach- and...my parents- when the time comes. But in the meantime, you need to get your head out of your ass and get back out there on that team and save them from looking like total  _ idiots _ at the next game. Okay?"

Tyler reached out and shook gently at Josh's shoulder, then flicked at his chin. "Okey-dokey, Joshie?"

Josh stubbornly didn't reply, just tilted his head down and made a pouty face, and Tyler tickled at his neck. "Smile already, honestly, you're such a  _ baby- _ "

Josh squirmed away from Tyler's hand, small grin on his face, and Tyler beamed. " _ There's _ that prize winning smile, Joshie-woshie, I knew you could do it, ittle, wittle baby-"

"Oh, my God, stop talking," Josh groaned, smacking Tyler's hands away. "Fine, okay, you win. I'll go to practice tomorrow."

Tyler gave Josh his best all-knowing-mom face and started the car. "Awesome! So we're good then!"

"It's still not fair, though."

"I know it, but we'll work with it, okay? You're back on the team. That's a great start, bro. Wanna watch a movie?"

Josh huffed out a laugh. "What?"

"A movie? Wanna go to the theater? I do. They're playing a new DC movie, I really wanna see it." Tyler pulled the van out of the parking lot and into the afternoon traffic.

Josh laughed again. "Okay. Sure. Why not?"

"That's what I always say."

 

They hadn't kissed since that past Saturday- or even spent any time at all together, really- and this was a fact Tyler was painfully aware of while standing in line at the theater. There weren't a lot of people there on a late Monday afternoon, except for a few moms with little kids and some older couples, but the line was moving pretty slowly despite of it. Tyler was even starting to worry that they'd miss the opening scene if things kept up at this pace. He glanced over at Josh, standing beside him in line. He had pulled up his hood, blueish fringe falling in his eyes, his cheeks rosy from the cold, and had stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels as he studied the movie posters along the outside of the building. Tyler found himself once again admiring Josh’s profile. He really,  _ really _ wanted to just lean in and kiss the tip of his nose.

The line moved forward a step, and Tyler sighed dramatically. If he missed the beginning of his movie, he would  _ not _ be a happy camper. Josh was still looking at the posters and didn't seem to hear; Tyler sighed a little louder, but Josh still didn't look over at him. Tyler peered over his shoulder once, just to be on the super safe side, before inching a step closer to Josh and slipping his hand into Josh's hoodie pocket. Josh jumped a little and tilted his head to look at Tyler.

"What...are you doing?" he asked in a suspicious voice.

Tyler smiled and blinked his eyes. "I'm cold, that's all. You're always like, really warm."

"I'm warm?"

"Ya gotta lotta body heat."

"O-kay...so you're using my pocket instead of your own?"

"Mhm," Tyler nodded and leaned down quickly to bump his head against Josh's shoulder. "Until you get the hint and hold my hand, dummy."

Tyler peaked up at Josh just as a grin grew on Josh's face, and he took hold of Tyler's hand and pulled their hands out of his pocket, swinging them between the two of them.

Tyler rearranged their fingers, gleeful at the simple feeling of Josh's skin against his own. He tried not to giggle too loudly. That would be embarrassing. "Bro, this is like a date, isn't it?"

"I don't know, bro, is it?"

"It is if you want it to be."

"Okay, then."

Tyler's eyes went to Josh's face, but Josh was already looking at him, and Tyler felt suddenly shy, turning away to check the line again and pulling Josh with him a few spaces forward. When Tyler glanced back over his shoulder at Josh, hand in hand, the smile glowing on Josh's face made Tyler's heart stumble. Tyler thought, for a split second, that there was  _ something _ shining warmly in Josh's eyes, something he recognized very well, but he maybe only imagined it; it made Tyler want to tell Josh, but he bit his lip and squeezed his hand a little harder instead.

 

They sat in the back of the theater, in the middle of the last row. The movie they were seeing had been playing for almost a month now and was about to stop showing soon, so besides a couple other people scattered in the rows ahead of them, the theater was practically deserted. Tyler didn't mind though; this was exactly how he liked it. He was reclining cross legged in his chair, lazily watching the scenes on the screen in front of him, not really paying attention. When a particularly bright scene lit up the room, he tilted his head to look at Josh, who looked seriously engrossed with the story. He was leaning forward in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed as he followed closely every movement of the actors. Tyler smiled, his heart light. Damn it all to hell, he  _ loved _ this guy. He really did. That scared Tyler a little bit, but he buried those feelings and thoughts for now and just admired the adorable, child-like look on Josh's face.

Suddenly Josh was glancing over at Tyler, and he noticed him staring at him. "You're gonna miss the movie if you're not watching it, bro," he leaned in and whispered, motioning at the screen.

Tyler shrugged. "S'okay, I've seen it before."

Josh looked surprised. "You have? Then why did you-"

"I just like being at the theater," Tyler interrupted in a low voice, jumping at the chance to lean over into Josh's chair and speak near his ear. He could smell his shampoo, and Tyler had the urge to kiss his neck. "It's like, I don't know, comfy, cozy, y'know? I like movies that have been playing for a coupla weeks so there's not so many people, and then I sit in the back by myself and it feels all dark and quiet and safe-"

A loud crash and voices screaming sounded around the room, the screen flashing different colors.

"It's  _ quiet? _ " Josh asked in a loud whisper. Tyler gave him a look.

"Y'know what I mean, it's like all...like it's just you, y'know? It's a good place to go to get some space."

"Your safe place?" Josh queried, eyes meeting both of Tyler's, first one, then flicking over to the other in equal intensity. Tyler loved how Josh did that.

"Kinda."

Josh smiled and leaned back in his seat, turning his face back to the screen. Tyler's lips lifted slightly, and he followed Josh's lead, leaning back in his own chair to watch the movie. He might have seen it already- twice, to be exact- but he'd watch it again a million times if it meant watching it with Josh. Warm fingers found Tyler's hand in his lap just then, and Tyler, surprised, looked back over to Josh as he reached over the armrest to hold Tyler's hand, his eyes not leaving the screen. Tyler smiled in full and slipped his fingers into Josh's, and Josh rubbed his thumb across Tyler's knuckles. Fondness and contentment flooding his heart, Tyler turned his attention back to the movie.

 

Practice had technically started five minutes ago, and Josh was stalling in the empty hallway by his locker. He had already changed into his shorts and jersey in the bathroom, not wanting to face the other players in the changing rooms yet. He hadn't told anyone about being back on the team- well, except for the obvious, there was Tyler, and his parents, and by extension, Jordan knew- but he hadn't told any of his friends, not Spencer, not even Brendon. Josh didn't fully know why he was so anxious about going back to practice, but for some reason, the thought of having to deal with what his friends would say and how the rest of the team would react was something Josh wasn't so sure he could face. Who knew, Coach might have already told them all. No, no he didn't, because if he did, then Brendon would've texted him for sure.... And the whole thing going on with Tyler was still bothering Josh, too. Tyler had been a really good guy about it yesterday, but Josh couldn't shake the feeling of guilt he had. Tyler should be getting back on the team  _ with  _ him, he should be getting ready for practice right now, too. Josh was feeling pretty low and pretty anxious, and that was never a good mix. And he had to face the team sooner or later- time was running out.

Josh glanced nervously at the clock on the wall. Coach would be looking for him soon if he didn't get in there. He pulled open his locker and rummaged with his bag, checking his phone for a text from Tyler. That was possibly one of the only things that could help calm his nerves right now.

No new messages. Josh tried not to let it get to him and turned off his phone, stuffing it into his bag, his anxiety building even more. He had no choice now but to join the team in the gym. Or run away. Josh seriously contemplated how far he'd be able to make it by hitchhiking as he slammed his locker door shut.

"Hey, cutie," Tyler piped suddenly from the other side of Josh's locker door.

"Jesus Christ, Tyler, you scared me," Josh gasped, jumping back a step and bumping into the row of lockers while a smile inadvertently appeared on his face.

"M'sorry," Tyler beamed, looking very unapologetically angelic. Josh wanted to reach out and pinch his cheek. He almost did it, too. Tyler reached out a hand instead and tugged at the hem of Josh's jersey. "Well, don't you look handsome?"

Josh huffed, blushing, grabbing at Tyler's pinkie as he glanced over Tyler's shoulder to make sure the hallway was actually empty. "You sound like my mom."

"Well, it's true," Tyler said.

"That you sound like my mom?"

"Fine, don't accept my compliments then," Tyler snipped, crossing his arms, struggling to keep a grin from breaking across his face.

Josh didn't know how to reply, so he just smiled his sweetest smile at Tyler, waiting for Tyler to crack. Josh wasn't sure what he and Tyler were- he was a little afraid to ask, to be honest; it had only been several days, but Josh was always paranoid that the next time he saw Tyler, Tyler would suddenly have changed his mind about...whatever it was that they were doing. But having Tyler be the one to initiate interactions- not just  _ interactions _ but  _ flirty _ interactions- it was a real boost to Josh's ego.

Josh just _didn't_ _get_ why a guy like Tyler would like a guy like _him_. It just seemed too good to be true, and Josh was paranoid that, sooner or later, he would wake up.

Tyler took Josh's hand, and Josh jumped, surprised, zoning back to the school hallway and to  _ Tyler, _ standing only a step away from him.

"You okay, J?" Tyler asked, his voice scratchy.

Josh dropped his eyes to their hands, loving how different their skin tones appeared, how tanned Tyler's fingers and hands were compared to his own rather pale skin. He licked his lips and murmured, "I'm just, um...I'm a little nervous...you know?"

Josh peeked up at Tyler and could literally see the thoughts working behind Tyler's eyes. Tyler nodded slightly, and Josh stammered, "Like, y'know...it's...a lot of people in there, and I'm...just a little...."

"Hey, hey," Tyler said, still holding Josh's hand. "It's okay to be shy."

"I'm not  _ shy, _ " Josh protested weakly.

Tyler squinted his eyes and smiled at Josh, and Josh could have sworn Tyler was glowing like the fucking  _ sun _ or some shit. He also realized Tyler was an inch or so taller than him. Josh hoped Tyler wouldn't notice that.

"You better get on in there or else you might as well skip it, bro," Tyler said softly. "Just do you, boo, you'll be fine."

Josh chuckled once. "You give the best advice."

Tyler beamed, and Josh didn't have the heart to say he was joking.

Josh leaned in suddenly and pressed a quick kiss to Tyler's lips. They hadn't kissed since Saturday; they had only held hands at the movie theater last night, and Josh was probably feeling a little more nervous about it than he should. Ordinarily Josh would  _ not _ have done something like that, in the school hallway where  _ anyone _ could have happened by and seen them- but Tyler was standing there so sweetly and was such a good listener and  _ so _ fucking cute...Josh kind of lost his head.

When Josh pulled back, cheeks blushing, he was surprised and  _ pleased  _ to see that Tyler looked surprised as well, a red tint appearing on his cheeks. Before he could say anything, Josh dropped Tyler's hand and dashed off down the hall towards the gym.

Best to just go ahead and get it over with. Josh felt now like maybe he could.

 

Practice was better than Josh had expected. Brendon, for one, was  _ ecstatic  _ that Josh was back, if not a little pissed he hadn't mentioned it to him; Spencer and Dallon and the rest of the guys were equally pleased to see Josh. Mikey smiled broadly at Josh, and even Pete wasn't too horrible. A few offhanded comments, but what was new. Seeing Mikey and Pete together in the same space made Josh remember what Mikey had told him last Friday, and he tried not to act too obvious about knowing it; but they both acted so casual, Josh started to doubt whether or not Mikey had even been telling the truth about them in the first place. If they  _ were _ together, Josh would seriously have to get some tips from Mikey on how to hide a relationship so expertly. They were doing a  _ really _ good job. It made Josh worry all over again that he and Tyler were being constantly, painfully obvious.

Maybe that was the one upside of Tyler not being back on the team, too. Josh had absolutely  _ no idea _ how he would be able to fool everyone in such close quarters, especially Brendon. And oh, God, Spencer knew about them being friends, how would he act around the two of them? What if he accidentally spilled the beans to Brendon? Spencer meant well, but he wasn't the best at secret keeping, Josh knew.

But once they started playing, Josh was almost able to forget about all of that. He had forgotten just how much he fucking  _ loved _ playing basketball. Sure, he was a little rusty, he hadn't played in  _ months, _ come on, give him a break. But being out there on the court, running and  _ jumping _ \- and being fucking  _ able  _ to,  _ fuck  _ fractured bones- had Josh’s spirits soaring. This was  _ good.  _ This was what he was  _ meant  _ to be doing. He made several baskets with ease and completed the basic warm ups and drills effortlessly. This was his  _ zone. _

At the end of the practice, Coach yelled at the team a bit about last week’s awful game, recounting to Josh the stupid maneuvers and stunts that were pulled and expressing his newfound hope in the team now that they had a trusted player back on the team. There was a home game against Hilliard at the end of the week (a small, nearby school, easy competition, no scouts) and Coach was ready for the team to make a comeback, play a good game. He stressed the importance of keeping their skills sharp over the next two weeks, because then there was a big game- against Akron. The team all exclaimed quietly at that. That was a big city, that was a _ big deal.  _ Coach affirmed everyone’s suspicions that there would  _ definitely  _ be scouts at that game. Hence the need to really,  _ really _ crack down in practice.

“So this week, home game, easy,” Coach reminded the team at the end of practice as they collected their things from the changing rooms, Josh hovering by the door. “With Dun back on the team- no, not you, kid, your  _ brother- _ we should be looking at a clear shot for a win this Friday. But still, don’t let your guards down, Hilliard’s a pretty basic team, but they’ve pulled a few tricks out of their sleeves before, so just  _ watch it _ , okay? And I don’t want anyone missing practices this week,  _ no one  _ for any reason. Got it, gang?”

The team murmured their agreement, and the coach left. Josh was still waiting by the door for his friends, unsure if they were all going to hang out or what. He didn’t want to run away directly after practice; that could be suspicious. Though Josh  _ did  _ notice that both Mikey and Pete had disappeared before Coach’s speech. He wondered what they were doing for a second, then decided he probably didn’t want to know.

“Hey, man, I  _ love  _ that you’re back,” Brendon appeared at Josh’s side, his jersey half on and half off, and clapped him on the back.

“Thanks,” Josh said, clapping Brendon back. “I love that  _ you  _ love that I’m back. Heard you guys sucked ass without me.”

“Whoa, look who’s getting a little cocky over here,” Brendon laughed loudly, pulling his jersey off and smacking at Josh with it.

Josh brushed him off, and Brendon sauntered over to Ryan, planting a kiss on his bare shoulder before grabbing his shirt and dashing off around a row of lockers with it, to Ryan’s protests.

Josh smiled at Brendon’s antics; he had missed them. It felt like a long time since they had hung out. With any of the guys, really. Josh hoped he wasn’t ignoring his friends, hoped they didn’t feel that way. It was just... _ difficult _ when your best friends kind of hated each other.

Everyone seemed to be chill, though. Spencer, Dallon, and Patrick were talking animatedly in the corner, Brendon and Ryan were doing who knows what around the corner, and Jordan had run off a minute ago. Josh thought about joining Spencer, or maybe seeing if Brendon wanted to hang out, but something stopped him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but they all looked so... _ normal,  _ just chatting and joking like normal people got to do. Josh was overwhelmed with the wish for Tyler to be there, too, for him to be  _ able  _ to be a part of all of this. He  _ deserved  _ to be a part of it.

Josh took a few steps backwards and slipped quietly out of the changing rooms, and went home, and did his homework, and went to bed early. Before finally falling asleep, sprawled on top of his covers with the ceiling fan spinning lazily, he checked his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo friends i literally wanna say how much i literally adore you all literally so much literally i'm <33333  
> things were a lil tough for me these past weeks and i was a lil insecure w this chapter and my writing in general and  
> UR SUPPORT IS LITERAL LIFE TO ME!!!! THIS IS ALL BC OF U BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE I <3 U ALL!!!! I'LL UPDATE SOON!!!!  
> THANK YOU FRENS


	16. boys like you are a dime a dozen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love brendon but he's a lil asshole ok  
> title from You’re So Last Summer by Taking Back Sunday

Because he now had hour long practices after school, Josh was unable to spend any time with Tyler that week, much to his disappointment. Not only that, but Coach was really pushing the team to practice harder and longer, to get back into the flow of things before the big game in Akron next month. Josh wasn’t sure why Coach was stressing so much about the home game that Friday, it would be an  _ easy  _ win, but he was stressing nonetheless, and the entire team felt the pressure he was putting on them.

With Josh back on the team, and with one key player still missing, Coach had reassigned new positions for everyone, which was another huge factor of anxiety for him, and honestly the rest of the team as well, Brendon had mused to Josh and the gang. Mikey and Ryan had moved from the bench to play the forwards on the team while both Josh and Tyler had been MIA, pushing Pete to first player as point guard instead of shooting guard, which had been filled by Brendon, and leaving Dallon in his usual place, due to his height, as center post. Now, with Josh back, Ryan was back on the bench, and Mikey was filling in as fifth player. Coach had been rearranging the five boys in different positions all week, seemingly unsure as to where to put them for the Hilliard game. It was Thursday afternoon before Coach had finally settled on who was to play where; practice was over and the team was in the changing rooms when Coach had dashed in to move them all one last time for the next evening. Josh, and the rest of the team for that matter, had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

Dallon was center, as per usual, but instead of playing forward like Josh had at the beginning of the year, Coach had wanted him to play shooting guard, with Brendon and Mikey as forwards, and Pete, as Josh had guessed but had hoped to be wrong, as point guard.  _ Asshole. _

Pete was in no way the best player, and Josh and Brendon had a mutual freak out over the fact he was going to play point even with Josh back on the team. The only saving factor of the whole situation was that it was only for  _ one game, _ and it was against fucking _ Hilliard.  _ As annoying as the positions and practices were, they were only a temporary annoyance, and Worthington would win anyways, so who really cared? Josh thought he’d probably be a little more agitated about the whole thing if his mind had been completely focused on the upcoming game- which it wasn’t- and not on...well,  _ someone  _ else.

Josh didn’t mind the basketball part, really- he hadn’t played in so long, practice was really starting to feel good to him again. Put the ball in his hands and he could go on for _hours,_ no matter the position he was forced to play. But the isolation from- yeah, okay, from _Tyler-_ was really starting to get to him. When that thought crossed Josh’s mind, he laughed out loud at himself. It hadn’t even been a week. _Fucking chill, bro._

Josh wasn’t sure if it was because Tyler was his first...kind-of-boyfriend in a couple of years or if it was because of something else, but he was really fucking obsessed.  _ Is that weird? Is that creepy of me? Nah...I don’t think so...Brendon and Ryan are like fucking shadows, surely it’s not  _ weird  _ to always wanna be around your crush...right?  _ Weird or not, Josh had spent the week in between classes and practices texting Tyler nonstop, and Tyler had done the same, much to Josh’s immense glee. It was literally like downing ten cups of black coffee in a row, or several large cokes. The rush of adrenaline he felt every time a new text loaded on his phone- or a new snapchat, or an IG or twitter message- and the unavoidable crash every evening when Josh went to bed and realized he had to not only go through another whole day of not being around Tyler in person, but spending said day pretending to intensely  _ dislike  _ him- it left Josh feeling more than a little crazy. But the knowledge that Tyler  _ maybe  _ felt a tiny bit the same way helped make up for it. Only a little, though. The situation still  _ sucked. _

Josh just hoped that after everyone got used to him being back on the team and they all got back into the swing of things, everything would calm down enough that he and Tyler could start finding more regular times to hang out. Not only was the team and the coach amped about Josh being back on the team, but the entire high school was making a big deal about it. It made Josh feel embarrassed, honestly. Like, he got it that he had been on the team for years now and was a relatively popular player- seriously, the school wasn’t  _ that  _ huge or anything, everyone knew the guys on the basketball team. But Josh still felt things were being blown a bit out of proportion. The home game that Friday was becoming as big a thing as the upcoming game with Akron; it was the first game that Josh would be playing in since  _ the incident _ .

At least Brendon was enjoying the heightened attention that week, making a spectacle of himself at the lunch table every day, especially when Friday afternoon rolled around. Their usual table was surrounded by several girls from the cheerleading team, thanks to Brendon, who was telling them God knows what. Josh thought he heard him trying to hook one of them up with Dallon; judging by the insanely red blush and hassled look on Dallon’s face right then, Josh figured he was right. Josh, meanwhile, was hunched down in his seat, doing his best to stay out of the way of all the commotion. There was a girl sitting on the edge of the table right in front of him, and Josh pulled his pepsi can closer to him before she knocked it over with her hip. He didn’t even know her name. Another girl Josh didn’t know was basically sitting in Brendon’s lap across from Josh, and Josh could only shake his head, eyes sliding over to Ryan next to Brendon, who seemed completely casual and oblivious to the fact that his boyfriend was acting like this. Josh wasn’t sure how he’d react if it were Tyler, but it probably wouldn’t be like that. As soon as the thought hit Josh though, he snorted to himself out loud. He couldn’t see Tyler surrounded by cheerleader girls, not in a million years. Just...no.

Josh’s phone buzzed in his pocket twice in a row, and Josh tensed as soon as he felt it, looking up and across the lunchroom to Tyler’s table. Sure enough, to Josh’s delight, Tyler was already looking over at him. He jerked his head upwards once and smiled before going back to his phone, and a second later Josh felt another buzz. Dallon was beside Josh, but he seemed pretty preoccupied with snapchatting whatever was going on across the table with Brendon and a certain red haired cheerleader to notice Josh secretly texting a secret boyfriend. Josh sneakily pulled his phone out to another buzz and hunched over his phone as he opened Tyler’s messages.

_ Ty: did u see what i sent u on ig? _

_ Ty: its like a super duper easy recipe on how to make oreo mug cakes bro are you down or are you down _

_ Ty: maybe tomorrow we can chill ?? and do the oreo thang ?? _

Josh tried to hide his smile as he glanced back briefly at Tyler before tapping a response. Why were there no oreo emojis?

_ J: oreos 4 life bro! It’s a date _

_ J: i’d say tonite except 4 the game. Ugh _

_ J: r u seeing B rn? _

The table jostled into Josh’s ribs after he sent the text, and he glared up at another cheerleader who had decided to sit on the table. Josh pulled his soda even closer to himself and away from the spill zone.

_ Ty: haha yeah lol i thought he was gay _

_ J: me too but _

_ J: cheerleaders, man _

_ Ty: u don’t look like ur having too much fun _

_ J: if anyone tries to sit on my lap im committing murder _

Josh peeked another look at Tyler, who was grinning down at his phone, thumbs already working on a response.

_ Ty: not in school, u’ll b expelled _

_ J: good _

_ Ty: :OOO _

Josh snickered out loud, then glanced nervously around the table; it was still so loud no one had heard him, and everyone seemed much too interested in yelling back and forth about the game to notice Josh quietly texting on his phone.

_ J: so what r u gonna do tonite? _

_ Ty: eat a pint of Ben n Jerrys and play nintendogs _

_ Ty: sexy right _

Josh smiled and as much as he wanted to reply lightly and jokingly, he still had a lot of repressed emotions about tonight. Mainly all about Tyler. He had been trying all week, but he just couldn’t shake the heavy weight of guilt he felt about Tyler having to miss another game. And seriously, what about the guy’s parents? He couldn’t keep it up forever, hiding something that big from them. Josh seriously marveled at how he had made it this far. Josh’s siblings would have ratted him out a long time ago. _ Looking at  _ you _ , Jordan. Bitch. _

_ J: u kno wut i mean bby _

_ J: aren’t ur parents gonna come tonite? what did u tell them _

_ Ty: i acted sick this morning. i got it under control _

_ J: u sure _

_ Ty: dont worry abt me so much jj _

_ Ty: wish i could be at the game and see my BOO kickin ass but _

_ Ty: i could disguise myself as a cheerleader _

Josh choked on his sip of pepsi as Tyler’s texts loaded on his phone, and he glanced across the room again, his cheeks reddening when he met Tyler’s eyes. Tyler raised his eyebrows and smirked.

_ J: u’d rock the mini skirt and pom poms not gonna lie _

_ J: kinda wanna see that _

Tyler replied with several suggestive emojis and added:  _ if u guys win tonite we should celebrate.  _ Winking emoji face.

Josh spluttered on his pepsi again, eyes darting to Tyler as he tried to formulate  _ some  _ kind of response to  _ that.  _ Holy hell.

He was typing out a fumbled response, cheeks blazing, when someone bumped into his arm, probably one of the cheerleaders, and Josh was about to elbow her- kinda rude, he knew, but c’mon- when the person pushed past his arm and perched on his lap. Actually  _ on his lap. _ Josh was about to flip his shit when he suddenly looked up and- oh. Jenna grinned down at him and flung an arm around his shoulders.

“Hey, love, who ya textin’?”

Josh had almost forgotten his phone in his hands, text messages visible and his contact name for Tyler,  _ Ty _ , surrounded on either side with every heart and love related emoji that existed. He turned it off and placed it face down on the table so quickly he worried for a second he had cracked the screen. But there were bigger problems to deal with right now.

“Whoa, Flash! That was a hell of a lot of hearts.”

“Ha, ha, yeah, um...it was nothing, just….” Josh felt himself starting to sweat. Jenna’s hand was way too close to his neck.

“Brendon’s having fun,” Jenna didn’t push it, nodding her head across the table. “You looked lonely. What, not a single cheerleader wanted to sit on your lap?”

She laughed, and Josh had no idea what to say. He tried to peek around her and see what Tyler was doing, but there were too many people crowded around. He was starting to get very concerned about how Tyler would feel if he saw this.  _ Maybe he can’t see? There’s a hell of a lot of girls around here right now...shit, who am I kidding, oh, God, I hope he doesn’t get mad. I mean, why should he, he knows about Jenna, shit, that’s not fair, that’s so shitty of me, shit, shit, I need to just- _

“Jooosh! Silly, you keep zoning out. What’s with you lately?” Red alerts shot off in Josh’s mind as Jenna’s hand was suddenly on his chin, tilting his head up towards her. Okay, her face was  _ way  _ too close now. Some loose strands of her hair were tickling against his face, and Josh didn’t know what exactly was going on, but he knew it was not good.

Jenna’s breath tickled his eyelashes and he blinked several times, and she smiled again, wiggling into a better position, which was, unfortunately, still on Josh’s lap. Josh’s heart was beating so fast and so hard it actually hurt his chest, and he wondered briefly if it was possible to get bruised ribs from something like that, when suddenly she was leaning down even closer. Her lips pressed sweetly against the corner of Josh’s mouth, and he completely froze, his mind simultaneously screaming as it shut itself down.  _ This is not freaking happening right now- _

She pressed another kiss to Josh’s mouth, and he could feel her lipgloss gliding wetly against his dry and cracked lips. The urge to just shove her off of him swept through Josh, but his arms felt stiff and heavy.

“Yo, Joseph, you gonna be at the game tonight? Team needs you, y’know. A cheerleader called in sick today, and you’re just her size!” Brendon’s taunting voice echoed in the lunchroom and even louder in Josh’s ears, and Josh wanted to die, paranoia, hurt, and a little bit of shock ripping through him. He jerked his face away from Jenna’s, her hair still clinging to his face, just in time to see Tyler darting past their table, his face turned away. Brendon and several of the cheerleaders were looking in his direction as he passed; several girls were laughing openly at Brendon’s comment and at Tyler as he edged by them, and Brendon flipped the bird at Tyler’s back. Brendon, and the rest of the team for that matter, rarely made jokes or comments about Tyler once the drama with Josh’s leg had died down, but Josh assumed with the anticipation of tonight’s game and with the entire cheerleading team boosting his ego, he couldn’t help but pick on someone for a laugh.

Josh  _ did  _ shove Jenna off his lap then, apologizing when she stumbled, surprised. His hand shot out automatically to steady her, and he smiled quickly, emptily, avoiding her eyes.

“Are you okay, Josh? What’s wrong?”

“I-I’ll be back, o-okay? Talk to Dallon or s-something, okay? I’m sorry, I’ll be, um...I’ll be right back,” Josh stammered, his throat and chest feeling tight. Maybe  _ he  _ was the one getting sick.

“Yo, J, where you going, man? It’s ten till next period,” Brendon called as Josh stumbled away from the table. Josh’s mind was fuzzy and everything was muted, but Brendon’s voice came through loud and clear.

“You shut the  _ fuck  _ up,” Josh snapped as he turned away, afraid to look at his friend because he was certain his emotions would be written clearly all over his face, and Brendon would know everything with just one look.

Josh could hear Jenna’s voice as he pushed past several cheerleaders, but he couldn’t understand what she was saying. He would have ignored her anyways, would’ve ignored anyone who tried to talk to him right then. He needed to talk to  _ one  _ person right now, and only one, and  _ not  _ any of  _ them _ .

Josh stumbled into several random students on his way out of the cafeteria, bursting into the hallway and peering both ways down the hall, first left, then right, eyes searching frantically for Tyler. Several kids were hanging in the hallways, some gossiping by their lockers, others sitting on the floor eating their lunches; a couple of teachers bustled past, a janitor, too, but Josh couldn’t see Tyler anywhere. He hesitated a moment, then darted down the hallway, deciding to check by Tyler’s locker, worry flooding his chest.  _ This is  _ not  _ fair, this is the fucking worst, oh, my God, poor Tyler, this fucking sucks. I should’ve broken up with Jenna, I should have a long fucking time ago, God, I am a fucking  _ idiot,  _ what the hell is my problem. Now Tyler hates me and Jenna probably does, too, and Brendon- yo, fuck Brendon, I can’t fucking believe he would say that shit, honestly, what the hell, what the  _ hell,  _ this is  _ all  _ my fault _ -

Josh slipped around the corner and collided with a girl he didn’t recognize. She dropped her bag and cursed angrily at him, and Josh stammered out a quick apology as he continued down the hallway. He just  _ needed  _ to get to Tyler  _ right now,  _ he needed to  _ explain _ .

Another turn, and then Josh saw one of the back doors swinging shut at the end of the hallway, and through the glass a familiar hoodie disappearing into the parking lot. Josh took off in that direction when he felt a sharp tug on his own hoodie. He whipped around, stumbling a little, angry response already on his lips when he noticed it was Mikey standing behind him, arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed deeply.  _ Wow, he’s...taller than me...huh…. _

“Where are you going?” Mikey demanded, his voice clipped.

Josh huffed, still pissed. “Where do you fucking think? I got to find Tyler, did you see-”

“ _ Yeah, _ of course I saw. What the fuck was that?”

Josh waved a hand indignantly. “I didn’t do it, it wasn’t my...she fucking kissed me, dude, I didn’t want her to-”

“That doesn’t fucking  _ matter _ ,  _ Josh _ ,” Mikey interrupted. “God, what is your problem? You haven’t fucking broken up with her yet? What the  _ hell?” _

Josh felt his heartbeat racing even faster than it had been a moment before. “It’s not  _ like  _ that, okay, it’s just, it’s hard to explain, okay? It’s complicated, it’s-”

“No, it’s not,” Mikey interrupted again. Josh couldn’t recall seeing him  _ this  _ mad before, even when Josh had insulted his brother way back at the beginning of the school year. “It’s  _ not  _ complicated, Josh, it’s really not. If you like Tyler, then you fucking like  _ Tyler,  _ okay, not  _ Jenna.  _ And if you like Jenna then you fucking like  _ her _ , and you don’t fuck around with Tyler and his feelings, okay? If you don’t like him then I swear, stop fucking around with him, stop leading him on, don’t you-”

“I’m  _ not,”  _ Josh spluttered. “God, I’m  _ not,  _ I mean, I didn’t  _ mean  _ to, okay? It’s just a...a  _ delicate  _ situation, alright? Tyler knows that, he knew that before we got together, okay? And I  _ am  _ going to break up with Jenna, it’s just...I’m  _ working  _ on it, okay? I need to go talk to him-”

“No, that’s the  _ last  _ thing you need to do,” Mikey took a step forward, as if suspecting Josh to dart off at any second- which honestly, Josh felt more and more like doing with every second. He was  _ not  _ enjoying this conversation. “That’s the last thing  _ Tyler  _ needs right now, either. Just...just leave him alone, alright? You need to figure out your shit.”

Josh felt annoyance wash over him just then. “It’s none of your business,  _ Mikey.  _ This is between me and Tyler, okay-”

Mikey actually huffed out a small laugh. “I don’t care whose business it is. And let’s be real, I think the last person Tyler wants to see right now is  _ you.” _

A dull pain blossomed in Josh’s heart as he just stared at Mikey, brain searching for a response but coming up empty. After a silent moment, Mikey dropped his gaze and brushed past Josh, heading off down the hallway in the direction that Tyler had exited. Josh remained still, not bothering to move until he heard the swish and latch of the door shutting behind Mikey. The gust of cool air that was let in idled around Josh, and he shivered, finally shuffling from his spot. He blinked his eyes. He was  _ not  _ crying right now. He glanced over his shoulder- just in case, in case...Josh didn’t really know. Tyler wasn’t there, nor was Mikey, and Josh didn’t expect either of them to be, he just...Josh needed to get out of there. Right now.

There was no practice that afternoon because of the game that evening, so Josh didn’t think twice about fumbling blindly down the hall, his vision blurred as he slipped past faceless students to his locker, throwing it open and yanking out his bag. He thought several pens and pencils scattered on the ground, but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t care either way. He didn’t bother closing his locker, just swung the door in the general direction, the sound of the metal clanging echoing in his ears. He stumbled down the hall and out the front door. The bell sounded behind him.

Why did this have to happen? How come Josh had  _ just  _ managed to get his stupid feelings all figured out, only to have it all come crashing down like this? _ Why  _ had he let things go so far with Jenna?  _ Stupid, stupid,  _ stupid.  _ I’m an idiot.  _ Josh slipped on a hidden patch of ice in the parking lot and almost toppled over, but righted himself and continued towards the sidewalk. He hated this goddamn school. He hated his goddamn classmates and his goddamn friends and his goddamn teammates and the goddamn  _ team  _ and the stupid cheerleaders and the stupid teachers and the stupid Coach and all the stupid rules and Mikey and  _ Brendon  _ and- Josh hated  _ everything. _

Except Tyler. Josh didn’t hate Tyler. He could never hate Tyler. As soon as the thought crossed Josh’s mind, he laughed aloud to himself; he  _ had  _ hated Tyler once, months ago. It felt like a hundred years.  _ Wow, I was pretty stupid then. Looks like I still am. I just need to man the fuck up and break up with Jenna and stop hiding and lying and just  _ be out  _ with Tyler, to  _ everyone.  _ Fuck what they say.  _ But it wasn’t that easy, Josh knew this. He kicked angrily at a clump of snow. And now Tyler kind of hated  _ him.  _ And why shouldn’t he? Josh was a  _ dick,  _ and Josh hated himself for being that way.  _ This is  _ all  _ my fault, everything is. Why does literally  _ everything  _ suck? _

Josh wondered where Tyler was right then. With  _ Mikey. _ Probably ranting about how stupid Josh was or how unfair everything seemed. Or maybe he was...maybe he was even  _ crying. _ The mere thought of Tyler crying, and because of  _ him,  _ tore at Josh’s heartstrings. Nothing in the world seemed more wrong or unfair. Josh never wanted to make Tyler cry. Not  _ ever. _

By the time Josh stumbled up his driveway to his front door, his sneakers were thoroughly soaked through, and he dropped another pen on the front stoop as he dug in his backpack for the key. As soon as he was inside, Josh quietly shut the door, hoping that if his mom was home, she wouldn’t hear him arriving before school let out, and jogged up the stairs to his room. He shrugged out of his backpack and wet shoes and collapsed onto his stomach on his unmade bed. Tyler had been in this same bed only a week ago. Josh longed for him to be there now. He wished more than anything that he could just ignore this problem, and maybe,  _ maybe _ it would go away, but. Josh wiped at his face- his eyes were still a little moist- and rolled over onto his back, tugging his phone out from his pocket and turning it on, his messages to Tyler still open on the screen.

_ J: i kno u probably don’t wanna talk 2 me but i’m rlly sorry ty _

_ J: pls don’t b too mad _

_ J: i mean u can b mad if u want i just mean _

_ J: i’m really sorry _

_ J: i can fix this ok? pls don’t b sad _

Josh turned his phone off and tossed it onto the bed beside him and closed his eyes and waited for Tyler to respond.

 

Five minutes till the start of the game. Josh was hiding in the changing rooms- yes,  _ hiding,  _ okay? He didn’t wanna be there. He had changed into his shorts and jersey half an hour ago and had sat on the floor around the corner and in the back of the changing rooms, the muffled sound of the crowd out in the gym still able to reach him. He could hear a recording of the school band’s slightly off tune playing and the cheerleaders doing a routine. The rest of the team had all changed and already headed out to the gym, to either socialize or warm up or show off or make small talk with the Hilliard team and students. Josh didn’t care about any of that. His anxiety was through the roof, and he was pretty sure if he tried to run or jog or jump that he would throw up all over the floor. That would be embarrassing. Possibly the only thing more embarrassing than tripping and breaking your leg during a game.

Josh felt another wave of nausea hit him, and he glanced at his phone. Still nothing from Tyler. He hadn’t replied to a single text, not all day. Josh hadn’t really expected him to, but Tyler hadn’t even opened the messages. Josh’s thumbs hesitated over the screen. He was unsure if sending Tyler another text or giving him space, like Mikey had said, was a better idea. Josh tried not to be too angry at Mikey; after all, he was just trying to be a better friend than Josh had been able to be. But Mikey wasn’t really making it  _ easy  _ not to be mad at him, glaring at Josh when he had first entered the changing rooms and whenever Josh had even glanced in his direction.

There were sudden footsteps from around the corner and Josh quickly turned his phone off and wiped an arm across his face. His eyes were still a little damp, though Josh was still adamant about the fact he had  _ not  _ spent the better half of the afternoon crying. Brendon jogged around the row of lockers then and nearly stepped on Josh. “Whoa, hey, there you are, Coach was looking for you, bro!”

Josh hadn’t spoken to Brendon since he had snapped at him during lunch, but either Brendon had been too distracted with mentally preparing for the game, flirting with the cheerleaders, messing around with Ryan, or a mix of all three to remember that Josh was pissed at him, judging by the familiar way he spoke to Josh now, even reaching down to ruffle his hair. “C’mon, bro, you’re alright, aren’t you? Why are you sitting, is it your ankle again?”

“No, I’m fine, I’m...I’m coming, let me put my phone in my locker. I’ll be right out, okay?” Josh stood shakily, and Brendon clapped him roughly on the shoulder before darting out of the room again. Josh was thankful, really, that Brendon didn’t bring up their exchange from lunch. Josh hadn’t meant to yell at Brendon like that, but he had just  _ cracked.  _ No one could talk to Tyler like that,  _ no one.  _ Josh wouldn’t let them. The outburst, in retrospect, surprised Josh as much as it probably had shocked anyone who knew him who had also heard him.

Josh cast one last glance at his phone- no new messages- before throwing it a little too roughly into his locker and slamming the door shut. He took a deep breath, and with his stomach still in his throat, made the short trek into the gym and ocean of noise.

 

It was a tougher game than anyone had anticipated. Within fifteen seconds of the start, Hilliard had sneaked through Worthington’s defense and scored the first points. Brendon yelled something at Mikey, who only shrugged; Mikey wasn’t used to playing defense, and he and Brendon didn’t really seem to be making the best team. Josh felt his stomach churn; this was going to be a long game. And he was the shooting guard, along with  _ Pete,  _ which meant he  _ had  _ to step up and  _ really  _ play the game. No hanging out by the sidelines for this one.

With the ball back on the floor, Pete snatched it easily, only to be cornered by the opposing team. Fuck, they moved  _ really fast.  _ Worthington hadn’t prepared for this at all. Josh didn’t even see it coming when Pete jumped and threw the ball over the other players’ heads to Josh. Josh stumbled on his own shoelaces as he caught it and immediately had to swerve around another player, darting off towards the hoop. Dallon waved at him from across the room, and Josh calculated which would be the safer move; throwing the ball to Dallon, who was closer to the hoop but warily close to Hilliard’s power forward as well, or to spring high enough to make the shot over both forwards himself, though he was still several yards away. Hilliard’s center was closing in on Josh’s right, and he didn’t have time for any more calculating; he thought he heard Coach yelling at him, too, or maybe it was Brendon, or Pete. Or all of them. Josh bent his knees and sprung into the air with an energy he really wasn’t feeling. His stomach twisted.

It was a clean shot, or almost was, until one of Hilliard’s defense and the  _ shortest  _ player on their team jumped impressively high and knocked the ball off-course. Josh cursed, and he could hear Coach doing the same from the sidelines. Josh jerked to his right and nearly collided with Hilliard’s center, who was hanging around him so closely it was really starting to piss Josh off. He couldn’t fucking  _ move  _ without bumping into the guy. He didn’t even have the fucking ball.

The Hilliard team moved the ball across the floor shockingly fast, and was closing in on the hoop when Brendon managed to steal it away, tossing it over Mikey’s head to Josh. Josh jumped to grab it as the Hilliard center jumped to catch it, too, and they bumped shoulders roughly, the jolt knocking Josh to the ground. He was a  _ big guy,  _ okay? Even taller than Dallon. Josh had made eye contact with Mikey when he had stood back up, and Mikey glared at him. Josh wanted to address him about it, to tell Mikey to  _ stop  _ looking so smug because it  _ wasn’t  _ his fault, okay, but Coach was yelling at him to get after the ball, so Josh swallowed his emotions and darted nearer to Brendon, who was jumping up to knock the ball away from their hoop. Josh had a sinking feeling in his stomach, fully prepared to hear the buzzer alerting the audience to Hilliard scoring another set of points, but suddenly the ball was bouncing right in front of him, and Josh had no time to think, only barely enough time to grab the ball and start running in the opposite direction. Wow, Brendon had actually jumped high enough to do that? Despite the nausea and anxiety he was currently feeling, Josh couldn't help but also feel a little proud at the thought.

Two opposing players jumped into Josh’s path, and he had to quickly backtrack, bumping into the chest of that insanely tall center player and almost tripping again.  _ Can he get the fuck off my back, please? Fuckin’ hell.  _ Josh glared up at him as he ducked down and out of reach of the other guy, passing the ball around him and back towards Pete.

The game went on, dragging on for the rest of the period without any more points being handed out, which Josh looked at as almost a good thing, albeit pretty disappointing as well. The buzzer sounded, and Josh slumped off the floor, sweaty and already exhausted, to the bench to find some water.

“Hey, man, what the hell’s going on with Hilliard?” Spencer jumped up from the bleacher to meet Josh, pounding him on the back. Josh wished he would stop but was too tired to even protest. He only shrugged, trying to catch his breath.

“Yeah, what the hell is up?” Jordan piped, bounding over to Josh from his end of the row. Josh scowled at him and turned away slightly.

Ryan reached around Jordan and Spencer then to hand Josh a water bottle, and Josh nodded thankfully at him, timely downing three quarters of the bottle. Pete jogged up beside Josh and threw an arm over his shoulder, grabbing the bottle from him to finish its contents himself. “Listen, Dun,” he said, glaring over his shoulder as if the Hilliard team could hear. “Coach just told me and Urie, we need you to play forward, too, okay? Hilliard’s a bitch, man.”

“What’s going on?” Josh looked over his shoulder, too; Coach was on the other side of the gym talking to Mikey and Brendon, pointing out at the floor. Ordinarily, he would’ve shoved Pete’s arm off of him, he was sweaty and gross, but Josh figured so was he, and the energy it would take to shove Pete away from him wouldn’t be worth it.

“I got no fuckin’ clue, man,” Pete tossed the empty water bottle at Jordan without even glancing in his direction and steered Josh away from the bleacher. “I’m gonna be following Dal with post, okay, but I still have to play point, obviously; we’re all doubling up. We have no choice. So you’re guard  _ and  _ small forward with Mike, okay?”

Josh tensed slightly. “I don’t think Mikey wants to work with me.”

“He’ll do it, don’t worry,” Pete said. “You just keep that ball away from them, okay? I’m gonna be on the left side for the next period, so you take the right. I know their power forward, I met him last year, so I’ll know what he’s planning. I don’t know about the other forward, but you guys seem the same size, you should be able to handle him. And watch out for that center, he’s a real fuckin’ bitch.”

“Yeah, I know,” Josh huffed, just as Coach waved the team over, the Hilliard coach doing the same. They lined up and the second period started.

The second and third periods continued in much the same way. Worthington played hard and Hilliard played harder, scoring several times with skill that they had never shown before, at least in all the years that Josh had played against them. Worthington was able to keep pace throughout the two periods, earning several free throws when Hilliard’s center post jackass got fouled; but both teams were putting up such a fight that the scores were depressingly low. Fourteen to sixteen, with Worthington in the lead, but barely. Coach’s face was red, and he was waving his hands angrily from the sidelines before pacing back and forth with his hands on his hips and shaking his head. Unfortunately, with the last foul for Hilliard, their center player kneed Dallon so roughly in the stomach that he had to drop out halfway during the third period, leaving the team to finish the segment with only four players; the center then turned around and elbowed Mikey in the face.  _ On accident _ , he had said when both coaches called him out and began arguing over it. Pete somehow got involved, and both Hilliard’s center  _ and  _ Pete were told to sit out for the last quarter, which  _ definitely  _ did not help Coach’s stress levels, if one could judge by the darkening shade of red on his face.

During the thirty seconds allowed to the team to decide which players they wanted to fill in, Coach was nearly having a heart attack, racing along the bench before physically hauling Ryan to his feet and shoving him in the direction of the team, waiting nervously behind him. Everyone shuffled awkwardly as Coach spent several precious seconds arguing tensely with Mikey, blood pouring from Mikey’s nose and corner of his mouth. He wanted to keep playing; Mikey argued that since he had played the previous three quarters, he knew the other team better than letting a bench player take over. Coach didn’t seem convinced at all, and Josh was more than a hundred percent sure that if the buzzer hadn’t sounded, he would’ve kept arguing, but there was no more time. Coach herded the new team back onto the floor, and both teams lined up for the last period.

The gym felt strangely quiet to Josh, besides the steady hum in his ears and the occasional echoing screech of someone’s sneaker and the constant thudding of the ball, interrupted only by the metallic clang of the net and the deafening  _ lack  _ of a buzzer. Two minutes passed with no score, then four minutes, then six. Coach was pacing along the floor now faster than some of the players were moving.

A minute left in the last quarter, and Josh suddenly found himself with the ball. Everyone was slowing down now; both teams had spent the past forty minutes tiring each other out so thoroughly that Josh knew now was the time to try making an extra basket. The other team’s guard would be down and scoring another set of points could be as simple as tossing the ball to the right person. At that moment, that person happened to be Mikey. He had jogged from one end of the court to the other behind the other players, slowing to a walk near one of Hilliard’s forwards. His brows were furrowed and his head lowered as he watched Josh across the room with an intense stare, and blood was dried in a streak across his cheek. He looked pretty badass. Hilliard’s guards and the new center player were circling Josh, casually, tiring, and Josh dribbled the ball lazily, hunched and tensed to make a move in a split second if need be. He eyed Mikey’s position. Dallon was idling across the floor, a little closer to Josh than Mikey was, but one of the guards noticed him and backed into his path, the two struggling with each other, their eyes on the ball the whole time. Josh risked a glance up at the timer on the wall.  _ 35...34...33...32…. _

Worthington was still in the lead by two points, and that was good, but it wasn’t  _ enough,  _ not for Josh, not for Coach, not for Worthington. The game wasn’t over yet. And as tired as Josh was, at least the sick feeling in his stomach had vanished sometime during the first half; the thrill of actually  _ playing  _ was starting to come back to him. If he could just make this shot.

Suddenly the Hilliard center lunged at Josh, and Josh sidestepped just in time, jumping and springing the ball from his fingertips to Mikey across the floor. Everyone sprang back into action. One Hilliard player jumped up against Mikey as he tried to shoot a basket and knocked the ball away from him, and another Hilliard person caught it, dribbling it in the other direction, weaving around Dallon and then Ryan. Josh darted around the center post still in his way and chased after the ball, mirroring Ryan on the opposite side of the gym as they neared the hoop. Josh managed to dash in front of the forward player with the ball, waving his arms and preventing him from making a basket, which he was incredibly close to doing. The forward made to jog around Josh’s right, near the edge of the court, and as Josh moved to block him, he darted to Josh’s left, leaping and throwing the ball across the court to another player close enough to the hoop to make an easy basket. Josh cursed as he righted himself and spun around, just in time to see Brendon jumping into the air and intercepting the ball. Josh could hear cheering from the crowd behind him as Brendon dribbled the ball expertly between two Hilliard players. One of them elbowed Brendon in the side and he stumbled, but threw the ball back over to Josh before his knees hit the ground.

Josh was currently in the clear and caught the ball easily, taking advantage of the open space of gym around him and sprinting off towards the other end of the court. Just as he neared the hoop, Josh heard Dallon call out to him, and he turned just in time to dart beneath someone’s arm, the ball still secure. Only now he was facing the wrong way, and there were two more Hilliard players closing in on him with one now behind him, and he was awfully, dangerously close to the line marking the edge of the court.

Coach was very close to Josh on the other side of the line, yelling something, and Josh glanced over his shoulder at the timer.  _ Eleven...ten...nine…. _

_ Oh, shit. _

One of the two Hilliard players in front of Josh lunged at him, backing him close enough to the player behind him that Josh could feel his body heat, and Josh lurched his body to the right, away from the edge of the court and twisting around to face the hoop, at the same time as the Hilliard player behind him jumped at him, their legs tangling and a sharp pain ringing up Josh’s leg to his knee.  _ Not again, fucking- _

Josh stumbled to one knee, the cement floor feeling like it cracked his kneecap, the ball falling a little too weakly from his fingers, but thankfully with still enough distance to bounce once and end up in Brendon’s hands. Last Josh had noticed him, he was on the other end of the court with the new Hilliard center player breathing down his neck. Brendon cast a worried glance in Josh’s direction, but Josh pointed violently at the net as he heard several loud voices from the crowd counting down the last five seconds. The player who had tripped Josh darted in front of him, blocking his vision, and Josh stumbled to his feet, limping over a step. Hilliard had the ball again, halfway back across the court. It was okay, Worthington was still in the lead,  _ it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s ok-  _ Josh tried to run but winced as his ankle started throbbing sharply.  _ Three...two…. _

The clang of the net echoed a half second before the buzzer went off, and Josh kneeled back on the floor, rubbing at his ankle as sweat trickled steadily into his eyes. Another buzzer sounded, and the crowd was sort of deafening as the scores loaded on the screen. Seventeen to sixteen. Josh glanced over his shoulder and blinked his eyes to see the red numbers glaring at him. Seventeen!? Hilliard’s last shot had earned the team  _ three _ points compared to two. Josh cursed out loud and dropped his head against his knee as he continued rubbing at his ankle.

The Hilliard team victoriously made their way over to the bleachers, where the visiting families and students streamed out onto the gym floor to meet them. Josh saw Coach having a breakdown several yards away, sitting in a fold up chair with his head in his hands. He would have laughed if he wasn’t so surprised and upset about the loss himself.

Josh glanced up to see Brendon walking across the floor to him, hands on his hips. His face was red and sweaty, his bangs clinging to his forehead. He was eyeing the Hilliard team warily.

The room was loud with hundreds of people talking and cheering excitedly, and once Brendon had reached the spot where Josh was kneeling, he had to raise his voice to be heard. “What the fucking hell, man.  _ What  _ the fucking  _ hell.” _

“I know,” Josh replied miserably.

“You okay?” Brendon asked, noticing Josh’s hands rubbing at his knee.

Josh just nodded. It wasn’t serious, thank God. “What about you, man?” he motioned towards Brendon’s stomach in case he couldn’t hear him. “Looked like that jerk could’ve broken a rib or something.”

Brendon was still panting and only raised his eyebrows in agreement, pulling up his shirt to show off a dark blue bruise already forming on his torso.

“Yikes,” Josh said. Brendon studied the bruise a moment before dropping his shirt back down. He mussed Josh’s hair quickly then nodded behind him. “I’m gonna talk to Coach.”

Josh didn’t reply, and Brendon walked off.

The rest of the Worthington team were milling about by the bleachers, the players looking utterly exhausted, both them and the bench players all with the same look of shock written on their faces. Josh could see Jordan yelling something at a Hilliard bench player, trying to pick a fight, but the player just ignored him. Josh almost laughed to himself.  _ What an idiot. _

Only a few minutes later and Brendon passed back by Josh along with several other players, heading towards the changing rooms. Josh was content to sit a few more moments in his corner until he noticed his parents and sisters making their way down the bleachers to Jordan, and he hauled himself to his feet and limped towards the changing rooms as well. The last thing he wanted right now was to deal with his family.

Josh had assumed the changing rooms would be a relatively quiet relief from the echoing gymnasium, but the second the door closed behind him, he could hear Brendon and Pete’s angry voices shooting back and forth. Josh warily edged behind Brendon to get to the back of the room and to his locker. He was  _ not  _ going to get in the middle of this right now.

“-fucking fault, man, if you weren’t pussying around and fucking passed the ball they wouldn’t have scored those last points.”

“This isn’t my fucking fault,  _ Wentz, _ at least I was fucking  _ playing. _ You were the fucking pansy sitting out on the fucking  _ bench, _ ‘cause  _ someone  _ couldn’t keep their fucking pants on. What the hell was that,  _ by the way?” _

“Shut the-”

“Their center was fucking out, man, he was disqualified and we could’ve won then, we were fucking ahead, but  _ oh fucking no, _ you had to go fucking argue with the jerk-”

“With or without Pete, I think we would’ve still lost,” Dallon intervened.

“Yeah, those weren’t the same guys from last year,” said Ryan. “Did you recognize anyone? I didn’t.”

“Fucking transfer students,” Brendon snapped. “They only kept their meanest players. And if  _ Pete  _ had just fucking-”

“Brendon-” Ryan and Spencer started at the same time.

“Don’t you fucking start on me, Urie, I’ll break your fucking-”

“Say it to my fucking face, you piece of-”

“ _ Brendon,  _ cut it out, take a walk,” Ryan pushed past Spencer to tug at Brendon’s arm, and Brendon shrugged him off, stomping past the two of them and making his way to the back of the room, past Josh and around the row of lockers. Pete slammed his locker shut and followed him, bumping his shoulder roughly against Josh. Josh staggered back into his locker and glanced worriedly at Ryan, who shook his head and followed the other two.

“Brendon,  _ stop it.  _ Guys, don’t start-”

“Should we…?” Spencer motioned towards the back of the room, where Brendon and Pete had started arguing again over Ryan’s protests.

“Leave them alone, they can sort it out themselves,” Dallon said, shoving his locker open. “If they’re gonna act like fucking kids then let them.”

Mikey sighed audibly, and Josh looked across the room to him. Their eyes met briefly before Mikey glared harshly. He slammed his locker shut so forcibly that Josh flinched, before marching out of the room without a second glance in Josh’s direction.

Josh sighed quietly and looked down at this shoes, scuffing one against the floor. This was  _ insane.  _ They weren’t acting like a fucking team anymore; no  _ wonder  _ they had fucking lost. Josh had never played a game and felt so out of place before, so out of  _ beat  _ with the other players.

_ This has to  _ stop.  _ Right now. _

Josh made up his mind then and fumbled quickly with his lock. He pulled out his hoodie and tugged it sloppily over his head before quietly exiting the changing rooms, to the sound of his teammates still arguing. He hoped no one started throwing punches.

The gym had emptied quickly; most of the Worthington students had gone home, along with a lot of the Hilliard families, though there were still several celebrating team members and their friends left. Josh eyed his family still at the bench with Jordan; his dad was waving his car keys and heading for the back door to the parking lot. Josh hurried his steps; he only had a couple of minutes.

Coach was in the same spot of the gym where Josh had last seen him. His back was to Josh, and he was discussing something with the Hilliard coach. Josh shuffled from foot to foot a few yards away for a moment before edging closer and clearing his throat. Coach glanced briefly at him and continued talking. Josh looked behind his shoulder; his family was heading towards the back door. Ashley made eye contact and waved for Josh to come on, but he pointed at Coach Anderson and held up three fingers. Ashley nodded from across the room and followed their mom and other siblings out the door to the parking lot.

Finally, Coach finished talking and turned around, gathering up his clipboard from the chair beside him. Josh took a hesitant step closer and dived right in.

“Coach Anderson, about tonight-”

“Dun, we’ll discuss it Monday, first thing in practice, alright?”

“No, yeah, I know, that’s not what I mean, I wanted to talk about something else.”

“If you’re not happy about something, we’ll discuss it on Monday,” Coach reiterated. He looked tired and seriously pissed, and for a moment Josh considered mentioning it another time. But then he remembered how thoroughly he had let Tyler down that afternoon and past week, in more than one way, and decided it should be now or never. Tyler deserved this. It was the least he could do, considering what a jerk he’d been.

“Coach, I need to talk to you about something  _ now,  _ it’ll only be a minute-”

“ _ Monday,  _ Josh.”

“You need to put Tyler Joseph back on the team.” There, Josh said it, he’d said it out loud. He fought the urge to glance nervously behind him and make sure none of the other players had heard.

Coach did a double take and froze, staring intently at Josh, clipboard grasped tightly in his hands. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then finally said, “You...what did you say?”

Josh took a steadying breath, but said firmly, “I said we need Tyler Joseph back on the team.” He held eye contact with Coach, lifting his head an inch higher. He  _ had  _ to say yes, he just  _ had  _ to.

Coach was silent again for what felt like a full minute before finally shaking his head and shuffling a few papers on his clipboard. “You know I can’t do that, Josh.”

“Why not!?” Josh exclaimed, sputtering. “Y-you have no reason  _ not  _ to, and we really freaking  _ needed  _ him  _ tonight _ . Hilliard kicked our  _ ass,  _ and they’ve always been-  _ always _ been  _ easy  _ competition. Coach, we  _ need  _ to-”

“Josh, calm down,” Coach interrupted, holding a finger in Josh’s face. Josh wanted to smack his hand away and keep trying to talk sense into this man. He  _ had  _ to….

“You  _ know  _ I can’t put Joseph back on the team. Good player or not, he was ejected for behavioral issues, and that’s not the kind of image we  _ want  _ for this school. We  _ can’t  _ have that kind of image, it would ruin any chance for the rest of the team to play in national competitions- even  _ state  _ competitions would be  _ very  _ limited. He was a problem student before I even gave him a chance on this team, I should never have risked it in the first place. That was my mistake, but I won’t put him back on this team just to tear things apart again.”

Josh fought desperately for the right words to say, thoughts and reasons and arguments crashing through his mind in an angry tornado. “That’s fucking  _ bullshit!” _

“Joshua Dun, you’re in a school, you really need to watch your lang-”

“No, Coach, please listen, that’s not true,  _ none  _ of that is true,” Josh hurried to keep talking before Coach could issue him a demerit for cursing. There were way more important things to discuss than his choice of exclamations. “It’s  _ not true,  _ I’m telling you, whatever you heard, they were just rumors!”

Coach just raised an eyebrow and gave Josh a look before turning back to the chair and picking up his bag. He slung it over his shoulder, and Josh continued, words stumbling over each other, afraid Coach would just walk away without giving him a straight answer.

“Coach, listen, seriously, whatever you heard about Tyler isn’t true, I swear. The other guys- and...and me, I was...I was jealous at first, too- but we all, we...people were talking, people were curious about him, and one or another, different rumors started to spread, but it was only because he was such a good player and we were all- at least  _ I  _ was so competitive that it just...things got out of control. People took things out of context. Sure, me and Tyler, w-we were rivals, but like...it was purely on an athletic level, like...it was never because he was a bad guy. He’s not a dick, he’s not like,  _ violent _ during the game, he never was, you can’t claim that because  _ he wasn’t, _ not during any practice here or any game. And he wasn’t back at his old school either, I swear he wasn’t, it was just stupid rumors spread by stupid people and believed by stupid people and- I mean, you’re not stupid, Coach, that’s not what I meant, it’s just….  _ None  _ of it is  _ true,  _ you  _ have  _ to believe me-”

“Josh-”

“Call his old school,  _ call  _ them right now and fucking  _ ask  _ them about  _ Tyler Joseph _ .  _ Ask  _ them!”

Coach sighed, tucking his clipboard under his arm. “Josh,” he said again in an annoyingly calm and low voice. “This school, Worthington...the team,  _ myself _ , as the coach...we have to be very careful, very selective about the…the type of kids we allow on the team. When you’re on the team, when we get to travel to different schools across the state, that’s a  _ privilege _ . If you’re grades are below average, if your sportsmanship is subpar, the list goes on...then you’re temporarily suspended from the team-  _ not  _ as a punishment, but to give you time to put your best effort into the other areas of your academic life. You know all that. When you’re on this team, you’re a  _ representative  _ of this school, of Worthington, of what we stand for. We simply  _ cannot _ permit trouble students to be on the team. Worthington is a  _ good  _ school held in high esteem in this state, we have a  _ reputation  _ to maintain. You get me, right?”

Josh was silent, gritting his teeth. His eyes felt a little watery, but he wouldn’t cry,  _ not  _ in front of Coach Anderson, thank you very fucking much. He took a shaky breath before spitting out, “What about  _ Tyler’s  _ reputation?”

Coach furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

“Tyler has a reputation,  _ too _ . And right now  _ everyone  _ is thinking the absolute worst of him, this whole stupid school believes every single stupid  _ lie  _ about him, but no one cares or even notices any of the  _ good  _ things he does. Tyler is a...an  _ excellent  _ student and  _ person _ , and no one notices because they just  _ assume _ that he’s not. He has a reputation,  _ too,  _ Coach. What about that?”

Coach studied Josh for a minute, and Josh finally felt a flicker of hope. He pressed, “Can’t you just...call his old school and  _ ask? _ You’ve never...you’ve never had like, official reports or anything, have you? If he really  _ was  _ a bad student, if he really did cause trouble on the team then...then they’d tell you. It’d be on his record. I mean...I mean, this is  _ America _ , the guy deserves a  _ trial  _ at  _ least _ . What is this, is this the democracy we fought the Revolutionary War for, just so we can judge a guy without proof and then-”

“Okay,  _ okay _ , Dun. At least you’re apparently paying attention in history,” Coach almost grinned but not quite, and Josh felt the flicker of hope in his chest sway. Whether positively or negatively, he didn’t know just yet.

“We  _ need _ him back on the team,” Josh added quietly. “We needed him  _ tonight _ .”

Coach shuffled his clipboard again and took a pen from his pocket, scribbling a quick note. “Okay….”

Josh’s eyes widened. “Okay…?”

Coach rolled his eyes at the expression on Josh’s face. “ _ Okay. _ Give me a few days. I will  _ call  _ Joseph’s old school, alright? But that’s all I can promise you, if the kid’s got a record, if he’s got  _ anything  _ against him, anything regarding the team whatsoever, then...then that’s all I can do. You get me, Dun?”

Josh’s face split into a grin so big it hurt his cheeks. He gave a sloppy salute. “Aye aye, Captain! Thank you, thanks a lot, I’m, you’re...you’ll see, once you call them and ask about him, you’ll see, Coach!”

Coach Anderson made an unsure noise as he pulled his keys out of his pocket. “If the kid’s got a record, he’s still off….”

“Sure, sure,” Josh dismissed the concern, walking backwards across the gym floor as he waved goodbye. “Thanks, again, Coach, you won’t regret it, I swear you won’t. We’ll win every game from now on, just you fucking wait!”

“ _ Dun _ , about your langua-”

“Gotta go, Coach, see ya on Monday! Good game, good game!” Josh almost tripped as he turned around and dashed out the back door and into the safety of the parking lot.

His family was waiting for him in the van, the heat blasting out of the vents and the classical channel playing quietly on the radio.

“That took forever,” Abby whined as Josh climbed over her and into the backseat. “ _ Ow,  _ you’re on my foot, Josh, get  _ off-” _

“That was longer than three minutes, J,” Ashley muttered once Josh plopped into his seat next to her and buckled his seatbelt. Josh only shrugged.

“Too bad about the game,” Josh’s mom called from the front seat. “You played well though, Josh! Impressive performance considering this was the first time since you hurt your ankle.”

“Damn right it was impressive,” Josh’s dad added. Abby gasped as Mrs. Dun smacked at his arm.  _ “Not in front of the kids,” _ Josh and his three siblings could all hear her hiss at him.

Mrs. Dun smiled at Josh in the rearview mirror. “How about a late night stop at Wendy’s for frosties to celebrate anyways, huh, kids? Josh, sound good?”

Josh was never one to turn down ice cream, no matter how chilly it still was outside. Once they were out of the parking lot, Jordan turned around in his seat and had to poke Josh’s knee to get his attention. Josh had been too busy smiling out of the window to pay any attention to his little brother.

“What are you smiling for, what’s so funny? The game  _ sucked _ . We lost, dude.”

Josh didn’t reply, only shrugged. He pulled out his phone and checked his messages from Tyler, squinting at the screen in the dark car. Funnily enough, even though Tyler still hadn’t opened his texts, Josh’s spirits didn’t sink at all. Even though Tyler was still mad at him, even though Mikey was mad at him, even though Josh had a lot of explaining to do with Jenna...he just had a good feeling about things. And the game? It didn’t feel like a total loss to Josh. Not in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good stuff is coming next guyssssss THANK YOU SO MUCH?????? for your love and support??? and for reading such a long WIP fic!!!!! thank you THANK YOU FRIENDS!!!!!! ILY <33333


	17. been kind of hoping you might

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well shit fire and save matches LOOK WHO FINALLY UPDATED! msorry for being such a neglectful dad to this fic and yall kids i love you all thank you FOR READING!?!?!!!!!!!
> 
> (title from the wombats' Give Me A Try)

Tyler was laying on his stomach, sprawled across his bed and squinting at the small text in one of Maddie’s books, a brand new copy of some new thriller. He had woken up that morning much later than usual- well, technically, it was noon- to a light but steady rain outside his window. Tyler had been surprised Zack’s alarm hadn’t woken him up that morning at some ungodly hour, but the day was so gray and sleepy, plus the fact that Tyler had laid awake half the night scrolling angrily through all the pictures he had on his phone of Josh, from his camera roll and on Josh’s instagram and twitter accounts, before silently crying himself to sleep, it wasn’t that surprising at all that Tyler had overslept several hours. It was all for the best though, Tyler decided. He was supposed to be acting kind of sick anyways.

After he had first woken up, Tyler had lugged himself out of bed and had peeked out of his room and down the hallway. The upstairs was deserted, and he could hear his siblings downstairs in the living room watching a movie. Tyler hadn’t felt at the time- and still didn’t feel, actually- like socializing, even if that meant skipping breakfast. Instead, Tyler had sneaked across the hall into his younger sister’s room and borrowed a book to try forgetting his problems in. He had grabbed one blindly from her shelf; he didn’t care what it was, he’d have read one of his textbooks from school if he hadn’t left his bag down in the kitchen yesterday afternoon. Maddie would kill him if she knew Tyler was reading one of her books before she had had a chance to read it, but Tyler’s own small collection of books were still taped up in a moving box beneath his bed, and the last thing he felt like doing was searching the house for some scissors to open the box just to get one of his own books. At chapter seven, when Tyler still had no idea what was going on, he figured it didn’t really matter much about reading Maddie’s book before her. He wasn’t paying any attention anyways.

Tyler reread the same sentence for the sixth time before dog earring the page and resting his cheek on top of it, sighing and looking glumly out the window beside the bed. The rain wasn’t very heavy, but it was still washing away the last few drifts of snow scattered across the front yard and driveway. There was a small lump of a snow-Yoda Jay had made the other day by the mailbox, and Tyler watched as an ear slid off and splat in the muddy, dead grass beside it. Tyler was a little sad to see the snow gone, but the weather matched his mood, and right now, all Tyler felt like doing was moping. So who cared about the snow anyways?

Tyler’s phone buzzed from the floor beside his bed, and Tyler waited for a few minutes until it buzzed again, then reached down to fish it from the pile of clothes he had dropped their the day before. He took a shaky breath and eyed the black screen suspiciously. It could be... _ Josh _ . Tyler wasn’t really sure if he wanted to talk to Josh right now. Except that of  _ course  _ Tyler totally, one hundred percent  _ did.  _ He wanted to be mad, to  _ stay  _ mad, but it was  _ Josh.  _ He couldn’t stay mad at him, he really, really couldn’t. The day before, during lunch, when they had been texting innocently- well...maybe it wasn’t  _ completely  _ innocently, but you get him- and everything had felt right with the world, and then  _ she  _ had come along and...it made Tyler a little sick to think about it. Sure, he had  _ known  _ that Josh and Jenna were  _ kind  _ of together, and that hadn’t really bothered him. He knew how Josh felt, about both him  _ and  _ Jenna, and he knew Josh wanted to break things off with her. They hadn’t officially discussed all that yet, but. Tyler knew. And even when he had run out of the cafeteria yesterday, he hadn’t really been  _ mad.  _ Just a little hurt. And not even that hurt by  _ Josh _ either; he had seen what happened, he knew Josh hadn’t initiated it. Heck, he had been texting  _ him.  _ But try telling Tyler’s brain that. The paranoia was so quick to crawl in, so quick to wash away and replace everything they had done together, everything Josh had ever said to him...Tyler knew it was a little pathetic, but what could he do? He was positive he would have gotten his shit together eventually, after a few moments alone, but then that stupid asshole friend of Josh’s had made fun of him when he was trying to get out of there. Tyler hadn’t even done anything, he was just walking by and suddenly an entire table full of students were laughing at him. It had all felt too familiar and reminded him too much of things at his old school. Tyler had felt mad at  _ all _ of them just then, even Josh. Maybe even  _ especially  _ Josh. He hadn’t even come after him or anything. Shouldn’t he have come after him?

At least Mikey had. They had sat outside the school on the curb in the back parking lot; even though the curb was wet and it was cold, Mikey had stayed with Tyler. Not for very long, but at least he had made the  _ effort.  _ Tyler hadn’t wanted company right then anyways. Who wanted company when you were using every single muscle in your face to try and hold back the petty tears you felt fighting their way out? Not Tyler. Mikey  _ had  _ helped though. He always seemed to be the voice of reason for Tyler when his mind was going haywire.

Tyler’s phone buzzed again; Tyler had gotten so lost in replaying the events of the previous afternoon that he had almost forgotten he had received a text. He forced himself to turn his phone on.

_ Mikey: really bad game last night lol. we lost obv _

_ Mikey: how r u doing? want 2 come over? _

Tyler sighed in relief at the messages. It was just Mikey. Tyler could deal with just Mikey right now. Well, kind of. Tyler opened the right conversation as quickly as possible, struggling to keep his eyes from landing on Josh’s unopened texts. He had read them the other day as Josh had sent them, but he hadn’t opened the messages yet, much less replied. He wanted to, which kind of surprised Tyler, but he  _ really _ did- he just didn’t know what to say. What if Josh was  _ mad  _ at him for getting mad? What if Josh was mad that Tyler was mad and then ignored his texts? Why hadn’t Josh texted him again today? Had he given up? What if this was the beginning of another prolonged period where neither Tyler nor Josh talked to each other, just like back during the winter months? Tyler’s heartbeat quickened at that, and not in a good way.  _ Oh, God, what if this is like last time? What if we have to not be friends again? Dammit, I can’t handle doing that again, I just  _ can’t,  _ I legit  _ won’t.  _ If he thinks he’s going to get rid of me that easy then he is goddamn  _ wrong,  _ I won’t- _

_ Mikey: we can watch a movie. G’s not home, we can hang in the basement. he’s still acting weird idk wut’s up but he’ll b gone for like 3 hours so we hav time 2 watch Batman or something _

Tyler tried to calm the new worry about Josh that had just been created in his mind and fumbled out a quick reply.

_ T: no thx i’m kinda busy _

_ T: thx tho bro a lot _

_ Mikey: Spider man? _

Tyler paused and thought about it. Maybe he  _ should  _ get out of the house and hang out with his friend. Instead of laying around in his bedroom in his pajamas with the lights off not reading his sister’s book and scrolling through Josh’s social media accounts all day.  _ That  _ probably wasn’t the best thing for him to do.

_ T: idk… _

_ Mikey: i’ll make u hot chocolate _

_ Mikey: w rainbow marshmallows _

_ Mikey: and whipped cream _

_ T: ...the canned kind? _

_ Mikey: xtra creamy!! _

_ T: ...ok i guess _

_ Mikey: :DDD _

_ T: b there in 20 _

Tyler didn’t bother changing out of his pajamas, just stuffed a pair of sneakers on his feet and a random beanie on his head and asked to borrow his mom’s keys. His mom fussed over him for a minute, worrying whether or not he was well enough to drive since he felt so poorly last night he had to skip the game, but Tyler convinced her that he felt  _ loads  _ better now. He coughed a little, just so she wouldn’t get suspicious, and let her stuff a handful of throat lozenges in his hand, her voice carrying after him to take it easy as he dashed for the door.

 

Mikey lightly joked throughout the movie about Tyler’s pajama pants matching the movie they were watching- his fuzzy sweatpants with little spidermans all over them; they were one of Tyler’s favorite pairs, hand-me-downs or not. Besides those couple of remarks Mikey made, and his offer halfway through the move to get Tyler more hot chocolate, they were silent, sitting at opposite ends of the old couch in the Way’s basement, the volume low and subtitles on. Mikey got on his phone a few minutes after the movie started, and Tyler thought about doing the same, but instead let his mind wander, grateful to his friend for offering his company while at the same time not being overbearing. Truthfully, Tyler didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t feel like socializing either. This was a good inbetween for the time being.

Tyler’s thoughts of course wandered back to the other day, the scene with Jenna sitting on Josh’s lap and touching him and then _ kissing  _ him, kissing the same soft, chapped lips that Tyler had kissed, played over and over in his head. He thought briefly of all the other snapshots and short scenes his brain had remembered and stored up, of Josh at the Christmas prom, of the way Jenna had kissed him then, too; that afternoon after school when Tyler had first taken Josh to the movies with him, to that Star Wars movie; of when Josh had first hurt his ankle at their neighborhood court and Tyler had sucked up his pride and decided to help him home; those anxious, blurry, first days at Worthington when he was barely able to put a face to Josh’s name, but a quiet boy with flaming red hair and tattoos kept catching his eye...and then to more recent times, to the aching isolation Tyler felt when he and Josh weren’t speaking, to Christmas day and how his family had been singing Christmas songs while baking gingerbread cookies, and Tyler had barely felt well enough to slump downstairs and sit in the other room by the fireplace, pretending to be fine, just a little sick; and then that afternoon when Tyler had decided to stay after school and mess around in the gym, a decision he had almost not made, had almost gone home instead; had decided to mess around and shoot some baskets to try and clear his head, only to find himself face to face with Josh as Josh- for some crazy, unknown reason to Tyler-  _ kissed  _ him, changing everything; the pink glow on Josh’s cheeks as they ate across from each other in Burger King; the surprise and fear Tyler had felt when they stumbled across Spencer in Josh’s room;  _ spending the night in Josh’s bed,  _ lying next to him, listening to his steady breathing before finally falling asleep, too, never having felt so safe and content in all his life. Tyler found himself smiling a little bit, even though the scene playing on the television was currently one of distress and disaster. He remembered how he had woken up the next day to Josh’s mouth on his neck. Quiet, timid,  _ shy  _ Joshua Dun, kissing him awake, turning Tyler on more quickly and heatedly than Tyler ever expected Josh to fully know.  _ That  _ was a feeling Tyler hadn’t forgotten, and didn’t plan on forgetting even if he lived to be over a hundred years old.

Not for the first time, Tyler thought forlornly that if  _ everyone else  _ could just  _ leave them alone,  _ if the whole world could just continue spinning and everyone else could just continue on with their lives, and leave Tyler and Josh alone, then they would be fine. But that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Everyone else just kept  _ interfering,  _ they kept getting in the way. Jenna, with her perfect blue eyes and perfect makeup and perfect white-blonde hair and short, revealing skirt, slipping her arms around Josh’s neck and sitting so delicately on his lap and pressing her bright pink lips so sensually to Josh’s skin, looking as though she fit perfectly up against him, was born to fit  _ right there  _ beside him- well, on him, in that particular memory. Jenna and Josh. They went together so well. Tyler almost let out a quiet, dry sob right there, but stopped himself in the nick of time, eyes darting over to Mikey. He hadn’t looked up from his phone. Tyler went to take a sip from his mug to help push the tears and emotions back into place but found his mug was empty, and set it quietly on the stack of books acting as a side table instead.

The closing scene of the movie was playing when muffled footsteps sounded on the stairs behind them, and Mikey waved as Gerard came around the corner into view. Tyler almost forgot to acknowledge him, but remembered at the last second that even though he was  _ dying  _ on the inside, he should still be polite. He forced a small smile onto his face and nodded. Gerard ignored them both and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Mikey shrugged at Tyler, but Tyler didn’t really care. He just wanted to go hide in the bathroom, too.

The credits finally started rolling, and Mikey muted the movie and let out a sigh. Tyler could feel Mikey looking at him, but he just stared intently at the screen, pretending to read the names of the stunt actors while struggling to keep his bottom lip from wavering.

“No one cares that much about the credits,” Mikey said after a while, his voice low and quiet.

Tyler huffed and looked down at his lap; not a laugh or a sob, just a tension riddled breath of air. There were too many thoughts and feelings stopped up inside him, like steam in a pressure cooker, and if Tyler wasn’t careful he’d explode soon. Probably.

“Has he...y’know...texted you or anything? Called?” Mikey asked.

Tyler found himself shaking his head, and he stopped biting his lip long enough to explain, his voice strained and higher than he’d like to admit, “Y-yeah, um...yesterday, a couple of times. He sent a few texts….”

Tyler resumed chewing on his lips, eyes jumping from one new name to another on the silent screen in front of them, anything to keep his eyes from getting too watery. He could sense Mikey about to say something, several times, but each time he opened his mouth, he ended up closing it again. Tyler felt bad all of a sudden for making things so awkward with his friend.

“I mean, y’know, it’s whatever, it’s not...it’s not a big deal or anything, I’ll...I’ll be okay. I’m okay.” Tyler side eyed Mikey to see if he had bought it.

Mikey was squinting his eyes at Tyler, and Tyler immediately dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap, busily messing with the drawstring on his sweatpants. He sighed. “It’s just...like, I  _ knew  _ he was with her, y’know? Well, like, at least everyone else thinks they’re a thing, so...I, like, I lowkey knew that, y’know? And I thought, I don’t know, that he would...eventually like...break things up with her...y’know? He just... _ hasn’t  _ yet and- and that’s okay, like, I don’t know how things stand with them, like he needs to do it...like in his own time and stuff, I get that. It’s just. You know.”

Mikey huffed. “You’re more understanding than I would be if my boyfriend was doing that shit. It’s a jerk move on his part.”

Tyler blushed. “We’re not...I don’t think we’re  _ boyfriends _ or anything...yet. I mean I want us to be, but...I don’t know if...if  _ he’s  _ that serious or...maybe not? I don’t know, I’m just overthinking everything, you know how it is.”

“I know how  _ you  _ are, yeah.”

Tyler fidgeted uncomfortably. “What’s that supposed to mean? Do you think I’m overreacting?”

Mikey shrugged. “No, not really. It’s like, normal to be all tense and upset about it. Maybe...I don’t know, maybe you should try texting him back?”

Tyler looked at Mikey, surprised. “You think so? I thought  _ you  _ thought he was being a jerk.”

Mikey only shrugged again. “Jerk or not, you love him, so. That’s that.”

Tyler’s face was completely burning now. “I do  _ not... _ I don’t- I just  _ like  _ him, okay,  _ Michael.  _ We’re not even official  _ boyfriends _ yet, Jesus.”

Mikey shrugged again, and Tyler felt the urge to smack him or something. He stood up instead and zippered up his hoodie. “I should probably go home, I...I have...laundry to do….”

Mikey didn’t say anything to stop him, and Tyler shuffled from foot to foot for a moment. “Thanks for, um...y’know, for getting me out of the house for a bit. It helped, really.”

“Yeah, bro,” Mikey offered a grin. “Anything for my best bro. I’ll text you, okay? Let me know how things go with you-know-who.”

Tyler managed a weak smile back and headed for the stairs.

“Take the bag of marshmallows with you!” Mikey called after him.

 

Tyler drudged back into his front hallway and kicked his shoes off. It had started raining heavier and harder on the way home, and the car had almost spun off the road at the turn into the neighborhood. Black ice or something. It wasn’t a big deal, but Tyler was glad to be back in the safety and comfort of his own home. He’d had enough for one day. His bed and nintendo were calling his name.

Tyler’s mom popped out of the living room into the hall at the sound of the front door closing.

“Hey, Tyler, honey, there you are. Didn’t you get my texts?”

“What? No, I was driving,” Tyler mumbled, already starting up the staircase, ziplock bag of marshmallows under his arm.

“Your friend’s been waiting here for you for half an hour already. I didn’t know how long you would be gone, so I told him he could wait in your room until you-”

“Wait, who?” Tyler stopped so quickly on the staircase that he nearly slipped in his socked feet. He glanced back down at the hallway by the front door where he had toed off his shoes a moment before. A familiar pair of scuffed red Nikes were resting in the corner.

“-such a nice boy, so polite! I was just talking to his mother on the phone yesterday, she’s a nice friendly person to have met as soon as we moved here-”

Tyler didn’t stay to chat, just turned and galloped up the staircase, slipping to a stop in the hall outside his door. It was cracked open slightly, and he could hear Zack’s monotone voice droning on about who knows what. Tyler briefly contemplated hiding in the basement before shoving the thought aside, taking a deep breath, and, still unsure of his own feelings, pushed the door open.

Zack was sitting cross legged on Tyler’s bed, scrolling through his phone’s camera roll and giving steady commentary for each picture, leaning over and shoving his phone into- into  _ Josh’s  _ face. Josh was wearing the same hoodie he always liked to wear, perched awkwardly on the foot of the unmade bed-  _ Tyler’s  _ bed, Josh was on  _ Tyler’s bed-  _ nodding mutely along to whatever it was Zack had to say about each new picture he was showing him. Tyler’s heart stumbled to a halt at the sight of him, the door whining on its hinges as it swayed wider open, and both Zack and Josh looked up. Tyler watched slightly in awe as Josh’s cheeks, already tinted pink, probably from the cold-  _ why is it so goddamn cold in here? Is the heat even on?-  _ bloomed into a full and bright shade of red, and he quickly averted his gaze, tugging at the hem of hoodie as he looked down at his lap.

“Oh, hey, Ty,” Zack said, sounding distracted. He shoved his phone under Josh’s nose again, and Josh jumped back slightly. “This was the basketball team before I decided soccer was more my thing, both me and Ty were on it that year. See, I’m in the back there, you can’t see too good ‘cause this guy Brett was taller than me- oh, and that’s Tyler in the middle, see, and that guy right there used to be his best friend. I was the youngest guy on the team that year, pretty cool, right? _”_

“Uh...huh….” Josh mumbled, glancing from the picture back up to Tyler before quickly looking away again. Tyler found it more endearing than anything else. He was mildly surprised at how much he had missed Josh’s voice; it hadn’t even been twenty four hours. His voice sounded good in Tyler’s room.

“-and this was- oh, haha, look at this one, this is Tyler when we went to a thrift store one time, it was like  _ so  _ long ago, like, three years ago or something, look, he found this hat and put it on, it was so funny-”

Tyler stiffened when he noticed Josh suddenly trying to hide a smirk. He glared at his younger brother. “Yeah, um, I think you’re boring Josh now, Zack, how ‘bout you go downstairs and-”

“I’m not boring him! You’re not bored, are you, Josh?”

The small smile on Josh’s face faltered for a brief moment as he glanced up at Tyler, then over to Zack. “Um- no, I’m not bored, these are...these are some funny pictures-”

“Yeah, see, Tyler? He’s fine, leave us alone. Oh, and  _ this  _ one- oh, my God, this one, this is  _ hilarious, _ this was during some play we did in the spring one year, it was Legally Blonde- I was part of the running crew, I wasn’t on the drama team- but  _ Tyler  _ was, and  _ Tyler  _ played- oh, my God, you’ll never guess, ha ha! Here, look at his outfit, he had to play-”

“ _ Zack! _ ” Tyler intervened, only slightly sweating. “I’m  _ here  _ now, you can  _ go,  _ okay? Go...do  _ something _ , I don’t know, just get out-”

“No, wait, I wanna show Josh the other pics of you during the play, as  _ Margot, _ ha ha, remember when you had to-”

“ _ Zaaack! _ ” Tyler almost stomped his foot but stopped himself in the nick of time. That would appear too childish. “Could you please just  _ leave?” _

Zack sighed loud and long and hauled himself up from Tyler’s bed. “ _ Fine,  _ whatever. I get it, you  _ hate  _ me. I’ll just go eat all of the pizza pockets so there won’t be any left for you. Suck on  _ that. Margot.” _ He slouched out of the room, bumping past Tyler.

“ _ Don’t  _ eat them all,  _ jerk _ ,” Tyler warned as he closed the door behind his brother. He shuffled his feet for a moment and fiddled with the doorknob for as long he could without making things too awkward, then took a quick breath and turned around to face Josh.

Josh was smirking. “You played  _ Margot  _ in  _ Legally Blonde-” _

“Oh, my God, can you please  _ not?”  _ Tyler whined, flinging his arms at his sides and dropping the bag of marshmallows he had still been carrying. “I was like in  _ seventh grade _ , okay-”

“You sure? You looked older in the pic to me.”

Tyler grabbed the ziplock bag from the floor, a few marshmallows somehow flying out of it. “ _ Okay,  _ so maybe I was in eighth-”

“Eighth?”

“ _ Or  _ ninth...or...maybe tenth….”

Josh was absolutely beaming at Tyler now, and Tyler flung the bag of rainbow marshmallows at him, several more flying from the half zipped opening. Josh flinched away as the bag hit him in the shoulder and he looked up at Tyler, surprise and a shocked grin growing on his face. “Yeah, yeah, okay,  _ okay _ , I was in  _ tenth  _ grade and I played Margot in Legally Blonde;  _ yes,  _ I wore a dress just like your  _ stupid  _ friend said  _ and  _ I sang all of her parts, since my  _ stupid  _ little brother decided it was just  _ so  _ important to show you all of my  _ stupid _ , old, embarrassing pictures; I’m  _ so  _ glad you came all the way over here on your precious Saturday afternoon just to  _ laugh  _ at me. I’d  _ hate  _ to disappoint you. Are you happy now, mister?”

There wasn’t much bite in any of what Tyler was saying, just a growing irritation; the longer he spoke the higher his voice became, and he cut himself off, eyeing Josh suspiciously. He was certain Josh would have busted out laughing long before then had he not covered his face with both his hands halfway through Tyler’s little tirade, his shoulders shaking. He took a gasping breath and dropped one hand, studying Tyler across the room. Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his nose in the air, daring Josh to say anything. He had to get out of this conversation with  _ some _ dignity at least.

After a tense moment of silence with only the sound of rain pelting the window, Josh let out a quiet chuckle as he stood up and took a step in Tyler’s direction. Tyler started to turn away but felt Josh’s tight grasp on his bicep through his hoodie, pulling him back around to face him.

Tyler almost decided to let himself simply be pulled into a hug, the relief of Josh _actually_ caring and not _just_ texting him but _coming over-_ presumably to make up about what had happened yesterday- was so great and overwhelming. But then Tyler noticed the smirk still playing at the edges of Josh’s mouth, and he recoiled again, Josh’s hand slipping from its grip on his arm.

“You’re still laughing!” Tyler accused.

“No, I’m not, I swear!” Josh giggled.

Tyler spluttered, crossing his arms tighter and taking another step away from Josh, backing into the edge of the dresser. “ _ And _ I’m still  _ mad  _ at you, by the way. I’m not talking to you right now. What are you doing here anyways?”

Josh’s giggling immediately quieted and his eyebrows drew together, the emotions on his face sobering so quickly that Tyler wished more than anything to just see him smile again. What ever was he mad about again?

“Oh, yeah…” Josh murmured quietly, eyes dropping to the ground. “About that….”

Tyler rubbed awkwardly at his arms. He wasn’t sure whether he was relieved Josh wasn’t making eye contact or disappointed. Probably a bit of both. “Yeah...about that….”

Josh hesitated a moment, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Look, um...Ty...I don’t know...um, I’m not sure what to say, but um...I want you to know I’m sorry about...about everything. About, um...about what Brendon said and about  _ Jenna  _ and...and I’m just...I’m sorry…? It wasn’t...I mean, things weren’t supposed to happen like that. It’s...it’s not what I wanted. I’m...sorry, Ty. It...it wasn’t fair,  _ I  _ wasn’t being fair, I should never have expected you to- I mean, with Jenna and stuff, you...you shouldn’t have to deal with that. I’m sorry your Friday night sucked ‘cause of me.”

Tyler felt what little anger was left in him slowly but steadily fizzle out. How could he  _ possibly  _ stay mad at this boy? Josh was blushing still and his eyelashes looked so long and gentle against his cheeks as he continued to stare down at the floor, and he looked so cozy and warm in his hoodie, all Tyler really wanted to do right then was give him a big hug. And a big kiss.

Tyler didn’t know how to say any of that out loud though. Because he  _ wasn’t  _ happy about this thing with Jenna, and it  _ wasn’t  _ okay, and if after this they made up and things went back to- to  _ that _ \- Tyler thought he’d probably die if that happened.

“I just...I mean, like, I get it’s like hard or whatever...to, I don’t know, like...to have to break things off with her, but...you can’t, like...be with  _ both... _ of us...not really….”  _ Great going, Ty-guy, that was articulate. _

“No, I know, I don’t  _ wanna  _ be, and I’m...I’m working on it,” Josh stumbled over his words, looking up at Tyler. Tyler felt kind of small under Josh’s gaze. “I  _ am  _ working on it. It’ll all work out really soon, things’ll be okay again. We need to break up.”

_ “What?” _

“ _ No _ , no, no, no, not  _ us _ , I mean me and Jenna, me and...me and  _ Jenna  _ need to break up,” Josh took a step closer to Tyler, as if he was afraid he would bolt out of the room. “Me and  _ Jenna.  _ Not me and you.  _ Definitely  _ not...me and you….”

Tyler shifted, embarrassed, glancing all around the room except for the spot directly in front of him. “Oh...yeah, sure, um...I mean, like...if you... _ want  _ to then...then... _ do… _ break up....”

Josh’s brows furrowed together and his lips were slightly parted. Tyler thought quickly about just pulling Josh closer and kissing him and discussing all of this later, but Josh was already saying something else, taking another step into Tyler’s personal space as he did.

“Tyler, don’t...don’t you know that?” he huffed, sounding almost like a laugh, but his face still looked worried. “You thought I...you thought I didn’t wanna...be with you?”

Tyler risked a glance at Josh before immediately looking down again, his eyes locking onto one of the drawstrings of Josh’s hoodie instead. He shrugged one shoulder with his arms still crossed. “I...I thought you...maybe wanted to, um….” Tyler let his sentence trail off, unable to think of something to end it with. He blinked a couple of times.

Josh made that huffing sound again, and Tyler peeked up through his eyelashes at Josh. Josh looked...genuinely upset. “Tyler, I...how could you think that? I thought you...I thought you  _ knew  _ how I...how I felt about you...don’t you know?”

Tyler almost wanted to cry, not because he was sad necessarily, but because their was so much tension cramped so tightly in his stomach and making him feel a little sick. He blinked a couple more times and breathed in sharply through his nose, jaw clenched tight. He was  _ not  _ going to start crying, no fucking  _ thank you.  _ “Well...well, I...well, what was I  _ supposed  _ to think, huh? You were...you were snogging her face off and, and...and everyone  _ says  _ that you guys are...are...I just thought you….”

Josh was shaking his head. “I don’t fucking  _ care  _ what anyone else says. I don’t like her like that, Tyler, I like  _ you, _ okay? I know I...I know I kissed her, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, but...could you just...just give me a few days, okay? And I’ll break things off with her, I promise. You’re the...you’re the only person I wanna be with...okay? Ty?”

Tyler, despite trying desperately not to, sniffed quietly and glanced up at Josh. The emotions written on Josh’s face visibly melted when Tyler’s eyes met his, and Tyler glanced immediately away, embarrassed.  _ Why is he...why is he looking at me like  _ that _? Like I’m a...I don’t know, a  _ girl  _ or something. Well, you  _ are  _ being really weepy, Ty-guy. Shut up. _

There was a finger on Tyler’s chin just then, and Tyler jumped, startled, as Josh tilted his head up to look at him. He had taken another small step closer to Tyler, too, and Tyler held his breath, feeling his cheeks flush as he blinked furiously, trying to rid the dampness in them before Josh noticed.

Josh murmured softly, “Is that okay? I  _ will  _ break up with her, alright, and then it’ll be just you and me...you okay, baby?”

Tyler made an embarrassing choking sound as he tried to swallow a mixture of a laugh and a sob. Josh’s hand was still on his chin, and his fingers were more distracting than Tyler would ever have anticipated.

“...promise?” Arms still crossed protectively, Tyler shrugged one shoulder again and made a humming sound, eyes jumping from one light freckle on Josh’s cheek to another, avoiding his eyes.

Suddenly Josh took yet another step into Tyler’s space, so close that it forced Tyler back a small step as he yelped, surprised, bumping into and leaning back against the dresser behind him. Something plastic clattering to the floor, maybe one of Zack’s soccer trophies. Both Tyler and Josh ignored it. Josh’s one hand was still holding Tyler’s chin, but the other had slipped around him and was resting in the small of his back. Tyler had nowhere to look now but into Josh’s eyes, and when he did meet them, he felt his face blushing even harder. There was such an intense emotion hidden somewhere in the brown sea of his eyes, and Tyler was both intrigued and a little intimidated, and definitely swooning. Not that he’d admit to that.

“I  _ promise _ , Ty,” Josh mumbled, his breath tickling Tyler’s cheek. Tyler felt his own hands reach out towards Josh, one finding grip on Josh’s shoulder, the other clutching onto his hip. Something hard was pressing into Tyler’s back, probably a knob from one of the drawers, and his neck was kind of aching from holding himself up in his slightly reclined position, leaning back over the cluttered dresser, but with  _ Josh _ holding him and eying him like that and pressing into him between his legs like that- Tyler was totally chill with being a little uncomfortable.

“I promise,” Josh mumbled again, his eyes darting from Tyler’s eyes to his lips then back again. Tyler’s eyelashes fluttered just as he felt Josh’s breath blow hot against his mouth, and then Josh was kissing him, and every little paranoid worry and grievance Tyler had about and against Josh was dashed from his mind. Tyler had  _ missed  _ this.

Tyler heard Josh let out a little sigh, or maybe it was him, or both of them. Tyler didn’t know. All he could register was  _ Josh, Josh, Josh,  _ right there in front of him and behind him and against him and  _ in  _ him, Josh’s tongue was in Tyler’s mouth, tickling and strange sensations racing through Tyler’s skin, and Josh had  _ never  _ kissed Jenna in this way, Tyler was an idiot for ever thinking...he never wanted this to stop, never wanted Josh to stop touching him. Tyler’s hand slipped from Josh’s shoulder up to the back of his neck and then into his hair, faded blue, almost completely brown again. It was a really dark shade of brown, warm and safe and reminiscent of everything Josh made Tyler feel. Tyler intertwined his fingers with a few long strands and whimpered as Josh nipped at his bottom lip, panting. Tyler loved the feeling of Josh’s breath on his skin, never thought he would get over it.

Way too soon, in Tyler’s opinion, Josh was pulling back ever so slightly to press his forehead against Tyler’s, looking at Tyler with brown, puppy dog eyes. Tyler would have hated how Josh did that, except he was too busy loving every second of it.

“Ty, I...I really  _ am  _ sorry….” Josh murmured in a low voice against Tyler’s lips, sending little vibrations through Tyler’s body. Whatever little part of Tyler’s heart that  _ wasn’t  _ already melted did so now at Josh’s words.

“Sh,” Tyler replied, trying not to breathe too hard. “S’okay.”

“Really?” Josh looked confused.

Tyler nodded, their noses brushing together. “Yeah, I get it. Like...girlfriends are...man. Girlfriends.”

Josh huffed out a laugh, and his breath tickled Tyler’s cheek. “You’re the cutest. And the sweetest.”

Tyler could feel himself blushing again and was glad Josh was probably too close to him to notice it. “Yeah, well...don’t go spreading it around. That would really hurt my street cred.”

“I think Margot already ruined your street cred.”

“Jooosh!” Tyler whined, and Josh snickered and placed a quick kiss on the end of Tyler’s nose before pulling away, turning back to Tyler’s bed.

“I brought you oreos,” he said, picking up the carton and holding it out to Tyler.

Tyler glanced at it curiously before looking back to Josh, small smile on his face. “Why?”

“For the thing you sent me,” Josh stated. “Remember? The oreo mug cake thing? On Instagram?”

Tyler started to beam at Josh, he couldn’t help it. “You brought me oreos just for that?”

Josh shrugged, poking at Tyler’s stomach with the oreo carton. “I had to do something. Do you want ‘em or nah?”

Tyler tried not to giggle as he took the box from Josh. “Was this our first fight?” he asked with flourish, more than half joking, but Josh looked immediately guilty. Tyler kind of regretted saying it.

“I was kidding, JJ,” Tyler said, reaching out his empty hand to pinch at Josh’s cheek. “Stop making that face. I don’t wike it.”

Josh ducked his head, trying to hide a grin as he brushed Tyler’s hand away, and Tyler cackled in victory.

“You’re the worst,” Josh muttered as Tyler slipped past him to his bed, plopping down cross legged on the tangled sheets and ripping the oreo package open.

Tyler only smirked at Josh, his smile growing as a second later Josh joined him on the bed, their knees bumping together fondly.

 

Tyler was feeling infinitely better come Monday, even though he, as usual, couldn’t be seen talking to Josh, and they had to walk past each other in the hallways and look the other way, like they didn’t care- he was even okay when Brendon sauntered by with Josh after lunch, and he made another remark about missing Tyler’s cheer routine at last week’s game. The slight humiliation was totally worth the look on Josh’s face as he glared at his friend, his eyes flashing to Tyler’s as he raised an eyebrow from behind Brendon’s shoulder. Tyler tried not to smile. What would Brendon have thought if he  _ smiled? _

Tyler was even okay during physics, their last class of the day, when  _ Jenna  _ flounced into the room at least ten minutes late, and made a show- at least, in Tyler’s unbiased opinion- of dragging a spare chair from a table near the door to the other side of the room, joining Josh and that one guy who’s name Tyler totally remembered, Joe or something. She bumped her elbow against Josh’s as she hooked her purse onto her chair, then reached out and brushed some blue tinted hair out of Josh’s eyes. Now, Tyler was man enough to admit that he had started to get twisted a little out of shape at that, his pulse quickening and his back straightening, but then Mr. McAuley cleared his throat and continued his lecture, and Jenna turned in her chair to see the whiteboard, and suddenly Josh was looking over at Tyler, their eyes meeting and all the tension- or at least  _ most  _ of it- was quickly rushing out of Tyler’s system at the pure puppy dog eyes Josh was making at him. Even from across the room, they were the most gentle and warm shade of brown Tyler had ever seen and he was in  _ love.  _ Jenna nothing, Josh liked  _ him,  _ he had said so. It would be all okay. Just because Jenna was sitting with Josh instead of Tyler right  _ then,  _ that didn’t affect things in the long run. Tyler was totally chill.

There was still a good half hour left in physics when there was a knock on the door and the secretary was leaning in. “Excuse me, Mr. McAuley?”

The knocking woke Tyler back up from his semiconscious state with a start, and his head almost slipped out of his hand, his elbow slipping off the edge of the table. Frank chortled quietly from beside Tyler, and Tyler glared groggily at him. Physics was fucking  _ boring  _ as  _ hell,  _ okay? And for some godawful reason, Josh seemed to actually  _ like  _ physics and wasn’t answering the couple of texts Tyler had sent during the first few minutes of the lecture. After Tyler had hit send, a second later Josh had rummaged in his pocket, turned off his phone, then repocketed it, tossing a sly grin over his shoulder at Tyler and spitting his tongue out before turning back to the senseless diagrams in their book. Tyler glared lovingly at the back of Josh’s head and dark, mussed hair.  _ Nerd. _

And so, Tyler had fallen asleep instead- not technically  _ asleep  _ asleep, just sort of dozing in and out. He had just been resting his eyes, okay? He guessed it was a kind of good thing Mrs. Hampton had knocked. Who knows how long he’d be out otherwise? Mikey and Gerard weren’t in this class, and Tyler didn’t think it beneath Frank to just get up and leave when class was done, abandoning Tyler for Mr. McAuley to discover, snoring and maybe even drooling a little on his oh so precious stupid diagrams-

“Tyler? Are you asleep back there or didn’t you hear Mrs. Hampton?”

Tyler started again for the second time, reddening immediately as all his classmates’ eyes settled on him. “U-um, yeah, uh...sorry, what...w-what did she...I didn’t catch that, I couldn’t hear-”

Mr. McAuley sighed and interrupted. “You’re wanted in the principal’s office. Go on, don’t keep everyone waiting. Mr. Iero will collect your homework assignment for you.”

“Fuck that,” Frank groaned quietly.

Tyler gave him a nervous glance as he scrambled to his feet. Several students snickered. Tyler glared at a couple of them as he grabbed his bag and book and stumbled between the tight rows of desks towards the front of the room. Brendon stuck a leg out into the aisle as Tyler slipped by, but Tyler was  _ not  _ in the fucking mood right then to deal with  _ Brendon’s  _ shit, and took a wider step so as not to trip, kicking Brendon’s shin sharply with his other foot.

“Ow, what the hell’s your problem?” Brendon piped, pulling his leg back and glaring at Tyler.

“Dick,” Tyler mumbled and spit his tongue out at him.

Several more students began snickering at the argument, and Tyler caught Josh hiding a smile with his hand out of the corner of his eye. Tyler tried not to beam too proudly or obviously.

“Okay, okay, enough of that,” Mr. McAuley said from the front, glaring at the class in general and then at Tyler as he squeezed past him to get to the door, Mrs. Hampton still holding it open and waiting patiently.

The door swung shut as Mr. McAuley began his lecture again, and Tyler found himself wishing that Josh were coming with him, or that he were even back in the classroom suffering through class instead of submissively following the secretary into the unknown like this. The principal? What did  _ he  _ want? What could he  _ possibly  _ want? Tyler’s grades were okay, most of the drama between him and the rest of the school that had been circulating during the first semester had seemed to die down over the winter break, and things were running pretty smoothly, at least on an academic level. Why did the principal have to go and stir up trouble  _ now? _

Mrs. Hampton glanced over her shoulder at Tyler, as if his worrying was loud enough for her to overhear. She offered a warm smile and almost laughed. “Don’t look so worried, I don’t think you’re in trouble, hon.”

Tyler tried to smile back but didn’t quite managed. He appreciated her effort, though. Another several turns and a flight of stairs and they were stopping in front of the principal’s office, Mrs. Hampton knocking once as she offered Tyler another smile and even gave him a quick pat on the back. The door swung inwards, and Tyler only had a split second to be surprised to see Coach Anderson there before the secretary was all but pushing him inside and Coach was ushering him to a seat in front of a cluttered desk.

The door clicked shut behind him and Tyler tried not to panic as he perched stiffly on the edge of his seat, eyes jumping from Coach Anderson, who nodded at him as he took the chair next to him, to the principal behind the desk and piles of paper, a young woman who was currently scrolling on her laptop on one side of the desk. Tyler tried to take a deep breath as quietly as he could; the room felt absolutely silent, despite the steady hum of a huge fish tank in the corner. The blueish hue cast from the tank on the wall above it actually calmed Tyler a little, the longer he looked at it.

Much too soon, however, Tyler jerked his head back forward as the principal- Mrs. López- clapped her hands together and her voice rang out in the still room.

“Alright,  _ Tyler _ , it’s good to see you. How are you doing?”

Tyler glanced again at the coach before shrugging a shoulder and mumbling, “Uh, okay, I guess...um, for a Monday.”

Mrs. López chuckled good naturedly, just as Tyler had started to panic that his reply would be taken the wrong way. Thankfully it hadn’t, it would seem.

“I was just taking a look at your grades here; you seem to be doing pretty well. Especially in English, you have almost an A plus. That’s pretty impressive, I must say- I know Ms. Moore, she doesn’t hand out A’s just like  _ that. _ And music as well, you’re doing good there.”

“Uh...yeah, thanks. I...I really like music. And reading, reading’s um...it’s fun….”

Mrs. López nodded, scrolling on her laptop again. “ _ And  _ I see that you expressed interest in joining the drama team, during the first quarter, I think...no go there?”

Tyler didn’t know why he felt like blushing. “Oh, um...I don’t know, they were kinda, um...y’know, lots of other kids were already signed up, and I didn’t wanna like….”

Tyler didn’t know how to finish his thought, but thankfully the principal didn’t press him. She clicked something on the laptop screen and continued scrolling. Tyler glanced over at Coach Anderson again.  _ What the  _ hell  _ is he here for? Is he like the assistant principal or something and I never fucking knew that, or...or what…? Am I...oh, God, am I in trouble with the team again? Is all this because I got kicked off the team? Oh, my God, what if I’m being expelled? Ty-guy, whoa, wait, seriously- why would you be expelled? You didn’t  _ do  _ anything, technically; just getting dismissed from a sports team isn’t enough to merit  _ expulsion _ , in your  _ senior  _ year.  _ And  _ that was way too long ago to bother with now, that was last year. If you were gonna get expelled ‘cuz of that, you wouldn’t have been allowed to start the third quarter. C’mon. Don’t get paranoid, it’s okay, I’m  _ sure  _ it’s nothing...but...what  _ is _ it then…? _

“You did theater at your old school? At Mansfield High, right?”

“Y-yeah, Mansfield, East Mansfield High School...um, I was in the drama club, since junior high...a-and I was in the band.

“Oh, band, how many years did you do that?”

“O-oh, um...since junior high, too, I think.”

“What did you play?”

“Clarinet. I, um, wasn’t that good.”

“Your scores all look fine to me, more than fine. Don’t put yourself down.”

Tyler didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t reply.

“You do any sports? At Mansfield?”

Tyler tensed and fought the urge to look at the coach again; things were starting to connect now. Not the  _ reason  _ for any of this, but the reason the coach was here at least. They were getting into controversial territory.

“Um...yeah...m-my dad was the, um, the coach. For the basketball team. I played- my brother, too- well, for a little bit, he, um, played for like two years and then, um, joined the soccer team. B-but I was on the basketball team. Since junior high. A-and the soccer team as well, actually...I wasn’t that great at soccer.”

Mrs. López had been nodding the entire time Tyler had been stammering out his reply, peering over her thin glasses at him; not unkindly, but it was still unsettling. “And how were you at basketball?”

Tyler felt his blush trying to appear again. “I...was okay at it….”

“Really? The records from MHS are really  _ quite  _ impressive. I’ve just been looking through them here.”

Tyler wanted to shift in his seat but felt like he was in a spotlight and any movement would be painfully awkward, so he chewed at his lip instead.

“Tyler, I don’t mind saying this, your reports from the past three consecutive years on the MHS team are...well, frankly, they’re  _ far _ better than  _ many  _ of the kids who make it onto the team here at Worthington. Really impressive. And I’m not even much of a basketball fan.”

“U-um….” Tyler was starting to sweat through his hoodie. “...thank you….”

“It says you had near perfect attendance, since junior high,” Mrs. López continued. “ _ And,  _ more importantly, I feel, perfect conduct and sportsmanship reports. Not a single bad mark. In fact, it states that you received a sportsmanship  _ award _ , twice, actually.”

Tyler couldn’t help but fidget in his seat as he tried not to blush. “Yeah...I mean, um, yes, yes, ma'am, I did…. Um, what is...why am I here...right now, if, um...can I ask?”

Mrs. López shuffled through a few papers lying beside her laptop before turning back to face Tyler fully, folding her hands on top of the papers. “Tyler, on behalf of Worthington, I’d like to apologize to you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, transferring schools like this for your senior year, and I’m afraid there have been some very unfair...well,  _ actions  _ taken against you. I’ve just been discussing things with Mr. Anderson here; it was recently brought to his attention that you may have been...prematurely judged. I have since looked into things myself and can verify that that has indeed been the case. Very unfortunately.”

Tyler  _ did  _ glance at Coach Anderson then, who grinned at him almost a little sheepishly.  _ Almost. _

Tyler’s brain was spinning. He was having trouble keeping up with all of this. He looked back over at Mrs. López, speechless.

“Again,  _ both  _ Coach Anderson and I would like to apologize to you for the inconveniences.”

“Is, um...is this about me...being kicked off the team?” Tyler asked, still a little unsure what was going on.

Coach Anderson jumped in. “Yes, Joseph, it is. Back in, what was it, November? That little scuffle that happened between you and another player, there were...well, steps were taken  _ against  _ you without sufficient reason, and that’s, that’s not okay. That’s not what Worthington wants for its students. I’m sorry for my part in that. I think a lot of people were under the impression you were- well, a lot of people were  _ definitely  _ not aware that you had perfect conduct reports back at your old school, ha, that’s for sure!”

Tyler’s face was on fire now. God, adults apologizing were the  _ worst, _ made even more so because they were  _ teachers _ .  _ God, how fucking  _ embarrassing _ , ugh, what am I supposed to say to this, I don’t know what to- _

“Coach Anderson and I  _ both  _ feel that  _ since  _ there is  _ no  _ evidence of any problems at Mansfield- I don’t where or how that news spread, but trust me, I  _ will  _ be looking into it- we feel it’s only fair to offer you a place back on the Worthington basketball team, effective immediately. If you’d like, of course. Your parents have already been alerted to the situation, and...honestly, I can’t apologize enough for this mistake. It’s completely unacceptable.”

“What do you say, eh, Joseph? We got a big game coming up, we could use you back,” Coach slapped Tyler on the back and Tyler jostled forward, almost out of his chair.

“Um….” Tyler’s head was still spinning.  _ Do I just say yes and then I’m...I’m back on the team, just like that, just like nothing happened?  _ “Uh...um, yeah, y-yeah, um...I mean, yes, I’d...I wanna be on the team, but-”

“Great! Join us for practice tomorrow then, how about it?” Coach Anderson slapped Tyler’s back again and stood up. Tyler didn’t hesitate to follow suite- he wanted to get  _ out  _ of there.

Mrs. López stood behind her desk and held a hand out for Tyler to shake. “Thank you for being so understanding about all of this, Tyler, for being so humble. I  _ am  _ sorry for the unpleasantness of this situation. It must have been tough for you, being dismissed unfairly like that.”

Tyler shook the principal’s hand, praying to God his palm wasn’t obviously sweaty, and nodded awkwardly. He didn’t know what to say.

Coach Anderson ushered Tyler back out into the hall with another few good natured thumps on his back, reminding him of the time practice started tomorrow and how he’d have his jersey and locker ready for him then. Tyler doubted he could have added in a word if he had wanted to. The dismissal bell rang above Tyler’s head as the principal’s door shut him out in the hallway, and he could hear Coach and Mrs. López start talking again, voices muffled. The distant sound and chatter of students began, and Tyler blinked a couple of times as he stared at the closed door before he forced himself to turn and start back down the hallway in the general direction of his locker.

What...had just happened? Was he really back on the team like he had never been dismissed? And what had brought this on all of a sudden like this? Didn’t López mention something about… _ it had been brought to Coach’s attention _ ...what the hell did  _ that  _ mean? Had Mikey said something? Maybe his old school had contacted Worthington. That made a little sense. Or maybe his parents had-

_ Oh, God...my...parents…. _

Tyler didn’t even realize he was back in the downstairs hallway being jostled by other students till a voice called out his name. He looked up, too distracted by the horrific realization he had just had to register who it was coming towards him.

“Hey, Ty, how’d it go, man?” Josh was standing there beside him, looking unconcerned with being seen or overheard, a grin playing on his face. “What’d the principal say? Was Coach there?”

“What...what do you know about this?” Tyler didn’t know what to think, his thoughts and words coming a little too slow.

Josh  _ did  _ glance over his shoulder then briefly before dropping a hand on Tyler’s shoulder and leaning closer to speak, ignoring Tyler’s question. “What went down, what happened, babe? Did she- wait, why do you look so upset, Ty, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just….” Tyler shook his head, more to clear his brain than as a reply to anything. It helped a little to regain his focus; Josh’s brows were furrowed as he stared intently at Tyler, and the blur behind him suddenly turned back into students as they bustled by. A few distant alarm bells went off in Tyler’s mind, and he quickly turned to the row of lockers beside him, bumping into a locker door that was hanging open. He scanned the row for his number and shrugged out from under Josh’s hand to go a little further down the row to his own locker. Josh drifted after him.

“Someone might see you,” Tyler mumbled under his breath as he tried to hide his face from the passerby. A few familiar looking girls, maybe juniors, drifted around the corner, and he turned further away as he spun in his locker combination.

“I don’t care,” Josh hissed back, though he lowered his voice and turned his back to the group of girls as they passed. “I don’t care,” he repeated. “I wanna know what’s up with you. You look a little sick. Ty, what’s  _ wrong? _ ”

Tyler huffed as he yanked out his bag and slung it on his shoulders, checking to make sure his phone was still in his pocket. He almost closed his locker but decided to let it hang open a moment longer; it helped block him and Josh from everyone else.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked, his tone gentle, and Tyler cracked.

“Yeah, I’m...I mean  _ yeah _ , I’m okay, it’s just...like, I’m back on the team...for some reason, I don’t know why Coach randomly looked into it all  _ now _ , but. I’m back on the team...as of tomorrow.”

Josh nodded but his tone sounded hesitant. “That’s good…?”

“Yeah...no, yeah, it is, it really is, but….”

“But what? Are you worried about the other guys? Pete and Brendon and all them? ‘Cuz if you are, you shouldn’t, Ty, I’ll take care of them, I don’t want you to feel like-”

“No, it’s not that,” Tyler intervened, a little embarrassed. “I mean...not  _ really _ , like I can handle that, but….”

“But what?”

Tyler shuffled a foot awkwardly. “I think Coach- and maybe the principal, too, I don’t know- talked to my parents...about...all this….”

An immediate look of understanding crossed Josh’s face. “Shit...Tyler, I’m...I’m sorry, that wasn’t...I forgot that-”

“It’s not your fault, J.”

“No, yeah, but it kind of  _ is, _ I...I talked to the coach last Friday, after the game, y’know? I didn’t even think that he might go to your p-”

“ _ You  _ talked to Coach?”

Josh looked sheepish. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

Tyler groaned, cutting Josh off. “No, don’t apologize, I’m...sorry for being like this. It’s  _ not  _ your fault.”

Josh’s shoulders slumped. “I feel like it is.”

“Well, it’s  _ not _ . Shut up. It’s my parents. No, that’s not even true, it’s not them, it’s me. Ugh.”

Josh huffed. “It’s hardly your fault either, Ty,  _ that’s  _ not fair-”

“Well, then it doesn’t matter then!” Tyler tried not to snap but failed. He sneaked a look over at Josh, concerned he’d hurt his feelings, but Josh looked more than understanding about everything.

“Were they...were they really pissed at you?” he asked after a minute.

Tyler sighed and finally slammed his locker shut. The hallways were a little less crowded now than earlier. “No. I don’t know. I haven’t talked to them yet. I think they just found out this afternoon.”

“Fuck….” Josh glanced down the hall, but the coast still seemed clear. Tyler noticed he had his jersey slung over his shoulder.

“Aren’t you missing practice?” Tyler asked, tone a little strained, as he nodded at the jersey.

Josh seemed to have genuinely forgotten about the practice, wrinkling his nose for a couple of seconds before realizing what Tyler was motioning at. “Oh,” he pulled the jersey from his shoulder and looked at it a moment. Then he slung his backpack onto one shoulder so he could turn and reach the zipper, shoving the shirt inside. “I’m not going today.”

Tyler gave Josh a look bordering on impatience as he started down the hall towards the front door. He wasn’t mad  _ at  _ Josh, okay, he was just stressed, in general. He tried not to let it show too badly.

“And why not?” Tyler asked over his shoulder as, sure enough, he heard Josh’s footsteps jogging after him.

Josh fell into place beside Tyler with only one more fleeting look over his shoulder. “I’m going with you.”

“Why?”

“To...for moral support? To help explain. Y’know.”

Tyler tilted his head down to hide the small smile tugging at his mouth, despite the inevitable storm he was anticipating. “I don’t need help talking to my parents, Josh, I’m a big boy.”

“I...know that, but...don’t you want me to...to-”

“I’ll give you a ride home.”

They didn’t say too much the short distance from the high school to their neighborhood, the heater humming quietly the only sound in the van. But Tyler would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate the company. He was still practicing in his head how to address the issue with his parents when Josh said, “You missed the turn.”

Tyler glanced at him apologetically. “I...actually wouldn’t mind if you, um...if you wanted to- not help explain, exactly, I can manage on my own, but if you wanted to...well….”

Tyler was looking at the road in front of them again but he could still sense when Josh started grinning. “Moral support?” he asked. Tyler kind of hated the tone he used.

“ _ Yes _ , moral  _ support. Okay?” _

“Whatever you want, babe.”

Tyler tried not to let Josh notice the slight blush on his cheeks.

 

“Tyler Robert Joseph, you have an  _ incredible  _ amount of explaining to do, young man.”

Tyler ordinarily would have rolled his eyes at his mom standing in the hallway with her hands on her hips and her glasses slipping down her nose, but her tone was a lot icier and her gaze a lot more intense this time than it usually was whenever he came home a little too late or got a poor mark in math or accidentally dropped a curse word in front of her. Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and edged past her into the living room, thankful that at least his siblings were still at school. He was thankful for Josh’s comforting presence hovering in the doorway as well, as his mom advanced on him, completely oblivious to Josh.

“Tyler Robert, did you hear me? I got a call today, from your  _ principal.  _ To say I was  _ surprised  _ or  _ shocked  _ by what she told me would be a  _ gross  _ understatement!”

Tyler chewed at his lip and looked down at the floor, unwilling to meet either his mom  _ or  _ boyfriend’s eyes right at that moment.

“If your father hadn’t been at the office today, I swear to God, Tyler, he would have hit the roof-”

“You told Dad already?” Tyler pouted, peeking up at his mom.

“You can bet your sweet life I did! Tyler, what- I don’t even  _ know  _ what is going on with you, what on  _ earth  _ happened? You were kicked off the team, are you serious?”

“It wasn’t...it wasn’t exactly my fault-”

“Maybe not, but you lied to us, how many times? How many games did you miss because you weren’t even  _ on  _ the team?”

“I-”

“And  _ why  _ on earth wouldn’t you just  _ tell  _ me and your dad? Why would you lie about it all?”

“I’m sorry….” Tyler didn’t feel like explaining. He didn’t really have a good reason either, besides he didn’t want his parents to be disappointed in him, or freak out, like his mom was currently doing.

Josh cleared his throat. “Um, Ms. Joseph, it’s uh...it isn’t all Tyler’s fault, really.”

Tyler’s mom looked surprised to see Josh hanging by the door. She almost looked a little embarrassed at having gone off on Tyler in front of a guest.

“It was, um...there were people gossiping and stuff and basically just...some kids are di- I mean, some kids are, um, jerks, and, uh, it wasn’t...it wasn’t Tyler’s fault, he didn’t do anything, but then when I hurt my leg- it wasn’t Tyler’s fault then either, during the game, we sort of, we tripped on each other? And, and like, I got hurt and we both got suspended, but Tyler was like...more permanently suspended. Because the coach like, thought the worst, y’know? Because people were talking.”

Mrs. Joseph didn’t say anything for a minute, and Tyler watched her face nervously, eyes jumping occasionally over to Josh. The quiet was tense.

“It, um...it was only a couple of games Tyler missed anyways, and he...like, he didn’t tell you guys because he...he didn’t want you to be like, let down. It’s tough on us kids, we...we wanna make our parents proud, but...shit hap- I mean, life happens...like, stuff out of our control- like other kids saying bad things about the transfer kid in his senior year...y’know...that’s a pretty tough situation to be in, ya gotta admit.”

Tyler almost laughed at the expression on his mom’s face as she sized Josh up, still standing half in the living room, half in the hall. She was still angry, it was written all over her face, but there was a softer hint there now, too. Tyler tried not to sigh audibly.

“I...Tyler, your dad and I knew it would be tough to switch schools on you in your last year of high school. We didn’t want that for you, but...we had no choice. I can...I can understand your position, you’ve...we’ve dealt with bullies before, but...son, I wish you would have  _ come  _ to me,  _ and  _ your dad. We could have helped you.”

Tyler wanted to roll his eyes, but now probably still wasn’t a good time. He chewed on his lip some more before mumbling, “It was my problem, and I wanted to deal with it...without dragging you guys in on it...you’re both so busy, and I didn’t wanna...like, burden you or anything….”

“Tyler,” his mom huffed. Her hands were on her hips. “Your problems are never a  _ burden  _ to us, we’re your  _ parents,  _ for Christ’s sake.”

The conversation would have been getting too mushy in Tyler’s opinion, what with  _ Josh  _ being there to witness it all, if it weren’t for the fact that his mom’s eyebrows were still drawn together in agitation. He tried to look as apologetic as possible. Maybe his puppy eyes were in order. Nah, he was too old for that.

Mrs. Joseph threw her hands in the air like she was tired of going around in circles with the subject. “I can guarantee you there’ll be more to say about this when your father gets home, young man. And whether you’re now back on the team or not, you’ll still have to be grounded.”

“Aw, mom-”

“No sir, I don’t wanna hear it. There’ll be...no car privileges, for...for the next month. No movies either.”

“No car to get to school either?”

“Your dad can drop you off. The afternoons shouldn’t be as cold as the mornings, you can walk home.”

Tyler huffed quietly, but this wasn’t too bad, not as bad as it could be. He didn’t really care that much about the car; the movies, sure, but he could always sneak out to see one if he had to-

“And you come home immediately after practices, and no outings on the weekends.”

“Not even for church?”

“That hardly counts as an outing, Tyler.”

“Right...for a month?”

“A month.”

“...you sure?”

“Absolutely,  _ Tyler _ . I can’t believe you lied to us for so  _ long _ , about something as important as your sports. You know we’re counting on a scholarship with that. So  _ yes,  _ for a month.”

Tyler met Josh’s eyes over his mom’s shoulder. Josh pulled a face, and Tyler was surprised that it actually helped to lift his spirits.

“Oh, and that prom coming up, you can stay home from that.”

Tyler shrugged his shoulders. “Not like I’d go anyways.”

“ _ Tyler... _ .”

“Sorry, mom,” Tyler made a show of glancing at the clock in the corner. “Well, am I...am I grounded right this  _ very minute _ , or can I hang out with Josh for a bit? Since he’s here.”

Mrs. Joseph looked back over at Josh and actually managed a tight smile. “Sorry, Joshua, just a family thing going on right now. Though you do seem to know a lot about it.”

Josh began to apologize, but Tyler’s mom beat him to it. “No, it’s okay, I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s...it’s good Tyler has a friend like you, looking out for him. Just this one time, Tyler. Then you’re on your own for the next month, you hear me?”

Tyler gave his mom a quick hug on his way past before grabbing Josh’s arm and heading for the stairs. “Thanks, mom, okay, I got it! Love you!”

Once safely in the bedroom with the door closed, Tyler groaned as flopped down on his stomach on his unmade bed. Josh sat down beside him a moment later and pinched at one of his cheeks.

“That wasn’t too bad...right?” Josh asked. “Coulda been a lot worse.”

Tyler buried his cheek in his arm to get away from Josh, though he smiled as he did so. He rolled over onto his side to look up at Josh. “Yeah. Coulda been. I mean, my dad still has to have a go at me, but...it wasn’t too bad.”

After a moment, he added, “Thanks for, y’know. Staying.”

Josh grinned sweetly before lying down on his side to face Tyler. “Anytime. Though I guess we can’t hang out much for...what, the next month? Since  _ someone  _ went and got themselves grounded.”

Tyler pouted. “You’re supposed to make me feel better about that.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. Sneak me out or something, that’s not my job. You’re supposed to come up with that.”

Josh started giggling and Tyler started blushing and despite the fact he was now grounded and both his parents were mad at him and he was facing the unknowns of being back on a team that half hated him...all things considered, Tyler felt like they were going to be okay. Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapt 18 will be much sooner than 3 months lol i'd laugh but it's true and i'm kind of pathetic :'''') I LOVE U FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333


	18. baby, now you're one of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got SO MANY LOVELY MESSAGES from you guys abt the last chapter THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU FRIENDS peace and love <333 this update's a little shorter than i had originally planned, but it's fun i think! love you all <3
> 
> title from Ain't It Fun by Paramore

Tyler was wrong. Oh, shit, who was he kidding, things were _not_ okay. He was grounded, and that meant he couldn’t hang out with Josh in the precious time they might be able to find after school. And as if _that_ wasn’t bad enough, _he was_ _back on the team_ out of nowhere, no time to prepare, no time to let things settle in his mind, no time to even text Mikey and beg him for his support during practice that afternoon as Tyler had to face the other players all together for the first time in literal _months._

Tyler worried about it all day long, from the moment his dad dropped him off that morning- no car privileges, effective immediately- to lunch period to the last lecture before Tyler had to face the firing squad. He kept his eyes peeled for a chance to talk to Josh and just  _ vent  _ all this shit and maybe get some answers or at least a bit of assurance, but an opportunity never popped up. Either Jenna or Brendon or a hoard of nameless students that Tyler didn’t want to risk anything in front of were always surrounding Josh. At least Tyler was able to tell Mikey, who seemed a little under the weather himself, a bit about the situation during lunch, though not to the full extent; just the fact that  _ oh, hey, I’m back on the team, did I mention?  _ Mikey had been surprised to learn it was due to Josh, and his spirits seemed to lift considerably. Tyler wondered briefly what was going on, but the thought wasn’t enough to distract him from his distress. The internal fretting continued throughout the afternoon.

_ Do they even know I’m back on the team? Did Coach tell them? Did the principal tell them? Does Spencer at least know, since he’s like, okay and stuff? Oh, God, there’s another problem...what if he accidentally lets slip to that dick Brendon, what if he- I hope Josh thought of that, I hope he reminded him not to say anything. Shit, shit, between Brendon and Pete and faking to not like Josh- and to not  _ like  _ like him, God, I’m confused- and Spencer not slipping up and ratting on us, and then- what if Coach says something about  _ Josh  _ being the one to like, get me back on the team in the first place? What if he already  _ did  _ say something, ooooh shiiii- _

“Ty! I’ve been looking for you, c’mon, man, what’re you doing?” Mikey grabbed Tyler’s arm and stuffed a familiar blue and yellow jersey into his hands. “Here, from Coach! It’s even your old one, man, number one!”

Tyler felt a little like puking. He swallowed down the feeling and tossed his book into his locker before letting Mikey drag him down the hall. He considered making a run for it, but Mikey’s grasp was surprisingly secure.

“Wait, wait, wait, Mike, wait a minute,” Tyler dragged his heels as they rounded the corner and the gymnasium doors came into sight. “Wait, are the, um...are the other guys all in their already?”

Mikey dropped Tyler’s arm but was still edging towards the doors. “Yeah, most of them, I think. It’s like ten after, we’re late.”

“Yeah, um…” Tyler rubbed at his elbow. He  _ really  _ did not want to go in there. “Did Coach, um...has Coach said anything yet...about me...y’know…?”

Mikey got what Tyler meant, Tyler could tell. “I don’t know what he’s told them, he...might’ve made an announcement after I left, I don’t know, but...I mean, c’mon, Ty, he  _ wants  _ you back on the team, you  _ are  _ on the team, fair and square. Don’t worry about those other guys. Josh is here, too, remember? It’ll all be chill, dude.”

Tyler huffed. “Maybe.”

“It  _ will, _ now come on! You still gotta change! Take five in the changing rooms, get a grip, ‘n then come on out, man, okay?”

Tyler only nodded and thankfully Mikey let it go. He slipped into the gym behind Mikey and hightailed it to the changing rooms.

Empty. Thank  _ God.  _ Not that Tyler really deserved any favors, he was kind of flunking his science class and he  _ had  _ just been grounded, but still, Tyler appreciated it. He peeled off his hoodie and shirt and fumbled around for an empty locker.

The door to the changing room squeaked open, and Tyler froze, his heart flying into overtime as he tried to casually inch around a row of lockers to relative safety. Not like he wasn’t about to go out there and dive in head first or anything.

“Tyler?”

He sighed audibly. “Josh, over here.”

Josh appeared from around the corner and a genuine smile split across Tyler’s face. “ _ Josh,  _ I’m  _ so glad  _ you’re here, man, I swear, I’m dying, I can’t do this, I can’t go out there, and, and...I mean, if you  _ think  _ I’m just gonna skip on out there into the...the  _ lions’ den _ then you’re...you’re just  _ wrong,  _ okay, I can’t do that, I can’t-”

“Lions’ den? That’s a little overkill, don’t you think, Ty?”

“Shut  _ up!”  _ Tyler kicked at a locker, but it was only half heartedly and didn’t hurt, or unfortunately make as punctuating a sound as he had intended.

Josh raised his eyebrows like he was babysitting his youngest sister. Tyler pouted. “Don’t look at me like that….” he grumbled.

Josh let out a small sigh and then placed his hand on the back of Tyler’s neck. It almost could have been  _ only  _ friendly if he wasn’t rubbing circles with his thumb in the soft hair on the base of his neck. But it  _ was _ soothing, even that small of a gesture, and Tyler tried to lessen his pout, just a tiny bit, for Josh’s sake if not anyone else’s. His hand was incredibly warm on Tyler’s skin, and he was instantly reminded that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. A blush grew on his cheeks.

“Look, Ty...the guys aren’t that bad. Not even Pete, and he kind of hates me right now, since the Hilliard game, he’s just. Y’know,  _ Pete _ . And Brendon, he...he’s always been a dick, always will, but I mean...just ignore him, okay? You don’t have to talk to him, this is just  _ practice,  _ y’know, we might not even get to actually  _ playing  _ today and you can prolong interacting with him for another day or so. You  _ like  _ basketball, you miss it, too, right?  _ I  _ really did. And that...it kinda made it worth the tension or whatever with the other players, y’know?”

Tyler hadn’t been listening at first, still wrestling with the contradicting thoughts bouncing around in his brain; but Josh sounded sincere, so towards the end of what he was saying, Tyler tried to tune in a little bit. “That’s...right, you had to do this, too, didn’t you. After your leg got better.”

“Yeah, I mean...maybe it wasn’t as hard for me, ‘cuz I  _ know  _ these guys, but. You weren’t there to make it a little less...daunting...y’know? And I’ll be out there, too, Ty. Brendon and all them’ll be there, but...so will I…y’know?”

Tyler was about to just plant one right on Josh’s lips to shut him up before he said anything else  _ way  _ too incredibly close to a stupid, embarrassing chick flick line, but the door squeaked open again, and Tyler jumped and Josh quickly pulled his hand away. Tyler immediately missed it.

“Hey, guys, what’s the hold up, Coach is waiting!” Spencer. Tyler tried to slow his breathing. “Oh, hey, Ty! Coach said you were back! Good to see ya, man. Ha, coulda used you last week, that’s for fuckin’ sure. It was a mess, you guys were all over the place, weren’t you, Josh?”

Josh scowled at Spencer and Tyler hid a smile as he tugged his jersey over his head. He felt a hand brush lightly along his hip, and Josh flashed him a quick smile once the shirt cleared Tyler’s face. Tyler looked pointedly at Spencer until Josh got the message.

“By the way, Spence, remember, don’t let on to the other guys about us, okay?”

“He means us, like, friends, like, don’t let the other guys know we’re like...friends. Okay?”

“I know what he means, dipshit,” Spencer scoffed at Tyler. “Fine, fine, yeah, I remember. Y’know, Josh, you aren’t gonna be able to fool Brendon for much longer-”

“Yeah, yeah, save it, tell me later,” Josh patted Tyler on the shoulder and ushered him and Spencer out in front of him. No time for any last words.

The other guys were already running laps around the room, and- that was good, that eliminated that awkward first hello. Maybe the coach understood the situation more than Tyler had given him credit for.  Spencer and Josh started their laps, and Tyler walked along the edge of the room for a moment, waiting for Mikey to round the corner before falling into place beside him.

Ordinarily, Tyler would huff and puff and finish his laps mentally kicking and screaming, but when Coach blew his whistle, Tyler wanted nothing more than to run another five. Just  _ one  _ more, anything to buy a bit more time...but the team all finished their last lap and stood around the coach, and Tyler had to stop running and join them. At least Mikey was there.

Coach didn’t say anything, he didn’t even look at Tyler, just launched into a spiel about how godawful the last game was and how they needed to step up their own game big time for Akron in two weeks. Less than. Tyler stood at the edge of the group, hands fumbling awkwardly at his pockets, sneaking glances at the other guys to maybe determine how they were reacting. Most of the guys weren’t even looking at him currently, listening to Coach rant and plan the new gameplay. Tyler tried to loosen up a little.

With his speech done, Coach started barking out the new lineup for a short game; he said he wanted to put it to the test and see how they all meshed with the foundation a little shaken up. Tyler listened for his name to be called as Coach divided the room; Dallon gave Tyler’s shoulder a pat as he passed, and Patrick smiled at him from across the room. So far...surprisingly good.

Coach went back to his clipboard and seemed to be debating over something. One of the guys sighed loudly, and Coach told them all to go practice their drills, half the team on one side practicing defensive, the other half on the other side practicing offensive. Tyler was relieved when Mikey dragged him along to the side where Patrick, Dallon, and Spencer were practicing. That was a pretty safe combination of players, in theory. Safer than being on the same side as Brendon and Pete. And Josh. A small part of Tyler piped up in protest that he had grouped Josh with the likes of his stupid friend. But it was what it was; besides, it didn’t mean anything. Tyler shook the feeling away and practiced his defense, grateful so far for the relatively uneventful practice.

After half an hour Coach had them switch drills, all the while still pouring over his clipboard. Tyler wondered why the hell it was so difficult for him to just throw them all on their old positions and leave it at that. The fact he didn’t know what the coach was planning was driving him up the wall.

After another half hour, Coach blew on his whistle and motioned the boys over. Tyler was panting and still half hiding behind Mikey. As the two halves of the team merged around Coach, Tyler dropped his gaze to the floor in case Brendon or someone was ready to fire off at him. He didn’t want a scene, not now that practice was almost finished, and in  _ front  _ of everyone. Hell, no.

Coach was saying something to Pete, Tyler couldn’t hear what, but he couldn’t help himself from letting his eyes wander over to Josh, standing opposite him, peeking at him through his eyelashes. Josh’s skin was sweaty and the bright lighting in the gym shone on his skin; his hair was damp and- oh, wow, it was curly! Actual curls! Tyler felt a smile pulling at his mouth, and Josh must have sensed it, because he looked over at Tyler then and mirrored Tyler’s grin. He looked adorable. Tyler wanted to tackle him in a big ol’ squeeze and then maybe play with those blueish and dark brown curls.

But then Tyler realized that Coach Anderson was talking louder, directed at all of them, and Tyler dropped his eyes again quickly, just in case Coach said something. The nerves swept over him again for about the hundredth time.

“-a  _ very  _ dismal game, like, embarrassingly bad, guys,” Coach was saying, one hand on his hip and the other waving his clipboard. “I was talking to Craig- to Coach Fenlon- after the game. Several new students, several new players, that’s all it took for them to go from some pretty subpar competition to  _ actual competition _ . Ordinarily we’d just take the loss for what it is, move on, practice harder, whatever, do better at the next game- but this time of year right now isn’t ordinary. Our next game is in Akron, guys, and it’s in less than fourteen days. And we cannot, we can _ not  _ play a game against Akron like we played against Hilliard. You get me?”

There was some grumbling from the players and a few nods. Tyler glanced at Mikey. Mikey winked.

“Granted, we had some unforeseen issues to wrestle with the past few months, some of which, well...like I mentioned earlier, some mistakes were made, some rash decisions. This was brought to my attention, I- and the  _ principal _ as well, for that matter- we looked into it, and we’ve remedied it as best we can. Now  _ hopefully _ , we can get this team back up and running better than ever. We’ve got a stellar player back in our midst, Tyler over here-” Coach was suddenly grabbing at Tyler and pulling him forward, iron grasp on his shoulder. Tyler stumbled a few steps and bumped into another player- Ryan, thankfully, and not one of several Tyler could name. “-and with a lot of hard work from you guys over the next several practices, along with a few tweaks to the lineup, we should,  _ should,  _ be  _ more _ than able to give that Akron team a run for their money. Alright, who’s game, eh? We got that Worthington fighting spirit still?”

The response was half hearted, and a little pathetic. Coach didn’t seem to notice. He pounded Tyler on the back instead, jostling him into Ryan again. Tyler was beet red, and not just from the hour of drills, looking everywhere but at the other players around him.  _ God, get me  _ outta  _ here, mcfricking alarm bells going off right here, man, I can’t be center stage right here right now like this, ugh, this stupid  _ coach,  _ what the hell- _

“You said there were a few  _ tweaks _ ?” Pete wasn’t glaring  _ at  _ Tyler, but Tyler felt the underlying hostility all the same. Coach finally let him go and Tyler slipped back several steps closer to Mikey.

“Yeah, that’s right, I got the list here,” Coach turned his attention back to the rest of the group. “So for the next couple weeks we’ll practice with this new lineup, it’s what I wanna try for Akron. With Joseph back, things should run a little smoother.”

_ Yeah, I fucking bet…. _

“So what’s the new lineup?” Tyler glanced up at Pete, who was pointedly ignoring him. Tyler didn’t half mind.

“Hold your horses, here it is now...okay, so same bench players, that much is understood. Ryan, Mikey, you’ll be the first guys we go to if someone has to sit out or gets hurt, yada yada, y’know the drill. Spencer, you’d be next, alright, so I wanna see you working on that offense, okay, just in case. Akron can be a pretty rough bunch of guys, and we need everyone-  _ everyone,  _ even our bench players, to be on their toes, got it?”

Mikey and Ryan nodded, and Tyler stifled a smile at the look on Spencer’s face. Spencer noticed him across the room and glared at him.

“Alright, now for the active players. Weekes, obviously you’re gonna stay center, you’re about twice as tall as every other kid here, ha. Lucky for us, that’s a good advantage. Urie, small forward; Wentz, power forward. I want Dun as shooting guard, and  _ Tyler,  _ you’re gonna play point guard. Almost the original lineup, but a few tweaks, like I said. We’ll play in practices from here on out with this lineup in mind, ‘kay fellas?”

“Why am I a forward?” Pete  _ did  _ turn his glare on Tyler then, and Tyler tried not to shrink back too visibly. That would really hurt his street cred, almost even more than Margot. Tyler purposefully refused to meet his eyes, looking instead at the exit along the back wall.  _ Almost there now, almost there, practice is almost over, and I can get the  _ hell  _ outta here…. _

“Wentz, I don't wanna hear it, I’m not going to argue with any of you over this. Alright, kids, you’re free to go, don’t forget to do your homework. Just because there’s a prom and the Akron game next week doesn’t mean you get to slack off.”

“But  _ Coach,  _ he hasn’t played with us since  _ last year,  _ you can’t just throw him back on the team like nothing, and as point, too, and expect us to  _ actually _ be able to win anything-”

“ _ Wentz,  _ I am  _ not  _ going to discuss this with you right now, if you have a complaint, talk to me tomorrow during school hours, and you can-”

“Ugh, c’mon, let’s blow this place,” Mikey tugged on the back of Tyler’s jersey, and Tyler squinted his eyes at the disgust in his tone. Sure, he kinda hated Pete, too, especially right now, but it was still a little strange.

“You okay?”

“It’s whatever, just c’mon,” Mikey dropped Tyler’s jersey as they followed behind a few other players to the changing rooms. Tyler could hear Brendon going off about something behind him, but couldn’t make out any words. He was probably talking to Josh. Tyler peeked over his shoulder as the changing room door swung shut behind him, but quickly jerked his head back around when Brendon made eye contact and caught him looking. He hightailed it to his locker and yanked the door open.

“-is real bull, man, I don’t know what the hell Coach is thinking.”  _ Brendon. Great. _

“What’s wrong with it? We stand an okay chance of winning now, don’t you th-”

“Oh, Ryan, you’re so naive,” Brendon interrupted. “No, whatever, you’re not even playing.”

“Hey, he is, too, that’s not fair. Bench players are still on the team, man.”

“Shut up, Dal, you don’t get it. I wasn’t even talking to you-”

Mikey bumped his shoulder against Tyler’s, and Tyler stopped eavesdropping over his shoulder- though it could hardly be considered eavesdropping, what with Brendon talking so loudly. “Wanna come over to my house? We can play D and D. Or study or whatever you want.”

“Um, I...thanks, but I’m...I can’t actually, I’m kind of grounded a bit,” Tyler replied quietly as he pulled his jacket on over his jersey and shoved his shirt in his bag. “For, y’know...sorry, I would, but-”

“Nah, it’s okay….” Mikey seemed distracted, his eyebrows drawn together as he fidgeted beside Tyler. “I just...never mind, I’ll...see you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

Tyler forgot about his own problems briefly as he tried to read Mikey’s face. “Are you sure you’re okay? What’s up, did something happen? You can...you can tell me, y’know, if something’s up.”

Mikey was silent as he pulled on his own jacket, seemingly debating in his head. He chewed on his lip like he was about to say something; Tyler didn’t know whether to press it or let it go.

“Nah, I’ll...I’ll see ya. Bye, Ty.” He grabbed his bag and slipped out of the changing room so quickly Tyler didn’t have time to reply.  _ Should I go after him? Maybe I should text Gerard and see if he’s okay...maybe I should- _

The door flung open so hard that it crashed into the lockers behind it. Pete barreled in. “Man, I am so fucking done with this shit, I’m gonna fucking quit.”

“Please do,” Brendon retorted, and for once Tyler agreed with him. But that didn’t stop him from quietly grabbing his stuff as quickly as he could. Things were heating up and he had a gut feeling that he needed to escape ASAP.

“Shut the hell up, Urie, I’ve about had it with you!”

“Right back at you, asshole!”

“Pete, c’mon-” Patrick started.

“Guys, cut it out, for real. I am so tired of you guys fucking  _ fighting  _ all the time.” Ryan.

“Yeah, well, it’s all  _ his  _ fucking fault, okay.”

_ Oh, shit. _ Tyler froze, halfway to the exit, halfway to freedom. Brendon was pointing at him. Pete was inconveniently standing in the way of the nearest route to said exit. Tyler felt his defenses coming up.

“What are you talking about, B?” Dallon said, exasperated.

“He’s gonna fucking  _ ruin  _ everything, I call it right now.”

“Urie’s actually right, which is a fucking first,” Pete added and crossed his arms. He glared down his nose at Tyler, and Tyler almost edged a step back but stopped himself before he did. He glanced over at Brendon, who was arguing a little more quietly with Ryan right then. Spencer was on the other side of the room, looking uneasy; he made eye contact with Tyler, but there was little either of them could do at the moment. Dallon had given up and stomped out only a moment before, Patrick following a moment later. Who knew where Jordan had run off to. And Josh- Tyler didn't want to admit that he was looking for Josh, but well...he wasn't in the changing room anymore, by the looks of it, and Tyler's heart sunk a little further regardless. The numbers were dwindling, and Tyler was getting nervous about soon being outnumbered. On cue, Ryan threw his hands up then and shoved past Brendon, butting past Pete to get to the door. The sound of it clanging shut again was a reminder too late to Tyler that he should have jumped at the opportunity to get out of there while Ryan was. Now he was trapped.

“We were fucking  _ fine  _ before some asshole went and guilt tripped the coach into letting you back on the team, we don’t fucking  _ need  _ you here,” Brendon snapped, burning holes into Tyler’s chest. Tyler felt anger rising inside him and had to bite his tongue to keep from retaliating. If he did that it would only aggravate things, even more so than they already were.

“Probably cried to your mommy to come fix it, didn’t you?” Pete snorted. “Pulled some strings and now you think you got the Coach in your pocket? Well, you  _ don’t, _ okay, Joseph?”

“I don’t think that,” Tyler said, glaring at Pete. He didn’t know who he hated more right now, Pete or Brendon. Or the entire team for leaving him alone with these jerks. Tyler made for the door, but- as he had expected- Pete took a step towards him to completely block his way.

“We’re not finished here,” he spat. “This is a problem, okay? This new lineup thing the coach’s got going on? It’s not gonna work. The Akron game’s big because of the  _ scouts,  _ and forward position isn’t gonna get me noticed, not like point. I didn’t work my ass off these past eight years to get upgraded senior year  _ last semester  _ by some fuckin’  _ pussy  _ like you.”

“Shut the hell up,” Tyler snapped back, unable to silently grind his teeth together any longer. “If either of you dicks had any real talent you wouldn’t be intimidated by me anyways.”

_ Shit, probably shouldn’t have said that-  _ Pete  _ and  _ Brendon visibly bristled at Tyler’s words. Pete advanced on him as Tyler took a step back, only to find that Brendon was directly beside him now as well.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Brendon snapped.

Pete: “Shut your goddamn mouth-”

Tyler hadn’t been in a fistfight before but he was fairly certain it started and ended something like this, with a fist in his face in right about two seconds, unless he did something  _ right now- _

“Hey, back off, guys, you need to back off, alright?”

Tyler’s eyes flew behind Pete’s shoulder to Josh, standing by the door, his hands curled in fists at his sides, Tyler noted.

Pete turned around and snapped, “Shut the fuck up, Dun, what’s it to you?”

“I’ll get the fuckin’ coach in here if I have to,” Josh snapped back. “I swear to God, Pete, you gotta chill. You, too, Brendon, what the hell? C’mon, you know this isn’t what the team needs, it’s not what  _ you  _ need either. You’ll get kicked off. You fuckin’ want that, B?”

Tyler sidestepped to get out of the immediate range of anyone’s fist. Brendon was still glaring, but at Josh right now instead of him.

“Coach isn’t messing around anymore,” Josh prompted. Tyler glanced at him again, but he was ignoring Tyler, meeting Brendon’s glare head on and occasionally glancing at Pete.

Pete threw his hands up in the air and made a noise of disgust. He bumped forcefully into Tyler’s shoulder as he passed, knocking Tyler against the lockers, the clanging sound echoing briefly in the small room. Josh didn’t move from the doorway, and Pete bumped into him on his way out as well, but Josh stood his ground, and Tyler- wow, okay, kind of hot.

Brendon muttered something and shoved the finger in Tyler’s face before stomping towards Josh. Tyler felt a small wave of disappointment as Brendon tugged on Josh’s arm, and Josh turned to follow him out of the changing room. Though really, what did he expect him to do? He’d already risked enough coming back like he had and saying what he did. If he  _ had  _ stayed, he might as well have just told the entire school they were dating.

Josh  _ did  _ glance over his shoulder though, just as the door was swinging shut behind him. He met Tyler’s eyes, and Tyler offered a small smile to let Josh know he would be okay. Josh didn’t have time to return it before the door shut.

 

Except for the scuffle in the changing rooms after that first practice, the rest of the week passed in a similar way, which was both okay in some respects and definitely quite bad in others. Classes were the same old, though since Tuesday practice, Mikey had been avoiding Tyler, at least in Tyler’s opinion. But then again, he seemed to be avoiding everybody, even skipping multiple classes; Gerard, as well, was quite distant. Tyler sent Mikey a few texts, got fewer replies, and basically decided that if Mikey wanted space, that was fine with him and the least he could do would be to give it to him. So Tyler sat with Frank during the classes they shared instead; Frank didn’t know what was up with the brothers either, and he didn’t care. His so-what attitude mostly just amused Tyler, but it also helped inspire the emotional wall he needed to face the basketball team for an hour and a half every day after an incredibly boring and kind of lonely day of lectures.

Josh, on the other hand, though he and Tyler weren’t able to hang out- due both to practices  _ and  _ the fact Tyler was obviously still grounded, goddammit- texted Tyler almost nonstop, which definitely boosted Tyler’s spirits. After Josh had intervened on Tuesday afternoon, Pete completely ignored Tyler during practices, which was one hundred percent fine with Tyler. Brendon, not so much, but it was mostly just mean jokes and nasty remarks in contrast to actual physical or even serious threats. Tyler could handle that. Tyler  _ told  _ that to Josh when Josh had texted him Tuesday evening to ask if he was okay.  _ I’m not a girl, I can take care of myself, you don’t need to play the knight in shining armor, I had it under control,  _ etc. etc. Josh humored him at least, and frankly, though Tyler wasn’t sure he was completely comfortable with proclaiming as much to Josh just yet, he was secretly cool with it.  _ Not  _ that he was any helpless maiden, mind you.  _ I  _ definitely  _ wear the pants in this relationship. Definitely. _

The practices in general were okay. Just okay. Tyler loved playing again, he had missed it  _ so incredibly much,  _ but between having to ignore Josh, give Mikey space, stay out of Pete’s way, and dodge Brendon’s verbal jabs...it was a lot to chew. At least Dallon and Ryan and Patrick were civil enough, friendly even at times. Tyler still worried over Spencer spilling the beans, or God forbid Jordan open his mouth and say something stupid, but so far so good.

If Tyler was being honest, this entire routine, day in and day out, was starting to feel like running a marathon, and Tyler  _ hated  _ running. Texting with Josh in the evenings could only do so much to fuel their relationship  _ and  _ friendship, and Tyler was starting to get a little stir crazy. No Mikey to hang out with either, though he wouldn’t be allowed to anyways, not while he was still grounded. And one could only stand so much homework and studying at one time before one’s head would fucking explode. Tyler desperately wanted this thing to just  _ chill.  _ Whatever  _ this thing _ referred to.

Any other Saturday afternoon and Tyler would have been absolutely thrilled, but here he was, stuck at home with every bit of his homework completed and double checked, tucked away in his folder and ready for next week. No car, no going out of the house, no new alerts on his phone. Honestly, Tyler was about to  _ die. _

His dad was working over the weekend again, Zack had called dibs on the playstation in the basement and had some friends over, Maddy was at her part time job, and Tyler wasn’t yet desperate enough to hang out with his baby brother, which left only his mom. Thankfully though, when she had grounded him and said no movies, she didn’t seem to mind him hanging sideways off the armchair and staring at the television screen. His mom was perched on the couch, going through some bills and receipts scattered across the coffee table and not even watching the show she had put on. Tyler, on the other hand, was bored stiff; there were only so many episodes you could watch back to back of Bewitched before going out of your mind.

Tyler must have groaned out loud or made a particularly obvious face of distress just then, because his mom glanced up and chuckled quietly. “You want a snack, Ty? I got some of those Valentine’s cakes in the pantry, you know, the Little Debbie kind?”

“Uuum….”

“You want one with some milk?”

“...eh….”

“What, you want chocolate milk? I’ll get you some chocolate milk.”

She tossed the remote control at Tyler’s face as she passed by the armchair. “There ya go, change the channel if you want, hon.”

Tyler muted the TV first thing, then swung his legs for a minute, listening to the muffled sounds of a competitive round of Mario Kart going on downstairs. He briefly pondered joining Zack and his friends before almost immediately deciding against it. No way. Last time he and Zack played Mario Kart together there was actual blood spilt. Zack had whammed his controller against Tyler’s and grazed his fingers. Yeah, it was tough.

An old black and white movie, HGTV, a news channel, another news channel, the Pioneer Woman, American Idol, a Nicolas Cage movie. A spoon clinked in the kitchen and the fridge door shut, and Tyler’s mom appeared in the living room again. Tyler flipped the TV back to the Pioneer Woman. His mom loved that show.

She placed a mug and a packaged Little Debbie’s cake on the edge of the coffee table closest to Tyler before sitting back down on the couch. Tyler said thanks and tossed the remote control back onto the couch next to his mom before leaning over and scooping up the mug. There was writing on it that read “Please do not confuse your google search with my medical degree.” One of his dad’s. Tyler took a chug of chocolate milk.

His mom unmuted the TV as the Pioneer Woman began a recipe for cherry pie and went back to her receipts, and Tyler idly began swinging his legs again, resting the mug on his stomach and glumly watching as the milk sloshed threateningly close to the rim.

“Tyler, babe, don’t spill that or your father will kill you.”

Tyler sighed and took another sip of milk. He nudged the packaged treat with his foot before leaning forward again to grab it off the table, placing the mug on the floor by his chair, and flopping back into the cushions and toying with the edges of the package, the crinkling sound louder than the quiet volume of the TV.

“Are you gonna eat that or just make a lot of noise?”

Tyler glanced at his mom, but she didn’t look angry; she gave him a small smile before digging through her paperwork again.

A commercial for home insurance interrupted the show, and Tyler took the opportunity to rip the package open. One of the little heart cakes was smushed, and crumbs spilled across his hoodie. He flicked them onto the floor before waving the package in his mother’s general direction. A few more crumbs went soaring.

“Want one?”

His mom smiled but didn’t look up. “No, honey, go ahead and have them, I’m fine.”

Several more commercials played on the screen, and Tyler nibbled at one of the little cakes. They were a little stale, but he wasn’t one to turn down treats when they were sitting right in front of him. They were pretty cute, too, smushed or not.

“Are your kids gonna have a party or something? For V day?” Tyler asked, not really all that interested in whatever the answer would be.  _ Your kids  _ referring to the kindergarten class his mom assisted in. She always went way overboard with the crafts and parties and presents and treats for the kids. Maybe these Little Debbie’s cakes were for them.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” his mom answered, her voice light. She loved her job; Tyler was glad. She smiled as she continued. “It’s next Friday. They only have a half day, so the entire time’s gonna be spent on the party. This week we’re gonna be making lots of little cards and presents for them to take home to their parents. Isn’t that cute?”

“So cute.”

“They’re going to make cupcakes on Friday, too. Well, not make. I’m going to make them at home, I think, and bring them in the day of. They’re going to  _ decorate  _ their cupcakes. I can see it already. I’m going to be finding red and white and pink sprinkles and glitter and all kinds of fun stuff in my clothes for weeks.”

Tyler laughed halfheartedly. He was so bored now he had been reduced to initiating small talk with his mother. Oh, well. He supposed he wasn’t too old to have a girlish chat with her. Why not?

“I’m sorry about having to ground you, you know, sweetie,” she said suddenly. Wow, okay, so much for small talk. Well, maybe it could still be classified as small talk, but it wasn’t as comfortable as just listening to her talk about her toddlers.

“Oh, uh…” Tyler shrugged one shoulder and glanced back at the TV as the Pioneer Woman flashed back across the screen. “S’okay….” he stuffed another bite of cake in his mouth.

“It’s just...you know how it is, we can’t very well ground you for only a few days. It just happens to be at the time of month you have your prom going on- and I remember you telling me about your little crush- and I didn’t realize until later that  _ maybe  _ that would cause difficulties for you, and-”

“Wait, wait, what? What are you saying?” Tyler felt his cheeks heating up as he glanced awkwardly back at his mom, sinking deeper into his hoodie at the same time.

“The prom, for Valentine’s Day. You weren’t going to take your little friend, were you?”

“Um...no….”

“Aw, Ty, don’t tell me you haven’t told them yet.”

Tyler wanted more than anything to get out of there. He did  _ not  _ want to have this conversation. “Um...no, uh, I...I did...but….”

“Oh,” his mom looked up from her papers to study him, and Tyler quickly looked to the smushed cake in his lap instead. “Aw, honey...you told them and they didn’t feel the same? I’m sorry. When was that? Are you okay?”

The last thing Tyler wanted right then was to explain it all to his mom, but he suddenly felt the need to defend himself. Even worse than explaining everything to her would be letting her think he had been rejected and feeling sorry for him.

“No, he- I  _ did  _ tell them and they  _ did  _ feel the same. So….”

“Oh,” his mom sounded surprised.

Tyler huffed. “Why do you sound so surprised!?”

“Honey, I’m not, it’s just...oh, but, so you  _ would _ have gone to the prom together then, wouldn’t you have? Aw, I’m sorry about that, honey...there’s still more proms, though, you can go together then, hm?”

“I- no, we’re not...we weren’t gonna go to the prom together, we...we don’t do that sort of thing. That’s sissy.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. Did you even ask her?”

“ _ No….”  _ Tyler muttered.

“Well, maybe you should have, she might’ve said yes.”

Tyler huffed. “I doubt it.”

“Why not?”

“I...I don’t think it’s what...it’s not like...the kind of thing we’d...do….”

“Oh. You and that nice girl, remember, what’s her name, uh, the principal's daughter, you know? You two went to prom back in ninth grade.”

Tyler shook his head. “Well, this...this time’s different.”

“Why is it different?”

“I...I dunno, it’s just...this gu- this...this friend just wouldn’t...I don’t know. Probably wouldn’t be into it. Probably.”

“Hm….” Tyler sneaked a cautious glance at his mom. He didn’t like her tone. It was too thoughtful. Maybe he had said too much- “Well. I still think you could have asked.”

“I’m not even going anyways, you’re not letting me,” Tyler pointed out around the last bit of cake, hoping the subject would soon be dropped.

“I thought you didn’t want to.”

“I  _ don’t.” _

“Well, then, it all works out, doesn’t it?”

Tyler huffed again and leaned over for his chocolate milk. Why did he even bother….

“So...you know, you could bring...them over some time. For pizza rolls. I’d make you guys some pizza rolls and you could have the basement to yourselves, show ‘em the games you got down there.”

Tyler almost choked on his sip of milk. “I….” He bit down his initial response and took a second to actually think about it. “...maybe...maybe sometime...thanks….”

“But not while you’re grounded.”

Tyler looked at his mom, but she was pointedly looking away and at the television screen with keen interest, though she hadn’t shown any up to this point. Tyler eyed her suspiciously, but she continued staring at the freshly baked cherry pie the Pioneer Woman was holding up for the camera.

More commercials began to play, and just as Tyler started to grow concerned that things would become awkward, a cell phone rang from in the kitchen, and Tyler’s mom muted the TV as she muttered something about Jay’s teacher before dashing off towards the other room. Tyler felt some of the tension in his shoulders ease up a little, and he took a last sip of his milk before setting the mug back on the floor. He stared up at a watermark on the ceiling. Less than a year of living here and already they had begun to mess up the house.

Tyler studied the stain and considered what his mom had said. The initial anxiety that she somehow knew a little too much about his crush- heck, it just wasn’t a crush anymore, was it? Josh wasn’t just a crush anymore, he was a  _ boyfriend.  _ Either way, and whether or not his mom might suspect things, Tyler wasn’t worried about her freaking out. She was chill. His dad...maybe. A little at first, perhaps, but he’d come around eventually. Not that Tyler had huge, detailed plans of coming out anytime soon.

Then Tyler’s train of thought altered slightly, and he wondered,  _ would  _ Josh?  _ Would  _ Josh be into that sort of thing? Obviously  _ if  _ their circumstances were different, and they didn’t have to hide, and Josh wasn’t kind of with another girl at the same time as being with Tyler, and they didn’t have to pretend to hate each other, and the whole team and school weren’t involved, and. That was a lot of ifs, Tyler knew, but still.  _ If _ things were different...after all, Josh had taken  _ Jenna  _ to the Christmas prom, why wouldn’t he be cool with taking Tyler to the Valentine’s one? The memory of the Christmas prom darkened Tyler’s thoughts a shade as he thought about Jenna. She had been glowing. And Tyler didn’t even like girls, not like that. But she  _ had  _ looked  _ beautiful,  _ and she and Josh had looked so lovely together. Everything she did and said had seemed so  _ effortless.  _ Tyler could never be effortless, no matter how hard he tried. He could never be anything even close to what Jenna was, calm and cool and like, like  _ majestic  _ and shit, and….

His phone beeped from inside his hoodie pocket, and Tyler actually jumped. Good thing he had put his mug of chocolate milk down. The alert had jogged him out of his gloomy thoughts, clearing the clouds from above his head. No matter what had happened at the Christmas prom, Josh was with him now, he had  _ chosen  _ Tyler. He  _ liked  _ him.  _ Obviously  _ he didn’t care about Tyler being different from Jenna in almost every way- hey, maybe the guy  _ liked  _ that about him. Tyler started humming a pop song that was stuck in his head from being way overplayed on the radio lately, kicking his legs against the armchair in beat with the song, decidedly making an effort to  _ not  _ get sucked into less than positive thoughts on the whole Josh front. Why create new or dig up old problems when things were going smoothly?

His phone beeped again, reminding Tyler of his new text, and he quickly realized that it could be Josh! He dug around in his pocket and pulled out his phone, smiling at the screen as soon as it loaded.

_ J: heeey baby u busy today?? ;) _

_ T: ha ha v funny _

_ T: u think???? _

_ J: i did something cool b proud of me _

_ T: :O wut!!? _

_ T: is it illegal _

_ J: xDDD _

_ J: only a little _

_ T: WAT!!! _

_ J: relax! i drove my mom’s van _

_ T: u hav a license? since when _

_ J: i dont, just a permit _

_ T: o was that the illegal part _

_ J: yeah i drove to ur house on my own lol _

_ T: :O ur here!?? _

_ J: im waitin outside bby cmon _

_ T: but im grounded _

_ J: cmon anyways lets be naughty _

Tyler’s cheeks split in a grin as he didn’t reply, just shoved his phone back in his pocket and rolled upside down off the chair, jostling into the coffee table on the way and barely missing the mug on the floor. He padded quietly through the living room and past the kitchen door. His mom had her back to him, unloading the dishwasher as she talked to the phone on speaker, and Tyler didn’t waste any time darting down the hall and slipping on his sneakers. It was still pretty cold outside, but Tyler’s hoodie was thick enough that he opted to forgo the coat, pulling a beanie onto his head and cracking the front door open as quietly as he could.

The familiar gray minivan was parked along the curb, and Tyler jogged across the front lawn and yanked open the passenger door, hopping in as quickly as he could, both because he was  _ freezing  _ in just his damn hoodie and the concern that his mom would notice him missing and spot them before they could escape.

Josh was behind the wheel, a wide grin on his face as he looked Tyler up and down. “Hey, girlfriend. What’s up?”

Tyler laughed and punched Josh’s arm. “ _ Josh, oh, my God,  _ how did you  _ know  _ that I was  _ dying  _ in there? You saved me. I was going absolutely crazy.”

“I can imagine. I know how you are.”

“Ha ha,” Tyler glanced at the front door over his shoulder. “Let’s hurry and get out of here, huh? I wouldn’t put it past my mom to come crashing out here any minute, and you do  _ not  _ wanna be around for that.”

“Mm, I don’t know, I feel I could take on your mom.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t wanna find out. C’mon, let’s go.”

“Where to?”

“I literally don’t even care, just drive.”

“Um, yeah...about that….” Josh glanced away and tapped at the steering wheel. “Look, I, um, I almost had a heart attack getting this far, how about...how about you take it from here, okay?”

Tyler guffawed. “Are you serious? You’re  _ that  _ afraid to drive?”

Josh fidgeted and shrugged. “Maybe...stop making that face, just drive, okay? Dipshit.”

Tyler giggled the entire time he and Josh switched seats without getting out of the car, climbing over each other and the console, knees bumping into the console and heads into the ceiling, followed by strings of half hearted curses. Josh swatted Tyler’s ass before he plopped down in the driver’s seat, and Tyler only stopped giggling long enough to give Josh a smirk before gunning the engine and getting them out of there.


	19. I've got a problem with your shoes and your tunes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY FRIENDS, long time no see! omg i saw Love, Simon this week HOW FUCKIN CUTE AMIRIGHT??????
> 
> soooooooo this chapter is a LONG TIME COMIN and also a lot shorter than i've liked my past chapters to be, but i figure more frequent updates beat a long one every other year, right? plus i really really owe u guys an update i'm sowee! lemme know what u guys prefer tho! i hope this update is okay and not too disappointing!!!! there's a fun lil Easter Egg in here as well i've been wanting to add in since the conception of this fic so !!!! excitin!!! <333333333
> 
> p.s. this chapter takes place directly after the last one so sorry if u have to reread a bit to remember eEEEK
> 
> chapt title from The Sound by the 1975

It was a gray day and was drizzling lightly, too warm for it to be snow or ice, but cold enough to preserve the thin crusting of snow already on the ground. As for the roads, they were completely clear now save for a few dirty clumps near street signs where the snow plows had initially piled it all a few weeks back. The road was even still dry in places. Perfectly fine and safe driving conditions.

Not that any of that made the least little difference to Josh. Driving was still driving, regardless of the weather, and that terrified Josh to no ends. Blame it on a childhood spent chain playing Mario Kart with reckless abandon. He didn’t really understand his fear of it, but he didn’t feel any pressing need to overcome it any time soon either.

That was, until his adorable but unfortunately stupid boyfriend went and got himself grounded and needed to be rescued, though Josh still felt slightly responsible himself for that. And since Josh didn’t have access to a horse- he’d probably be just as terrified of riding a horse as he was of driving a minivan anyways- _and_ since the aforementioned adorable yet stupid boyfriend had only recently made clear to Josh that he was in fact _not_ a helpless maiden who needed a knight in shining armor- assuming, which Josh did, that knights who saved maidens often rode horses- Josh decided to just suck it up and be a man and drive his mom’s fucking minivan a half mile through the fucking neighborhood to his boyfriend’s house.

He could feel Tyler glancing at him now, every few minutes, from the driver’s seat. Every time Josh turned to make eye contact, Tyler would quickly jerk his gaze back to the road in front of them, though he never successfully managed to hide the smirk on his lips. Josh doubted if he _was_ even trying to hide it. The bastard.

Once Josh had picked up Tyler and had turned the wheel over to him, he had searched for the AUX cord while Tyler made light hearted jabs at his music taste. Josh retorted that it wasn’t his fault, that the music selection on his ipod had never been cleared out, only added onto since junior high, but it made no difference to Tyler, the excuse only fueling his sideways smirks. _Lucky_ , Tyler had quipped after Josh announced he couldn’t find the adapter. Josh had merely scowled at him before sliding in the first CD he found stuffed under the passenger seat. An NSYNC record of Abby’s. It would do.

They had only just pulled out of their neighborhood into the light traffic on the main roads, slowing for a yellow light when Tyler slapped at Josh’s bicep.

“ _So_ J, now that you’ve _rescued me,_ what’s the plan? Though who seems to be rescuing who, hm? I’m the one driving, I might add.”

“Who’s rescuing _whom_ , _I_ might add,” Josh said, slapping Tyler back. Only because they were currently stopped though. Not if they had been driving. Josh shuddered.

“Uh, no, pretty sure it’s who not whom,” Tyler’s voice was lilting in that annoying way that Josh could only now find one hundred percent endearing. Maybe nine percent annoying, ninety-one percent endearing, Josh couldn’t be exact. He absolutely beamed at Tyler. He had _missed him_ this past week, dammit. It was exhausting pretending to not care all day long during school.

“Uh, no,” Josh mimicked in a high, small voice. “Pretty sure it’s _whom_.”

Tyler threw his head back and laughed. He slapped Josh’s arm again. “I do _not_ sound like that. Shut up.”

“Uh, _pretty sure_ you _do-_ ow, okay, _okay_ , so you _don’t_ , don’t _pinch_ me, Tyler, what the _hell-_ ”

Tyler laughed again and Josh could only glare at him for about a second and a half while making a show of rubbing his arm before his heart began to melt, and he forced himself to look away and out the window instead of at Tyler’s face, just in case Tyler should notice the emotion on his face. Josh was sure it would give away everything he wasn’t ready to say yet.

Thankfully, the light turned green, and Tyler focused again on driving, though not too intensely _not_ to sing along playfully to “Bringin’ da Noise.” Josh was in hysterics. Jenna had never made him laugh like Tyler did, not even close. Even his old friends didn’t seem to click with him half as much as they used to anymore. Josh felt a wave of melancholy wash over him, an attempt to pierce through his joy, and he quieted for a moment, a small smile still on his face as he eyed Tyler as he continued to sing along, oblivious to Josh’s guilt. He felt like he was betraying his friends, abandoning them. They didn’t hang out much anymore. Though honestly, Josh tried reasoning with himself, it wasn’t _all_ his fault. Brendon had been busier than ever ever since he and Ryan had got their shit together- if you could ever consider Brendon having _any_ of his shit together- as close as was possible for Brendon, at least. And Josh just hadn’t felt up to socializing too much for a couple of months back during the winter, he had been- yeah, so he had been too caught up with worrying about Tyler and their relationship, or lack of. He’d brushed Spencer and Dallon off so many times then that their texts and calls had dwindled.

But with Tyler...once they had figured things out, he had always felt up to hanging out with him, couldn’t recall ever really brushing _Tyler_ off, not like with his other friends. What made him so different?

He knew. Josh fucking knew, and it terrified him. So he did what he had found semi successful up to that point whenever he started thinking about _it_ \- he clamped shut on those deeper thoughts, stuffed away the guilt about his old friends, and tuned back in to Tyler’s smile and giggles as he sang along to the CD. Josh snickered.

“Surprised you even know the words, douchebag. Thought my music taste was inferior to yours.”

“It is, but your sister’s is great,” Tyler side eyed Josh, and Josh scoffed.

“Well, fine then.” He switched the music to the radio. “She honestly has the biggest crush on you, it’s hilarious.”

Tyler shrugged. “Can’t really blame her, can you, it just runs in your family.”

Josh gaped at Tyler as he beamed proudly. “You are _way_ too smug right now, dude,” Josh laughed, though that didn’t wipe the smirk off Tyler’s face.

They drove in silence for a few minutes, listening to a few fast talking advertisements and corny jingles before “The One That Got Away” started playing. They both groaned simultaneously.

“Major throwback,” Josh grimaced. “Why don’t they play something _good?”_

“Oh, like the Jonas bros or Avril Lavigne?” Tyler snickered.

“Hey, Avril’s actually good, okay,” Josh had to intervene. “I’ll fight you on that one, Ty.”

“Ha ha.”

They pulled through the Arby’s drive through for onion rings and drinks (Sierra Mist _what the hell, gross,_ for Tyler; _just_ coke _, thanks_ for Josh) before Tyler steered the van a street over into the empty back parking lot of Kroger Food and Pharmacy and parked. Josh looked at him quizzically through a particularly long strand of blueish fringe as he chomped on an onion ring. “Really, Ty, you’re this hungry? We just got food.”

“We’re not going shopping, dummy.”

“What then, buying lottery tickets?”

Tyler faked a gasp. “Do they sell those?”

Josh flicked a piece of crust from an onion ring into Tyler’s hair, and Tyler flapped his arms dramatically to get rid of it. Josh snickered, and Tyler glowed.

“Here, give me those.” Tyler snatched the Arby’s bag off of Josh’s lap and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“What are you doing?” Josh said, stealing another onion ring from the bag before Tyler held it away out of reach.

“I’m gonna give you driving lessons, come on, get out,” Tyler responded as he unlocked the doors and hopped out of the car, looking _way_ too satisfied in Josh’s humble opinion.

“Wait, what, you’re- you’re gonna w-what?” Tyler slammed the door on Josh’s stammering and marched pointedly around the nose of the van. He opened Josh’s door and waved the hand holding the fast food bag. “Come on, J, get out.”

“Wait, Tyler, I don’t think this- I don’t think this is a good idea, y’know, I don’t think- I think maybe we should just do something else, like, like why don’t we just, um, y’know-”

“ _No,_ Josh, ya gotta learn to drive, now get _out,_ c’mon.” Tyler huffed and tugged at Josh’s arm.

“But it’s cold out,” Josh said in his whiniest voice.

“Your hoodie’s thicker than mine,” Tyler pointed out.

“Yeah, y’know what else is? My-”

“Shut the eff up, you’re starting to sound more and more like that _Brendon_ every day,” Tyler interrupted in a mom voice, though he was trying not to laugh. Josh snickered, a small wave of pride hitting him when he noticed the blush deepen on Tyler’s cheeks, and, he reasoned, it wasn’t just from the lack of a coat.

“But Tyyyyyyyyyylerrrrrrrrr,” Josh resorted to whining again, crossing his arms over his chest so Tyler couldn’t tug his arm as well anymore. “I don’t...I don’t think we have enough gas for me to practice driving. Actually y’know I think I have homework I didn’t finish, we should- we should probably study, y’know, we can-”

Tyler flung himself at Josh and Josh floundered for a minute, confused, until he heard his seatbelt click and zip back up into place, the metal bit almost smacking him in the eye. He pouted at Tyler.

“C’ _mon,”_ Tyler insisted, almost stomping a foot. “I’m a good teacher. Great, actually, you’ll see. C’mon, Josh, _please,_ for me? It’ll be _fun,_ really, bro.”

Josh let out a long sigh and peeked up at the sky above. It was barely even drizzling anymore, he _guessed_ it would be alright, not the end of the _whole_ world at least. It _was_ just a grocery store parking lot, and it _was_ empty. And it _was_ Tyler….

“You are _not_ a good influence on me,” Josh made a last feeble attempt, even as he was slowly climbing out of the car, while Tyler did some sort of funny, stupid looking happy dance.

Josh shoved halfheartedly at his shoulder as Tyler bounded past him into the passenger seat. Josh slipped forlornly into the driver’s side and closed the door with a resolute thud. He was never going to open that door again. This was the end.

Tyler pounded Josh’s shoulder. “Lighten _up,_ bro, it’s so fun, you’ll see, it really is. I _love_ to drive. Hey, have you seen Fast and Furious? I _love_ those movies!”

Josh grimaced. “ _Yeah,_ and I _hate_ driving. That’s probably why, even.”

“But Josh! Vin Diesel! And Ludacris! _Luda, dude._ How can you _not_ just wanna race across the country and-”

“Uh, I don’t want to _die,_ thanks,” Josh interrupted. Tyler only laughed.

“Lemme find a good tune first, then you can burn rubber,” Tyler spouted off as he flipped through several radio channels. Josh fidgeted nervously, kept looking at the sky, hoping it would just let loose and start pouring or thundering or hurricaning or _tornadoing_ or-

“Who sings this, isn’t it that, um...what’s his name, Travis…?”

“Travie McCoy, Gym Class Heroes.”

“Yeah, I like them okay, but I don’t know this song, though...whoa, it’s featuring someone? Who’s singing with him?”

Josh shrugged, tapping his hands nervously on his thighs. This was all just stalling the inevitable. He was going to _drive,_ and they were _both_ going to _die, who cared_ about a Travie McCoy song on the radio featuring some random ass, no-name, mediocre singer screeching out the chorus-

“Oh, yeaaaah, baby,” Tyler all but shouted, changing the channels and turning the volume up on “Shake It Off.” Josh groaned and laughed at the same time, thumping his head against the headrest.

“Come _on,_ Tyler, I wouldn’t have saved your grounded ass today if I had known you’d do _this_ to me, _on top_ of making me _drive,_ too.”

Tyler only laughed in response and poked at Josh’s cheek. “I know you think this minivan is just the best car model ever but surprisingly it won’t drive itself, you know. It’s already on, just put it in drive and let’s go. Put your foot on the break and-”

“I know, I know, I know, I know,” Josh waved Tyler’s hand away and squinted at him indignantly. “I _do_ know _how_ to drive, _mister_. I just don’t like it. I drove to your house earlier, remember?”

“So then drive.”

There was no mistaking the tone of Tyler’s voice, the challenge in it, and Josh was suddenly filled with the desire to rise to it. Couldn’t let his boyfriend one up him after all, could he?

“Fine,” he said in a matching tone. Tyler raised his eyebrows at him as Josh changed gear and pressed on the gas.

 

Three hours, two oh- _shit-_ Ty-we-backed-into-a-shopping-cart-the-car-is-ruined-my-mom’s-gonna-kill-me incidents, an endless slew of “god awful” (in Tyler’s opinion) and/or “they’re just overplayed” (in Josh’s) radio selections, an Arby’s large order of onion rings, and half a tank of gas later, Josh finally called it quits, putting the van in park and throwing his hands up, though both he and Tyler were too busy laughing their asses off to be genuinely upset or annoyed.

“That’s it, I’m _done._ I’m never driving with you again,” Josh declared, putting on as big a voice as he could muster over his giggles.

Tyler ignored him and clutched at his stomach as he laughed.

“You are so _not_ a good teacher, either. What the hell does ‘turn the wheel left clockwise while half breaking’ mean anyways? What the fuck, Ty? _How_ in God’s name did _you ever_ get a license-”

“Eeeh, it took a couple tries,” Tyler admitted, his face red from laughing. Josh nodded smugly.

“A _ha,_ see, I was right, as usual.”

“Hey, what do you mean? I’m always right-”

“Except for about driving apparently, I nearly crashed into that streetlamp and then it would’ve-”

“Well, because you were going like thirty _in a parking lot, Josh,_ so who’s fault was that then, Mr. _Schumacher?”_

 _“Shoe_ mocker? What the hell does _that_ mean?”

The van jostled and both Josh and Tyler shrieked before it stilled again.

“What was th-”

“Put the break on, you dummy, what, do you want us to start rolling or-”

“It _is_ on-”

“The _emergency break, Josh-ew-a-”_

 _“Okay,_ Jesus, such a fuckin’ control freak....”

Josh activated the break before they made eye contact and dissolved into fits of laughter again, the van safely stationary on the damp pavement.

Just as their noise began to quiet down, both of them gasping for breath, “Call Me Maybe” blasted from the radio and made the two of them groan.

“Still just _overplayed?”_ Tyler waved air quotes in Josh’s face, and Josh pretended to bite at his finger, earning a girlish shriek from Tyler as he darted away, squinting his eyes at Josh.

Josh tried to look innocent. “What, I don’t bite.”

“Like _shit_ you don’t, son.”

Josh huffed out a laugh and brushed at some annoying hair in his face. It was probably time for a haircut, but he hadn’t found the time lately to bother.

“Hey, you gonna dye it again?” Tyler unbuckled his seatbelt and swiveled in the passenger seat to face Josh, pulling his legs up under him. He reached out and busied himself with fluffing at Josh’s hair, and Josh immediately felt himself starting to blush.

“Uh, maybe. Y’know.” He peeked up at Tyler, who seemed completely unaware of the effect he was having right then on Josh. The tip of his tongue was sticking out of his mouth as he focused on making an especially curly strand of hair stay down on Josh’s head. He tilted his head- _he’s so fucking adorable, I don’t think he has any idea, he actually doesn’t, the little brat-_ before sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth. Josh quickly looked away.

“Hey, you ruined it, it was all standing up like a tower or something.”

“A tower?”

“Yeah, y’know, a tall building.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, Ty.”

“A blueish tower. Gonna do blue again, hm? Or maybe red? Y’know, I kinda like it this dark color, this brownish color, what brand of dye did you use for _that?”_

“Ha ha.”

“No, seriously,” Tyler leaned forward a little more as he tugged on Josh’s hair. “I like it, it’s pretty.”

_“Pretty-”_

“Shut the hell up, Joshua, you know what I mean. Here, turn and face me so I can fix this better.”

Josh didn’t argue, just unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted to face Tyler. Tyler leaned further over the console and patted at Josh’s head.

“I like the curls. So cuuuuuuuurly.”

“Thanks, it’s a perm.”

“Wait, really-”

_“No!”_

Tyler started giggling- _giggling!_ \- and both Josh’s grin _and_ blush deepened.

Josh was suddenly, intensely aware of the fact that he hadn’t kissed Tyler for...days. Weeks? Since...since Tyler had first been grounded. Okay, so not weeks, but. It felt like it. Josh was also suddenly, intensely aware of the fact that that was _all_ they had done, hadn’t really ever...gone _further._ Hell, Josh had practically even gone further with _Jenna,_ in vague theory. And Josh suddenly, intensely, really, _really_ wanted to go further with Tyler.

“Hey...c’mere….” Josh murmured, reaching out a hand and gently clutching Tyler’s wrist. Tyler froze, must have detected something in Josh’s voice; his eyes flicked down to meet Josh’s even as a small smile began pulling at the corner of his mouth. Not that Josh was staring at his mouth or anything. Boyfriends or not, that would’ve been weird.

Josh was also suddenly aware of the fact that they hadn’t officially decided on the term _boyfriends_ , the realization hitting him even as Tyler was pulling away to climb awkwardly over the console and- _oh, God, is he....-_ into Josh’s lap, knees on either side of Josh’s legs.

Tyler smirked down at the frozen look on Josh’s face as his hands seemed to find a hold on Tyler’s hips of their own accord. “You’re right, I can mess up your hair much better from up here.”

Josh huffed a little. “Oh, so you _are_ messing it up. Should’ve known. Can’t trust you with anything, you weasle.”

Tyler started laughing, threading his fingers back into Josh’s curls and tugging a little, not enough to really hurt, or even enough to prompt Josh to pretend that it did, just to try and make Tyler laugh again. He was too busy studying the color of Tyler’s eyes to really make jokes anyways.

“Are we...did...did I ask you to b-be my boyfriend…?” Josh mentally cursed for stumbling over his sentence but forced himself not to look away from Tyler’s face when Tyler’s hands stilled again and he peaked down at Josh.

“Hm…” Tyler began, blinking a few times. _Dammit, his eyelashes are fucking long. They’re- oh, hey, those ones are actually even tangled a bit, they’re_ that _long…._

“You didn’t, um...I don’t think we like, said anything, like, y’know, _officially_ or...anything...we just….” Tyler trailed off and looked back to Josh’s hair. “...y’know.”

Josh nodded once. “‘S’what I thought...hey, Ty, wanna be boyfriends?”

Tyler blushed a little, and Josh started smiling. He loved making Tyler blush, and if that was a little mean of him, well then tough.

“Well, I mean, y’know, we _are_...already, y’know.”

“Yeah, but officially,” Josh prompted.

Tyler squirmed in Josh’s lap, and Josh felt himself blush- _fuckin’ karma, dammit-_ as he desperately attempted to keep himself under control. His legs were hurting from holding himself so stiffly.

“Well, I mean...I guess _officially_ officially would include like, y’know. Coming out and all that to everyone, and...well, um….”

Josh looked away, shame creeping up in him like an unwanted relative dropping by. “Yeah….” And of course, what Tyler wouldn’t say but surely felt, wouldn’t include having a sort of girlfriend, too.

“I’m sorry-” Josh started.

“What, why? No, you’re, you’re not- you don’t need to be,” Tyler cut in. When Josh opened his mouth again, Tyler shoved a finger against his lips and gave him a stern look.

“Shush,” he huffed, and Josh almost smiled. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, Josh, it’s probably stupid, like usual. You’ve got a stupid look on your face. And you’re apologizing _again_ , like...bruh.”

Josh laughed once and Tyler moved his hand away, tugging on the strings of Josh’s hoodie instead. “When...when I said, like, being official boyfriends or whatever probably meant we’d...y’know, do a lot of other stuff, too, and all that, I didn’t mean...I didn’t mean I didn’t _want_ to be like...official...or that I don’t _already_ consider us to be, and all that. Those  gross, sappy couples posts- cough, cough, at your friend, Urie- can come later on. Instagram’s not going anywhere, last I checked.”

Josh laughed again. “He _is_ pretty sappy, isn’t he?”

“He’s pretty _gross,”_ Tyler specified. “At least it’s only online.”

“Ha, I wish.”

“Ewwww,” Tyler crinkled his nose, and Josh beamed up at him.

“I’ll let him know you stalk his social media, though, I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Josh pretended to think about. “I might.”

Tyler crossed his arms. “Fine, then. I’ll never play Call of Duty with you ever again.”

Josh grinned. “Promise?”

Tyler punched his arm in response, and they both dissolved into giggles.

Katy Perry interrupted them with “I Kissed A Girl,” and Tyler groaned, dropping his head to Josh’s shoulder.

“Oh, noooo.”

“Great channel,” Josh half joked, way too aware of every minute movement of Tyler’s body.

Josh was just about to explode, or at least tug on Tyler’s hair so he could kiss him, when Tyler tilted his head towards him.

“Hey, Josh,” he sang lightly, the radio almost seeming to drown out his voice. “Do you...like, do you _like_ proms, and all that? Like the Valentine’s one this week, and, and that...are you into those?”

Josh hoped Tyler couldn’t read on his face the guilt that shot through his chest again at the mention of the prom. As of then, Jenna hadn’t yet outright asked Josh about it, but for the past couple of weeks Josh had been avoiding any scenes where it would be just him left alone with Jenna, for the sole reason he was terrified she was going to bring it up. And if she did, he didn’t know how he was going to say no, not without setting off alarm bells. That was the last thing he and Tyler needed.

He swallowed down his guilt as best he could before managing a small shrug, even with Tyler’s face still buried against his neck. “I mean...not...not really, nah, they’re just...just stupid high school things, y’know...stupid, really. Annoying, too, y’know...and pretty soppy.”

Tyler didn’t say anything. Josh could feel him still tugging at one of his hoodie strings. When Katy had finished whining into their ears and Tyler still hadn’t said anything, Josh was about to prompt him for a response when someone’s phone rang loudly between them.

Tyler jumped and slipped halfway off of Josh, bumping into the console.

“Shit, that hurt,” he muttered, patting his pockets. “Is that you or-”

“No, Rebecca Black, remember?” Josh said, trying to lighten what felt inexplicably like a slightly heavier mood than earlier.

Tyler only nodded as he clambered back over to his seat, digging through his pockets for his phone. Josh looked out the window, wrestling his disappointment back down.

“Hey, who- oh...yeah, um, hey, Mom….” Tyler peaked over at Josh, and Josh raised his eyebrows.

“I was, um, I was just...kind of...well, I needed to, um...I didn’t have m-my...my homework assignment? A-and, um...Mikey, he...he said he could give it to me and I….”

Tyler fell silent, and Josh could hear the muted voice of Mrs. Joseph on the other end of the line. After a moment, Tyler waved for Josh to start driving before looking away and countering whatever it was his mom had said. Josh only hesitated for a second before sucking it up and starting the car again, buckling his seat belt and slowly- really, _really_ , fucking slowly- pulling out of the Kroger’s parking lot and onto the main road. For whatever reason, Josh doubted that now would be a good time to press Tyler about driving back instead of him, and he wasn’t completely sure that it was just because of his mom calling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <333 so if yall DO prefer (way more, in comparison) frequent updates to longer ones, the next chapt should be soooooon peace and love guysssss

**Author's Note:**

> my eternal thanks and gratitude to you all for reading my story! i have a [tumblr tag](http://sirdaddyringo.tumblr.com/tagged/ghmso) for this fic as well so don't forget to check it out if you're interested <333333 peace and love friends!


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